Days or Nights with kids?

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So I have a question for those of you that work in the hospital setting doing 12 hr shifts with small children at home. Do you find it is easier to juggle kids while working days or nights? I am going to start trying to get pregnant this year, and if all goes as well have a child next year. I have the opportunity at work to work either straight days or straight nights, but am unsure which will be easier with a child. I need to decide soon, which I know seems early, but work doesn't offer this sort of opportunity very often. My partner works a typical 9-5 job if that matters.

Sorry, you're right, that's not what you were asking. I wasn't thinking of your gender, I was thinking of how quickly it all goes by and how amazing it is to be involved in your child's life everyday.

On the note of gender, if you are the main breadwinner, could your husband take time off his work to save on childcare?

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Specializes in Neuro ICU and Med Surg.

I personally think nights work best. I did days and was miserable (probably because I am not a morning person.). I have ample family help. I have used paid child care, but it didn't work out well with me being on 12 hour shifts, and my husband doing long hours and odd hours as well. Many day care centers were closed by the time either of us got off work, and my mom and dad couldn't always help with getting our son if needed from a center. So we work opposite shifts. I am sometimes a zombie but it works best for us.

We never did use a child care center due to our hours. We did an in home day care, but she quit doing in home child care on us and I went to nights. Nights worked out better for our family. Next year my son will be in kindergarten and I plan on staying on nights.

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I will also be trying to get pregnant soon. I rotate nights/days Monday-Friday. I'm constantly exhausted and a 2-hr commute home in traffic doesn't help.

My husband has a demanding job and while it is technically 9-5, he often works until 9/10/11p or later. Once I wake up in the evening, I take the dog for a long walk, try to go to the gym, make dinner and go to work.

I'm constantly exhausted. This will not work for us once we have a baby. Plus, having a child is hard enough on a marriage, let alone both being sleep deprived.

We are hoping to buy a home by September, but I have no issues renting if needed. If having a home is a priority, could you put off conceiving a year? Could you at least put your kid in part-time daycare? Certified in-home daycare is often much cheaper than a center (our friends pay $1650/mo for full-time infant care in a center and we live in a high cost-of-living area)? Could your partner go part time or modify his schedule at all?

Could you work weekend nights and one day shift? Minimizing costs? All this is to be considered. It's tricky so I feel your pain - we are trying to navigate costs of home ownership, having a baby and me cutting down to part time as I start NP school in the fall!

Not easy! Good luck.

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We have a similar issue. Day care is only daytime. You cannot work a 12 hour night and be up with a baby until 1700 sleep one hour and go back in. I do days for that reason. A few extra bucks is not worth risking safety or health

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Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
Taking a year off work is not an option. I am actually the bread winner in my family, so it would put my future family in financial hardship if I was to not work. And my partner and I live very simply, no credit card debt, cars paid off, manage to save a couple hundred each pay check, etc.

ETA: I just wanted to say that the sort of advice I was given above is not helpful. If I had been a male nurse no one would be suggesting I take a year off from my career to spend with my kids, but since I am a girl that sort of advice is acceptable by society.

Before I even read your second paragraph, I was going to suggest could your husband quit and stay home, since you're the primary breadwinner?

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I work 7p-7am(get to work around 6pm and leave at 730 most days). I have kids aged 9, 6, and 5. All of them are in full time school. My husband drops the kids off at school and picks them up(he is a stay at home parent) and then we are with kids until I go to work. For me, it works wonderfully with my kids in full time school because I sleep while they are at school and I work while they are asleep so I really don't miss any time with them. When I did days, I left before they got up for the day and came home right before they went to bed. There were days I didn't even see them. With a newborn and a child not in the school system, I am unsure what would be best, which has held me off having another child.

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I work 7p-7am(get to work around 6pm and leave at 730 most days). I have kids aged 9, 6, and 5. All of them are in full time school. My husband drops the kids off at school and picks them up(he is a stay at home parent) and then we are with kids until I go to work. For me, it works wonderfully with my kids in full time school because I sleep while they are at school and I work while they are asleep so I really don't miss any time with them. When I did days, I left before they got up for the day and came home right before they went to bed. There were days I didn't even see them. With a newborn and a child not in the school system, I am unsure what would be best, which has held me off having another child.

I think it's very lucky that one of you gets to stay home! Maybe OP could have her husband cut back hours since she is the breadwinner. Honestly, daycare is prohibitively expensive, which is really a shame.

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Specializes in Med/surg, Onc.

Before I was a nurse my husband and I worked opposite shifts so we didn't do child care. I worked first and he worked third. It worked...for awhile but we never saw each other and that sucked. So after two years of that he took a pay cut to go to first and I went to school.

Realistically you'll make enough to pay for child care during your husband's work hours so the fact that you work weird ones during the day doesn't matter. If your husband can cut back hours then that makes even less child care cost. Which is what our family is doing. My husband is cutting back because I make more.

I'd stay on days, you couldn't pay us enough for either of us to CHOOSE nights again. It's different if you have to be on nights because that was the job offer but I wouldn't pick it otherwise.

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Specializes in L&D, infusion, urology.

I agree that it's not a gender issue (especially since the economic downturn in 2008, when many men became SAHDs), and if it's possible, perhaps your husband could stay home or cut his hours. It's worth taking a look at his salary versus child care expenses and seeing where things shake out.

I've been the primary breadwinner for years now (just the circumstances), and my husband has been staying at home, then working at home, and it's worked well for us. It gives us a lot of flexibility with me now venturing into nursing (just graduated), and the high possibility of me working nights.

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I think the nights thing is tough which adds another element of complexity to the situation. I'm a night owl and working nights is killing me after 2 years. Especially because it takes me 1.5-2hrs to get home in traffic. I couldn't imagine this with a child on top of it, and I don't want to be a miserable, tired mess and miss out on my child growing up and on time with my husband as well. I would much rather have a rough few years financially and have my children closer together to get the financial burden over with sooner.

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Specializes in Cardiac.

I am am mother to a 13 month old little boy, and let me just tell you whatever you decide, you guys will make it work!! :-)

It really doesn't matter which you choose, either way you will need childcare during the day while you are working OR during the day while you are sleeping.

One advantage to nights is that if you know someone close that could come over and be in your house while you sleep to take of your baby, you might feel better about things at least for the first 6 months or so. That way you could be there in the case of emergency. As a new parent, I never slept more than 3 hours straight because I breastfed. My son didn't start sleeping through the night until a few weeks ago. I didn't mind, I just woke up and fed him and put him back to sleep, and my body adjusted. That's just part of being a mommy to a new baby. So if you work nights, and could hire someone to come in for 5/6 hours while you sleep, you could still wake up and breastfeed or pump if you need to. (Totally respect if you aren't taking the BF route, btw;)). I recommend CARE.COM, it is a great website to find a babysitter or nanny to come to your house. They offer background checks and it's much safer than using something like craigslist, but you don't have to pay a fee or an agency, which is better for you and the person you hire. Also, if you choose nights, and have someone in your home during the day while you sleep, your baby will always be with either you or dad, which in my opinion brings so much peace of mind it's almost worth having to work at night. Usually nights pay more, so you could always use the extra to pay your babysitter//nanny? Just a thought :-)

People say that working nights interrupts your natural sleep rhythm, which you can't argue with that, but on the flip side, as a new mom, if you aren't working, you will definitely be up a good portion of the night with feedings. Luckily newborns sleep a lot all together though, so if you (and dad) sleep when baby sleeps you will be fine. When mine was a baby, my hubby and I felt like zombies all the time, but it passes! :-)

Long story short, I vote for nights, if you can have a person in your house while you sleep. If you do daycare or take your child somewhere while you sleep, it's really no different than working while your child is there, so then it makes no difference....

Good luck with whatever you decide!!! And congrats on baby!!

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Specializes in Inpatient Oncology/Public Health.
I think the nights thing is tough which adds another element of complexity to the situation. I'm a night owl and working nights is killing me after 2 years. Especially because it takes me 1.5-2hrs to get home in traffic. I couldn't imagine this with a child on top of it, and I don't want to be a miserable, tired mess and miss out on my child growing up and on time with my husband as well. I would much rather have a rough few years financially and have my children closer together to get the financial burden over with sooner.

Best laid plans! We started trying for my 2nd child when my first wasn't 2 yet. 2 years, 4 miscarriages and several specialists later, we had my 2nd. If you can plan to have kids close together and it actually happens, lucky you.

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