I'm not sure if this belongs under the Bullying category, but I am starting to feel bullied. I
t all started when I informed the director of our unit the reason for the delays in getting patients admitted from the psych ER to our inpatient unit was because the patient assessments had not been done earlier while the patients were waiting for available beds, some 12 or more hours previously.
I did not seek out the director and say, "hey look, So-and-So wasn't doing their job for the previous 5 hours before I came to work". However, this nurse was spoken to about the delays. This nurse now believes that I "tattle-tailed" on her and has demanded an apology!
I do not feel I owe her any apology and have told her so. I have also told her that I did not seek out to get her in any trouble, just stated the facts of our delay in treating patients.
Since this time....over a month now....she refuses to talk to me except for the bare minimal required of us in order to do our work (it's a small admissions office). And she never lets an opportunity go by where she points out an error that I have made. I respond each time by saying, "Thank you for pointing that out to me!"
In addition, she will inform me when I come in for my shift that all assessments were done, will roll her eyes at me, and state "so there's no reason to tell on me!" I ignore these remarks.
I do not wish to escalate this drama any further. I think the whole thing is so juvenile. My purpose in posting about this incident is to gain feedback. Thanks.
No, it's not bullying, but would it kill you to try and smooth things over with her? Even though she is being childish, you still have to deal with each other, and it wouldn't hurt anything to try and fix things. Just take her aside one day and say something like "Look, I'm really sorry you got in trouble for what I said. I did not mean that to happen at all. I gave feedback about a problem and didn't say any names and I had no idea it would come down on you, and I'm sorry that it did. Can I buy you a cup of coffee or something to make up for it?".
What would it hurt to rise above it and be the bigger person?
The OP is being the bigger person by ignoring the crap her coworker is trying to put on her. There is no reason for the Op to talk it out or suck up to this person. Hang tough and good luck.
Childish? Yes. Bullying? Absolutely not. I'm beginning to think the word "bullying" is like the word "ironic". People use it all the time and RARELY use it properly.
I would say that is bullying. if she makes you feel bullied the intent is irrelevant.
That's not how it works. I FEEL fat and bloated right now, but my scale says I'm not. A person having an MI FEELS like an elephant is sitting on their chest. I've yet to escort Dumbo out of the ER.
The OP is being the bigger person by ignoring the crap her coworker is trying to put on her. There is no reason for the Op to talk it out or suck up to this person. Hang tough and good luck.
Attempting to resolve a conflict with a co-worker is not "sucking up". It's called being an adult. No matter who is right or wrong, the one who offers the olive branch is the bigger person. You can dig in your heels feeling self righteous that you did nothing wrong and don't owe anyone an apology, or you can recognize that the other person feels hurt and maybe there is something you can do to smooth things over, without necessarily falling on your sword.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I agree -- the coworker is acting in a juvenile and immature fashion. But the OP did go over her head without informing her first of the problem and giving her an opportunity to improve so I think there's fault on both sides.
It doesn't matter what you label her behavior. If you were to give a label to it, a good label is 'punishment'.
She is 'punishing' you, getting you back in a petty and unprofessional manner, as if you deliberately sought to get her in trouble (which of course you did not).
This is how some individuals respond to being corrected. If anything, I'm willing to bet she thinks YOU bullied her! Her exaggerated response to being corrected for incomplete paperwork is a sign of a problem SHE is having with getting her job done. Apparently, she is too special and delicate to be 'corrected'. So she's dishing back at you what she BELIEVES you dished out to her.
Yeah, completely nuts! I agree. This person has a bit of a character . . . um, issue.
Her punishing you is definitely 'lateral violence'.
How you are handling it is professional and appropriate. Applause
If her behavior escalates and/or causes you to feel there is hostility in the work environment, I would try to find some way to regain mutual trust with her. Heck, I'd do that right away, actually. As unpleasant as she undoubtedly is, it will be worth it. Beneath this hostile and unprofessional exterior is someone who's personal insecurities are gettin' in the way of her job. Appeal to her need for realistic compliments and encouragement. Try and 'remember' something about her, something good she does, and mention how you rely on that and are glad she does it. Don't go overboard, make it very casual because my guess is she is paranoid as a long tailed cat amongst rocking chairs. Slip in a compliment or a positive statement about her every now and then.
Another way to 'disarm' such a defensive insecure person is to laugh at your own mistakes. Be the kind of person who is OK with imperfection in yourself and others.
You can't do a THING about her characterological issues, but I think you can appeal to her insecurity with realistic, casual compliments and encouragement.
Clearly your coworker is being unprofessional. As long as she's doing her job, just let it be. Remember, you go to work to WORK, not to make friends. She may be upset, pissed, mad, or whatever. As long as the patients aren't at risk due to her unprofessional behavior and they're getting the care they deserve, just leave it.
If resolving things makes you feel more comfortable, then try talking with her. But as others have said, you may not be able to change how she is at this point.
Merriam-Webster defines bully (verb) as "to frighten, hurt, threaten (a smaller or weaker person): to cause someone to do something by making threats or by using force."
First off, if I read the OP's initial post, she was asked a question about delays by her superior. Not specific to anything but a process issue.
She brought up the fact that assessments were not completed while the patient was waiting for a bed. Apparently, this is some sort of policy that this is done? In any event, she did NOT go "running over someone's head" she did not "tell" on said co-worker. She was asked a question and answered it. And when one is put on the spot, I am not sure how many of us would say "gee, I am not sure, let me have conversation with my co-worker first, and we shall formulate an answer and get back to ya".
This initial question from the superior could have been the result of an incident report. This could be the result of whatever reporting (this is not to be punishable, just a "learning experience") system that is in place. Could have come from anywhere. However, it does beg the question on why the manger did not investigate the delays themselves, as opposed to having to put one nurse on the spot, but story for another thread.
OP, you were asked a question and answered it. At this point, your co-worker does whatever it is that she is to do, you do whatever it is that you do, and you clock out at the end of the day. You are only responsible for your own professionalism and practice. Question--now that it has come to light that there were delays due to assessments not being completed in a timely manner, and now that they are, is there delays? If not, then the process was looked at, improved upon and changed. But sorry you needed to be the scapegoat in that.
And for everyone saying that the OP was a tattle-tale--it's all fun and games until a patient who has not been assessed for 12 hours tanks, has a psychotic episode.....any number of things could happen. If it is a matter of a nurse "not having the time" that needs to be addressed. Otherwise, I would think that an assessment is a pretty basic nursing concept. And said nurse who was "spoken to" if the energy was put in to WHY this wasn't done, as opposed to being caught not doing it, then perhaps it could be changed. But now that the nurse in question proclaims "all the assessments are complete" well, then, there could be more to this than what the OP can divulge.
But I call it as the manager asked a question. The OP answered it. The nurse who was not doing what they were supposed to was caught holding the bag, and is mad because (?) I don't know--that they now have to do their job?
OP, yes, your co-worker is mad. If they "get over it" or not remains to be seen. Just keep on keeping on. Do what you need to do and move on. Work is only part of your life. If nothing else, the manager in this is being a bit manipulative. Especially if it is a 2 person operation only. But this was major, you were asked, and I am not sure what else you could have done.
BTW, OP, get malpractice insurance if you don't already have it. It is important for all nurses, especially when you are working in such a culture.
Childish? Yes. Bullying? Absolutely not. I'm beginning to think the word "bullying" is like the word "ironic". People use it all the time and RARELY use it properly.
I am also beginning to believe the same is true of tattle-tale, snitch......really? We are adult professionals here.....
I really think that there are not many nurses who would look all wide eyed and say "Frankly, I have not a clue!!" When asked a basic question from a manager. Or perhaps managers should be on top of what is happening in the unit of which they are in charge of, as opposed to having to put nurses on the spot.
kungpoopanda
215 Posts
The OP is being the bigger person by ignoring the crap her coworker is trying to put on her. There is no reason for the Op to talk it out or suck up to this person. Hang tough and good luck.