Dating a Doctor

[Wildcat2009]

My girlfriend is a doctor. I am but a lowly student murse. This is my confession: My admission of guilt that no matter how progressive I am, I still have an inferiority complex.

Friends ask, "Why would you want to go to nursing school?" You'll never be a billionaire or even a millionaire." For some, my girlfriend included, nursing is a path chosen for those not capable of the rigors of 4 years of medical school.

Just imagine the parties I've been to surrounded by her doctor friends trying to keep a straight face when I tell them my ambition is to be a male nurse. I'd like to go into monkey mode, fling poop and fire insults. "Oh, you're an orthopedic surgeon? Too bad you're ugly and smell like rotten pistachios...

I'm sorry. I'm not even sure what that means.

Here's the deal: I genuinely believe in the nursing model. Nurses have the ability to heal in ways that doctors will never understand. To connect with patients and learn about yourself and your limits as a caregiver. To stare a frightened patient in the eyes and help them find peace in death. Maybe, just maybe i can learn to find courage and grace in the face of death, too.

To my friends: lawyers,doctors, bankers, venture capitalists. I doubt your career allows you to feel the full range of emotions that nurses battle and embrace. From existential crises to manic jubilation at unexpected patient outcomes.

I didn't mess up. I didn't fail. Actually, I'm right where I want to be.

Oh! But she's wonderful! Smart and caring, beautiful and bold. She says what she means and I love her for that. Oh dear God, I love her.

[eCCU]

RESPECT what you ARE and others follow suit..

[MedicalPartisan]

Simply put; be yourself. You insecurities will cause complication in your relationship. She started dating you knowing very well that you were an RN. It's easier said than done I'm sure, but you have to let that go. She likes you for who you are. So be that person... be yourself.

[Racin2109]

Be who you ARE, not who her or her doctor friends want you to BE. At the end of the day, everyone needs a job... And we all choose different paths to get that job. I'm a young male nurse and absolutely love what I do; I wouldn't trade it for a desk job that makes millions a year and thats the honest to God truth. I chose this profession to help people and make a difference, not to gain social status. And like it was said before: If she started dating you when you had already started nursing school/became a nurse, then your job probably isn't 100% of the reason she chose you, something else sparked her interest as well. And if her or her colleagues can't see past that, then i'd be making some changes in my social circle. You can't change people, you have to change YOUR people. If that makes sense. Good luck in all you do.

[NightNurseRN13]

Your girlfriend is truly a lucky gal. That is all.

[Career2_BSN, BSN]

" I'd like to go into monkey mode, fling poop and fire insults. "Oh, you're an orthopedic surgeon? Too bad you're ugly and smell like rotten pistachios...

I'm sorry. I'm not even sure what that means. "

This made me laugh.

But seriously, there are plenty of people out there who think themselves better than others for one reason or another. Many doctors (particularly, young ones) think they've earned God status. It'll take a nurse saving their tail for them to start respecting nurses. I don't know that a conversation with your girlfriend will change her beliefs. It may change her actions when in your presence, but likely, they'll resurface.

The best nurse I ever had was a guy --- and a student. I was admitted into the ER with excruciating pain that was causing me to vomit. I got there just before shift change so he was fresh-eyed and bushy-tailed when he started helping me. He read my chart and saw that the morphine they were giving me didn't take effect until it reached 8mg so he said he'd just give me 8 when I needed more (instead of 2 at a time like the nurse who went off shift. To her credit, she didn't know me from Adam and she was being cautious). Point 1 for the male nurse.

Cops brought a drunk into the ER while I was there and he was belligerent. I could hear female nurses telling this guy to sit down and behave himself. He clearly wasn't listening. My nurse, quietly and authoritatively, told the guy to sit and we never heard another peep out of him. Come to find out, my nurse was a police officer for a couple of years before deciding to change careers. He was quite familiar with how to handle these guys and it worked. Point 2 for the male nurse.

Any time the doc touched me, I'd turn white as a sheet (according to my mother, who was with me). All I knew is I was in so much pain, all I could focus on was breathing and keeping my bile in my stomach. This nurse would walk in, take one look at me, and come back with more morphine and all would be right with my little world again. Point 3 for the male nurse.

Some patients are going to respond well to the chipper, Tinkerbell fairy nurse. Others, will respond better to the drill-sergeant nurse. Still others, will respond to the guy with the deep, authoritative tone. Because different patients respond to different nurses, we need all kinds. You have a LOT to bring to the profession. You need to realize this and remind yourself of this daily until you truly feel proud for taking this path.

Best of luck to you!!

[systoly]

condescending person, "why would you want to be a nurse anyway?"

you, "what?...you can't figure that out?"

you (as you turn to your girlfriend), "does he really have a medical degree?"

[cgambino70]

You should be proud of your profession and what you do. Nurses are the most integral part of a hospital. At my school there are 400 people applying for 90 spots each semester and our school has a 97% passing rate on the NCLEX so it is very competitive. I have no doubt in my mind that I could do medical school but nursing is a second career for me and one I chose carefully. I left a very well paying job in sales management because I was not happy and wanted to do something that could help people. I have no inferiority complex about my chosen profession and would stand up for it. I heard all the jokes about male nurses until someone calls me with a medical question and I want to say why don't you call your doctor. LOL. I don't do that but would like to sometimes. If you are in nursing school you have achieved something amazing and you will be the person administering care and saving lives. The doctors will be by once or twice a week to check on things but you are the front line.

[windsurfer8, BSN, RN]

"Lowly student murse" First off please don't use "murse"...only people who use it are nursing students and it sounds ridiculous. Also "lowly"... If you have such a poor perception of yourself and your chosen career field why exactly are you doing it? Maybe you should try to be a doctor and not be so "lowly". I don't even get the point of the post. Are you asking for advice or just telling us how "lowly" you are? I am totally confused. Good luck.

[Gastonemweemba]

i think if i were in your shoes that would give me a really big motivation to aim higher in my nursing career, i usually crave for such situations though i have never been in one. ALL THE BEST IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

[Caribbean Character]

Look them dead in the eye and ask them, "Are YOU going to wipe a patient's ass or take the time to walk them down the hall and back?!?!?!" then dump your girlfriend and her loser friends.

[ArrowRN, BSN, RN]

I'm not a fan of male nurses calling themselves "murses" although the "nurse" word itself is not really unisex per say...until such changes, if ever, be proud to call yourself a student NURSE. Sounds like your girlfriend is not helping with your inferiority complex either.

Why would you even put up with that? Making yourself the punching bag or clown of the party?

I definitely think you need to sit her down and let her know that she needs to respect your decision to be a nurse. Not all of us want to be in medical school. Myself and many other men have no desire to go to medical school, even if they had the GPA's to make it. IF she does not respect your career choices you might as well end it. I've been married for 10 years and seriously I see your relationship going nowhere fast. If I were to be candid, she could possibly end up cheating on you with a doctor in the near future. I don't know what they teach in medical school but it seems like "Advanced level god complex" is one of the prerequisites. There is no respect when you go to gatherings and your girlfriend and her friends are apparently belittling you for being a nursing student. The other problem is you are there in the "boxing ring" and just allowing them to smack you and you taking punches.

I don't know how long you been a nursing student but nurses basically run the care of the patients. The doctors in reality know very little. Step your game up and be proud and put those fools in their place. Nurses need to put up with a lot more and have a lot more knowledge that doctors ever have and don't let them tell you other wise.

Join the AAMN...find yourself a mentor if they have one and gain some confidence. You have a choice...Be proud to be a nurse or go to medical school and be miserable.

[PulselessNine]

OP, I recommend you take a hard look in the mirror and confirm first that you are doing explicitly what you want to do. I think you know, but if you are beginning to have doubts you should then ask if these are your doubts truly or are they someone else's doubts. In other words, do you intend to doubt yourself or have you been convinced that you should?

When you know the answer to that question you may be able to determine what to do next.

My wife is very supportive of my career choice and I of hers. There is not a single person in the world so good looking or good in bed that they can get away with telling you that you are inferior to them forever. If you don't handle this for yourself now you will deal with it later. Either the woman supports you or she doesn't and if you never get any respect from her professionally how will the rest of your life with this person roll out?

I have been in the relationship you describe, and I will never go there again.

Good luck in your pursuits whatever they may be.