Cried during lab evaluation.... now feeling horrible...

Ayala · Nov 25, 2011

I want to send you an e-mail hug. I've never cried in front of my clinical teacher, but I've cried plenty as soon as I left the room. My teacher has "issues" with me, and the situation in apparent to other students in the class.

We've all had bumpy times in clinical practice. Persist. Do not let anything hold you back. Practice holding back emotional reactions. If my instructor asks me a question like the one your instructor asked you, I would have "canned reactions" prepared. I would never say "Of course I passed!" I'd turn it around on her.

"What do you think. Prof?"

"I'm sure you want to help me. What are your suggestions?"

List things you did right and list areas where you made a mistake omission.

Etc.

I have a horrible instructor who flunked me on two validations. However, I have another chance to validate with another instructor. One validation I did truly screwed up. but another she flunked me on bogus reasons. She actually told me I should "think of doing something else" instead of nursing. This instructor doesn't even know what's on the validation sheet. She flunked me on preparing a sterile field because I did not identify the patient and explain the procedure. Hello, genius. That's not on the validation sheet for this activity. You get evaluated by what's on the check off list, not the instructor's opinion.

I took notes on what the instructor said (while she was saying it) and read it back to her. Then I went to the head of program and shared the information with her.

For weeks I let this clinical instructor live rent-free in my head and suffered terribly. What for? The instructor who is revalidating me was very supportive, appreciated my factual reporting and said "Just keep on practicing and I'm sure you'll be fine when I validate you."

I wore a poker face and stuck to the facts. Further, I sent the teachers an e-mail documenting the events. (I left out the personal insults and suggestion that I quit.)

As I was taking notes in front of my instructor (taking notes is a good way to avoid getting emotional) I looked her neutrally and the eye. I asked her "So you're opinion as a clinical instructor is that saying I should drop out of nursing school right now?"

Ha ha ha! She went bat s*** crazy. Suddenly she became the emotional one not me.

Things will work out for me, and they'll work out for you too. Don't be so hard on yourself. You think your instructor never cried? What is she, a Vulcan?

That said, she may have had a reason for what she said. Your job is not to figure out her motivations, your job is to figure out coping skills to deal with situations like this. My life has been filled with teachers, bosses, etc. like her. Learn to deal, and you'll save yourself years of misery.

Suck it up and move on. You can do it!!!!

tcvnurse, BSN, RN · Nov 25, 2011

My nursing professors always kept an economy size box of tissues in their offices. I used those tissues, and I'm sure many others did too. Move forward, you're not out yet.

allnurses Guide · Nov 25, 2011

It's just the stress that is busting its way out of your poor overtaxed body and brain!!!

I almost cried when I was talking to my OB instructor.

I was in jeopardy and I remember trying to hold myself together.

I don't cry easily and I vowed I'd never cry over school... but the sheer enormity of the stress was taking it's toll and it was like it was all in a pressure cooker and just ready to explode!

I held it together, but barely.

Also...

I don't think it means you shouldn't be a nurse but I do believe it toughens you up for what lies ahead.

Even on my worst days (on orientation as a new grad) I think, "Yup! This is pretty goshdarn bad... but it still isn't as bad as nursing school!"

So what does that tell ya?

Hang in there!!

SunshineDaisy, ASN, RN · Nov 25, 2011

I cried in clinical last week! NS is stressful! Crying is a good stress reliever. The instructors have seen it all and know what we are going through. Please don't think it's not for you just because of one incident. I don't know anyone who is in NS that hasn't cried at least once, except for a few boys! We're human, we have emotions it's natural*hugs*

Clovery · Nov 25, 2011

When I was in my first semester, I had a really similar experience. It was even the same practicum... except I failed the cath and passed the wound dressing. I didn't practice putting on the sterile gloves enough and didn't quite use the right technique and my instructor said I broke sterile field. She even gave me another chance and I messed up again. The worst part was she kept saying things like "are you sure you want to do it that way?" Which made me go into panic mode. Somehow I managed to do it right for the wound dressing and pass that part, but I already failed the cath and knew it. I was fighting back tears the whole time. When I got my evaluation and she said "I'm sorry but I can't pass you" I completely broke down and started crying. Uncontrollably. Couldn't stop myself for at least 20 minutes. My instructor was hugging me and telling me it was okay. At first I was upset about failing, and then I was upset about being upset and embarrassing myself, and it just snowballed. Looking back I think it was a panic attack. Plus I was like 7 weeks pregnant and I'm sure the hormones weren't on my side. Eventually I managed to slip out the back door of the lab and head to the parking lot, avoiding my classmates since I'm sure I looked like a total mess. I was embarrassed to see my instructor in class the next week but we just both pretended like it didn't happen and that was really the best solution. I had to retake the cath part of the practicum with the course leader... I practiced a lot, got help from the lab assistant, and did great.

I don't think crying makes you weak or anything like that. Honestly I'm sure they see it a lot. Just last week I was in the practice lab and there was a girl from another class who was getting help from the lab assistant and she started crying because she had failed a practicum. It happens to a lot of people and I think it's just the nature of nursing school - high-intensity, high-pressure... lots of nerves. It's got to be released somehow!

Ayala · Nov 25, 2011

Great advice and input from everybody. Remember, nursing school is an artificial environment: it's like a fish tank. When you become a nurse, you'll be in the ocean, not some glassed box with fake plants and other stressed out fish who are tired of bumping into to glass walls.

I'm not saying that nursing is not stressful. Talk to enough nurses who have been practicing for a while and I promise you you won't find one who never cried.

That said, I always have to be honest with myself and recognize how I can improve. I am not perfect, nor is anyone else. When I get stressed, I get tunnel vision and think that I'm the only one in the world who feels incompetent. Hogwash.

I get through it by being as honest as I can with myself and learning from the banana cream pies that get thrown in my face.

Find your own special way of coping. You will find strengths you never knew you had. You will be a happier person and a better nurse as a result.

Now turn that frown upside down and move on. You can do it!!!!

Despareux · Nov 25, 2011

Crying doesn't make you look weak. I think it's our body's way of de-stressing--blowing a gasket. Sometimes crying just happens when you are just beyond words. If it happens on rare occasions, it's probably not an issue, but if it happens often, then you may have a problem that may need to be addressed.

Hellostudentnurssee · Nov 25, 2011

I am sending you a hug right now! The same thing happened to me a few weeks ago with my clinical instructor b*tch from hell. I'm definitely a grounded, strong person (may be sweet on the outside but I went through alot and am able to hold it together on the inside). I don't cry over anything or anyone, esp for those who love to bully and make you feel horrible when it's not necessary (if I do, I cry in private). It was my first week of clinical - i was trying to work hard, get things done, while not stepping on my instructor's toes as she kept making us feel bad. My patient was not cooperating and i understand. I'm not someone to force on people bc I've had that my whole life; however, as a nurse, they teach you to try to talk to the patient, convince and teach them what is best and if they still refuse, it's okay. Thing is, my patient was not having it. I felt hopeless. I was talking w. this crazy instructor and in the middle of it, I cried. I felt horrible. It was a mix of all this stress I had carrying around AND this anxiety my instructor gives me. Anyhoo, I'm telling you that it's normal and don't feel bad about crying. I know when we look back it's like, "oh wow. I gave my power and control to her. I look weak now. She probably thinks I'm a bad student, etc.." but it happened and we can't change that. You are a good person despite what has come your way. You are not what people think you are - your actions do not define you as a person. You are a good nursing student trying to survive today's crazy curriculum. Nursing school is hard but I really do believe it's getting harder as time passes. I come from a family of nurses and they believe today's nursing instructors as making it tough on the new generation - could be due to the competitiveness with job security,etc... Anyway, don't feel bad and remember, it was okay to cry. Anyone on here who thinks otherwise doesn't have a heart and will be a bad nurse bc they don't have EMPATHY. I'm sure that everyone has gone through this at one time or another. Hang in there. I definitely know how you feel. I feel you. BUG HUGS! WE WILL ALL BE OKAY! :)

birdinflight · Nov 27, 2011

Thank you so much to all of you! I wish I could respond to you all personally, but, please know that I appreciate every single word everyone wrote.

I agree with what everyone said. There have been other women who have cried in my program and I don't think any less of them. I need to use that kindness and compassion on myself, I think!

I will keep pushing forward. Even before I got accepted into nursing school I told myself, no matter how hard it gets or how bad I want to fold, I won't quit. They will literally have to push me out.

I also agree that this experience will make me a much stronger person. Sometimes it takes strength to show weakness, too.

Thank you, again. I wish you all success in your own nursing journey!

-L

kgh31386, BSN, MSN, RN · Nov 27, 2011

This instructor doesn't even know what's on the validation sheet. She flunked me on preparing a sterile field because I did not identify the patient and explain the procedure. Hello, genius. That's not on the validation sheet for this activity. You get evaluated by what's on the check off list, not the instructor's opinion.

Your opinions just seem kind of...well to say the least, aggravating. Yes there are certain things that are checked off related to the procedure. But you know they do have those little things that are "universal"? I'd fail you too if you don't identify the patient or explain the procedure, as I'm sure most instructors would. So you'd go out into your "ocean" to put a foley in a patient, but you wouldn't check any armband to make sure it's the right patient or explain what you're doing...you just go in and stick that sucker in 'em(good job genius :)). Or say you get checked off on removing a central line, putting in an NGT, drawing blood, etc...those universal things of explaining what you're doing, and checking to make sure it's the right person are important(even if it's not on that list of steps to do the procedure). Has nothing to do with opinion, has everything to do with safe nursing and good judgement.

I took notes on what the instructor said (while she was saying it) and read it back to her. Then I went to the head of program and shared the information with her.

What was the purpose of that? Be mature now...that seems like you're just trying to get a reaction out of someone. For all they know, you could make your notes up, or twist them towards your benefit.

I wore a poker face and stuck to the facts. Further, I sent the teachers an e-mail documenting the events. (I left out the personal insults and suggestion that I quit.)

This is a quick way to send up a blackflag for yourself. You really think teachers would enjoy a student who does something like that? I can see this hurting you in the long run, especially with recommendations.

Ha ha ha! She went bat s*** crazy. Suddenly she became the emotional one not me.

And again...trying to get a rise out of someone? Not the best attitude to take towards someone, especially someone in a leadership or managerial position.

allnurses Guide · Nov 27, 2011

I had a student completely break down on the first morning of the first clinical, when I was pointing out what she was supposed to have done for prep work (can't improve if no feed back:o

She told me how little sleep etc she'd had and all the things going on and literally put her head down and sobbed. I was so embarrassed I didn't know what to do, so I just ignored it altogether until she got herself back together; her classmates pulled her aside and helped her get the stuff together; and we just went on.

I do understand stress; and being overwhelmed. It didn't affect anything else during the day or the rest of the clinicals. It is not the only thing I remember about her either.

So, give yourself a break, just keep going, and put it behind you.

Remember the old saying, "least said, soonest mended"