cover letter critique

kaylee. · Dec 16, 2014

Its good, just a couple suggestions: you should not mention things in your cover that are listed on your resume, unless you discuss an example or experience or valuable thing you learned from the activity. For example, the medical excellence award, unless you elaborate on why you got the award, or something valuable, you are essentially just listing it twice. Why did you get it? Give an example of the excellence the award represents. Otherwise, dont list it again. They will read the resume, and say, ok graduated from such and such, and then when they get to the cover, if you merely list your degrees again, they already have that info, and they will start merely skimming. Tell a story, to keep them engaged in you. Listing accomplishments is what the res is for, dont take valuable lines in your letter to list them again in paragraph format. The cover is the place to elaborate on the things listed in the res, so they can get to know you.

I read your resume, and now i know that you were a BLS instructor. That would be a good thing to talk about. What skills can be transferred to your job from teaching BLS? MANY! I would try to talk about that, how teaching others how to save lives was rewarding, how your elevated skills in BLS will enhance your nursing practice...or something like that.

Pick a few things to things to explain, and give examples of how specific experiences shaped you. You may want to mention an experience from clinicals, as this will be the bulk of your time in the field, and is the most valuable part of nursing school.

Also, in your resume, I dont think you need to explain reason for leaving old jobs; they understand that service jobs come and go. You did each one for a year, and as a pre-professional job, they arent going to think twice about why you left.

If it were me, i would put the volunteer stuff above the work experience, since its health care related, so it is essentially health care experience, but definitely put it above the nursing nursing associations. Overall, its good stuff to work with, you just need a little story-telling so they can get a sense of who you are.

cc8671 · Dec 17, 2014

Thank you so much!!! I really appreciate the time you took to help me with this. I will definitely use this to edit my cover letter/resume.

Also, the BLS instructor is just a certification from AHA that only allows me to teach it. I still have yet to find a side job teaching BLS.

Thank You!!!!!

Loo17 · Dec 17, 2014

Dear Hiring Manager,

I would like to express my interest in the Registered Nurse position at __________ in _________. I graduated from _________ Nursing School in August of 2013 with an Associate in Science and a Diploma in Nursing. I am currently enrolled in an RN to BSN program at _______ University with an anticipated date of completion in the Spring of 2017.

My background in the service industry has provided me with a strong foundation to excel in the field of Nursing. I know and appreciate the value of teamwork and have excellent time management skills. I have a reputation for "thinking on my feet" and remaining calm during stressful situations.

[Maybe include a couple short sentences about the hospitals mission and it being in line with your beliefs or goals. Or something else short to show you took the time to research the hospital you are applying and make the cover letter personal to this facility.]

I know that I would make a great addition to your team and I welcome the opportunity to discuss with you further how I can contribute to your department. Thank you in advance for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Me

Name

Address

Phone

E-mail

LICENSES AND CERTIFICATIONS

Registered Nurse in the State of _________, 10/9/13

ACLS Provider, American Heart Association, 11/5/13

PALS Provider, American Heart Association, 12/9/14

BLS Instructor, American Heart Association, 12/18/14

BLS for Healthcare Providers, American Heart Association, 10/7/13

IV Therapy Certification, Emergency Cardiac Care Inc., 11/10/14

EDUCATION

Bachelor of Science in Nursing, Anticipated Graduation Date, Spring 2017

_________ University, location

Associate of Science & Diploma in Nursing, August 2013, GPA 3.68

___________ School of Nursing, location

WORK EXPERIENCE

Server, Restaurant, 02/14-Present

Working as a team to provide professional, fast-paced service, anticipating guest needs, and managing time efficiently while remaining organized

Barista, Café, 05/12-04/13

Provided customer service, performed sales transactions, prepared various menu items with precision, and maintained cleanliness

Server, Restaurant, 11/10-08/11

Worked as a team to provide excellent service, anticipated guest needs, and managed time effectively while remaining organized

VOLUNTEER ACTIVITIES

Blood Services Volunteer, American Red Cross, location, 02/2013-Present

AWARDS AND HONORS

Excellence in Medical Nursing, ________ Award, __________ School of Nursing, August 2013

Presidents List & High Honors, school, Spring 2013

PROFESSIONAL ACTIVITIES

State Nurses Association, 2014

National Student Nurses Association, 2012-2013

Blood Pressure Screening, National Kidney Foundation, location, 11/2014

RunBabyRN · Dec 17, 2014

In your cover letter, go into the company's mission a bit. I have several versions of cover letters (a lot of stuff carries over, but still) for each hospital system in my area, and I keep adding new ones as appropriate. I also have a more standard general cover letter for independent companies or for Craigslist ads, where I don't know the company.

There are some basic grammatical errors that need to be worked out. "I graduated" not "I have graduated" for instance.

Ditch the objective. It's just taking up space, and they know you want to be a RN there. Plus, it's really fluffy without being specific.

For your license and certs, put the expiration dates, not the issue dates.

Your volunteering and job history are great- you demonstrate longevity, which is important, especially as a new grad with no nursing history. I would try to put more that relates to nursing, though you did relate a lot of it already. Problem solving and multi-tasking always come to mind. Did you train anyone? People who have worked as servers often seem to do well in nursing. They are very similar! Fast-paced environment, a lot going on, having to people-please all day with a smile on your face... Most managers recognize this, too.

Keep working on any certs that may help with your desired areas of nursing.

Good luck!

labordude, BSN, RN · Dec 22, 2014

I read this from both sides of the table (as someone looking at a fellow teammate and as a hiring manager). At first glance, you don't stand out and nothing about your cover letter and/or resume makes me stop and want to know more. The writing in the cover letter is very generic and could be used by every single graduate in your class. Tell me WHY I want you on my team. Talk less about responsibilities and give me an examples and accomplishments. Tell me what you can do for me, how you bring this organization value. Give an example of "wowing" a client and using your incredible critical thinking skills. But do it concisely and just enough to make me stop and go..."hmm, I need to know more." I've read more staff and manager resumes than I could ever count and 95+% of them are generic and boring. Don't follow all the 'rules', but do follow some guidelines. For heaven's sake, get rid of the objective. I know why your resume is on my desk. You are only allowed one page as you don't have experience for more. Don't be afraid to get away from the bullet points. I recently made this change on my resume and the response rate has SOARED along with increased connections on LinkedIN. Also, despite what the 'experts' say, it is okay to use the word 'I' on your resume. Here is a great article about putting a human voice in your resume: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20140626010712-52594-how-to-write-a-human-voiced-resume

best of luck!

ArrowRN, BSN, RN · Dec 22, 2014

You got lots of good advice, do several versions of your cover and resume. The one that works is the one that starts landing you some interviews. I agree with the last poster its very generic. First of all remember you are matching up against hundreds of other applicants and you need to stand out.

I see this is your second career. For mine I did not put any description for any of my non Nursing Jobs. to me its just fluff and irrelevant. If you like you could do bullet points but relate the job description to nursing or just leave out the descriptions emphasizing major successes in your cover letter . Key words in the employers job application use them in your resume and cover letter. Remember computer programs do the initial screening so there's some key things you need in your resume for it to even be seen.

Under certifications to top put "Your State" Registered Nurse License #123456 expires xyz. so they know your registered nurse for the state you applying too. For education I inserted (BSN) after I spelt out the words also insert ADN. Sounds weird but its just to make the computer get a hit on your resume.

I would also omit the GPA from the resume, you got no idea if that's hurting you or helping you. If the computer is doing GPA screening you risk your resume not ever being seen. Leave it up to the employer to make that decision. If they want that then more than likely they will ask for a college transcript at a later date.

Now the cover letter...sorry its really generic and it needs to have more of an assertive confident tone. Besides the other stuff mentioned hospitals are really big on HCAPS..google it if you don't know much about it. That means customer service is now playing a huge role in their success and financial future and you need to also emphasize this. You got a strong customer service background and that would work for you. don't just say "Service" its "customer service".

Also, at the end of the cover letter it barely sounds like you want an interview. What are you asking for? be more confident, sell yourself...tell them they gotta call you now or they will miss out...OK not exactly in those words but you get my drift. Put your contact information in there, phone and email so it will be the last thing they see.

I usually end my cover letters something like this....

"I would very much like to meet with you to discuss opportunities for a career with Hospital XXX. To schedule an interview please call me at xxx-xxxx. I can also be easily contacted via email at [email protected]

Thank you for taking the time to review my cover letter and resume. I look forward to meeting you.

Sincerely

ArrowRN"

See how my tone is a bit more assertive...but it actually comes of as being confident in meeting. Note a simple key word I threw in there "career" that tell employers I'm looking for something for the long haul not just a job. Simple but effective use of words will get you in. Yes I have my phone and email at the top but I restated it. Employers will remember 2 things the first line and the last. so work on your introduction like its a novel...you want them to keep reading more to get to know this person enough so by the end they will be drooling to call and bam...your phone number is right there.

I've gotten 4 job offers in the 2 months since passing nclex. Anyways good luck to you.