Break up during school

[Nicoleashley]

My boyfriend and I have been together three years and we we have been living together for over a year. He left me out of no where while I was dealing with my own parents divorce. Now I'm dealing with losing my apartment with we got together and losing him. I am extremely heartbroken and I'm falling apart, and I start classes in two weeks. He claims he doesn't want this anymore when not long ago he wanted me in his life forever. Has anyone ever experienced this and does anyone have any tips on getting through this during school... He was my main support system and my best friend. He's been there for me since I started school and we were even planning on getting married. He threw everything away so easily and it's really hard to except. I know a lot of people go through this, but right now it seems impossible to handle this much pain and take these hard classes at the same time.

[Nicoleashley]

You have all given me such great advice and support. It shocks me how many of you have gone through similar experiences... Even though right now I feel like I can barely think straight because the pain is so overwhelming, I'm going to continue with the semester and move back in with one of my parents. I seriously considered taking the semester off, but I'm worried I would spend too much time dwelling on what's happened. Thank you so much for all the advice and love, I'm trying hard to stay positive and look forward to the future. You all have made me realize there are truly kind and caring people out there. He shut out his life with me and started a brand new one like it was nothing, and I know I deserve better no matter how much I miss him.

[withme]

I take a student loan. Married 14 years. I'm trying to help him, but he is taking it in the wrong way that I will leave him when I'm done with school. I took my calendars off the wall and desk because he would stir **** prior to my exams. If he keeps it up, I'll make a hard choice. I don't need someone to give me a bad day. Do I deserve someone who make my life hell? I do date him (3 to 4 times a week). We have no children.

He is suspicious of my extracurricular activities. He would ask where or who I have been with.

[withme]

You have all given me such great advice and support. It shocks me how many of you have gone through similar experiences... Even though right now I feel like I can barely think straight because the pain is so overwhelming, I'm going to continue with the semester and move back in with one of my parents. I seriously considered taking the semester off, but I'm worried I would spend too much time dwelling on what's happened. Thank you so much for all the advice and love, I'm trying hard to stay positive and look forward to the future. You all have made me realize there are truly kind and caring people out there. He shut out his life with me and started a brand new one like it was nothing, and I know I deserve better no matter how much I miss him.

We're in the same dilemma. We can't quit. Our men will take everything they have with them, and we will be homeless. Think about this at all time. It does help me.

[Horseshoe, BSN, RN]

I take a student loan. Married 14 years. I'm trying to help him, but he is taking it in the wrong way that I will leave him when I'm done with school. I took my calendars off the wall and desk because he would stir **** prior to my exams. If he keeps it up, I'll make a hard choice. I don't need someone to give me a bad day. Do I deserve someone who make my life hell? I do date him (3 to 4 times a week). We have no children.

He is suspicious of my extracurricular activities. He would ask where or who I have been with.

These are huge red flags. I would rather be alone, being my own best friend than with a man who treats me like that.

[withme]

You have all given me such great advice and support. It shocks me how many of you have gone through similar experiences... Even though right now I feel like I can barely think straight because the pain is so overwhelming, I'm going to continue with the semester and move back in with one of my parents. I seriously considered taking the semester off, but I'm worried I would spend too much time dwelling on what's happened. Thank you so much for all the advice and love, I'm trying hard to stay positive and look forward to the future. You all have made me realize there are truly kind and caring people out there. He shut out his life with me and started a brand new one like it was nothing, and I know I deserve better no matter how much I miss him.

I suggest "don't give up a semester of your nursing." Push yourself to do things. If you matter to him, he wouldn't hurt you. Grieve and cry. Scream in the pillow or bite it.

I can tell you my story. I established my own business and purchased a franchise. I gave up my future for a man when I was 23 years old. And I gave birth to our daughter. To cut a long story short, I gave up everything and be there for him at all times. He supported our family, but I needed to prove him everything constantly that he was the only man I worshipped and loved. Nothing was going to make him satisfied.

One year later from closing my business, we broke up and winded up in the court system for a custody battle. It dried my bank account and broke financially but won. The only part I've never regret and grateful for, I was there for my daughter and took her with me.

Now, I'm facing a similar situation. My husband has mixed feelings about my nursing education. He has been acting out the day I was accepted. Now, it doesn't look good. I do get affected emotionally which is a nuisance in my concentration. I struggle to retain data I learned.

I don't want to prove a man anymore. This time, it's a man's turn to prove to me I'm valuable in his life.

It's painful. Do breathing exercise. It does help. :)

Good luck!

[TP801]

Maybe he thought you slept with too many guys or something and started doing calculations.

[macawake, MSN]

He would tell me he is supportive of me and blah blah, but he does something opposite in his actions. I'm getting through this nightmare,too.

I don't know what to do except sticking in the nursing program. My husband isn't making life easier for me.

I'm glad he has been showing his true colors in my early life in the program. I'm adjusting while living on the edge. I don't want to give up nursing even though it breaks my heart to think I will lose him.

I take a student loan. Married 14 years. I'm trying to help him, but he is taking it in the wrong way that I will leave him when I'm done with school.

I took my calendars off the wall and desk because he would stir **** prior to my exams. If he keeps it up, I'll make a hard choice.

I don't need someone to give me a bad day. Do I deserve someone who make my life hell?

I do date him (3 to 4 times a week). We have no children.

He is suspicious of my extracurricular activities. He would ask where or who I have been with.

We're in the same dilemma. We can't quit. Our men will take everything they have with them, and we will be homeless. Think about this at all time. It does help me.

Hello and welcome to AN. I'm not sure exactly what to make of your posts. I looked at the only other posts you've made so far, and they were as I understand them, about looking forward to no longer being young and cute, so that creepy guys won't hit on you any more?? That struck me as odd first posts so I admit to having some reservations.

But despite that, I'm going to take your posts here in this thread at face value, because what you describe is in my opinion serious.

In my opinion, your situation doesn't sound anything like OP's situation. What you are describing bears many of the hallmarks of a potentially abusive partner.

I must confess that there are parts of your posts that I don't understand. How does thinking about the fact that someone can take everything they have with them and make YOU homeless, help?

You ask if you deserve someone who makes your life hell. I've never met you, I don't know you, yet I can confidently reply that; NO, you do not. No one deserves having their life made into hell. Especially not by someone who's supposed to love you and who shares his or her life with you. A husband/wife/partner should have their partner's best interest at heart.

A husband who actively tries to sabotage your ability to focus on studying prior to exams by deliberately stirring up ****, is no good.

He's showing signs of jealousy by being suspicious of your extracurricular activities. That jealousy can be sexual in nature, but it can also be jealousy and fear because you are gaining strength, more available options and independency from him by getting a formal education. Being able to support yourself will allow you choices in the future. Regardless of what motivates his suspicion, unless you have a habit of having affairs outside of your marriage when you say you're at study group, his suspicion is not okay. And it's a huge warning sign.

I wish you luck with your studies and please do what you can to be able to focus on getting the best results that you can. With a nursing degree you'll have independence. Having independence is freedom, and means that the choice to stay or leave can be based on what's best for you, and not on financial considerations. We all only get one life. We deserve happiness. YOU deserve happiness.

It's not my place to tell you how to handle your marriage, but PLEASE stay safe.

>>>>> I was just done with my response to you when I noticed that you've made an additional post with more information.

I suggest "don't give up a semester of your nursing." Push yourself to do things. If you matter to him, he wouldn't hurt you. Grieve and cry. Scream in the pillow or bite it.

I can tell you my story. I established my own business and purchased a franchise. I gave up my future for a man when I was 23 years old. And I gave birth to our daughter. To cut a long story short, I gave up everything and be there for him at all times. He supported our family, but I needed to prove him everything constantly that he was the only man I worshipped and loved. Nothing was going to make him satisfied.

One year later from closing my business, we broke up and winded up in the court system for a custody battle. It dried my bank account and broke financially but won. The only part I've never regret and grateful for, I was there for my daughter and took her with me.

Now, I'm facing a similar situation. My husband has mixed feelings about my nursing education. He has been acting out the day I was accepted. Now, it doesn't look good. I do get affected emotionally which is a nuisance in my concentration. I struggle to retain data I learned.

I don't want to prove a man anymore. This time, it's a man's turn to prove to me I'm valuable in his life.

It's painful. Do breathing exercise. It does help. :)

Good luck!

I'm confused. Are you now with husband number two? You previously said that you don't have kids with your husband, but in the new post, you speak of your daughter.

Right now, I feel like my reading comprehension sucks big time.

Anyway, my advice remains the same. Please stay safe!

OP, sorry about the thread hijack. Dear Abby doesn't have anything to fear from me. I'm pretty crap at giving romantic advice. I just wanted to add that I think it's better that you found out about your man's moral fiber now, rather than in the future when you might have invested even more of your time, feelings and possibly kids as well.

I know you're hurting right now, but one thing life has taught me. You WILL get through this. Grieve the loss of the relationship briefly, then focus all your mental energy on school.

I wish you the best of luck in school and much happiness in life going forward!

Maybe he thought you slept with too many guys or something and started doing calculations.

Well, thank you for your contribution This thread is officially becoming a bit strange.

[withme]

Hello and welcome to AN. I'm not sure exactly what to make of your posts. I looked at the only other posts you've made so far, and they were as I understand them, about looking forward to no longer being young and cute, so that creepy guys won't hit on you any more?? That struck me as odd first posts so I admit to having some reservations.

But despite that, I'm going to take your posts here in this thread at face value, because what you describe is in my opinion serious.

In my opinion, your situation doesn't sound anything like OP's situation. What you are describing bears many of the hallmarks of a potentially abusive partner.

I must confess that there are parts of your posts that I don't understand. How does thinking about the fact that someone can take everything they have with them and make YOU homeless, help?

You ask if you deserve someone who makes your life hell. I've never met you, I don't know you, yet I can confidently reply that; NO, you do not. No one deserves having their life made into hell. Especially not by someone who's supposed to love you and who shares his or her life with you. A husband/wife/partner should have their partner's best interest at heart.

A husband who actively tries to sabotage your ability to focus on studying prior to exams by deliberately stirring up ****, is no good.

He's showing signs of jealousy by being suspicious of your extracurricular activities. That jealousy can be sexual in nature, but it can also be jealousy and fear because you are gaining strength, more available options and independency from him by getting a formal education. Being able to support yourself will allow you choices in the future. Regardless of what motivates his suspicion, unless you have a habit of having affairs outside of your marriage when you say you're at study group, his suspicion is not okay. And it's a huge warning sign.

I wish you luck with your studies and please do what you can to be able to focus on getting the best results that you can. With a nursing degree you'll have independence. Having independence is freedom, and means that the choice to stay or leave can be based on what's best for you, and not on financial considerations. We all only get one life. We deserve happiness. YOU deserve happiness.

It's not my place to tell you how to handle your marriage, but PLEASE stay safe.

>>>>> I was just done with my response to you when I noticed that you've made an additional post with more information.

I'm confused. Are you now with husband number two? You previously said that you don't have kids with your husband, but in the new post, you speak of your daughter.

I'm giving the OP ideas how strong an emotion is. I was advised not to give up my business but ignored it. He was my bf.

Right now, I feel like my reading comprehension sucks big time.

No, I left some information out.

Anyway, my advice remains the same. Please stay safe!

OP, sorry about the thread hijack. Dear Abby doesn't have anything to fear from me. I'm pretty crap at giving romantic advice. I just wanted to add that I think it's better that you found out about your man's moral fiber now, rather than in the future when you might have invested even more of your time, feelings and possibly kids as well.

I know you're hurting right now, but one thing life has taught me. You WILL get through this. Grieve the loss of the relationship briefly, then focus all your mental energy on school.

I wish you the best of luck in school and much happiness in life going forward!

Well, thank you for your contribution This thread is officially becoming a bit strange.

I'm sorry to confuse you.

With my husband, I don't have a child/children with him( but he has children from a previous marriage.) My ex bf is long gone. I communicate with him for the sake of my daughter.

Thank you so much for your advice.

[Horseshoe, BSN, RN]

Maybe he thought you slept with too many guys or something and started doing calculations.

Meh, more likely he is insecure, worried that she will not "need" him anymore, or that she will meet someone better. Both of which are highly likely, btw.

[cosmicmama, BSN, RN]

Screw him, honey. You have a wonderful career ahead of you. Throw yourself into your future. One day you're going to be a successful nurse and he's going to realize how he screwed up, and then you will want to laugh in his face. I went through a divorce with a 2 year old when I was in nursing school, and was broke as hell. That was almost 30 years ago and I can't believe I was so heartbroken over that fool.

Point is, look forward. You will get through this and be a stronger person. My mantra has always been....DON'T LOOK BACK. Just keep going, girl. Hugs.

[withme]

Maybe he thought you slept with too many guys or something and started doing calculations.

It means his 40-55 hours weekly work isn't enough to keep his mind busy. Nobody is a threat to our relationship but his behavior.

[Lunah, MSN, RN]

OP, you are worth so much more than how he treated you. If he comes back (and he might), just know he has shown you his true face, and ask yourself if you are willing to settle for someone who makes you feel small and worthless. You are neither of those things. You hold out for someone who loves you madly and will lavish you with affection, and you can do the same in return. This schmoe just wasn't him. *hugs* Let's just say that I have been married more than once, more than twice, more than.... you get the point. We have all been there, and we know your pain. You just focus on loving yourself and you will be okay. More than okay, better than before. Go forth and kick butt in school. :)