Hey guys I thought I would come here and get some support from people of great minds.
I am going through a hard situation were I am still engrossed in memories of my my ex who broke up with me a month and half ago to be precise because he wants to venture before he gets married he said. His last words were (you are such a great women and may be if you finish nursing school we can try again, this is a separation lot a breakup) With a lot of pain I am carrying on - going to the gym, picked up a few new hobbies. He was a great man in my eyes and the saddest thing he is still is even though I know he was selfish to do what he did - he was my support system and my backbone. This being my first heart break, it feels like no other pain I have ever felt.
I performed really poorly on the Teas exam because I was wallowing in unpleasant emotions. But by the grace of the one above, my GPA helped me through and I got accepted. I start nursing school in January - sometimes I wish he was here to celebrate with me. But I know in life everything happens for a reason. I am a very optimistic person but it is hard to carry on and move on, what advise would you all give me. And please share some of you experiences - it might be of great benefit to me.
I agree with the commuter, cut him off and focus on your studies. You need to learn to cut off users especially when you become a nurse because even more users will appear. He broke up with you and that where the relationship ends, as time goes on the pain will hopefully reduce.
I'm in the minority here, but I don't think it's selfish to want to date around until one feels absolutely ready to settle down. In fact, I think that's healthy, far healthier than staying with someone simply because you don't want to hurt them, or there is a notion that you must put that person first above your own feelings on something so important as choosing a life partner. Better to separate now than for him to realize he didn't sow his wild oats sufficiently after you are married and have children. He may, in the long run, be doing you a huge favor.
That said, that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to be at the receiving end of that, but as others have said, use this time to work on yourself. Establish strong boundaries-block him from your phone, don't respond to text messages, etc. Do not be "friends." The horse is already out of that barn.
Ideally, you work on making yourself financially independent, but more than that, emotionally independent. If you are ever in the frame of mind that you "need" to be with a man at all times, you are NOT where you need to be. A man should be someone who enriches your life, but doesn't BECOME your life. If you can be happy with yourself, take care of yourself, and enjoy your own company, truly enjoy your own company, then perhaps you are ready to invite another man into your life.
Hey guys I thought I would come here and get some support from people of great minds.
I am going through a hard situation were I am still engrossed in memories of my my ex who broke up with me a month and half ago to be precise because he wants to venture before he gets married he said. His last words were (you are such a great women and may be if you finish nursing school we can try again, this is a separation lot a breakup) With a lot of pain I am carrying on - going to the gym, picked up a few new hobbies. He was a great man in my eyes and the saddest thing he is still is even though I know he was selfish to do what he did - he was my support system and my backbone. This being my first heart break, it feels like no other pain I have ever felt.
I performed really poorly on the Teas exam because I was wallowing in unpleasant emotions. But by the grace of the one above, my GPA helped me through and I got accepted. I start nursing school in January - sometimes I wish he was here to celebrate with me. But I know in life everything happens for a reason. I am a very optimistic person but it is hard to carry on and move on, what advise would you all give me. And please share some of you experiences - it might be of great benefit to me.
The bolded sentence is what is very concerning to me. Essentially he just wants to have fun and fool around with other people while you are working your butt off getting through nursing school, but when all your hard work is done and you are reaping the benefits of your education then he wants to jump back in with you? Unless your intention is to become a sugar mamma to this guy you are definitely right to cut all ties and don't look back.
Saying you guys might get back together just sounds like an excuse so he'll have something to fall back on if playing the field doesn't go so well for him.
Or once you have a decent paying job, you'll be more desirable, because then he'll expect you to pay. Happens a lot. I've went out with jerks like this before!
The bolded sentence is what is very concerning to me. Essentially he just wants to have fun and fool around with other people while you are working your butt off getting through nursing school, but when all your hard work is done and you are reaping the benefits of your education then he wants to jump back in with you? Unless your intention is to become a sugar mamma to this guy you are definitely right to cut all ties and don't look back.
The bolded sentence is what is very concerning to me. Essentially he just wants to have fun and fool around with other people while you are working your butt off getting through nursing school, but when all your hard work is done and you are reaping the benefits of your education then he wants to jump back in with you? Unless your intention is to become a sugar mamma to this guy you are definitely right to cut all ties and don't look back.
Hey you are right in some sort but also wrong. He has a great career and a business owner, he has financially supported me a lot of times. That's the only portion I can comment on that.
But I agree with cutting all ties even though it is hard.
I'm in the minority here, but I don't think it's selfish to want to date around until one feels absolutely ready to settle down. In fact, I think that's healthy, far healthier than staying with someone simply because you don't want to hurt them, or there is a notion that you must put that person first above your own feelings on something so important as choosing a life partner. Better to separate now than for him to realize he didn't sow his wild oats sufficiently after you are married and have children. He may, in the long run, be doing you a huge favor.
That said, that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to be at the receiving end of that, but as others have said, use this time to work on yourself. Establish strong boundaries-block him from your phone, don't respond to text messages, etc. Do not be "friends." The horse is already out of that barn.
Ideally, you work on making yourself financially independent, but more than that, emotionally independent. If you are ever in the frame of mind that you "need" to be with a man at all times, you are NOT where you need to be. A man should be someone who enriches your life, but doesn't BECOME your life. If you can be happy with yourself, take care of yourself, and enjoy your own company, truly enjoy your own company, then perhaps you are ready to invite another man into your life.
First of all, I am so very sorry this happened to you. Let me assure you that the sting and pain fades with the passage of time. Only time will heal this emotional wound.
With that having been said, you need to cut the ex-boyfriend off. By breaking up with you, his actions are essentially saying, "I can do fine without her." In fact, anyone who breaks it off with us has basically decided that they'd rather carry on without us.
He made his decision. It is up to you to make him live with this decision by cutting him off and eliminating all contact with him. Problems arise when we lack boundaries and give too many chances to people whose actions are screaming, "I can be without you."
People must deal with the consequences of their actions. Continuing to be 'friends' with him will only prolong your heartbreak, whereas cutting him off is like ripping off the bandaid and allowing the wound to heal faster.
Good luck to you!
I have gone through blocking him like 5x now, block and then unblock 4days later [emoji17] I wish there was a manual this this.
You will only delay your "recovery" if you continue to have contact with him. You are too special, too smart for that, and stronger than you realize. You don't have to view cutting him out of your life as a vindictive act. It's more of a protective act, a way to take care of yourself vs. punishing him or wanting to cause him discomfort.
He has told you who he is. It's time for you to not only believe him, but establish yourself as someone who will not be taken advantage of or manipulated. He may still care about you and miss you, but that's too bad. If he TRULY cares about you, he will understand that you need to heal, and being in contact with him will not help you get to that place.
I strongly encourage women to read the book He's Just Not That Into You, by Greg Behrendt. It is about relationships from a male perspective. He basically tells women what men really think, why they may behave the way they do, and how you should really react to that. It's short, amusing at times, and really worth a read.
I'm in the minority here, but I don't think it's selfish to want to date around until one feels absolutely ready to settle down. In fact, I think that's healthy, far healthier than staying with someone simply because you don't want to hurt them, or there is a notion that you must put that person first above your own feelings on something so important as choosing a life partner. Better to separate now than for him to realize he didn't sow his wild oats sufficiently after you are married and have children. He may, in the long run, be doing you a huge favor.
This times 1 million. My mother and father strongly encouraged me not to get tied down to one person too early but did I listen? No, of course not. I don't really know why, but I was a serial monogamist out of the gate. It's not a great path to take. You have to learn how to be on your own. It's so critically important to a person's adulthood.
You will only delay your "recovery" if you continue to have contact with him. You are too special, too smart for that, and stronger than you realize. You don't have to view cutting him out of your life as a vindictive act. It's more of a protective act, a way to take care of yourself vs. punishing him or wanting to cause him discomfort.
He has told you who he is. It's time for you to not only believe him, but establish yourself as someone who will not be taken advantage of or manipulated. He may still care about you and miss you, but that's too bad. If he TRULY cares about you, he will understand that you need to heal, and being in contact with him will not help you get to that place.
I strongly encourage women to read the book He's Just Not That Into You, by Greg Behrendt. It is about relationships from a male perspective. He basically tells women what men really think, why they may behave the way they do, and how you should really react to that. It's short, amusing at times, and really worth a read.
Thank you, thank you, I will read that book; as a matter of fact I believe I have read it before. Very grateful for your response - I understand the magnitude of blocking him should do for me; it is as hard as slicing my own flesh. The entire soul of this world will have to help me through this one. Now I know first hand what a heart break means, I just read it in stories and heard of it, now I know.[emoji174]
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johsonmichelle
527 Posts
I agree with the commuter, cut him off and focus on your studies. You need to learn to cut off users especially when you become a nurse because even more users will appear. He broke up with you and that where the relationship ends, as time goes on the pain will hopefully reduce.