Celebrate Recovery

Twoyearnurse · Dec 21, 2016

Do you have anyone in your life that's close to you to share those feelings with? People that lift you up?

I went the AA route, I dig the people though I am agnostic. I find a way to make it work.

id suggest going to one of those meetings just to see how it goes, why not? You won't lose anything and maybe have everything to gain from the experience!

Hugs, light, and love your way

Oogie · Dec 21, 2016

Listen, Shame and Guilt are feelings that we create, so you can also change how your viewing yourself and look at it a different way. So you've made a mistake, forgive yourself so you can move on. Keep telling yourself that "I'm a good person and am worth being Loved and Respected" build your own self worth, it has to start within you. The next time you see yourself in the mirror, say "your a good person, I love you, and give yourself a hug" may sound a little silly, but to turn around the flurry of negativity that goes with being in monitoring you gotta be your own best friend. Peace

Sally87 · Dec 21, 2016

Thanks to you both for responding to me! My husband and mother in law have both been very supportive to me through this entire process. I do have a good support system and I realize how blessed I am to have them. However they can't fully grasp the whirlwind of emotions that I experience daily. I definitely need to get to a meeting of some kind soon!

heynow1313 · Dec 21, 2016

I don't know if your particular monitoring program requires you to participate in weekly Nurse Support Groups, but if so, that is where the bulk of my healing took place. A room full of fellow nurses who have done (pretty much) exactly what you have done and are at different stages of recovery to lend wisdom and insight. I hope you have such a group to lean on. It will get better. It will.

heynow1313 · Dec 21, 2016

Oh also...

yes, you messed up. Maybe more than once. I'm sure more than once. But you are still a decent person capable of love and loving. No amount of beating yourself up will change what you did. You must find a way to let it go so that you can forgive, move forward, and grow. That's ultimately what you want, correct? So, stop the negative talk, be the friend to yourself that you would be to your best girlfriend were she in this situation, and know that it will not always be and feel this way. Big hugs.

Sally87 · Dec 21, 2016

My personal contract doesn't require any meetings, but I do think I could benefit from some. I live in a very rural area so I can't find any nurse groups anywhere close to me. I would love to be able to attend some! I guess that's why I enjoy talking with you guys so much!

tarab333, BSN · Dec 21, 2016

Having people in your life that are supportive IS awesome, however, I have found that if those people are NOT alcoholics or addicts, though they TRY desperately to understand you, they will never be able to fully comprehend what you are going through. My husband is also a nurse and we have worked our entire careers side by side, and although he understands addiction from a "nursing point of view" he will never truly "get it." You MUST talk with others in recovery, and they do not have to be medical professionals either, we are all connected by the disease of addiction. To be able to speak to another addict and to witness their acceptance and most importantly their UNDERSTANDING, is paramount, and will make you understand that you can prevail and overcome....the feelings of shame and guilt are normal in early recovery, but you will soon notice through working a good recovery program that those feelings will soon melt away. You cannot move through recovery while continually kicking yourself in the ass!! Best to you always.

Sally87 · Dec 21, 2016

Thank you so much for your response. My husband is also in the medical field, but that is the only experience he has with addiction. I'm having a hard time dealing with all of the mistakes that I've made and coming to terms with the mess I've created for myself. I suppose all of this is normal. I've tried to deal with these feelings on my own or with my family, but clearly I'm still struggling. I have peace of mind knowing that I'm clean and sober. I no longer have to worry about a random drug screen being popped on me. However, my workplace has not signed by impaired nurse contract so I'm currently suspended. They are going to decide after the holidays if they are willing to take on another "impaired nurse." Now I'm trying to apply for other jobs in my area. I filled out 20 applications yesterday and I will do the same today. Hopefully someone will decide to give me a chance!

tarab333, BSN · Dec 21, 2016

I have learned many things on my journey through addiction/recovery/addiction/recovery..... (I was clean for 8 years, and relapsed this year)....and one of the things I have learned......someone out there is willing to give you a chance, it may take a while, and you may have many doors slammed in your face, many admonishing glances, shocked faces, etc, etc,....but you are doing the right thing, and someone will realize that. Keep your chin up, and give yourself a break, take some deep breaths and realize that ultimately, this experience will not only make you a better person, but a better caregiver.

tarab333, BSN · Dec 21, 2016

AND....sure you have made mistakes, hell, we all have, but wallowing around in the muck doesn't get ya anywhere but muddy! :)

Twoyearnurse · Dec 21, 2016

Here's something my dad said to me: if there is a name for it, someone has done it before.

it takes time but you will get through this. Addiction/alcohol issues are prevalent in our society. It hits the same, you will find your people. Talking to others who have been through the same thing is very helpful. I've now almost got 3 years clean and sober and am still shocked that when I reveal my past misgivings most people don't even blink an eye. They could care less and are not judgmental. It took time.