I look at my email and notice the advisor attached the student affairs' committee decision on whether I can proceed in the program. My stomach sinks and I take a deep breath as I open the attachment .."after careful consideration your petition has been denied. The decision is final. You may switch to another major here's the link...good PuL on your future endeavors. I look at the email three times -- not accepting what I was reading before me. I was numb ..my world stopped. I couldn't even comprehend what the HR employee was telling me in her office. I wasn't there. When I arrive home, my voice breaks as I tell my mother I was denied. She says it's ok find another school, you'll be ok. I go into my room and immediately flashes of memory of what I have sacrificed and been through in this program comes flooding back to me. Just as well ..so were the waterworks. I cried so hard I got myself a headache and felt woozy.
I think to myself how could this be? I wrote the best appeal from my heart..I showed examples of how I was to improve. I mean this is my fourth semester! I was right about to go into preceptorship and graduate. All of this because I didn't do the cna tasks for a nurse at the hospital. She didn't tell me her feelings until the end and got me in trouble with the instructor. I've never had a pct/cna job --so I didn't truly understand the definition of autonomy. Plus this was a peds course -I wanted to be more observation but that's where it got me. I had problems in med surg 2 but passed through. I wish I didn't. I wish the instructor had failed me at med surg 2..maybe I wouldn't be going through this right now... The instructor told me she felt all I needed was more time and that she couldn't find a reason why I wouldn't be allowed a second chance back in. There have been people who plagiarized, did an IV medication, dropped a patient but got back in. I was failed because of the deficits in my critical thinking at the end of the day. I had a friend who was failed because the nurse didn't like how she looked or another almost failed because she accidentally overslept on her alarm ..being late just once.
I don't want to be the person to scream discrimination but these people happen to be in the minority as me--and get a harder punishment than the others. At the end of the day it's all subjective and sometimes it's all about connections and who you know. A girl who drops a patient but is friends with the director of nursing and clinical instructor may never have to go through an appeals process than a girl who has no connection but shown insignificant progress.
I find myself asking god why? I'm not writing this as a woe is me but as a why did this happen ? Why wasn't I given a chance to appeal? Everything happens for a reason but what is that reason? I'm a student nurse in the cardiac Icu and I love my job. I'm learning twice as much and developing my autonomy skills but it's too late to prove that I can be successful in that program. They said all I needed was more time yet didn't even give me the chance....80 credits down the drain ...loans piled up for me and now I have to think of plan B. I was 97% done with my bachelors and now I have none. People are telling me to fight this because it's unfair to me how I was passed for five semesters in clinical rotation but they choose to fail me before preceptorship because they didn't feel I was functioning at the level expected--granted I was evaluated by a nurse who hasn't seen me in clinical on a basis but I digress. I've been told to talk to the dean, student affairs representative of the university, and etc. my friends get me riled up and amped to go talk to these people , but then when I'm calm and they are not there--I find myself just accepting my fate. I find myself saying its not worth fighting --what's the point...what will that do for me. I start going into conflicting emotions running through my head constantly of the situation that I'm in. I would never wish this upon my worst enemy.
The nurse who was my clinical instructor would tell me how great she thought I was and not to worry about a thing ....yet here I am. If it was up to her I would still be in the program but she holds little power compared to the other nurse. This is how subjective clinical can be. One nurse will think you're doing an amazing job the next nurse may think you're lacking. At the end of the day you're at the mercy of the nurse and clinical instructor. Always be on your P's and Q's because you are constantly watched whether you know it or not. This is the lesson I learned. I'll be ok...I'm studying for the TEAS to see if I can enter into an ADN program ...and this time I will know how to truly succeed and be the nurse that I intended to be.
Sorry if this all sounds rambled I'm just looking for advice on how I can proceed or words of encouragement or action I should take ... Thank you to whoever is reading
Let this be a lesson to try harder the next shot you make at becoming a nurse. The whole fact that you were so close to graduating demonstrates to me that you could still be a great nurse. Don't let anyone put you out of this wonderful, giving career that you chose. Strive for absolutely your best and when you feel you've been knocked down, *******it you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on it!
Failure is only failure when you've stopped trying.
Don't feel bad. It is understandable to want to have a "pity party" for yourself and it is human nature to find fault in someone else instead of ourselves. Hopefully, you will realize that feeling sorry for yourself serves no purpose and you need to pick yourself up and write up a new game plan for your future (hopefully less time than it took me). Once you put this set back behind you, create your plan, follow through, and accomplish your goal you will be a far better person than you would have been without this set back. The saying "what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger" rings true. Down the road when some other life crisis happens, you will look back at where you were today and how you have overcome this adversity and say to yourself "If I can get through that dark time in my life, I can get through this crisis also".
Thank you. If you don't mind me asking, what degree did you pursue in the healthcare field meanwhile ?
Take a DNA sample from me, you, an Asian, and ten other "minorities" and a geneticist couldn't tell you what color we all are. "
Off topic but actually you CAN tell skin color based on genetic material by analyzing the genes for pigmentation. You can also find the genetic heritage based off DNA which would show race.
Thank you. If you don't mind me asking, what degree did you pursue in the healthcare field meanwhile ?
I was working as a student nurse in surgery when I was dismissed. They converted me to an orderly job title. After a year, I changed departments to cardiac testing (treadmill test and 12 lead EKG). After another 2 yrs, a doctor approached me at work with an offer to come work for him and start up his sleep disorders clinic. After 14 years it got monotonous and I needed a change, so I got my BSN and now I work in a NICU.
Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC, Tele,.
I am so sorry this happened. How awful.
And from one "minority" to another, no. We are all human beings. Cut me and I bleed the same as you. Take a DNA sample from me, you, an Asian, and ten other "minorities" and a geneticist couldn't tell you what color we all are. I am a dark chocolate color of Hispanic origin, with a heavy accent in English. So? If we want to be treated like everyone else, we have to stop sabotaging ourselves by thinking that the bad things that happen to us have a racial animus. Bad things happen and as you said, they happen for a reason. Everyone fails sometimes. Everyone gets chewed out sometimes. Most people fail a class or lose a job sometime. Only the weak let these things defeat them. Get back up!
I refuse to be part of discussions or entertain race as part of ANYTHING on my job, school, or home life. There is one race: the human race. As Morgan Freeman says, "the best way to solve the problem with racism is to stop talking about it."
Forgive me for quoting the whole post. I can't delete portions I'm not addressing because they are relevant.
I want to say thank you Jose Qunones for utilizing the phrase "dark chocolate".
I use the term chocolate when talking to my kids to help them have pride in their skin tone.
This is important. We never want our youth to feel marginalized/ ugly/ less important / less valuable / unintelligent due to their skin tone!
This applies to brown people, Caucasians with freckles, people with vitiligo and all people with an unchangeable characteristic.
strawberryluv, BSN, RN
768 Posts
Let this be a lesson to try harder the next shot you make at becoming a nurse. The whole fact that you were so close to graduating demonstrates to me that you could still be a great nurse. Don't let anyone put you out of this wonderful, giving career that you chose. Strive for absolutely your best and when you feel you've been knocked down, *******it you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on it!
Failure is only failure when you've stopped trying.