Compassion....Why is it lacking?

Nurses General Nursing

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I've been working as a student nurse for the past couple of months and will soon graduate. I've seen nurses that lack compassion and it's really disturbing. Some nurses want to hold back pain meds until there dammm good and ready to give them. I've seen pts throwing up in pain...and still, the nurse takes her sweet little time or wants to take her break first. This makes me sick! Is this some kind of control issue that nurses have??? I'll say one thing....it's going to be very hard for me to keep my job because of this. I'm one who can't and won't stay quiet!

Specializes in Med Surg, Ortho.

You do have a point. I'm a new nurse and have yet to experience any of these things, but I expect to sooner or later. There was a reply to my original post and it was suggested to me to observe for the first year before I make any negative comments about nurses.....So that I will. Thank you all so much for your stories. I hope to hear more.

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Specializes in Med Surg, Ortho.

Oh By the way,

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Specializes in OB.
You do have a point. I'm a new nurse and have yet to experience any of these things, but I expect to sooner or later. There was a reply to my original post and it was suggested to me to observe for the first year before I make any negative comments about nurses.....So that I will. Thank you all so much for your stories. I hope to hear more.

Brealynn - I have a suggestion for you, and I truly mean it in the way it is said, not in a negative way (It's so hard to tell online sometimes). You may want to consider keeping a journal to reflect on your thoughts on these topics (and there really is absolutely nothing bad about being idealistic) and look back over your first year or two of nursing and see where your judgement changes, and which ideals remain rock steady. You might find it interesting to be able to see how you grow into your role and understand what was really going on that you may not see from the current perspective.

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Burn-out. Feeling manipulated by patients, abused by the healthcare system, and being worked to the bone. We all go through that "shock" as new grads, but then come to see the other side as time goes on...

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Specializes in Utilization Management.
I also see nurses who will gossip about pts and and how they hate the "needy" ones.

I was responding to this statement. It gave me the impression that you were talking about different nurses and different patients than the one who was vomiting and in pain.

To me, a "demanding" patient is just a "needy" patient who has an attitude problem. Not much difference, really.

An acutely ill patient who requires that kind of attention is something else entirely. That type of patient is neither demanding nor needy, but what we might call a "challenge" with mutiple medical problems. That patient's needs are critical to his/her care, and although time-consuming, I don't begrudge them a minute of that care. Ironically, these patients are most often the least able to voice their needs or wants.

The patients who I term "needy" or "demanding" are the ones who have me running for "fresh" water because the ice in the pitcher is "almost gone" or who have to have the temperature in the room tweaked a dozen times an hour, or who cannot lift a finger to change the channel on the TV.

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Specializes in Med Surg, Ortho.
Brealynn - I have a suggestion for you, and I truly mean it in the way it is said, not in a negative way (It's so hard to tell online sometimes). You may want to consider keeping a journal to reflect on your thoughts on these topics (and there really is absolutely nothing bad about being idealistic) and look back over your first year or two of nursing and see where your judgement changes, and which ideals remain rock steady. You might find it interesting to be able to see how you grow into your role and understand what was really going on that you may not see from the current perspective.

Thank you very much for this suggestion. We (as students) have to write a journal in school and I absolutely hate it, but I think this is a really good idea. I will definitely do this. Even in the ER today, there was this lady in pain and her LVN was complaining and said "how can she be in such pain if she's requesting apple juice". Things like this....I just don't get it. Why does this nurse want to act that way towards her?? How does she know whether or not this pt really has pain just because she wants something to drink. Gosh, people... this drives me so crazy! I'll keep a journal on my thoughts such as this and I'll see if this all changes in time. Thanks again.

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Specializes in Med Surg, Tele, PH, CM.
I knew the whole story on this pt. I wasn't being judgemental, I was witnessing a nurse that chose to go on her break before getting this pt out of her vomiting pain when her pain med could have been given. I also see nurses who will gossip about pts and and how they hate the "needy" ones.

As a case manager, I see this a lot, and not just from nurses - DSS social workers, teachers, social service workers. I have a lot of difficult, "needy" patients, and I have to work hard at not getting burned out. But nothing irritates me more than having to coordinate care with someone who is not really engaged in their job. I usually end up saying so, and believe it or not, I often get more cooperation. Don't ever remain silent about, or apologize for higher standards.....

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

I'm glad it was just one nurse that really was getting under your skin. I work with one of those nurses and the students hate her, and frankly I think she has the compassion of a toad.

About those other nurses as was said, it's difficult as an outsider to judge someone's insides by their outsides. Unless you're a fly on the wall knowing what each nurse is going through and inside their head knowing what they are thinking, you might just want to give them a break.

There's been times when I've gone into report at the end of a tough day, and the evening students are around and I know if they just took my words in actions without the context they'd run to Allnurses, and scream "why do some old hags have no compassion".

Hopefully, you'll find a mentor or two, but also hopefully you'll give the guys a break. Most of us are pretty decent people, working out butts off in tough working conditions, and when poor old Mrs. Smith calls for the 50th time 2 seconds after I leave the room, please don't think me a troll when I scream "she's just going to have to wait" when you're walking on the unit. :)

Keep your compassion forefront, keep you standards very high, but trust me when I say that you too will have "one of those days" and "one of those patients"....................

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I have to say Im not surprised by the original post OR the responses. I agree with the ones who warn you to be careful with criticism - it can come back to bite you in more ways than you could imagine. I remember as a new grad so many older nurses teasing me and saying I was "soft" and that would change... I decided right then if it ever did, I would leave nursing. Im glad to report, it did not. I am wiser, I see the bigger picture more often, but I also see the lack of compassion. My personal opinion is that many nurses care... but dont really know how to be compassionate. This CAN be learned - it isnt only warm/fuzzy people who can be compassionate. I hope to write a book on that very subject some day. But that aside... words to the new grad..."speaking up" will kill you where you stand unless you are very cautious about why and when you do so. Treat your own patients as you see fit. Offer to help out the other ones (the patient is puking, the nurse is on her way to lunch... offer to medicate him for her) now this too, can backfire, but it is an example of how you can lead by example... and it might just remind her whats important... Above all, be careful not to judge , even when it seems obvious. If I could go back and reserve judgement a few dozen times in my career I would have learned a lot more and suffered a lot less. That said: good for you for putting the patient first. (THis does not mean you shouldnt take time to pee.) But we are there to provide excellent care. Always. Dont lose sight of that.

Good luck!!

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Specializes in Med Surg, Ortho.

Thank you very much. I'm very grateful for your advice.

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Specializes in Tele, ED/Pediatrics, CCU/MICU.
How can we say that a person is a seeker??? How can we as nurses know the truth behind someone's pain?

It is very, very hard to remain fully "compassionate" when your patient is pressing their call light every 10 minutes... and each time you respond, you hear their slurred speech, see their unsteady gait, see their unfocused eyes, hear their visitor ask you for another soda....

I was taught to look at the whole picture. If a patient has stable vital signs, unlabored respirations, a relaxed facial expression, and is dozing off when you return to the room.... do they really need more dilaudid, RIGHT now? This is not a lack of compassion, this is a nursing judgment that should be documented and monitored.

This becomes even more challenging (both for the new and experienced nurse) when your other patients have immediate, complex needs.

Compassion can sometimes be masked in the face of chaos that is nursing today. Most nurses are compassionate, but they are exhausted, worked to the bone, and are not heard.

Who do you tend to first-- the original patient at the beginning of this post, that looks pretty doped up, who won't stop calling for more pain meds........... or the lady next door whose blood pressure is 240/130 because she can't afford her meds?

Or the 88 year old next to her, who has been laying face down on the floor for 16 hours because she fell, and her kids won't help care for her?

Or the child down the hall, whose mother was so drunk she didn't notice her child having a grand mal seizure, and who shows up to the hospital so intoxicated she's bumping into the wall?

Nursing is not black and white, nor is compassion.

Your mind and heart may change in time. Stay level headed and willing to learn, and do your best.

:twocents:

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catering to the every whim of demanding pts, is not an act of compassion.

around here, we call it enabling.

and sometimes, the most 'compassionate' act is a swift kick in the butt.

you know, a dopeslap to the upside.

knock some darned sense into them.

one day, they'll thank you.:nurse:

leslie

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