Closed Unit cliques ...how do I deal with it ????

cute2 · Dec 30, 2009

People in general nowadays are pretty insensitive. It is no different at the school I work at. Try not to let it bother you.

Da_Milk_of_Amnesia, MSN · Dec 30, 2009

I'm not one to fuss over BS and trust me I worked at a place that was like that (kinda). It sucks when your left out of fun things and stuff but I'm used to it as much of my high school life was me being left out/uninvited to things, so i am used to it. It bothers me but I try not to let it. And I'm the type of person to just say F it and get on with it. If it become a problem to the point where it's hard to do your job then I'd consider moving units perhaps? I know that seems like a cop out, but our job is hard enough as it is. We don't need things like this making it harder.

allnurses Guide · Dec 30, 2009

I'm sorry about this... I've been through this... but like others, I've learned to just say, to heck with it. I am who I am and I don't care if I have co-workers who don't like me.

It helps of course, to have good relationships outside of work. I try to concentrate on those whenever work BS is getting me down.

mudd68 · Dec 30, 2009

A very wise nursing instructor I had, used to tell our class, "You have no friends in nursing." I didn't really understand @ the time. Almost 7 years in, I understand now. I come to work, do my job, collect my pay and have my own life outside of work. Don't let these things bother you.

blueyesue · Dec 30, 2009

Are you the only one they leave out? Try to look around and see if there is another person that this is happening to as well. If there is, try and befriend that person. Maybe she/he needs a good friend like you.

Other than that, be glad you aren't part of that type of clique.

FutureNurse2B · Dec 30, 2009

In my 2years of nursing, I am noticing that nursing is filled with a bunch of hormonal immature women and I don't understand it. We all went thru nursing school and are all here to do a similar job. I dont' understand why sometimes nurse's regress back to high school days and feel some sense of self gratitude in belittling or making others feel terrible like this. I agree with the others try not to let it bother you. A good friend of mine used to always tell me, THEY DON'T WRITE YOUR PAYCHECK SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT! This is so true, when those women start paying you your salary, THEN you should be worried, but in the meantime, brush it off. Enjoy your life outside of work. Focus on the job itself. You don't need them. You just have to work with them.

Hope this helps.

allnurses Guide · Dec 30, 2009

We definately need supportive people and true friends in our lives!! I've got a small circle I've known since grade school and high school.

I'm just wondering why the clique is massive and you seem to be saying you're the only one they exclude. Is it because they like to, for example, drink and party a lot and you don't? Do they all have something in common that you don't? ie church, kids, came from the same area, etc.?

I'm just asking because, you can go to work every day and ignore them, but such a chilly atmosphere can really take a toll after a while and suck the life out of your enjoyment of your job. Especially if they are so brazen as to invite people to social events right in front of you! :madface:

I second the opinion of who asked- is there anyone there that seems to be in the same boat? Even one other friend to have lunch with or a chat here and there will make it a lot more bearable. Sorry you are going through this. It's amazing how much like 6th graders grown up people can behave. :uhoh3:

tango.in.paris · Dec 30, 2009

Its terrible being the outsider of a massive clique , co workers invite people to a party and left me out publicly and right in front of me several times >I am not at work to have a social life , BUT it makes me uncomfortable when people make an effort to invite others and leave me out none of them like me I guess because I don't fit in with the in crowd I never have anyways . Its like being in high school again......... for the most part I ignore it but I notice its becoming more frequent .

Seems everyone has a similar story to tell. You call it a "massive clique" so I take it most staff are involved in this social group? Because it is natural to have smaller cliques and you just need some time to find yours! In my ward, the smaller cliques are all 20 years olds .... I dont want to be part of those groups anyway!!! Im thinking that if you are only quite new then its not terribly uncommon to be left out at this early stage, but if you have been there for a while, then their "pack" behaviour is unforgivable! I have a particular pet peeve about people being exclusive - I loathe it. Having said that, we are not obliged to invite every man and his dog to every event in our lives .... all Im saying is, just use some discretion when including/excluding people.

This thread has provided lots of good advice (especially about finding a similar-minded buddy), but most importantly, do not let this fester in your mind .... you might find this issue has become something you cant jump over, and its just not worth it! Stay happy

diane227, LPN, RN · Dec 30, 2009

The problem becomes when this type of issue falls over into the flow of the work environment. I worked in one unit where there were two separate distinct groups of people working there on this one particular shift and they did not cross paths with each other. They would not help each other and would not have your back if you had an emergency (this was a psych unit). I did not care one way or the other about the personalities. I was nice to everyone. But one day we had a patient in a crisis who was going to harm someone. He was delusional and he was out in the open ward. He thought we were trying to kill him and he was a strong man. He was down at the end of a hallway, very anxious and disturbed. NO ONE made any attempt what so ever to help this man. NO ONE tried to make any verbal contact with him. EVERY SINGLE PERSON went and hid inside the nursing station. I went out there and from a distance, made verbal contact with this patient, talked him down, got him to take some medication and managed to get the situation under control. But if he had decided to attack me for some reason ( I did not feel that he would. We had a previously established trusting relationship) I guarantee you that NONE of them would have tried to help me. I left the unit after that.

allnurses Guide · Dec 30, 2009

The problem becomes when this type of issue falls over into the flow of the work environment. I worked in one unit where there were two separate distinct groups of people working there on this one particular shift and they did not cross paths with each other. They would not help each other and would not have your back if you had an emergency (this was a psych unit). I did not care one way or the other about the personalities. I was nice to everyone. But one day we had a patient in a crisis who was going to harm someone. He was delusional and he was out in the open ward. He thought we were trying to kill him and he was a strong man. He was down at the end of a hallway, very anxious and disturbed. NO ONE made any attempt what so ever to help this man. NO ONE tried to make any verbal contact with him. EVERY SINGLE PERSON went and hid inside the nursing station. I went out there and from a distance, made verbal contact with this patient, talked him down, got him to take some medication and managed to get the situation under control. But if he had decided to attack me for some reason ( I did not feel that he would. We had a previously established trusting relationship) I guarantee you that NONE of them would have tried to help me. I left the unit after that.

That is unconscionable. Sometimes it's a blurry line between an anti-social atmosphere and a truly toxic/destructive atmosphere. I suppose they must have had lousy managers to let a culture like that flourish without intervention. You're lucky you got out without being injured. So scary to think how easily it could have gone the other way!!

Fiona59 · Dec 30, 2009

My hospital has a unit like that. Very few casual staff will accept a shift on that unit. When this unit is short, staff from other units are pulled and sent there because the Charges on this unit have been known to call members of the group to come in on overtime. The staff there have been spoken to about it, unions have been involved and yet they continue to behave in this manner. Patients have written to the hospital administration about the issue and yet it goes on. The manager makes all the right sounds, the behaviour stops for a few days and then it resumes.

Political correctness has a lot to do with it.