Confrontation with bullies at work place; need advice with next step

[lululucy]

Dear readers,

I'm a new grad, and have been working as a new nurse for early 5 months. I've heard a lot regarding "nurses eat their young" before I stepped a foot into this profession, however, I didn't quite comprehend the significant meaning behind it until I have personally experienced it at my work place.

She's one of my preceptors when I initially started working there. As a new grad, I anticipated a lot of support, a hand of guidance, and patience, however, after a period of time spending with her, sadly to say, she had successfully made my life miserable, and made me feel extremely unwelcome. At a point I even contemplated whether this is what nursing is about. I lost my eager passion for nursing. Initially, I would greet her with a hi and bye whenever I see, and her reaction to my greetings were very indifferent and sometimes she would just look at me and turned away. Ultimately, It made me feel very embarrassed in front of everyone, several times, I thought to myself, why am I so persistent with her? why am I so desperate to get her approval? Why am I let her put me down again, and again? For what?

So yesterday was the climax of this bullying business, or perhaps, put an end to my misery. First, I walked in on her gossiping about me with another co-worker in the nursing station. At that moment, I just looked at them both in disbelief. Secondly, what really ignited my untold emotions was with a patient's IV antibiotic. Another co-worker, let's name her B, whom I gave report to, also a close friend to hers, and her (A) were discussing that she discovered that there's very fluid backed up, about 5ml, in a 3g Unasyn bottle which was attached to the 100ml 0.9% sodium Chloride. Be mindful, I gave all my reports already, had to stay to hang another bag because another co-worker © was complaining that I should have done that during my shift, of course, I willingly agreed to change the IV bag. It was close to 8am in the morning, I was preparing to head back to the locker room, when I heard my name, I looked up it was nurse A calling for me to go to nurse B. They knew exactly what to do with the bag, but had me call the Pharmacy and bring it down to the Pharmacy department to have them show me how.

On my way down, I was so upset, tears were inevitably rolling down my cheeks. My nursing educator saw me. She told me that she heard a calling from God and saw me standing in a corner crying. I thank God that she saw me. After hearing what had happened, she furiously took me upstairs and called in each person for confrontation. My manager was there at the time of event. My former preceptor, nurse A, admitted that she was closed off to me, and it all started when she first precepted and perceived my attitude and action as not receptive to her teachings. I stood there shaking my head while listening to her complains. So my manager inquired when all of this was going on, how come as a senior nurse, especially a preceptor, she didn't express it to her when they had meetings together. In addition, she fabricated more lies about me not giving her full reports in the morning. I voiced myself and said it loud and clear in front of everyone that every time we sat down to give her reports, she's either not listening attentively and in the middle of giving reports, she would turn away to start conversing with another nurse, or snatching reports from my hand and telling me she knows the patient and need no more reports from me.

I've been thinking a lot. I don't know if I can still work on that unit anymore. I don't know if I should transfer to another unit, or apply to another hospital. I know distinctively that these nasty people are everywhere, but especially, since the confrontation and mediation took place, I'm not anticipating my work life to be any more easier or comfortable on that unit. Words will spread like feathers throughout the whole unit. I don't know how people will view me after this incident. Perhaps, using higher authority to report the "bullies"?

I feel lonelier than ever. It makes me dread going to work everyday. Please help!

Sincerely,

Your desperate fellow nurse

[amymalaimac]

I have been reading AN since nursing school five years ago and have learned a lot from new and experienced nurses on this site and in real life. The one thing that never ceases to astound me though is that new nurses are often told to "grow thicker skin" or basically just suck it up and shutup or get out of the game. Everyone was "the new guy" at some point and while I have learned not to take things personally when others have personality deficits, I still often wonder why so many people think that it is okay when others find it too much trouble to return a greeting to a coworker especially when it is someone in a position of authority. New nurses or even experienced nurses who are stepping into a new area are generally nervous and scared. I would be worried about a nurse who wasn't nervous in unfamiliar territory. After all, the scariest nurses are the ones who have nothing left to learn. We are a community and even though the attitude that you "don't go to work to make friends" runs rampant, I will always be grateful for the people who take the 2 seconds to say "hi" in the mornings (or evenings) because I have been in situations where that was all it took to let me know I could breath and if I can provide that reassurance for someone else so simply then I will be more than happy to earn a little karma.

[wooh, BSN, RN]

I'm continually amazed at the people that want to take someone not saying "Hi" in the morning as a personal insult. I'm truly amazed at the people that want to call that "bullying."

[CompleteUnknown]

I'm continually amazed at the people that want to take someone not saying "Hi" in the morning as a personal insult. I'm truly amazed at the people that want to call that "bullying."

Wooh, I couldn't agree more. Sure, it's nice to walk in the door to smiles and greetings, but how on EARTH is it bullying if someone doesn't say hello?

[Tinabeanrn]

Its rude not to speak to someone when spoken to. No?? I don't think its bullying but just being rude. I think it was a number of things that made the OP say that she was/is being bullied. And for your preceptor not to speak to you and then train you all day...that speaks volumes to me. Says the lines of communication are closed

[wooh, BSN, RN]

It's rude not to speak when spoken to? Perhaps the other person has things on their mind, like perhaps the patients, and it has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU?

I work with a woman that will throw a fit if you don't say good morning the first time she sees you. You could be running to a code and she'd complain that you didn't speak to her.

People will take any excuse to feel victimized.

[me_again]

Lululucy,

I am a new-grad of now four years, remembering back to that first year. There were bullies then; there are bullies now, and they do tend to prey on the new nurses. (And, oh boy, they even do it in teams!) I believe it is "posturing" to a great extent. That is, showing YOU just where you are in the pecking order. And here is another thing I believe: Most real managers won't tolerate it in their workplaces, 'cause this kind of stuff is pervasive and harmful to everyone including patients.

I am a firm believer in holding bullies accountable for what they do, and am not timid about reporting bad behavior. Though uncomfortable, it must be brought to the managers' attention, and put the incidents in writing, too. Those bullies who are involved and are counseled should, and most likely will, be told that there will be no retribution for your comments.

One more thing: You should not "have to" get a thicker skin; you just will.

[me_again]

Lululucy, just one more personal feeling about bullying and the coversation about speaking and not being spoken to. It's kind of like when Potter Stewart (former Associate Justice of the US Supreme Court) made the now-famous remark about Mediaography: "It's kind of hard to define, but I know it when I see it." Bullying is the same, and I'm ever so sure you saw it. Bullies are not very clever in their attempts at covertness.

[Tinabeanrn]

Wooh, okay but when a person doesn't speak consistently that is rude. It was one of the first things I learned as a kid was to speak when spoken to. It takes two seconds to acknowledge someone and say "hi." And it takes more energy not to say hi. If there is a code then that's one thing, but what Lululucy went through is something altogether different.

[Gold_SJ]

From reading this I hope you're feeling better in your workplace now OP.

In memory of my postgrad year I can tell you I overeacted to those around me an awful lot, mainly because I had such high expectations of myself, I wanted to do things perfectly (Which is near impossible when you first come out). I struggled with time management, learning all the procedures from the floor, clicking with all the varied and colourful personalities on the ward, taking on the extra study to keep myself up to date. I'd find myself poring over notes long after my shift had gone home and crying on my way home from work. To me it was just so hard and I felt so behind as the other staff always left on time it felt unlike me. I questioned and doubted myself, until realising time management is a skill that you learn slowly, you don't just have it snap at the end of your fingers.

When you speak of your preceptor remember she's there to educate and assess and that like anyone her personality will be hers, whether she's grouchy, introverted, chatty or just not the type who wants to talk about personal things at work. Technically she does guide you, but she's not a mentor who is there to support you emotionally (it's nice when they do though). I was lucky in my floor I was given a preceptor and a mentor, so one I could be taught by and one to vent to when things got to much, it was a life saver for me.

The fact that you walked in on unkind words is very unfortunate, however very prevalent in nursing, gossiping/she said/she did is everywhere at every work place. Doesn't excuse it, but I can say I've walked on to similar conversations I was lucky to be a few years out and wasn't devasted like I'm sure I would've been had I been a postgrad. I tried to look bemused and asked really? The ventor looked mortified, stammered a bit and walked out. I was insulted I won't lie, but learning not to take things personally I think occurs gradually over time and gets easier once you understand what they think is their problem and that generally it's a vent that's not 'normally' aimed at you, but more a bad day they're having.

With everything that's occured regarding your preceptor and your manager and worries for being on the unit. It's complicated on what advice I can give. When I was a mess and stressed worried about this person or that person or am I a failure? Etc when doing my postgrad in medsurg. My mother who's a Registered nurse reassured me and told me stick it out. She told me it's hard now, but you'll get it. Ignore the people that seem rude or harsh focus on your work, be nice to them, that it'll get easier and once your grad is finished transfer to another place you're interested in. I listened to her and I am so happy I did, not only did I complete my rotation there and move on to paediatrics, but now I'm good friends with all those nurses that seemed so harsh to me when I first stepped out as a new grad nurse. ^.~ My time management is spot on now too.

So whether you decide to move on, stick it out for the rotation, follow up with management on below the line behaviours.

All I can say is that I think you'll be a fantastic nurse.

Learn to believe in yourself, you have the training, now is the time to build on your foundations.

When it comes to the argument on thick skin/thin skin. All I can say is when I came out I was oversensitized and took everything like a personal attack but now all these years later the same words don't impact me much at all. I'm just geez aren't they having a bad day? So I don't know...Is it true? Maybe a little, but you don't just 'learn' it, like time management it happens gradually. So don't focus on it, just focus on the things you can change like your nursing delivery, postgrad studies, evaluations with your fellow experienced nurses and making yourself the best nurse you can be.

Either way let us know how it goes.

AN is always here for a listening ear.

[alfcat]

Shame on all of those who are suggesting that she is either bringing it upon herself and/or that it is all in the process of the "teaching moment"! If these are truly your views, than you are part of the problem, and not the solution. As we all know, or should know, healthcare requires true teamwork. That is the difference between and hospital with low HCAP scores and high scores.

Until nurses can support one another and respect one another, the profession will continue to be looked to as a "job" and not a true profession. All they are is catty women who enjoy power plays because they lack their own self-esteem. It is a vicious cycle.

Creating fear in others does NOT promote learning or confidence in any shape or form, and in the end, the patients suffer, mistakes are made, and lawsuits filed.

There are some wonderful books, and studies out there that focus on the problem, and reach the same conclusions. One of them is "When Nurses hurt Nurses" I would recommend all nurses educate themselves on this far reaching problem which makes so many people's lives miserable. No on should have to dread going to work in the profession that they made so many sacrifices to be part of!

[Gold_SJ]

Shame on all of those who are suggesting that she is either bringing it upon herself and/or that it is all in the process of the "teaching moment"! If these are truly your views, than you are part of the problem, and not the solution. As we all know, or should know, healthcare requires true teamwork. That is the difference between and hospital with low HCAP scores and high scores.

Until nurses can support one another and respect one another, the profession will continue to be looked to as a "job" and not a true profession. All they are is catty women who enjoy power plays because they lack their own self-esteem. It is a vicious cycle.

Creating fear in others does NOT promote learning or confidence in any shape or form, and in the end, the patients suffer, mistakes are made, and lawsuits filed.

There are some wonderful books, and studies out there that focus on the problem, and reach the same conclusions. One of them is "When Nurses hurt Nurses" I would recommend all nurses educate themselves on this far reaching problem which makes so many people's lives miserable. No on should have to dread going to work in the profession that they made so many sacrifices to be part of!

Heya,

I can see how strongly you feel about this, but I don't think anyone here was trying to promote those ideals (bringing it upon herself/teaching moments) nor bullying. I think most if not all of us consider bullying an abhorent behaviour. We are though trying to give advice and encouragement using our own experiences to try to help the OP.

The first year out of school is hard, stressful and just...cannot be put into words. Sometimes rough personalities ontop of this really can be the breaking point. We just want the OP to reflect and consider if this is a personality issue with the preceptor over the preceptor actually wanting to harm her in some form (Which is what bullying really is).

We want her to do well and to have a happy work life. Well I certainly do and I believe reflection is one of the best ways to go in working out what options will work best for yourself. Sometimes people just need some encouragement and to know they're not alone and certainly are not a failure, even if at times it feels like the whole world is trying to crush you into the ground.

Nurses don't hit their floor running...Well I didn't. I hit it stumbling falling and crawling up again.

[avaloncar, BSN, RN]

Wow, this sounds like my experience when I was precepting as a student. My preceptor had to be just about the worst person ever. It was 11 weeks of hell and I got through it some how. I actually am stronger because of it but lateral violence or bullying is so unnecessary in the workplace, esp when dealing with patients. We are professionals and I think that years of working as a nurse makes some people forget that. Just speak to your manager about the issues and hopefully it can be resolved. Anyone who says you are sensitive or should just "deal with it" is wrong. We are adults and as I said PROFESSIONALS. It will get better. Just hold your head up high, remind yourself why your their, cover your butt, and do your work. Everything else will fall into place. Good luck.