Breakups during nursing school.

DU15 · Dec 6, 2015

I had a somewhat similar experience. However, mine was a lot worse. I don't have any family support, so when he broke up with me, I felt completely alone. I went into severe depression and was even suicidal for a while. I'd skip class and clinical and fail classes without caring. My GPA went down below the cutoff for my full tuition scholarship, it was bad. I ended up in a hospital, then sent to a psych institution for safety. It was the worst experience I've ever had.

I doubt that you'd need the immense amount of support that I did, since I was sinking much deeper than you seem to be. But talking to someone always helps. For me, I got through because I went to therapy for over a year. It took a really long time for me to feel normal again, and even enjoy the things that I used to. Going to the gym definitely helped. I'd spend hours there, just to release my anger and frustration.

I'd also just suggest that you meet new people. This is just the beginning of your nursing experience, so I'd try to make some new friends at school. Going out and being around other people really helps to keep your mind off of the other things. Try to keep an open mind. This is a new journey for you, it should be exciting. It'll take some time, it always does, but you'll be fine eventually. Just try to do things here and there to help get you through.

Good luck [emoji173]ï¸

BeachsideRN, ASN · Dec 6, 2015

No offense, but what a d**** that line is about as sincere as "it's not you, it's me". Head keep moving forward.

I know quite a few ppl in my program who are going through or recently went through divorces. You are strong and independent. You can do this.

Linexox · Dec 6, 2015

I had a somewhat similar experience. However, mine was a lot worse. I don't have any family support, so when he broke up with me, I felt completely alone. I went into severe depression and was even suicidal for a while. I'd skip class and clinical and fail classes without caring. My GPA went down below the cutoff for my full tuition scholarship, it was bad. I ended up in a hospital, then sent to a psych institution for safety. It was the worst experience I've ever had.
I doubt that you'd need the immense amount of support that I did, since I was sinking much deeper than you seem to be. But talking to someone always helps. For me, I got through because I went to therapy for over a year. It took a really long time for me to feel normal again, and even enjoy the things that I used to. Going to the gym definitely helped. I'd spend hours there, just to release my anger and frustration.
I'd also just suggest that you meet new people. This is just the beginning of your nursing experience, so I'd try to make some new friends at school. Going out and being around other people really helps to keep your mind off of the other things. Try to keep an open mind. This is a new journey for you, it should be exciting. It'll take some time, it always does, but you'll be fine eventually. Just try to do things here and there to help get you through.
Good luck [emoji173]ï¸

Wow, very inspiring - funny how a breakup is a serious thing. well I am so glad you pulled through. I almost felt like I wouldn't make it through another day three days after the initial breakup. Thank goodness for my faith in God - it has been what has great help. One of my Girl friend came around a few time and the fact that she is a busy nurse, it was hard for her to really be there.

But thank you so much for sharing your story.

Linexox · Dec 6, 2015

No offense, but what a d**** that line is about as sincere as "it's not you, it's me". Head keep moving forward.
I know quite a few ppl in my program who are going through or recently went through divorces. You are strong and independent. You can do this.

Tell me about it, when he made that statement - my heart dropped, I thought he must be the most selfish person on earth. And yet again, I still believe he is just human and one day I hope he realizes how wrong he was. It might take him losing such a high ego and may be being put in the same position he put me in. It is hard but some how I am managing to go through it. He text me the other week saying "have you been seeing other people after we broke up?" I ignored it. I want to be happy shopping for my nursing essentials but it's bitter sweet.

rollieschmollie · Dec 6, 2015

I'd take the break up as a blessing in disguise. It seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I think once you start school and making new friends you'll get too busy to think about him.

Since he's asking if you've been seeing anyone, I think he is going to be asking you similar questiotns in the future. If he's this selfish now when you really need support, think of how he will be in the future.

You will find a new support system. Keep your head up

Linexox · Dec 6, 2015

I'd take the break up as a blessing in disguise. It seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I think once you start school and making new friends you'll get too busy to think about him.
Since he's asking if you've been seeing anyone, I think he is going to be asking you similar questiotns in the future. If he's this selfish now when you really need support, think of how he will be in the future.
You will find a new support system. Keep your head up

Thank you so much for your words of courage.

jaluo2014 · Dec 6, 2015

I will be done with my 3rd semester on 15th this month. 6 students in my class broke up with their husbands/boyfriends, 5 of the six failed to make it to the 4th semester and only one made it through.

There is a better road besides a bridge, you can cross over to the other side.

God bless!

la_chica_suerte85, BSN, RN · Dec 6, 2015

First, let me reassure you that this pain is temporary. You will start to feel better, hopefully sooner than later. Any guy that says he needs to get out and do stuff before he gets married is doing you a favor. Let him go but there is no need to ever take him back in the future. This is your time to figure out what life is about for you.

I know right now it feels like he's the only one for you, the right one for you. But, honestly, there is no single one individual that makes our lives worth living. No other individual is responsible for that feeling but ourselves. There are many "ones" in life and you don't want to close yourself off to good opportunities getting to know and love other people who can enrich your life and help you become a better person.

When I was 18 I was painfully, tortuously off and on with someone I had started dating my senior year in high school. I felt like I couldn't live without him. When he was off at boot camp, I pined for him and wrote him everyday. But, when he came back to reality, he barely paid attention to me and used me more as a prop to show what kind of a "piece" he could get in spite of him being not conventionally attractive. I wanted to make it work for several reasons, the most important one (in my mind at the time) was that I didn't want to time I spent waiting on him and going back and forth between being long-distance and off and on to not be a big fat waste. It doesn't matter in the long run. He wanted to go off and do his own thing and he strung me along quite a bit (kind of like what your ex is doing to you -- you are not going to wait on the sidelines for him!).

I did myself a major disservice to keep trying to make it work with him, hoping all the pain and suffering would pay off in the end. It didn't and I am no better for it -- I am approaching 30 and only until recently did I discover what terrible things all this back and forth and being under his influence did to my self-esteem and self-concept.

I'm definitely not saying that the above applies to you -- I was struggling with other demons at the time but I offer my experience as an illustration of what happens when we let others define our happiness and when we count on finding "the one" (statistically, this is an enormous fallacy of human logic - out of all the people on this planet, if there was only "one" for you, your odds of winning the lottery 5 times over would be greater than finding that one person). Keep your chin up and rely on time to heal your wounds. You will begin to feel better and the pain will continue to get more distant in your memory. In the meanwhile, be kind to yourself, take time out to love you and focus on where you want your life to go. Only you can take care of you.

Good luck and best wishes! :inlove:

Zyprexa_Ho · Dec 6, 2015

F*** that guy. If you were really the right person for him, that would be more important than him wanting to play the field before getting married. If that was what was important to him then why toy with you by being in a relationship and then magically decide he wanted to play the field? He sounds very immature because he starts to make commitments when he doesn't even know what he wants! That is very selfish.

Saying you guys might get back together just sounds like an excuse so he'll have something to fall back on if playing the field doesn't go so well for him. Don't give him the chance! You're not someone's back-up plan. You deserve someone who puts you first.

Linexox · Dec 6, 2015

First, let me reassure you that this pain is temporary. You will start to feel better, hopefully sooner than later. Any guy that says he needs to get out and do stuff before he gets married is doing you a favor. Let him go but there is no need to ever take him back in the future. This is your time to figure out what life is about for you.
I know right now it feels like he's the only one for you, the right one for you. But, honestly, there is no single one individual that makes our lives worth living. No other individual is responsible for that feeling but ourselves. There are many "ones" in life and you don't want to close yourself off to good opportunities getting to know and love other people who can enrich your life and help you become a better person.
When I was 18 I was painfully, tortuously off and on with someone I had started dating my senior year in high school. I felt like I couldn't live without him. When he was off at boot camp, I pined for him and wrote him everyday. But, when he came back to reality, he barely paid attention to me and used me more as a prop to show what kind of a "piece" he could get in spite of him being not conventionally attractive. I wanted to make it work for several reasons, the most important one (in my mind at the time) was that I didn't want to time I spent waiting on him and going back and forth between being long-distance and off and on to not be a big fat waste. It doesn't matter in the long run. He wanted to go off and do his own thing and he strung me along quite a bit (kind of like what your ex is doing to you -- you are not going to wait on the sidelines for him!).
I did myself a major disservice to keep trying to make it work with him, hoping all the pain and suffering would pay off in the end. It didn't and I am no better for it -- I am approaching 30 and only until recently did I discover what terrible things all this back and forth and being under his influence did to my self-esteem and self-concept.
I'm definitely not saying that the above applies to you -- I was struggling with other demons at the time but I offer my experience as an illustration of what happens when we let others define our happiness and when we count on finding "the one" (statistically, this is an enormous fallacy of human logic - out of all the people on this planet, if there was only "one" for you, your odds of winning the lottery 5 times over would be greater than finding that one person). Keep your chin up and rely on time to heal your wounds. You will begin to feel better and the pain will continue to get more distant in your memory. In the meanwhile, be kind to yourself, take time out to love you and focus on where you want your life to go. Only you can take care of you.
Good luck and best wishes!

You would not have said it in better words. Really nailed it down to a science. Thank you very much.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Dec 6, 2015

First of all, I am so very sorry this happened to you. Let me assure you that the sting and pain fades with the passage of time. Only time will heal this emotional wound.

With that having been said, you need to cut the ex-boyfriend off. By breaking up with you, his actions are essentially saying, "I can do fine without her." In fact, anyone who breaks it off with us has basically decided that they'd rather carry on without us.

He made his decision. It is up to you to make him live with this decision by cutting him off and eliminating all contact with him. Problems arise when we lack boundaries and give too many chances to people whose actions are screaming, "I can be without you."

People must deal with the consequences of their actions. Continuing to be 'friends' with him will only prolong your heartbreak, whereas cutting him off is like ripping off the bandaid and allowing the wound to heal faster.

Good luck to you!