Death of a Dream

My article is about how much I want to be an RN. However, now because I am married with a little one, I don't know if I can go to nursing school. My husband is the only one working but his job in the oil field has cut back hours & we don't have the funds or family support for me to go back to school. I also touch on how it has been living & working with epilepsy.

Death of a Dream

I can't pin point what exactly drew me to nursing. I never had a moment where I said "This is it!". It was more my parents telling me nursing is a good, stable career. So I went along with what they said. I first went to school at a 4 year university, I didn't do well there & eventually moved to a different city.

Before I moved I wasn't sure if nursing was for me. So I looked up different majors at the 4 year university & community college in that town. Eventually I settled on going to the community college & becoming an LVN. I took the TEAS test, got into the program in 2008 & a year later in 2009 I was an LVN.

After the program I went straight to finish my pre-reqs, I wanted to be the first in my class to get my RN. I was so determined to become an RN. But then after I passed my NCLEX in 2010 I started working & just put off nursing school. I figured I would go to school in a year or two, that school would always be there. I was single, what would happen?

Well when I started applying in 2012 it wasn't as easy as I thought to get in. I applied but didn't get in on my first round of applications. I was upset but I was determined. So I kept applying.

Then I met my husband & in 2014 I got pregnant. It was very unexpected but exciting. Of course in the last trimester & last month of my pregnancy I was admitted to a great nursing program. I accepted it but then had to turn it down. I didn't want to but my health wasn't great during my pregnancy & was put on bed rest in the end of my pregnancy. Now my son is 1 year old & I see all these posts about people taking pre-reqs or getting accepted into nursing school. I wish I could do it. But because of my situation I have realized that becoming an RN will only be a dream.

My husband works in the oil field, his hours have been cut drastically & he is gone for 2 weeks & home for 1 week. I have no back up babysitter for my son. Any other family lives an hour away & they all work. We live with my mom but she works & is insanely busy even when she doesn't work. We can't afford a baby sitter or daycare. He went from making $3-4,000 to $1,000 a month. My husband loves what he does, he doesn't do it to be away from us. He misses us every day. He works in very dangerous conditions; in the heat, rain, hail. You name it he is working in it.

I think it also hurts because I have two ex-friends who I don't believe deserve to be RNs, now RNs. It hurts when people you know don't deserve something get something you want so bad. Plus three out of four of my sciences are already expired. I don't have the motivation to retake them. I just want to be in nursing school or have my RN.

I have to add, I was diagnosed with epilepsy as a freshman in high school. I had always tried to fit in and be "normal" despite that. I can't count how many times I ended up in the ER because I drank myself to a seizure when I was in college. Well fast forward to me working as an LVN. I'm working at a county jail PRN, every shift, any shift; 8 hour & 12 hour shifts. This particular night I was working 12 hour shifts & I was suppose to stay over 4 hours in the morning. I feel something is just "off". As an epileptic when you feel something is off, you know something is going to happen. You don't know when or where, but it will happen. So I called my boss & told him I wouldn't be able to work the extra 4 hours in the morning. He begged me, he pleaded with me. I told him I would see how I felt. Well a few hours later I was with my coworker in the nurses station after we passed our meds, the next thing I knew I woke up in the back of an ambulance. So it makes things really difficult looking for jobs knowing I can't apply for certain jobs because I can't work at night.

I want to support my family but I also don't want to leave my son. I want to watch him grow up. It's a very tough decision. Especially when my husband is home only one week a month. It's hard decision to make, going back to school or work. I love my family. I'm not embarrassed living with my mother, I love her & she helps out immensely. I don't know what I would do without her. I do have a great support system but just not the kind I can go to school with right now. I hope one day I can go back to school when my son is older, possibly in school. If not, then maybe I can go back to work. Whatever happens I want to put my family first.

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OrganizedChaos

About OrganizedChaos, LVN

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Specializes in LTC.

I am at a point where it's "do or die" with attempting to get into an ADN program. My sciences are set to expire, and my only hope of salvaging them would be to get accepted by Spring of next year. Highly doubtful. However, I have been doing some soul-searching into why I would want to be and RN, and this is what I've come up with:

1.) So that I could say "I'm a RN."

2.) More money.

That's it. I love LTC and have zero desire to work in a hospital, clinic, with a specialist, or be in management. Since I plan to stay in LTC until I retire, become crippled, or die there's really no reason for me to be a RN. I only make $0.75 less/hr that the starting wage for a new RN in my building. To add the extra amount of student loans (around 15k) with the loans I already pay on with a joke of a raise, I would actually lose money over the long term by going back to school. I am fully aware that the earning potential of a RN is much greater than that of a LVN, but that is usually in management or a hospital setting. Plus, I would end up paying on student loans until I retire/die/go disabled. Ugh. And for what? So I could say I'm a RN and end up in management? Going back to school would not be the best plan for me. But then again I'm in my 40's and have a much different view on things that I did even 5 yrs ago. But that's my story.

I suggest you make a pro/con list and thoroughly examine your motivations and goals without factoring in your present situation. You're young enough that while things may look bleak to you right now, that may not be the case years, or even months from now. Life changes, and changes often. What may seem a lost cause today can become much more obtainable in the future. We just never know. Best of luck.

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Honestly, I don't think I know what to say. I'm so sorry :( I hope things turn around, I really do. :(

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Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.

Thank you so much for your post. I forgot to add that while I worked as an LVN I have a shoddy job record & where I live now jobs for LVN are far & few between. Whereas jobs for RN are plentiful. I was very young (21) when I became an LVN & never had a real job before. I also took jobs I shouldn't have, PDN & bad jobs in LTC that I knew I would hate so I never stuck around long.

Now that I am older & more mature I want to support my family. It sucks that we don't have the money because I want to become an RN. I don't see things getting better any time soon. :(

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I see that you're 26...you're young. Do you think nursing school is something that could happen in a few more years, once your family gains a bit more stability?

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Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.

1.) So that I could say "I'm a RN."

2.) More money.

That's it. I love LTC and have zero desire to work in a hospital, clinic, with a specialist, or be in management. Since I plan to stay in LTC until I retire, become crippled, or die there's really no reason for me to be a RN. I only make $0.75 less/hr that the starting wage for a new RN in my building. To add the extra amount of student loans (around 15k) with the loans I already pay on with a joke of a raise, I would actually lose money over the long term by going back to school. I am fully aware that the earning potential of a RN is much greater than that of a LVN, but that is usually in management or a hospital setting. Plus, I would end up paying on student loans until I retire/die/go disabled. Ugh. And for what? So I could say I'm a RN and end up in management? Going back to school would not be the best plan for me. But then again I'm in my 40's and have a much different view on things that I did even 5 yrs ago. But that's my story.

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Suze Orman often weighs in on people wanting return to school later in life. From a financial standpoint, you have to figure out if the increased earning capability will offset the cost of going to school and if it's really ok with you if it doesn't.

OP, you're young enough that you don't have to rule out possibilities in the future. It's true, you don't know what will change between now and then. For right now, you already are a nurse. And a wife and a mother. Maybe you just need to embrace that for a while, then see what the future holds. I'm wishing you all the best.

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Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.

I do want one more child so maybe it is best for me to stay at home for awhile. I hope in the future our finances get better so I can return to school. I really want to, just now might not be the best time. I'm hoping I can later on.

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Specializes in Adult and Pediatric Vascular Access, Paramedic.

OP jobs for RNs, especially without experience are far from plentiful!

I hope things do work out for you though!

Annie

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You are 26! That is very young and there is no reason that you can't eventually pursue a career as a RN. I just finished up my first year of nursing and I am the same age as you, however compared to a lot of people in my class I was one of the younger students. people who pursue an RN education come from a diverse range of ages. I made friends with some people who were in there 30's and 40's in my school who are pursuing RN as a second career. basically, it is never to late to acquire more knowledge and level up per say.

People are always learning, there is no reason you cant go back to school in time. In fact, you will have the upper hand on other students who pursue becoming an RN right out of high school because you will have not only medical experience, but life experience as well, which is priceless. Please don't give up on your goals, you will reach them in time. In the meanwhile enjoy your son while he is young because they grow so fast!

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There is a lot going on in your life at present. See if there is a local community college where you can take some general education courses online. See if there's an LPN-RN bridge program in your area. If you do as much as you can online, then when you are in a position to continue your education more full time, you will have the general education portion under your belt. And see about financial aid, as your income may be instrumental in grants, scholarships and the like.

See if there's a home health agency near you that you could do some PRN as an LPN, and do a few cases when your husband is home. That could get you a little extra money. There are also agencies that have one triage and other things from home as an LPN. Something to think about.

Although it seems never ending, once your family is complete, and the kids are in school, then you can start thinking about what you would like to do.

Best wishes!

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Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.

Thank you everyone for your great advice. It seems really tough right now & sometimes it seems hard to see through the fog.

I was so determined to get my RN after my LVN, but then life happened. I know there is a community college in my town that offers an LVN to RN program but it isn't regionally accredited & there is another bridge program an hour away that is.

I don't know if I could do any work for the one week my husband is home. I want to work, but it's tough since he works 2 weeks on 1 week off. What classes should I take? The only classes I need to retake are my sciences & those are offered hybrid by another community college an hour away.

I hope I would get some financial aid. But I know I could get a job at the hospital in the town after I get my RN, at least now. They offered a job, with a sign on bonus to my ex-best friend even after she didn't work for a year after she passed her NCLEX.

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Life does get in the way. School may not be an option now, but there is no saying you can't go back in a few years.

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