Can't We All Just Get Along?

[MusicalCoffee]

I'll start out by saying I'm a pretty open-minded person, but there are many things I do not and will not ever understand. There's a small part of me that thinks I might have been born in the wrong place and time because I just don't get certain things most people do. It honest to goodness doesn't make one bit of sense to me.

One example of what I'm talking about is a person's need to put another down.

What is the purpose of insulting someone else?

Bashing their opinions doesn't make yours any better. Disagreeing with someone doesn't make them wrong. What do you gain by attacking and criticizing someone on a public forum?

If you don't like or agree with something, why bother with insults?

It doesn't change anything except the opinion others have of you. It showcases your immaturity and lack of respect for others, which isn't exactly a positive thing.

Despite popular belief and proof of the contrary, it is possible to respectfully disagree with someone and voice your side. There is an appropriate approach to express your differing thoughts and opinions in a way that equates discussion rather than argument. However, the problem for most people, in my opinion, comes from the fact that everyone tends to believe they're right and everyone else is wrong, therefore needing to be set straight.

It's easy to become defensive and/or offended with this manner of thinking. Anything resembling the slightest bit of dissonance is taken offensively, which is the perfect foundation for starting an argument.

Just because somebody disagrees with you or has an alternative way of thinking doesn't mean they should be judged based off of that alone. Let me say that again, because this is important:

People should not be judged negatively because they have a different opinion.

Calling someone stupid, idiotic, clueless, etc, etc, because of that is wrong, plain and simple. It does not make them any less intelligent, nor should they be treated as such.

I've seen this kind of blatant disregard for other's opinions on a couple of different threads now, and it makes me both sad and confused. This is a site for nurses. We aren't all the same, but that doesn't mean we don't all have something to offer. We learn from each other. We express our thoughts and ideas, share our experiences, ask and give advice, and most importantly, we support each other, or at least we should. If you disagree or have another idea, by all means share it, but you can accomplish that without putting everyone else down.

[MusicalCoffee]

On my best days I see this on the other days I choose to be reactive where my need to feel right prevents me from seeing the gift at hand. It just means I'm not ready to go there. Every moment is created as an opportunity to heal . No worries if I miss it the lesson will come again. Ironically an enemy is actually are greatest teacher of love, if we see the purpose not the action. These are just my views feel free to reject them if they don't resonate as truth.

I think you make an excellent point. We have the ability to learn more from those who oppose us than those who agree and think like us, but, as you said, sometimes we just aren't as receptive to the lesson.

[Stormy8]

Very well said! We need to encourage each other not put people down. This is a safe place for us nurses to come to discuss issues and concerns that we might not feel comfortable talking about with other people.

[BostonTerrierLover, BSN, RN]

Now Thumper!

What did your father tell just tell you? . . .

[Sinman]

"(deep breath) If ya can't say nuthin nice.......don't say nuthin at all" -Thumper

[workingharder]

There is no secret to being able to get along. Use intelligent and logical arguments, be willing to compromise, and agree that I'm right.

[VICEDRN, BSN, RN]

I think sometimes arguments in online forums are fueled by lack of facial expression and tone of voice and a lack of context for the person you are talking to. People seem more readily offended because a sentence can be read and interpreted many ways when not accompanied by facial expression, Etc. Online forums also cause us to come into contact with people we wouldn't otherwise speak to. It is true that especially in politics, I can read posts and just think to myself, "there are idiots out there that think this stuff?" But the great joy is that I have learned through the years that hearts and minds are changed with a short patient post, even if I occasionally lose it and go off.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

Another problem is that the perennially-aggrieved can't discern the difference between someone who posts a different opinion on an issue and someone who attacks them. Any disagreement is seen as a personal attack, insult, or slight. Not so, but it's become so easy to say, "That hurts my feelings!" or "That offends me!" and call down immediate negative consequences on the "offending" party by other people who ought to know better that dissenting views are stifled and the quality of discourse has dropped precipitously.

[BostonTerrierLover, BSN, RN]

Another problem is that the perennially-aggrieved can't discern the difference between someone who posts a different opinion on an issue and someone who attacks them. Any disagreement is seen as a personal attack, insult, or slight. Not so, but it's become so easy to say, "That hurts my feelings!" or "That offends me!" and call down immediate negative consequences on the "offending" party by other people who ought to know better that dissenting views are stifled and the quality of discourse has dropped precipitously.

This is true! And I have been guilty as an offender who let my typers go one time- I was so disgusted with myself that I couldn't take it back, that I highly respected the person I fell below my own standards of character with, and I learned something important from it:

1. I will never say anything on Allnurses.com that I couldn't say in front of my co-workers.

2. I steer clear of topics I know have the potential of becoming angry with, or sensitive topics that are highly polarized.

3. I respect the opposing view as being "right" for them. What authority do I have to press my beliefs, morals, and values onto another? None.

4. Not participating in wolf packing, already heated debates that are polarizing or totally polarized.

5. Reading the TOS frequently for changes/compliance.

6. Valuing my friendships on Allnurses.com "just-as-important" and valuable as the friends I have in non-cyber life.

7. Realizing that as much as I may Love my point-of-view, it is just that, and may not only be different tomorrow-it could be wrong.

8. Making sure what I write is face value(non-ambiguous) and that it couldn't be misconceived as disrespectful, provoking, or an attempt to derail current OP's topic.

9. Making sure there's nothing that would offend a normal, prudent, or member of the opposite side of opinions.

10. That it's something I won't read next week, and regret submitting.

These are my main guidelines- along with the most overlooked phrase in the English Language, "I'm Sorry", and "I Apologize." I do everything I can not to reach this point, but when my stupid side shows, I have to dust them off, and taste them no matter how bitter they taste, my opinion is NOT worth an Allnurses fellow member being insulted, angry with me, or feeling their view wasn't validated. I have met some of my most treasured friends on Allnurses.com-and I haven't seen a topic yet worth losing even one friend over-or damaging my rep, while I suffer acute attacks of the "Stupids!"

[Mas Catoer]

To the OP, well said.

This kind of thing not limited to many threads I happened to read for references, but also happens in real nursing works situation. My simple thought is nurses by their work, facing so many cases that by "caring" principles suppose to having better judgement in seeing differences if compared to any other profession. Caring principles is best approach to making thoughtful opinions in every discussion regardless being agree or disagree with ones opinions. Feel very sad knowing bio-psycho-sosio-spiritual aspects are very much left as part of textbook to read in the class.

Humanly, I've been expressing some disagreements in clearly wrong way, and it left me feel guilty for the rest of the day. Saying things that put others in uncomfortableness is something that is in the contrary to most nursing outcomes applied to the patients.