hi everyone. I am 28 years old, and not working. Its been 6-7 years since I graduated and I never had a job. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive disorder that later turned out to be a bipolar disorder before graduating. I have anxiety issues and compulsive eating going on.
I am completely lost. I find it hard to focus, concentrate and I easily get confused. I can't multi task. I got to do it one by one. After graduating, I signed up for a Intravenous Therapy program. You are supposed to finish it within 3 days. But it took me 1 week. I get nervous when inserting the IV and I cannot even hit a vein. There is no backflow on the canula. Everyone's been talking how slow and agitated i am. This hurt me extremely but i continued another training called adult critical nurse. It was for a month. I was assigned in the Cardiovascular unit for 10 days, 5 days in the ICU and 10 days in the ward. During the first 10 days in the cardio vascular unit, I was nervous and panicky. I can do the job but very unsure and nervous. The nurse that guides us always tell me to "relax." I get confused and anxious about adjusting the infusion pump. Overall im soo scared giving medications, especially through IV and through administering medicine in the hep lock on the hand. My anxiety really is the obstacle. Plus the nurses noticed that I keep on writing on my small notebook because I easily forget things. Like for example, in the icu, the patients heart rate is critical because it is increasing. So the doctor has a verbal order on the nurse. the doctor ordered to increase the medicine in the pump. After observing he told the nurse (my preceptor) to increase it again. I was writing the dose that he ordered on my small notebook. I easily forget things so I have to write it down. Do you think it is acceptable? My preceptor made a comment on me. He said that I was overwhelmed during duty. I hate it but its true. My experience in the ward is more stable and calm compared to the previous CCU & ICU. That was wayback 2009 i think. After that I took the NCLEX but failed. I told myself, why would I take this? I can't be a nurse anyway. That was my attitude so i failed. I feel like there's no sense in taking it.After some time, I went back to nursing again. After 1 week i encountered a problem. While the nurse is preparing and IV medication , as far a s i can remember i think she passed it on me. ( this happened a long time ago so I dont know exactly. Or she asked me to do it. Either of the 2. Then I got extremely nervous and I told her what medication I made. She is irritated by me when she came back. ***SIGH***
Two psychiatrist told me to give it up. Nursing. That there are other jobs that would be low stress. They say that I'm sensitive to stress.
Now after some years, I'm not sure if i should go back on it or not. A friend and my mom told me to expose myself little by little and to observe how I feel whenever I am in the hospital.
I'l be 29 next month. I want a job so badly. My willpower is saying "yes" to nursing but my mind is too slow. My nurse friend who is pursuing her goals as a nurse told me," In the hospital, or duty, we dont know everything. When you do a skill everyday, you will master it.
Please i need n advice fellow nurses. I frustrated and I dont know what to do.
P.S. : There is an oppotunity for me to work in a call center. I want to apply in a NON VOICE account. its called chat support. I can more absorb info when I type it or see it on the screen. I feel like trying it.
