Hi Everybody. This is an invitation for advice and for others to vent. I've been an ICU nurse for two years now. I have a good unit with great, supportive co-workers and relatively decent staffing. I had a great orientation and learned a lot. I worked a lot of overtime out of necessity for bill-paying purposes.
Now the (newish) problems: I am exhausted even when I get enough sleep, I rarely feel happiness anymore, I don't believe in God anymore (I don't know if this is job related or not), I'm so disappointed in myself and in other people. My patient's families drive me crazy. The nursing students assigned to me drive me crazy. The doctors drive me crazy. Alarms and bells ringing make me want to run screaming. I feel like I can't stand one more minute of that ugly, smelly, depressing place.
When my patient's condition gets worse or they are in pain that I am unable to fix, I feel like an utter failure. I go home and obsess at night about what I did wrong, what I should have done differently, how I caused harm to my patient that day.
This is all new for me (well, except for the obsessing about how my day went). I'm a hard worker and a nice person. I worked today and was able to do my job adequately if not well. My patients' and their families liked me -- even requested that I please continue to care for them in the following days.
No one could tell that every smile, every measured polite response took huge emotional energy for me. In fact, I felt like I was inches away from falling to pieces with every new request someone made of me. My every action was driven by pure guilt and fear of harming someone. Some of my co-workers today commented that I looked very tired, but no one else can tell how bad I feel. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown. There was no one event that led to this -- it's just hit me and I feel like I can't step foot in that place one more time. I'm absolutely dreading it. My attitude is AWFUL and it's just truly not me to be this way. I am rolling my eyes and sighing a lot. Obnoxious, ignorant behavior that I would have let roll off my back a few months ago now makes me feel very bitter.
I guess I'm burned out? I'm supposed to work tomorrow (my 4th 12hour shift in a row...something I do all the time) and have a nursing student with me. I'm sure my exhaustion and pained responses to almost every conceivable nursing situation will affect her experience negatively. Help.
For the record: I am looking for a different job. I'm worried about my sanity and my patients in the next few weeks and whether I'll feel this way in my new job. Thanks.
3 or 4 days in a row off is usually feasable. Plan to do something special just for you, a hot bath that lasts 2 hours with candles and a glass of your favorite beverage. I love to cook so on my 'special for me days' I cook something different or an old tried and true recipe like a tomato tart or grilled jumbo shrimp wrapped in fancy ham or mandarin chicken. Buy a new book and read all day. Go for a walk at the park, zoo or aviary. Have lunch at a small restaurant at 2pm and chat with the chef.
I am having a bit of burnout also, I have been at my current job about 1 1/2 years. I am looking into traveling again as a nurse, probably the shore for fall. Maryland and Virginia are lovely that time of the year.
In 15 years this will be my 8th move in nursing, some of us just don't settle in for the long-haul at any job.
Dear Snowfreeze, What wonderful ideas, thank you for sharing! I've often thought of traveling, they seem to prefer however, hospital experienced nurses, as opposed to longterm care nurses, which is what I have most experience in. Do you find that true?
I know what you are saying. It hit me this weekend. We were working short as usual on the weekend with heavy assignments involving fussy patients and demanding families. I just wanted to sit down and cry.
It suddenly hit me that my patients just don't give a damn about me as a human being. I'm there to bring pain relief, empty their bags, change their dressings, hold their hands when they are feeling low and any warm body in a uniform will do.
I'm off for a week. From the start of my next shift rotation, I will work only my scheduled days and not an hour more. My health and sanity is worth it.
If my hospital is that shortstaffed, maybe it's time to get the nurse educators, managers, etc, out of their offices and back onto the floor working assignments.
Mortgage or not, you need to take some time for yourself to relax.
I strongly recommend that you either reduce your hours or get another job.
I was where you are now. It's not good. I switched to part time. I am also looking for a M-F 9-5 type job. I'm phasing out of bedside nursing for good. I've never felt better.
Thanks so much to everyone who replied. I have two days off now and I've spent the better part of today just reading on the couch and feeling like I can hardly move.
I know it sounds like clinical depression but does it really qualify as such when I can identify a direct cause: my job? I will try to relax and take good care of myself today.
Again, thanks so much to everybody.
You know when you're young and you're planning your life and it has so many possibilities? I feel stuck now....like I can't have the life I want. I don't feel like I usually help people in my job no matter how nice or competent I am. I really just want to travel the world and ENJOY life. Sigh.
I know it sounds like clinical depression but does it really qualify as such when I can identify a direct cause: my job? I will try to relax and take good care of myself today.
you may think it's just your job - and it very well could be, but i think it's worth a visit to a counselor of some sort - it can't hurt. it may/may not be depression, but they can probably help you a little either way.... coping mechanisms, relaxation techniques... even just someone to listen
Specializes in ER, Occupational Health, Cardiology.
you may think it's just your job - and it very well could be, but i think it's worth a visit to a counselor of some sort - it can't hurt. it may/may not be depression, but they can probably help you a little either way.... coping mechanisms, relaxation techniques... even just someone to listen
There is situational depression, and it could well be something of that nature, related to your job and your life goals. You haven't indicated how old you are, but remember Maslow from Psychology? There is that point in middle age when we look back (and forward) on our lives with Satisfaction vs. Dissatisfaction.
BTW, the day on the couch with a book thing, is one of the best things I know of to make a Great Escape!
Please get help, from an EAP, a professional counselor what ever you need to do to take care of you. Burnout over a long period of time has a way of making you slow down at some point if you don't listen to it. In my case, immune system disease and I was off work for 4 months. Needless to say it's not good for you. Good luck!
classicmusic09
61 Posts
Dear Snowfreeze, What wonderful ideas, thank you for sharing! I've often thought of traveling, they seem to prefer however, hospital experienced nurses, as opposed to longterm care nurses, which is what I have most experience in. Do you find that true?