Classic Patient Statements

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I heard a real gem the other night.

The patient was trying to tell me the name of her antidepressant. She thought for a minute, then triumphantly cried, "I got it! It's Zambuka!"

She was trying to say "Cymbalta."

:lol2:

Come on and share your classics!

Specializes in Emergency & Trauma/Adult ICU.

(said in an *outdoor voice*) "I CAN'T BREATHE!!"

Followed by multiple subsequent complete sentences in an even louder voice describing the sensation of "I'M NOT BREATHING!"

I admit it, once in my 12th hour of triage I got into a "yes you are breathing" "no I'm not" conversation ... that lasted nearly a full minute until some waiting room folks started giggling. I knew I had to nip that right then and there or risk laughing out loud.

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Specializes in Emergency & Trauma/Adult ICU.
I heard a real gem the other night.

The patient was trying to tell me the name of her antidepressant. She thought for a minute, then triumphantly cried, "I got it! It's Zambuka!"

She was trying to say "Cymbalta."

Oh I don't know - zambuka works as an antidepressant for me.

Sambuca maybe ...

It would work for me! ;)

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Specializes in Utilization Management.

Zambuka, Sambuca -- obviously, I'm not a drinker and she's not a nurse.

:trc:

Carry on.

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I have a patient whose daughter regularly changes his nasal 'cannola'......:specs:

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Sambuca maybe ...

It would work for me! ;)

Dang, had that once after dinner, flaming with coffee beans at the bottom of the shot glass. Great finish to a great meal.

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while working in ob-gyn office this woman [actually several]

they would call and ask to schedule their POST MORTUM [postpartum]

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Specializes in Emergency Nursing, Cardiology.

During his admission I asked my patient what medications he takes at home. He said, "peanutbutterball". After having him repeat it over and over and asking him what he as taking it for, I figured out he was trying to say, "phenobarbital." :lol2:

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Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

A patient that I recently had for several days called his Dilaudid "Bin Laden". He couldn't remember the name "Dilaudid", so he started calling it Bin Laden, it became our own little running joke. He only did it for me, I asked another nurse and she didn't know what I was talking about. He'd say "Is it time for my Bin Laden yet?"

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Specializes in HH, LTC.

In the LTC care facility I work at we have an annoying family whose wife has been here for over 2 years. Trach, G tube. He frequently and repeatedly will tell me that she needs to have more water or she will be ANEMIC!, and that she needs to go to the hospital to "get her lungs cleaned out". It doesnt matter how many times I patiently explain that water does not affect anemia and it is impossible to go in and clean out peoples lungs, a few weeks later he is saying the same things! You'd think after they have been dealing with this for years they would finally get a clue but it never happens. Oh Well!

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Not a patient, but a nurse informed a doctor that a lab specimen embolized in the lab. I meant to say "hemolyzed", but at the end of a shift I can't always find the correct word. The doctor pictured the test tube stuck in the tube system. Everyone got a good laugh out of that.

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Specializes in Med Surg, Mental Health & Addictions.

I work mental health & addictions. We hear alot of I've been "vapor acted" instead of I've been baker acted.

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Specializes in critical care.

This isn't mine, it is my moms', RN for over 30years. She worked in an inner-city ER, and was taking a med history from a patient. Apparently, after around 20 meds the lady said.....demerol. Well my mom raised eyebrows, and stated" Demerol, why are you on demerol?" The lady responded, " No, demerol, dem are all the pills.:rolleyes:

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