Dealing With Animosity

lkwashington · Sep 8, 2010

Sometimes people are jealous because you are able to better yourself. These people may be settled in their ways and dont want more like you do. This is everywhere you go. Just keep things to yourself especially about school because by reading your post the more you talk about the more they are going to hate instead trying to participate. Good luck with your next degree and keep us posted.

caliotter3 · Sep 8, 2010

Are you doing it for yourself or your coworkers? One should never look for support from coworkers because it usually isn't there. Crabs in the barrel mentality.

jkpowell23 · Sep 9, 2010

I agree, it's jealousy. Who doesn't want better for themselves? The thing is, most people don't want to take on the time and effort required. So they hate on those that do. Keep your head up and know that they are burning on the insides with jealousy. Soon all your hard work will pay off and you can move on.

It sucks to not have the support of co-workers that call themselves 'friends'. But, at least you know they weren't real friends to begin with.

Boston-RN, RN · Sep 9, 2010

I agree with the others....if your co-workers are not supportive then they remain co-workers and not friends. Share your successes with those that appreciate them and can share them with you. I know sometimes that is discouraging but it's better for your mental health in the long run.

Tait, MSN, RN · Sep 9, 2010

"Crabs in the barrel"? I have never heard of such a saying!

llg, PhD, RN · Sep 9, 2010

The people who are/were really your friends will support you and stick by you even when you are no longer working along side them. As for the others ... well, take heart in knowing that you can make new friends along your way down your chosen career path.

mom2cka · Sep 9, 2010

I have some coworkers who say they'd never trust an NP, why see an NP when you could see a doctor, make rude and disparaging comments against NPs (of course, they do this against other docs as well), would never go back to school, don't see why people would waste $ on more education, etc... I see it as this - if I stay with the organization, that's great - I like my company, it's very good to nurses, and to patients, and there's good opportunities for me when I'm done with school. If I never work with my current coworkers again - that's my plan; the negativity is just something I have to put up with to get to my end goal. I have a very supportive manager who is willing to sign off for tuition reimbursement and work with my schedule for clinicals, and a few coworkers who are supportive; I'm willing to stay on my unit until I'm done with school, but they know and I know it's not where I want to be, and not what I want to do; I work with many nurses who've been on the unit 10, 20, even 30 years and wonder at times if my choice to go further has put me at odds with those who see no need for anyone to do anything more...

kenyohunt1 · Sep 13, 2010

I think I have a different take on things. Maybe they wish they could be where you are, not necessarily jealousy, but wishing they could be more like you. Also if you had a good relationship with the person you worked with up until this point maybe they just felt like you understood them and now that you are moving on they feel the loss of whatever relationship you had with them.... Some people dont do change well. Have you tried to talk with them about the situation.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Sep 13, 2010

i have a question for those of you moving on from floor nursing to advanced degrees. how do you deal with the animosity?
most of the time when i talk about school i get a sort of dry, uninterested response from my co-workers. for the most part i have reduced any discussion to just a comment here and there about a project i have due. however i have even felt animosity if i share a recent good grade, or interesting take on some information i have learned.
i will say forthright that i am not a bubbly "omg school is so cool!" kind of person. with a husband, heavy thoughts of children in our hearts and all the other normal activities school is an avenue from one stage to the next.
one thought i have had, as i have worked these past three years with the same people, is they see me as a failure. i have come to accept that floor nursing is not long-term for me. the stress, the anxiety, the long nights are wearing quickly on my heart and mind. potentially they see me as just another "flash in the pan" bound for "better and apparently bigger things in my own mind".
i am pretty much resigned to believe, in the end, they don't care, don't want to hear about it, and don't want to be supportive.
i just wish i could wrap my head around not caring as well, but so far i leave work most days feeling sour in my stomach.
lately work has become more "a time in the trenches" in my head than i wish it would be.
ah well. thanks for the vent,
tait

i'm going to answer your question even though i'm not in school for an advanced nursing degree. i'm a bedside nurse; my master's is in a different area.

i don't know you, so i cannot answer your specific question, although i will tell you that some of the animosity may be due to the attitudes of the advanced practice student. i work with several np students, and many of them behave in a very condescending manner to those of us not in school. it's as if they believe we don't know anything or aren't worth anything if we aren't in school. many times i know more than they do, just by virtue of long experience and studying independently. but if it doesn't come out of their class notes or text book, it doesn't count. (even if i say the exact same thing their text book says.) one time, an np student disagreed with me about a subject in which i have a great deal of expertise. to support her viewpoint, she misquoted an article from "critical care nurse." i know she misquoted it because i was one of the co-authors. no one likes a know-it-all, not even us hopelessly ignorant bedside nurses.

then there's the attitude that anyone with any real ambition, motivation, or whatever wouldn't want to work at the bedside since that's menial work. the only glory is in advanced practice. you may or may not have the attitude -- but i can assure you it's prevalent in my last two places of employment, even on the part of management. you'd think they'd want to encourage experienced nurses to stay at the bedside, not discourage them, yet one manager announced that anyone who was willing to stay at the bedside was only mediocre at best.

the work time some of the students spend buried in their homework while call lights go unanswered may be another factor. again, not saying this is you, but it's irritating to be the one running to get your patient his ice and his extra blanket while you ignore the call light. that could cause the animosity.

then there's the fact (on my unit at least) that most of the np students seem to feel it's their gods-given right to have the exact schedules they prefer -- they're in school, you know -- while the rest of us not only take whatever shifts are left over, but ought to switch with them on a moment's notice if something changes in their school schedule. it may surprise some of them to hear that those of us who aren't in school have lives, too. some of us are juggling multiple responsibilities and even if we wanted to switch with you couldn't. and babysitting the two year old or the parent with dementia is just as important to us as school is to you. maybe *i* should get the exact schedule i prefer -- and you should switch with me on a moment's notice -- because my mother has alzheimer's. (again, not directing this at anyone personally -- just venting.)

i'm happy to give kudos for your stellar performance in clinical, brilliant paper or excellent grade on your last exam. are you equally willing to congratulate me on my daughter's scholarship, my recent publications or the fact that my mother got my husband's name right last time i talked to her? are you thinking that school is the only activity worthy of the support of colleagues? are you supportive of dan's marathon schedule, marcy's concert schedule (she's a volunteer cellist for the state symphony) or daisy's encouraging notes from potential publishers for her novel?

there's the fact that the np students want me to switch with them (because of their clinicals) but aren't willing to switch with me so that i can get my mother to the only available appointment with her memory specialist. i'd be much more willing to work with you if there was even the vaguest expectation that you'd reciprocate when i need it -- especially if you're on a school break.

i'm glad you asked that!

Ruby Vee, BSN · Sep 13, 2010

i agree, it's jealousy. who doesn't want better for themselves? the thing is, most people don't want to take on the time and effort required. so they hate on those that do. keep your head up and know that they are burning on the insides with jealousy. soon all your hard work will pay off and you can move on.
it sucks to not have the support of co-workers that call themselves 'friends'. but, at least you know they weren't real friends to begin with.

or it might not be jealousy at all . . . i have no interest in advanced practice nursing. i enjoy what i'm doing and have many other priorities in my life. but i'm awfully tired of some of the attitudes of my co-workers who are in school. and that has nothing to do with being jealous or "hating on" anyone who does wish to continue their education. i have a lot of skepticism about someone who thinks all of the negative interactions they have with their colleagues is the result of jealousy. most people don't waste that much time being jealous of others.

kenyohunt1 · Sep 14, 2010

or it might not be jealousy at all . . . i have no interest in advanced practice nursing. i enjoy what i'm doing and have many other priorities in my life. but i'm awfully tired of some of the attitudes of my co-workers who are in school. and that has nothing to do with being jealous or "hating on" anyone who does wish to continue their education. i have a lot of skepticism about someone who thinks all of the negative interactions they have with their colleagues is the result of jealousy. most people don't waste that much time being jealous of others.

i agree to some extent. i think we need to all learn to respect one anothers individual choices. i aways say you never know why a person is where they are in their life so assumptions should not be made on either side of the divide. i have the good fortune to work with a great group of nurses, social workers, chaplains, aides etc. we support one another no matter what. i have chosen to go back to school and that is my choice... not for everyone. some of my co-workers never want to go back to school but they are still life time learns just by nature. i think because we are co-workers and friends we support one another. i have meet people that are not supportive of my choice to return to school. i dont put it down to jealousy, i really couldnt tell you the reason and i dont really care personally. my freinds that support my choice are who i surround myself with, and i support them in their lives as well. i do encourage my friends to go to school not because i think that because i am going to school i as so much better than them, but because they are awesome nurses and i can see them bettering the field of nursing in an advanced practice role. i myself love bedside nurses and have learned alot from the ones i have met, and they tell me the same thing. i have always believed you can and should learn from everyone. if the homeless man that lives under the bridge can teach me something i am willing to learn it. i don know his circumstance and what got him under that bridge so i am not going to look down on him.

my wish is that we learn to support one another and continue to learn from each other.:)