Classic Patient Statements

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Specializes in Utilization Management.

I heard a real gem the other night.

The patient was trying to tell me the name of her antidepressant. She thought for a minute, then triumphantly cried, "I got it! It's Zambuka!"

She was trying to say "Cymbalta."

:lol2:

Come on and share your classics!

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Well, not from a patient, but a cousin was admiring my plant, a cyclamen, and exclaimed, "What a beautiful chlamydia!"

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Specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.

My poor Daddy. When Grandmother fell out of bed and banged herself up, he came home (this is when I was still in undergrad) and proudly told me she had a "hemoglobin" on her arm.

My own DH, several years later, after a bee stung me on me foot, came up with a real gem in the ER. I'm allergic to bees, had let my Epi-Pen expire, and had set up cellulitis. I knew the ER doc, and we were discussing the situation, about how, yes, you need a steroid shot and a medrol dose-pack, when DH piped up, "When's her surgery?" ER doc and I just stared at him for a bit. "Um, WHAT?" "When's her surgery?" "Surgery?" (Get this) "Well, yeah, aren't you gonna liposuction it out?" (cellulitis-cellulite)

I wanted to crawl under the table.

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Specializes in transplant case management.

This happened to me so many years ago, but I will never forget it. I had been out of work for 6 weeks after an operation. When I returned to work, I was assigned a patient who had been on the floor for about 4 weeks. I introduced myself as his nurse, he sighed and said "oh, another float nurse." I informed the patient that I was not a float nurse, that I had been out of work for the last 6 weeks after an operation. the patient looked me straight in the eye and said "I didn't know nurses got sick!" I still laugh to this day over that comment.

:lol2:

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Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.

My father had an endarterectomy. My mother still says he had surgery for his "corroded artery."

Well, I guess in a way that's right!

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Specializes in Dialysis, Nephrology & Cosmetic Surgery.

I've got a few of these - I knew one pt who when she needed her suppositories would ask for apostrophies, another who would tell her family she was going to be dialated (dialysed)

One man I used to dialyse told us all about his wifes medical problem with her inflammed sarcophagus - I was getting a mental picture of his wife crawling out of her tomb!!

:lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2:

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Specializes in Dialysis, Nephrology & Cosmetic Surgery.

Oh I don't know - zambuka works as an antidepressant for me.

I heard a real gem the other night.

The patient was trying to tell me the name of her antidepressant. She thought for a minute, then triumphantly cried, "I got it! It's Zambuka!"

She was trying to say "Cymbalta."

:lol2:

Come on and share your classics!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg.

A patient's husband got really upset with a young doctor at our hospital after the doc told him his wife had acute pancreatitis.

He stated he had seen her pancreastitis many times, and there was nothing cute about it. He also didn't appreciate the doc checking it out, after all it was her stomach that hurt. And couldn't he at least call it a ***** like every one else...

I still kinda wonder if that man was trying to pull a fast one on a new nurse.

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Specializes in Ortho, Neuro, Detox, Tele.

I hear a few....usually not a statement, but when trying to get a pulse ox, I say..."can I see a finger?" And guess which one they usually show me......

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Specializes in Med/Surg; Critical Care/ ED.

One of my faves is when pts come into the ER asking for "diLAHda." That happened pretty frequently. I've also had a request for diladid. I think a couple of times I actually let out a little snort.

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Before I became a nurse, I used to work in admisisons.

Several times a day, the little old ladies would come in & inform me that they were to go to RADIO-OLOGY for a MAMMEO-GRAM. After the 10th time, I stopped trying to correct them.

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Specializes in Med-Surg.
One of my faves is when pts come into the ER asking for "diLAHda." That happened pretty frequently. I've also had a request for diladid. I think a couple of times I actually let out a little snort.

A patient informed me that diladila stuff was real good. I told her I thought is her case, it might be a little too good.

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