Dating a Doctor

[Wildcat2009]

My girlfriend is a doctor. I am but a lowly student murse. This is my confession: My admission of guilt that no matter how progressive I am, I still have an inferiority complex.

Friends ask, "Why would you want to go to nursing school?" You'll never be a billionaire or even a millionaire." For some, my girlfriend included, nursing is a path chosen for those not capable of the rigors of 4 years of medical school.

Just imagine the parties I've been to surrounded by her doctor friends trying to keep a straight face when I tell them my ambition is to be a male nurse. I'd like to go into monkey mode, fling poop and fire insults. "Oh, you're an orthopedic surgeon? Too bad you're ugly and smell like rotten pistachios...

I'm sorry. I'm not even sure what that means.

Here's the deal: I genuinely believe in the nursing model. Nurses have the ability to heal in ways that doctors will never understand. To connect with patients and learn about yourself and your limits as a caregiver. To stare a frightened patient in the eyes and help them find peace in death. Maybe, just maybe i can learn to find courage and grace in the face of death, too.

To my friends: lawyers,doctors, bankers, venture capitalists. I doubt your career allows you to feel the full range of emotions that nurses battle and embrace. From existential crises to manic jubilation at unexpected patient outcomes.

I didn't mess up. I didn't fail. Actually, I'm right where I want to be.

Oh! But she's wonderful! Smart and caring, beautiful and bold. She says what she means and I love her for that. Oh dear God, I love her.

[solond]

I'm not a fan of male nurses calling themselves "murses" although the "nurse" word itself is not really unisex per say...until such changes, if ever, be proud to call yourself a student NURSE. Sounds like your girlfriend is not helping with your inferiority complex either.

Why would you even put up with that? Making yourself the punching bag or clown of the party?

I definitely think you need to sit her down and let her know that she needs to respect your decision to be a nurse. Not all of us want to be in medical school. Myself and many other men have no desire to go to medical school, even if they had the GPA's to make it. IF she does not respect your career choices you might as well end it. I've been married for 10 years and seriously I see your relationship going nowhere fast. If I were to be candid, she could possibly end up cheating on you with a doctor in the near future. I don't know what they teach in medical school but it seems like "Advanced level god complex" is one of the prerequisites. There is no respect when you go to gatherings and your girlfriend and her friends are apparently belittling you for being a nursing student. The other problem is you are there in the "boxing ring" and just allowing them to smack you and you taking punches.

I don't know how long you been a nursing student but nurses basically run the care of the patients. The doctors in reality know very little. Step your game up and be proud and put those fools in their place. Nurses need to put up with a lot more and have a lot more knowledge that doctors ever have and don't let them tell you other wise.

Join the AAMN...find yourself a mentor if they have one and gain some confidence. You have a choice...Be proud to be a nurse or go to medical school and be miserable.

I agree that OP should be proud to be a nurse and shouldn't tolerate people putting down his chosen profession. However, there's a better way than your mindset of us vs them. "The docs know very little" and "only come by 1-2x to check on patients" stuff is bullcrap and makes it seem like you know very little about medicine, honestly. Everyone has a role to play in medicine, let's not poo poo everyone else.

[ArrowRN, BSN, RN]

Well I dont know anything about medicine, i'm just a student. I was referring to his girls "circle" of doc friends, not all doctors. There are some very friendly ones indeed.

[jboogs49, ADN, BSN, RN]

Reading everyone's response to the OP, it seems that everyone missed the fact that he is slightly joking about the post in the beginning. He has an inferiority complex and many men do especially when it comes to having a significant other that has a job that has a higher social/financial/cultural position than us.

But, he has the courage to admit this so its not as much a problem. Its a problem when we hold it inside and let it poison our relationships and pretend that everything is ok

The OP is having fun with the situation, but I don't feel from the post he feels negative about the path he is on. He says he is on the right path and has a chance to connect with and help patients in ways that Doctors may not have the chance to. This shows a person who is self aware and connected to their values, beliefs, and how one can impact someone else's life.

I applaud you for your courage to admit how you are truly feeling and to not let what anyone else thinks of you stop you on your journey.

Your girlfriend seems to be an awesome young lady and if she has that opinion of nurses I think its fine because she is being true to herself as long as its done in a respectful manner. (I don't believe its true maybe not just the rigors of MD school but difficulty of getting in, having a low GPA, not testing well to pass MCATS, having to move to another state, the time to just get started its not just 4 years, the huge financial burden of medical school, the burden of being an MD running own practice, liability)

But a nurse who ascends to an NP in some cases misses out on some of the issues of MD school

P.S. does your girlfriend have any doctor friends who are looking for a future male nursing student. LOL

[leonard_huh, BSN, MSN, RN, APN]

I can understand how hard it may feel, where the male ego is we need to be in the top profession and have the power. I have had the same thoughts, but in the end professions don't really matter as long as you enjoy what you do and make income and have time for yourself and family then thats all that will matter. It also depends on how you were raised and who you were surrounded by that encourages you on what you wanted to be for a career. If you two enjoy your time with each other and have the time to hang out then its worth it but if she spends majority of the time working and have no social life then you are the winner my friend. You can also go and become a PA or NP or CRNA, the options are endless for nursing. goodluck and love the woman for who she is not for what she does.

[spinny87]

If I was dating a doctor I'd start learning how to cook and clean. I'd ride that train to the station. Choochoo

[PiperLambie, MSN, APRN]

A little late to this, but posting anyhow. My spouse is a physician, and as such many of our friends are her fellow doctors. I have moved twice with her (residency and fellowship) and prior to the latest move, made more than she did as a resident in my chosen career. I always wanted to go back and finish school, so once we moved to Nashville, I went part-time and am in the process of completing pre-reqs to apply for matriculation in Fall '15. All I can say is that it is not a "physician/doctor thing", as my doctor is nothing less than totally supportive of me pursuing nursing, and ultimately becoming an NP. In fact, I have changed a lot of our doctor friends' minds about the notion of NPs, as I am one of those who is pursuing a second career and does not want to go through the rigamarole that one battles to become a physician. Incredibly enough, one of my staunchest supporters is a friend who is one of those "egotistical" cardio-thoracic surgeons, yet he constantly asks how things are going with school and to call him if I think he can help with anything. My point: there are decent and indecent people in all career fields. The best part is that we get to choose which of those we associate with.

A last point for the record: Your permission to anyone (including self) is the only thing that allows feelings of inferiority to creep in. I am a very good cook, washer of clothes, and chore-doer from my bachelor days...but they are skills that I can use just in case my "at home boss" decides that I should be a house husband- I even have a nice mini-van picked out!

[Tomascz, ASN, RN]

And why are you studying to be a nurse again? You do realize you can get a doctorate in this field. right?

I don't blame you for feeling lower than whalesh*t; you're supposed to; you're a nursing student. You bust your ass for C's and you never get enough sleep and when you do you have nightmares about forgetting to flush that line while your instructor is standing right behind you and nobody gives a rats patoot about your stuff (for more than a couple seconds anyway) because they've got sh*t of their own to worry about and besides they're a single mom with three kids living on food stamps trying to do this crazy thing, so you better suck it up.

I've never trained to be an MD but nursing 'don't look like no cakewalk' to me. Just enjoy the girl or don't, but don't blame her because you feel like a shrimp. What you're doing isn't inferior to anything. Hospitals have to have Doctors; but they wouldn't even happen without nurses.

[ParkerBC,MSN,RN, PhD, RN]

I have met some doctors who made me wonder how they got through medical school. I work with one nurse practitioner who has, on more than one occasion, discontinue MD's orders because of contraindications. I love her! She spits off the patho of the patient and why the doctors orders weren't best practice.

[sunny_days]

Stand strong in your beliefs and don't keep friends around you that don't support your goals. You can also remind those doctors, that Im sure many times a RN has saved their butt and help correct their potentially fatal mistakes. Don't diss on the nurses, they will make or break the doctors!

[Kiwiguy]

I personally dont see how dating a doctor makes you inferior? or lowly?

Be proud of what you are doing and the profession you are entering.

[Nurse-Prestige]

A Nurse is a Professional successful person. They are NOT inferior to anyone.

Many Nurses are males, and many doctors are females these days, a profession does NOT define someone by gender.

Please stop using the word "Murse". No one uses that, and serves NO purpose. A Nurse already implies it's either a male or female.

[WhiteArmor]

I don't know what to say...Nursing seems to be a profession my family looks down on..that being said the most successful people in my family in the healthcare field are doctors, surgeons, pharmacists, and dentists. Neither is greater than the other, people are going to be people and power trip over certain hierarchies in the medical field...