Breaking through the cliques

[sushinerd]

Hey guys, I'm in need of some advice...

Six months ago, I finally got my dream job in trauma ICU. I'm an experienced ICU nurse, have CCRN and CNRN and worked in med/surg ICU prior. I absolutely love the work I do with the patient population I serve...but I cannot seem to connect with my co-workers. There are three distinct cliques on my shift that have no interest in being corteous toward me. I am nice to everyone, always check to see if they need help, etc. Some of them will just say no to help without even looking me in the eye or saying thank you, and then two minutes later get someone else to help them. Conversation seems to come to a halt if I try to contribute something, and if I ask to learn about something I don't have much experience with, they get annoyed with me for asking and spend a couple of minutes hurriedly explaining what was going on and not let me as questions.

There is some very poor behavior that goes on in that unit too. One charge nurse is constantly working on learning another language (and when she is doing pt care will ignore call lights or beeping pumps with empty pressor bags), nurses with intubated 1:1s will be watching movies or listening to music on their iPads in the patient rooms, they talk at length about sexual experiences, or they chase each other around the unit and make startled noises. It is super unprofessional but I strongly feel that if I said something, even anonymously, it would somehow come back to bite me in the butt.

I have never experienced this kind of treatment at any job I've held before. I got along great at my old ICU, but for some reason, this place seems to go out of their way to let me know they have a problem with me. They can't get me in my nursing care, it's always spot on, and in my review I had no complaints. How do I deal with these people? I know I'm there to do a job, not socialize...but 12 hours of being given the cold shoulder gets to you after a while...

Thank you so so much,

Lonely ICU Nurse

[fltnrse2, ASN, RN]

Dear Lonely,

Do you work nights or days? I know what I would do but you have to make up your own mind. The first thing I would do is stop asking them questions (that changes the power structure) unless some one REALLY gets slammed I would not offer to help, what I would do is find a book and get an answer to that question you got an unsatisfactory response to.

If I had a charge nurse who wouldn't answer a call light, and continues to study another language you have two choices, one you can ask her "don't you answer patient call light's or is that something you don't have to do because you charge? I would ask her what language she is learning, so when I write her up I will have the correct information in my report. There is never a good reason to blow off a patients call light, unless the obvious reasons. She is not gettng paided to learn a language. I would put my observations in writing for the unit manager. I would love to know how this works out...be strong! FLTNRSE

[Creamsoda, ASN, RN]

They clearly have their own dynamic. Honestly if you've tried to become more friendly and break into their click, it obviously hasent worked, I would leave it. I would go to work, do your job and go home. Fine friends outside of work. Its not you, its them. Im not sure what your management is like, but perhaps when you see more unsafe/professional situations you could approach the manager about your concerns. Although be carefull what you do reveal because they likely will figure out your are the "rat". But usually in these situations, management is part of the problem, so it can be tough. So as long as you give great patient care to your patients, I would just do my time and go home at the end of the day.

Also how long have you been there? Some places take longer for the staff to warm up to. Especially if its a smaller unit. You may just have to give it time.

[NickiLaughs, ADN, BSN, RN]

I don't have any advice...but I feel for you. I guess part of it depends on how long you are on the unit. I've noticed the first few months I'm at a job they tend to be distant, probably because so many people leave after a few months. They may be waiting to see if you'll stay.

If it's been that long and they are still distant, you may want to pull people aside privately and ask if there's something wrong that's causing you to not mesh with the unit.

[caliotter3]

You said it yourself, you are there to work, not to socialize. I was kept out of things at one place for the better part of a year. When the gang decided to accept me, that is when they started to treat me as if I were a person instead of a piece of furniture to kick out of the way. Just do your job and go home to your family. Cash the check when you get it. Look for another job but don't quit this one just because the gang is not nice. The next place may be worse.

[Rockstarnurse9]

I graduated in May 2011 and took a position as a staff RN in the MICU that I had worked in during nursing school. I only worked part time during school so I didn't really get to know many of the nurses except for the superficial 'Hi, how are you...'. I had an absolutely horrible orientation, new preceptor almost every shift. I'm trying not to be negative but my confidence is shot and also feel like the MICU cliques are really difficult to break into. I am at a loss because I feel like I need the support of others as a new grad on the hardest floor of our hospital. I'm just not sure what to do anymore. I try to be nice, ask others if they need help etc. We have about 8 new grads on my unit and I think I'm the only one feeling really alone. I have cried when I get home the last 3 shifts and just don't know how much longer I can do this.

I know that I am at the hospital to work, not to socialize. This is my second career and have never had this much difficulty 'breaking in'. I try to ask questions but feel like I'm annoying people, I ask if anyone needs help and they turn to someone else, I try to talk to others in the break room and they get up and leave. Being new and working in the MICU is stressful enough, I don't need this on top of everything else. Help and suggestions would be really appreciated :)

[RN-ing, BSN, MSN, NP]

I'm sorry you are having a hard time fitting in. I think its normal, though. Some people are more clique-y than others and nothing you do will change that. Its difficult to break-in with these people and you may never become close to them.

As far as this being your second career, nurses can be tough to crack because we have so much on our shoulders and our jobs suck, so we're crabby You'll get there someday!

P.S. don't ever stop asking questions if you're not sure about something! I know you know this already, but patient safety before social acceptance.

[pieinsky]

I understand this strange social phenomenon. I experienced it when I first started my floor job (not ICU) as a new nurse 6 years ago. Now, for the most part, I love my team of nurses. That said, our ICU has a reputation of nasty nurses, mean, and don't even think about going there. No intrigue on my part, thank you very much. This is one thing I can't stand about nurses in general who are so mean and eat their young. Though things are OK with me now on my floor, I'm actively looking for other opportunities outside the hospital.

I feel your pain, but all of the suggestions above are great. When I was experiencing this, I just found the people who were truly kind and helpful and didn't give anyone else the time of day, worked hard, and cashed the paycheck. Hang in there!!

[detroitdano]

If you're as experienced as you say you are, finding another job shouldn't be too hard. Decide what's important to you; your "dream job" or being happy at work.

If I didn't like my coworkers, I'd up and leave. It is true you're not there to socialize, but in any job if all you do is work and you can't talk with anyone about anything, it gets to you mentally.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

[Wishinonastar, BSN]

I have found that if you are a true professional on an unprofessional unit they will resent you. You will never belong in their little clique of unprofessional slackers unless you join in with the stupidity. Sorry to say I have experienced this. Fun is one thing, but these people seem completely disengaged from work.

As I see it you either ignore it, continue to do your best until Karma catches up with them, or report them and risk them making your life miserable and scheming to get you fired, or try acting stupid yourself and risk losing your job by being caught. You could also transfer out of that toxic place.

[PeaceonearthRN]

There are always nurse nasties, nurse know iy alls, and the like. Put your energy into the patients and go home. I left an office clique once, returned to my "friendly" hard working floor and clinic work and could not be happier. It Is About Them Not You!

[midinphx, BSN]

I bet you aren't the only one not in one of the cliques. Seek out these folks.

I worked in an area that had a mean negative clique with a huge perceived sense of power that made it really difficult on the rest of us. It DOES impact patient care; it does matter that you get along with your team.

We overcame the clique mentality as a team. I was picked on and I watched out and sought out for others they picked on. We started talking and reassuring each other that we were't the only ones (each of us thought we were the only ones that were treated badly). We supported each other. We came up with ways to stop the meanness. When a clique member snapped off some smart remark, we stopped and nicely asked "What do you mean by that?" - because most of the time, I couldn't think of a smart answer quick enough! lol. We continued to help the clique members when they let us - killing them with kindness. They caved in slowly, but surely. Support each other, without falling into the trap of creating a new clique.