Confrontation with bullies at work place; need advice with next step

[lululucy]

Dear readers,

I'm a new grad, and have been working as a new nurse for early 5 months. I've heard a lot regarding "nurses eat their young" before I stepped a foot into this profession, however, I didn't quite comprehend the significant meaning behind it until I have personally experienced it at my work place.

She's one of my preceptors when I initially started working there. As a new grad, I anticipated a lot of support, a hand of guidance, and patience, however, after a period of time spending with her, sadly to say, she had successfully made my life miserable, and made me feel extremely unwelcome. At a point I even contemplated whether this is what nursing is about. I lost my eager passion for nursing. Initially, I would greet her with a hi and bye whenever I see, and her reaction to my greetings were very indifferent and sometimes she would just look at me and turned away. Ultimately, It made me feel very embarrassed in front of everyone, several times, I thought to myself, why am I so persistent with her? why am I so desperate to get her approval? Why am I let her put me down again, and again? For what?

So yesterday was the climax of this bullying business, or perhaps, put an end to my misery. First, I walked in on her gossiping about me with another co-worker in the nursing station. At that moment, I just looked at them both in disbelief. Secondly, what really ignited my untold emotions was with a patient's IV antibiotic. Another co-worker, let's name her B, whom I gave report to, also a close friend to hers, and her (A) were discussing that she discovered that there's very fluid backed up, about 5ml, in a 3g Unasyn bottle which was attached to the 100ml 0.9% sodium Chloride. Be mindful, I gave all my reports already, had to stay to hang another bag because another co-worker © was complaining that I should have done that during my shift, of course, I willingly agreed to change the IV bag. It was close to 8am in the morning, I was preparing to head back to the locker room, when I heard my name, I looked up it was nurse A calling for me to go to nurse B. They knew exactly what to do with the bag, but had me call the Pharmacy and bring it down to the Pharmacy department to have them show me how.

On my way down, I was so upset, tears were inevitably rolling down my cheeks. My nursing educator saw me. She told me that she heard a calling from God and saw me standing in a corner crying. I thank God that she saw me. After hearing what had happened, she furiously took me upstairs and called in each person for confrontation. My manager was there at the time of event. My former preceptor, nurse A, admitted that she was closed off to me, and it all started when she first precepted and perceived my attitude and action as not receptive to her teachings. I stood there shaking my head while listening to her complains. So my manager inquired when all of this was going on, how come as a senior nurse, especially a preceptor, she didn't express it to her when they had meetings together. In addition, she fabricated more lies about me not giving her full reports in the morning. I voiced myself and said it loud and clear in front of everyone that every time we sat down to give her reports, she's either not listening attentively and in the middle of giving reports, she would turn away to start conversing with another nurse, or snatching reports from my hand and telling me she knows the patient and need no more reports from me.

I've been thinking a lot. I don't know if I can still work on that unit anymore. I don't know if I should transfer to another unit, or apply to another hospital. I know distinctively that these nasty people are everywhere, but especially, since the confrontation and mediation took place, I'm not anticipating my work life to be any more easier or comfortable on that unit. Words will spread like feathers throughout the whole unit. I don't know how people will view me after this incident. Perhaps, using higher authority to report the "bullies"?

I feel lonelier than ever. It makes me dread going to work everyday. Please help!

Sincerely,

Your desperate fellow nurse

[a-mo]

I absolutly agree with this. I have been a nurse for 5 years now, and I am a preceptor as well. Yes, there are days when I am spread thin and don't necessarily want to teach others, but I have never been rude or looked down on someone because that is not what a preceptors job is. You need to remember you are NEW. That means you DO NOT know everything, and it IS your preceptors job to give you guidance and assure that you feel comfortable with what you are doing, and that you are in comliance with that particular facilites policies. If they have a problem with that they shound let thier manager know that they simply do not want to be a preceptor anymore. Your preceptor should have shown you how to use the IV bag correctly, not send you down to pharmacy, that was demeaning. I do see a lot of bulling myself in the hospital I work at. I don't agree with it at all. People get comfortable with their jobs over time, and honestly I believe they find new employees and especially new nurses as a threat. I also know nurses who that have stuck around that used to be bullied are not the ones they bother anymore, someone else new will come along and they will be too busy pushing them around to mess with you. My advice to you would be to stand up for yourself and let them know you dont appreciate their attitude or unprofessionalism. Of course be professional yourself about it, but be sure and also get your point across. Once they see you in fact do have a back bone, I guarantee they will find someone else to direct their crappy attitude towards. Kepp your head up! Remember you worked to hard for what you have to let some other bratty nurse take away youre happiness!

[OhMyGalt]

To 'anotherone' I'm sorry I think your behavior of 'never even bother' greeting a fellow co-worker is down right sad and I wouldn't advertise your lack of civility at your workplace. The ANA has made it clear that nurses are responsible for client teaching that improves the standard for patient care; that includes teaching CNAs, other co-workers, family's of the patient w/home care issues and yes---Nursing Students. It is irresponsible to fail in your ANA duty and expectation to educate a nursing student or first year nursing grad on the needs of the patients. "..too sensitive..." I think it's shameful that a patient's health could be at risk b/c some RN is obviously burnt out and needs to find another profession. Yes nursing is a profession! Shameful, no wonder women in this field cont to make less pay than the 5% male nurses. The preceptor needs to grow up and gossip is unprofessional. Slander could be a problem. I suggest you remind these nurses that the care of the patients exceeds the petty needs to be a catty female stereotype that hurts the profession of nursing and the pay of women. You should never get use to gossip it is inappropriate and as for patients--that is a violation of HIPAA! Just my opinion, Best of Luck!

[DroogieRN]

Lululucy,

I am a new-grad of now four years, remembering back to that first year. There were bullies then; there are bullies now, and they do tend to prey on the new nurses. (And, oh boy, they even do it in teams!) I believe it is "posturing" to a great extent. That is, showing YOU just where you are in the pecking order. And here is another thing I believe: Most real managers won't tolerate it in their workplaces, 'cause this kind of stuff is pervasive and harmful to everyone including patients.

I am a firm believer in holding bullies accountable for what they do, and am not timid about reporting bad behavior. Though uncomfortable, it must be brought to the managers' attention, and put the incidents in writing, too. Those bullies who are involved and are counseled should, and most likely will, be told that there will be no retribution for your comments.

One more thing: You should not "have to" get a thicker skin; you just will.

I hate bullies. Hate them. They've made me miserable at work and, long story short, I resigned, because no one had my back. Sometimes it doesn't matter if you've been an exemplary employee. Especially if your unit/hospital has staffing problems, it might just be more trouble than it's worth (to TPTB) to fix the bullying.

Bottom line: Have all your ducks in a row (ie, another job lined up) if you decide to make waves over being treated poorly by co-workers. Because the head that rolls might be yours.

[RNsupermom99]

I am very thick skinned and was transferred to another department after being bullied. Someone started a rumor of me being an escort/prostitute, I'm an incompetent "dumb blond," purposely ruined my sterile suture set ups when I left the room for the doctor to find, and etc. I voiced my side of the story and even my manager agreed that I was targeted. Unfortunately, my manager knows her crew and did not address my problem, she just moved me away from them instead. I think if she did, she would become a target of bullying herself. It's makes me sad that she can't control her employees, simply because some of them are married to HER supervisors. It's all personal.

I'm glad she moved me, otherwise, I probably would've been fired for losing my cool...lol

[Altra, BSN, RN]

To every single nurse who said "grow a thicker skin" I call the bs flag. Nursing at its core is about emotion, empathy and compassion not only for our patients but for our coworkers.

I have to disagree here. The only profession I can think of that is "at its core about emotion" is professional acting.

Any professional environment, workplace, or even daily life out in public requires emotional self-control. I would also argue that the skills and abilities needed to be an effective nurse require an above-average amount of ability to control one's own emotions - the "thick skin", if you want to use that term in order to be effective while dealing with human beings in crisis.

To be clear: I believe this self-control is required of both newbies and established nurses.

[avaloncar, BSN, RN]

I have to disagree here. The only profession I can think of that is "at its core about emotion" is professional acting.

Any professional environment, workplace, or even daily life out in public requires emotional self-control. I would also argue that the skills and abilities needed to be an effective nurse require an above-average amount of ability to control one's own emotions - the "thick skin", if you want to use that term in order to be effective while dealing with human beings in crisis.

To be clear: I believe this self-control is required of both newbies and established nurses.

The term for that is emotional intelligence. Sadly not everyone has this.

[rnsoutherngirl]

omg, I am also a new nurse i have had the exact same experience..no you are not alone in this and i too have wondered..."is this what it is all about"? I actually left my first job due to this type of behavior etc, and I am just now at my second "new" job...and I already have a bully there too. I have been putting a ton of thought into this over the past few days. My supervisor told me that it will get better and I will gain respect as time comes but I often feel like no one listens to my reports on patients or takes my observations seriously. I found out two days ago that the CNA's at the new facility have a bet going on how long i will last at my new job.......how discouraging.

[ruthalittle]

I think God may have led me to this thread. I am blessed to work with such wonderful RN's who have such good communication skills. About 2 years ago I worked directly with an RN who literally screamed at me and threw papers at me. 2 Physical Therapists resigned over the same behavior when it wasn't addressed. I ended up transferring to another position in the same company that required me to drive for over an hour one way (I had been driving for 15 minutes) but it turned out to be a really good move.

I wish you the best of luck, and just wanted to say that in the 14 years that I have been practising, I've had to deal with several "bullies" (I was generally not the target) but that I've encountered far more competent & caring nurses.

I say that I think I may have been lead to this thread because I actually ran into this nurse earlier today. I was surprised at my reaction, & came on here just to look around & see if anyone had any experiences with bullying, & immediately saw this.

[Juniper248]

I've read through about 4 or 5 pages of this. I just want to voice my own opinion from what the OP is going through. Its true in life that you will have to "get over" the cruel people in this world. At the same time, NO one deserves to be bullied. I've been through a similar circumstance, and feeling alone when you're in a new place is really hard. Just know you are not alone. This type of bullying happens all the time. Its the social world we live in. The people in your unit are probably just trying to practice their authority on to you. Stay strong in yourself. Never let them put you down. But still know, what they are doing is NOT right, but typical.

[GHGoonette, BSN, RN]

There's a couple of warning bells ringing in my head, and I just want to clear a couple of things up.

Lulu, are you working in your mother country, with people of the same economic and cultural background as yourself?

Can you say, with complete certainty and honesty, that she lied about you when confronted?

Sorry to bring up the "background" bit, but if she is, by her own confession, "closed to you", but not for her stated reasons, then other reasons for this attitude need to be explored.

Yes, when we are criticized, we all need to first examine ourselves to determine whether such criticism is justified. If it is, it is our duty to address our shortcomings. As pointed out, it can be frustrating when those we are attempting to teach don't make an effort to learn, but on the other hand, to be a preceptor presupposes that we have the patience to work with newbies of different levels of self-confidence! If you, Lulu, are very lacking in that inner confidence, you need to work on it. At the very least, it will affect your functioning in the workplace, and has a nasty tendency to attract bullies, who frequently have all the instincts of sharks drawn towards blood in the water!

[txnewby]

It's not just nursing. Unfortunately, and I hate this as a woman, but some very insecure women do seem to turn against their own. I see it in my company too. On top of it, I am slender, and I have heard that some of the women "hate me for that???" Wow. Can't win here. For a long time as an attorney, I thought if I was extra friendly, everyone would appreciate me and I would experience a good work atmosphere, make friends, yada yada. Now coming on ten years, it hit me that I'm done with it. I am now a good attorney and that's all that matters. I keep my head down and concentrate on my work. So long as my (male) supervisor is happy with my work, I don't care if the admins and secretaries and engineers like me. I suppose I am a people pleaser, and I am over that too. You can't make everyone happy. The next time you hear someone talking about you, just walk right up, insert yourself and ask if they need to talk to you personally? If someone is not listening to you, just pause and say "I noticed you don't seem to be focusing on what I am saying. Is there a problem?" I know it's easier said than done, but practice makes perfect. I have noticed that once you let a bully get the upper hand, it never stops, and they seem to delight in your trying to make nice. Been there done that. Good luck to you and all other nice people out there. Do not let bullies rule.

[GitanoRN, BSN, MSN, RN]

very informative article, unquestionably, "lateral abuse" is an epidemic reaching pandemonium proportion all over the globe. in addition, below you'll find a link that portrays this "lethal cancer known as lateral abuse" that is found in any workplace.

lateral violence in the workplace - youtube