I feel like the biggest failure. I worked so hard to get my BSN. Racked up so much debt. Put in all the time. Passed the NCLEX. Started looking for a job, put in applications, and the first job I applied for called me back. I got an interview and was hired. I was on cloud nine. I couldn't believe it. I thought, "this is it". This is my niche. I'm excited and ready. I was lucky enough to achieve exactly what I wanted. At least, that's what I thought. It's been 4 weeks and I can't even begin to describe how I'm feeling. Anxious, terrified, disappointed, depressed...it's the worst I've ever felt. I realized I can't do hospital nursing. Now, please don't yell at me and ask what in the world I thought nursing was. I know. I also know the anxiety and feeling incompetent for the first year is normal, too. Everyone goes through it. You're still learning. I get it. I was so excited my first 2 days. The more I learned, though, the worse it got. By the second week, I was crying on and off throughout the day, especially when headed in to work. I stopped eating because my stomach can't hold much more than a granola bar or piece of toast. I've lost 13 pounds. I have trouble sleeping. I feel sick constantly. There is no relief. On my days off, I'm thinking about having to go back and every fiber of my being is screaming and begging me not to. I'm trying so hard because everyone says it's normal. I'll be okay. I just have to get through it. I really want to be able to work in a hospital. That's been my goal. I never considered not being able to handle it. Maybe that makes me stupid, and I definitely feel like an idiot. I'm so embarrassed. I just want to be okay. It took me a while to find nursing. I don't have anything else, so it's not like I can fall back on another degree. I've never known what I wanted to do and was always scared I wouldn't be able to take care of myself as an adult. My floor isn't very acute. We don't even have IV's. I'm still struggling with the stress and pace of the unit. I've talked to my manager. I've talked with coworkers, who have all been very supportive, which makes me feel worse. I don't want to leave. I know finding another job after this will be that much harder, especially outside the hospital. I know those are more for experienced nurses. I'm so defeated. I feel stuck. I don't want to give up nursing. I'm scared to quit because of how it will look. I just really don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to ask if anyone else realized nursing wasn't for them, but since this is a website for nurses, the answer is probably no.
Oh come on🤨 you gott your BSN DEGREE PASSED THE NCLEX and still don't know you can work other places besides the hospital. You don't even have to really work like that either, you could be a health educator or community health nurse; you can even do online work...
I'm not a nurse though, so i can't really comment im just giving an opinion.
You don't have to give up! There are so many options in nursing. Talk to other nurses, talk to your friends and family.
I would say first off, you need to talk to your supervisor. It will be tough, but you need to ask for help if you need it, and I hope they can give it to you. I don't think there are many of us who have not felt very similar to you.
Some stick it out, and some don't. It is just how life is. The choice is yours. You need to figure out what is best for you.
I would say try another floor or department to start. If you don't find you care for your current employer, start looking. Network.
Nursing is not easy. It's backbreaking, heartbreaking, and emotionally draining.
But it can be so rewarding! Plus, you don't always need to work on the floor, or in direct patient care.
Step back, write down what you like and don't like , what you are looking for, what you want to accomplish...talk to others, and make sure you have a good support network.
Don't be disappointed. i have been a nurse for over thirty years. Back in my beginning, there was diploma nurses etc. I was a AD nurse and in 4 years I was a nurse with 2 years experience and 2 years education. Now it seems the abnormal. How many BS nurses go right into a field for money like BSN or MNP. When I was started nursing BSN was the worst because they didn't even get into the hospital setting until the second year. The diploma nurses had the most experience. Now the nurses of today use the BSN as a stepping stone to MPT and above for advanced practice for money. The bedside nurse is long gone and it hurts my heart because the patients still need a nurse who cares and knows how to be advocate for them. Are there still nurses out there who care for patients and not the paycheck? I hope so. Bless you if you do.
I felt the same way during medsurg clinical (I actually had to drop because my anxiety and depression was so crippling, and had to wait until the new anxiety meds kicked in to begin again) So I'm commenting from that frame of reference.
You aren't a failure or stupid or an idiot for feeling this way at all. It sounds like you need some professional help to get through this period of adjustment and that is 100% okay. Try reaching out to you HCP to see if he/she has any recommendations on a therapist or meds that could help you. I thought I was done too, but I just needed a little help.
I was the same way. I was TERRIFIED of even touching patients when I started. I would head in to work, and think "gosh what stupid mistake am I going to make today?" I worked with patients even in an icu setting through nursing school. I was pretty confident through nursing school as well. But once I stepped into the "real world" it terrified me that I was responsible for these fragile patients. I thought I would kill someone. I was terrified constantly that one of my patients would start crashing and I wouldn't know what to do.
What I did do is ask my manager if I could have an extra week with my preceptor. During that week I remember I took all of the patient load myself, and tried to only use my preceptor as a sort of "safety net." I was still scared after leaving my preceptor's side. Heck, I was scared for the first 6-7 months or so, then I FINALLY hit my groove. I seriously considered quitting and finding another job during that time, but I mustered all of my confidence every day I would go into work, and I, somehow, would make it trough each day.
Now here I am, about four years later. I have since switched jobs and I am now a charge nurse responsible for two units (one is in the process of "reopening" on the other half of our floor), with 52 beds. I am also responsible for the telemetry room on my days as charge. It is a busy cardiac telemetry unit. If Someone would have told me fresh out of school that I would be where I am now, I would have asked what kind of drugs they were on. Those code scenarios that used to terrify me now fuel me with adrenaline. I am now confident in my abilities, which would have been impossible for me to accomplish within those first six months.
Moral of my story is to take a breath and relax some. Do NOT be hard on yourself, but be critical. If you do make a mistake, instead of beating yourself up, ask yourself what you can do the next time that situation comes up to ensure it doesn't happen again, then move on. Mistakes happen. Build yourself up. On your drive home, instead of reflecting on all of the little negative things that happened during the day, focus on at least one choice/decision/action that made you feel proud of your nursing abilities that day. Don't be afraid to tell yourself "I did a good job." Let that be your little bit of fuel for confidence in starting the next day, and build on it. Rome wasn't built in a day!
Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
I have a niece with a BSN, who loves working with people who are physically and mentally disabled. She was unsure of her self at first also. She struggled at first also The following are the first three places she worked and felt she wasn't a good fit.
These were:
1.Former One on one registered nurse at Academy School District 20.
2.Former Registered nurse at Mosaic
Health Manager at The Independence Center, and
3. Former Clinical Supervisor at Summit Home Health Care
She is now a Home Health Manager at a place called
4."The Independence Center.
All are near where she lives in the mid west, and as far as I know, she is content at the job she now has. She kept searching until she found where she fit the best..
So I wish you all the confidence you need. Keep on keeping on until you find your fit dear, even if it's working at a hospital. If not the one you are working at now, then maybe a smaller one until you find where you fit the best. Nurses with a BSN are in need. Good luck, and a prayer or two for guidance would help also if you are the praying type.
definitely listen to Mr Nurse! I am a new grad too and landed my dream job on a med surg floor. I was given 4 weeks of orientation, which was not enough for me. I got 2 more weeks and still didn't feel comfortable. Thats when i was let go. Needless to say i'm demoralized and my confidence is shot. let the new job search begin!
In a way, I am glad to see these posts. Back in the day, "orientation" consisted of a week long deal where you saw videos, and read pamphlets about hand-washing, and patient confidentiality.
Then you might be given a 3000 page manual to peruse about hospital policies.
Then you were on the floor, with a resentful and entitled "RN" assigned to help your sorry gluteus maximus, should the need arise.
The fact that some people made it is a testament to the human spirit.
I have a niece with a BSN, who loves working with people who are physically and mentally disabled. She was unsure of her self at first also. She struggled at first also The following are the first three places she worked and felt she wasn't a good fit.
These were:
1.Former One on one registered nurse at Academy School District 20.
2.Former Registered nurse at Mosaic
Health Manager at The Independence Center, and
3. Former Clinical Supervisor at Summit Home Health Care
She is now a Home Health Manager at a place called
4."The Independence Center.
All are near where she lives in the mid west, and as far as I know, she is content at the job she now has. She kept searching until she found where she fit the best..
So I wish you all the confidence you need. Keep on keeping on until you find your fit dear, even if it's working at a hospital. If not the one you are working at now, then maybe a smaller one until you find where you fit the best. Nurses with a BSN are in need. Good luck, and a prayer or two for guidance would help also if you are the praying type.
I really hope that your niece doesn't mind that you just posted her curriculum vitae here for all of us to see.
I felt similar. About 4 months ago I wanted to quit, I was actually applying for jobs and did an interview. It was that bad. But thank goodness all that went away. I recommend you watch "The Secret." It is a good video about positivity that may change your life the way it did mine. I am a new nurse too and been working on MedSurg for about 7 months now but I am so thankful for my coworkers, my boyfriend, and my family and friends that have been encouraging me and been there for me. And this video really helped me
a lot. I don't have anxiety anymore. I hope this helps you too!
As many else have shared, I had a similar wave of absolute dread and the thought of "Why did I choose this field?" loomed in my head every time I went to work. I endured that for nearly 2 years as a LPN on long-term care unit. At the time I was bitter about being a LPN, so with encouragement I went for my BSN.
Honestly, there were many times during the BSN when I wanted to throw in the towel--especially during clinical in the hospital settings on med-surg units. That all changed when I discovered psychiatric nursing. That's the beauty of nursing; there are so many areas! I would highly encourage you not to give up and to consider changing units, or changing your entire specialty as a whole. I know I am glad I did.
Now I am set to finish my MSN in under a year and become a PMHNP with a goal to have my own practice and explore business opportunities. There really are no boundaries to the field of nursing, if you're willing to put in the time and effort.
misspy
95 Posts
Oh come on🤨 you gott your BSN DEGREE PASSED THE NCLEX and still don't know you can work other places besides the hospital. You don't even have to really work like that either, you could be a health educator or community health nurse; you can even do online work...
I'm not a nurse though, so i can't really comment im just giving an opinion.