Breaking through the cliques

Dear Lonely,

Do you work nights or days? I know what I would do but you have to make up your own mind. The first thing I would do is stop asking them questions (that changes the power structure) unless some one REALLY gets slammed I would not offer to help, what I would do is find a book and get an answer to that question you got an unsatisfactory response to.

If I had a charge nurse who wouldn't answer a call light, and continues to study another language you have two choices, one you can ask her "don't you answer patient call light's or is that something you don't have to do because you charge? I would ask her what language she is learning, so when I write her up I will have the correct information in my report. There is never a good reason to blow off a patients call light, unless the obvious reasons. She is not gettng paided to learn a language. I would put my observations in writing for the unit manager. I would love to know how this works out...be strong! FLTNRSE

They clearly have their own dynamic. Honestly if you've tried to become more friendly and break into their click, it obviously hasent worked, I would leave it. I would go to work, do your job and go home. Fine friends outside of work. Its not you, its them. Im not sure what your management is like, but perhaps when you see more unsafe/professional situations you could approach the manager about your concerns. Although be carefull what you do reveal because they likely will figure out your are the "rat". But usually in these situations, management is part of the problem, so it can be tough. So as long as you give great patient care to your patients, I would just do my time and go home at the end of the day.

Also how long have you been there? Some places take longer for the staff to warm up to. Especially if its a smaller unit. You may just have to give it time.

I don't have any advice...but I feel for you. I guess part of it depends on how long you are on the unit. I've noticed the first few months I'm at a job they tend to be distant, probably because so many people leave after a few months. They may be waiting to see if you'll stay.

If it's been that long and they are still distant, you may want to pull people aside privately and ask if there's something wrong that's causing you to not mesh with the unit.

I graduated in May 2011 and took a position as a staff RN in the MICU that I had worked in during nursing school. I only worked part time during school so I didn't really get to know many of the nurses except for the superficial 'Hi, how are you...'. I had an absolutely horrible orientation, new preceptor almost every shift. I'm trying not to be negative but my confidence is shot and also feel like the MICU cliques are really difficult to break into. I am at a loss because I feel like I need the support of others as a new grad on the hardest floor of our hospital. I'm just not sure what to do anymore. I try to be nice, ask others if they need help etc. We have about 8 new grads on my unit and I think I'm the only one feeling really alone. I have cried when I get home the last 3 shifts and just don't know how much longer I can do this.

I know that I am at the hospital to work, not to socialize. This is my second career and have never had this much difficulty 'breaking in'. I try to ask questions but feel like I'm annoying people, I ask if anyone needs help and they turn to someone else, I try to talk to others in the break room and they get up and leave. Being new and working in the MICU is stressful enough, I don't need this on top of everything else. Help and suggestions would be really appreciated :)

I'm sorry you are having a hard time fitting in. I think its normal, though. Some people are more clique-y than others and nothing you do will change that. Its difficult to break-in with these people and you may never become close to them.

As far as this being your second career, nurses can be tough to crack because we have so much on our shoulders and our jobs suck, so we're crabby You'll get there someday!

P.S. don't ever stop asking questions if you're not sure about something! I know you know this already, but patient safety before social acceptance.

I understand this strange social phenomenon. I experienced it when I first started my floor job (not ICU) as a new nurse 6 years ago. Now, for the most part, I love my team of nurses. That said, our ICU has a reputation of nasty nurses, mean, and don't even think about going there. No intrigue on my part, thank you very much. This is one thing I can't stand about nurses in general who are so mean and eat their young. Though things are OK with me now on my floor, I'm actively looking for other opportunities outside the hospital.

I feel your pain, but all of the suggestions above are great. When I was experiencing this, I just found the people who were truly kind and helpful and didn't give anyone else the time of day, worked hard, and cashed the paycheck. Hang in there!!

If you're as experienced as you say you are, finding another job shouldn't be too hard. Decide what's important to you; your "dream job" or being happy at work.

If I didn't like my coworkers, I'd up and leave. It is true you're not there to socialize, but in any job if all you do is work and you can't talk with anyone about anything, it gets to you mentally.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

I have found that if you are a true professional on an unprofessional unit they will resent you. You will never belong in their little clique of unprofessional slackers unless you join in with the stupidity. Sorry to say I have experienced this. Fun is one thing, but these people seem completely disengaged from work.

As I see it you either ignore it, continue to do your best until Karma catches up with them, or report them and risk them making your life miserable and scheming to get you fired, or try acting stupid yourself and risk losing your job by being caught. You could also transfer out of that toxic place.

There are always nurse nasties, nurse know iy alls, and the like. Put your energy into the patients and go home. I left an office clique once, returned to my "friendly" hard working floor and clinic work and could not be happier. It Is About Them Not You!

I bet you aren't the only one not in one of the cliques. Seek out these folks.

I worked in an area that had a mean negative clique with a huge perceived sense of power that made it really difficult on the rest of us. It DOES impact patient care; it does matter that you get along with your team.

We overcame the clique mentality as a team. I was picked on and I watched out and sought out for others they picked on. We started talking and reassuring each other that we were't the only ones (each of us thought we were the only ones that were treated badly). We supported each other. We came up with ways to stop the meanness. When a clique member snapped off some smart remark, we stopped and nicely asked "What do you mean by that?" - because most of the time, I couldn't think of a smart answer quick enough! lol. We continued to help the clique members when they let us - killing them with kindness. They caved in slowly, but surely. Support each other, without falling into the trap of creating a new clique.

oh hoe hoe! describing my first job. Lesson Learned: if they don't answer your questions...they don't KNOW the answer. So don't ask questions. 1. it makes you look lazy and ignorant 2. puts them on the spot because they are lazy and ignorant and don't have a clue. So they don't say anything that would make them look as stupid as they are...they only look brilliant because you desperately want to learn and grow and you want them to be brilliant. I had no idea that nurses would be so mean, land-sharks still groping for the teachers attention, drama pools of back stabbers, they will run to the manager and lie about you - if your too professional and bright eyed. Just zip it and verbalize every month.. "I like and try to get along with everyone"..be sincere. You have to somehow get and maintain the managers support of you Ms Newby on the floor-and not loose it to the other side, if you do, she'll ignore you and support them. My manager of my first job, how the smoking puffer's voice still haunts..."they will eat you alive little bit". She was telling the truth - the clique - was out there - she knew it. My first week, on my own, got report from a hateful burnt out nurse of 8 years on that floor....words used so fast such as this person had an appy, lappy, coly, gabby..my head was spinning. That hateful wench ran to my manger and said "that newbee doesn't know anything about anything" - I was called to the office..the manager beat her fist on her desk and called me the dumbest..not learned..uneducated! I told her I did not learn those words in school...and may have had a dumb deer in the headlight look on my face no understanding and verbalizing my ignorance of those words she was using. She had my back for a while told me to get back out there. But once the 8 year nurse blabbed to everyone I did not know anything without specifications, because she did not have to, and its like you trying to defend yourself. I had friends like the RN that trained me knew how everyone was. The meth head that turned nurse had the managers support because "our families grew up together", those in the clique had concrete foundations that went back to them "we I was little and my manager knew my momma stories" I was an outsider..from another small town 40 miles away.. I went home crying for weeks.I found medication in rooms and did not write others up, I should have. I should have run to the manager about everything but I thought well she is too busy or I can fix this why bother her. (I ran 6 outlets stores back in the day-I can manage)...I was old enough to be their mom!! Bubbly and perky me went down the toilet for a while. I left that job after a year...to a retirement home..the yelling of co-workers to each other and to the floor supervisor...was like watching prison shows where the yell and call names, CNA told an ADON, after I told her to remove her piercings from her nose and eyebrows, I wanted her job..I knew I was good, but did not want to be an ADON, but could not convience her and she was so insecure I mooooved on again......now I'm in a clinic..wonderful but the clique between hospital staff and corporation staff is so obvious the doctors see it. I have worked many, many jobs but have never seen the hateful ways between co-workers, as I have seen between nurses. Sad but true... I am still looking for a less drama queen induced infectious place to work. ha ha love nursing....do not like the lazy, lying, cheating..oh the CNA's husband killed himself...and then she gets fired (finally) for hitting a resident..Karma will catch up to them, it may take a while. But now looking at my resume..it appears I am a job skipper..ewww.