Attention nurse bullies... and victims!!

sherri64 · Oct 19, 2016

I cannot stand gossip. And I worked on a unit that just about existed on it. If you didn't participate, you weren't part of the "in" group. Funny thing is, they all gossiped about each other too. And it was hurtful things. In my case, I was being accused of having an affair with two different men who worked our unit from time to time. Not true at all. The one was dating my daughter! The other was just a good friend. I have always had guys for friends and these women thought that was impossible. I'm also married 40+ years with kids. This gossip got me called in to my head nurse's office where I was told to keep my personal life affairs outside of work. It was horrible. The younger guy dating my dtr was very embarrassed and refused to work our unit any longer and eventually broke up with my dtr. The other guy went on to get his nsg degree and quit. He and I are still friends but that is all. And I eventually left for another job. Gossip can destroy morale and a lot more. My husband was livid about it. Almost cost me my marriage and there was no reason for any of it. I think it is one of the worst kinds of bullying.

dec2007 · Oct 19, 2016

I haven't read the entire thread, so please forgive me if I repeat someone else's experience. Bullying is a very complex issue, and usually not as clear-cut as it sounds. As a young child, I was terribly bullied at school. There were several things that made me "different" from the other children, and different is usually not tolerated or accepted (regardless of common denials to the contrary). At any rate, between extreme bullying at school, and some oddities in parenting, I became very self-conscious and introverted. Very.

Fast forward forty years to experienced hospital nurse. I'm still "different", and have encountered an occassional workplace bully. I guess they are everywhere, in every career, and in every walk of life. Maybe it's the bad side of human nature showing its ugly teeth, I don't know. What I DO know is that because I am introverted, I am often perceived as "uppity" or "stuck up"; however, nothing could be farther from the truth. In reality, I am so busy criticizing myself that I could never find the heart to criticize anyone else. Another "side effect" of my childhood is that I just don't smile. Literally. So I may look "grouchy" or "mean" to you, but not because I intend to. I work hard to be good at my job, but I'm not very social at work. Still, I have been occasionally been mistaken for a bully because it is hard for me to interact casually with others.

I guess what I am saying is that, yes, there are real bullies in the workplace, and they should be stopped; however, some of the people you are judging harshly may not be reacting to you. They may have their own issues to deal with, and may not even be aware of your concerns. Its possible that other people are doing the best they can, and that we should try to be gentle with each other. Be kinder than necessary. Almost everyone is fighting their own demons or dealing with their own difficulties.

RN4vets · Oct 19, 2016

It is very unlikely this young man was suicidal because of one bad coworker. Also an unlikely reason for him getting out the the CNA business altogether. If she was causing such a problem for him and management knew it, why wasn't it addressed more definitively?
When bad employees have the power to run off the good ones, that is a function of weak leadership.

Hah!!! "Weak Leadership" "Why wasn't it addressed definitively?" EXCELLENT QUESTION!!!

At our facility, the Nurse Manager of our Outpatient Clinic had a horrible reputation as a blatant bully for years, even from her days as a Charge Nurse on the floor of the hospital. My first encounter with her was on an evening shift in the ER and we were trying to move several admitted patients upstairs. I had to pick up some meds at the 7th floor Pharmacy and the ER Charge asked me to check the 5th floor on my way back, so she could call the Housekeeping Supervisor and expedite some rooms to be cleaned for our patients. As I approached the desk, I greeted the staff, and told them we were going to get them some help in getting their rooms ready. The Bully loudly admonished me in front of the staff, telling me I had no business being on their floor, and threatened to summon the Hospital Police to arrest me for trespassing if I took one more step in any direction but out. I'm very proud of the fact that I didn't laugh in her face, but I did turn around and return to the ER where I shared my encounter with my colleagues who chimed in with their own experiences of her bullying behavior.

Some years later, due to a natural disaster, our facility was destroyed and we had no more hospital. To my absolute dismay, the remnants of our staff were selected to provide care in several Outpatient Clinics. Horror of horrors, The Bully was now my direct supervisor as the Nurse Manager of the clinic. Every single employee, whether they were an RN, LPN, CNA, or even a clerk or housekeeper, cringed at the thought of having to deal with this woman on a daily basis for who knows how many years to come.

Her bullying was primarily in the manner she spoke to you.....in a tone and manner that one would address a disobedient child. Then there were the write-ups. She would call staff privately into her office (no witnesses!) and ambush them with a disciplinary action. Within moments of taking a seat, and not knowing why you've been summoned, she shoves a fully written reprimand of some sort across the desk, and says, "You need to sign this, or you're being suspended immediately!" The write-up could have been something that was charted WEEKS ago, and she discovered it during her review of your notes. You're now in a position that you have to sign the document before you can leave her office, and then have to go back in the patient's chart to see what may have been the issue, and then start the appeal process, which can take several more weeks. During that time, she can pull out any number of other issues and just keep piling it on to wear you out.

The Bully also seems to operate in a cycle, meaning that she focuses on one or two staff for a period of time, and then rotates off to someone else. This way, the entire staff is always kept on edge, wondering whose turn it is next. So, when "your turn" rolls around, you can at least take comfort in knowing that she'll be moving on to someone else in due time after she feels that you have been sufficiently terrorized.

One of our male LPNs was one of her favorite targets, possibly because he was homosexual, or that he was highly emotional and dramatic, or simply that he was such easy prey and she could reduce him to sobbing to the point where he couldn't function and had to go home sick for several days. After one of the episodes, where, even though the door was closed, we could hear their raised voices, and his anguished scream for her to "Please Just STOP!!!" She stormed out of his room, and he was curled on the floor sobbing. He left that day and never returned. Several weeks later, he killed himself.

Many of our staff successfully transferred to other clinics or just quit, or retired. Many staff, including myself, filed EEO complaints against her for the incessant bullying. I'll never forget my Arbitration Hearing where the EEO person told me that they were quite familiar with The Bully, but so far, nothing had been done, because in the course of their investigation, they found that she DID NOT DISCRIMINATE, and was EQUALLY abusive and abrasive to ALL the staff.....????!!!!!!

The stress of that environment sent me to the ER twice on the job with chest pains and palpitations, thankfully with no permanent damage. Another of my colleagues was not so fortunate. We'd had MANY conversations, sharing our frustrations of filing grievances with the employee's union and we both had filed EEO complaints against The Bully. He remarked more than once that the stress was going to kill him. After his fatal heart attack, I'm definitely convinced that it did.

The Bully did finally make good on her threat to me of calling the Hospital Police one day. It was in the last 15 minutes of my shift, and my nephew picked up my children from school, ages 12, 11, and 9. He dropped them off to me on his way to work, and I had them sitting quietly in my office with the door closed while I finished my charting. The Bully burst into my office, eyed my children playing their Game Boys, and yelled at me in front of my kids. "You aren't allowed to have your children accompany you to work!" I tried to explain that they only got dropped off a few minutes ago and were riding home with me. She stormed out, shouting, 'I'm calling the police!" My children were terrified, and started crying. Moments later, two Hospital Police Officers, armed and in uniform, came into my office, ordered me to shut down my computer, and escorted me and my children out of the building as they sobbed, begging the policemen to not take them to jail. All this from a woman who is routinely seen entertaining her own children in her office at various times of the day during work hours.

There was a movie a few years ago, "Horrible Bosses". They had a scene in there that gripped me by the throat. One of the lead characters had just been royally screwed by his boss, played by Kevin Spacey. The guy snapped, and snatched Kevin Spacey by the necktie, dragging him through the office while everyone cheered, and he threw him out the window of their office building. Of course, it turned out that it was only what he'd been THINKING of doing. MY thoughts were that the script writers were reading my mind!

My ordeals with The Bully ended after another hospitalization and extended recovery, during which she made every attempt (lying, fabricating, etc.) to have me dismissed or forced into retirement. All the while, I had three EEO complaints against her running simultaneously. At the Arbitration Hearing, they lumped all 3 into a single event and a deal was struck where I would finally be granted a transfer away from her; my disciplinary record would be cleared, and BEST of all, that no matter where I would be assigned in the future within the organization, The Bully would NEVER again be my direct reporting supervisor throughout the duration of my employment.

The employee's union continues to receive complaints, and to this day, The Bully remains in her position, and her subordinates continue to suffer her verbal abuse and administrative punishments. My children still vividly remember the incident with the Hospital Police, and they're now 18, 17 and 15. I haven't been back in the hospital or had any chest pains or sleepless nights since escaping with my life from that insufferable, suffocating environment. I do feel bad for my colleagues I left behind, and offer moral support whenever they reach out to me. I pray that one day, one of them doesn't snap and we all find out if The Bully can fly without her broom. God be with them all, and I especially do mean The Bully, because HE is the only one who can save her from herself.

BeenThere2012, ASN, RN · Oct 19, 2016

Most bullies -- and there are a few in nursing -- don't think they are bullies.
I've encountered two bullies in nursing over the past forty years. That's probably about the same as bullies in the general population. I've encountered many, many people who swear they've BEEN bullied, and very few of them can describe incidents that actually rise to the standard of bullying.
A few of the incidents that led to complaints of bullying:
"She won't have lunch with me. She eats with her friends."
"She won't answer any of my questions about her family -- she talks to all the OLD nurses, but not to me." (They met last week.)
"She never says "hello" to me in the morning." (Senior nurse who drives to work wearing her glasses, leaves them in the car and puts her contacts in when she gets to the unit. Said newbie encounters her in the lobby every morning, but has never greeted the senior nurse who can't see well enough without her glasses to recognize the newbie as someone she ought to know."
"They never ask me to go out after work."
"She hates me! She never answers my questions." (Senior nurse who was attempting to foster independence in her almost-off-orientation new grad by getting her into the habit of looking things up.)
Over the years, I've found that often those most concerned about BEING bullied are the ones with bullying tendencies. "My nurse touched a patient without gloves! How do I report her?" (Not "SHOULD I report her?" Not "is that acceptable practice?" Not "I talked to my instructor about it." But HOW do I report her?"). Reporting someone without first attempting to talk to them about it is bully behavior.
Oscar is having a very rough time. His wife of 47 years just died, his son skipped the funeral to steal all the valuables out of his house, and his back is hurting so much he thinks he's going to have to give up his EVS position. Omar, the CNA complains that "Oscar is really nasty these days. He doesn't talk to me at all, and he's muttering to himself when he cleaned up the mess I left on the floor. I told HIM off, though, and now I'm going to tell all of my friends that he dissed me and they should diss him." Who is the bully? Oscar, who is just trying to put one foot in front of the other and get through his day to collect a paycheck? Or Omar who is trying to enlist all of the other CNAs to "diss" Oscar?
Bullies don't think they're bullies. They just think they're "giving back what he gave me" Or "giving them what they deserve."
I've been accused of bullying. I was "guest precepting" and orientee years ago. At the time, my father was dying about a thousand miles from me and my mother was sinking deeper and deeper into Alzheimer's and my sister and I knew that we had to do something, but we weren't sure what to do or how to do it. There may even have been some denial. I was on the phone with my sister, Dad's doctor, Mom's doctor and a social worker several times during the course of that day, and I was ever so grateful that the orientee was almost off orientation and very independent. Later, MY orientee, who was off that day, told me what her friend had been saying. "She was rude to me. She wouldn't talk to me and she was on her phone all day. When she wasn't on the phone, she was going over my charting looking for mistakes. I don't know how you can deal with her, she's such a bully." After my orientee explained the situation, her friend reconsidered "reporting me" for "bullying her."
My colleague Inge has a reputation for being a bully. Inge is bipolar, although usually well controlled. Her husband has heart disease and at the time he was in his sixth month of a CCU stay and was being worked up for a transplant or a VAD. Inge has a teenaged son who has drug problems. She begged not to precept, but there weren't enough preceptors to go around and she got tagged anyway. With all that she had going on in her life, some days she just wasn't a very good teacher. A whole orientation group complained about what a big bully she was -- no one was willing to cut her any slack. You can't just not go to work for six months when you're working to continue the health insurance your family needs. And some problems just cannot be left at home.
Sometimes the "bully" is just someone who is having a really bad day. Or month. Or year.

Awesome! You gave excellent examples of what some misunderstand as "bullying". Frankly, I haven't been bullied per say, but I certainly have been left out of the "in-group" a few times and that often feels very bad for any number of reasons. Even in those situations, there were plenty of others on the team that liked me very much and I the same. You can't be liked by everyone, just as you don't like everyone. I think a lot of people (particularly young ones) confuse the social aspects with the professional while at work. Although it is always good to participate in certain social events associated with work, it is not important to be everyone's BFF.

susummers1 · Oct 19, 2016

In one of my jobs I encountered horizontal violence. At the time I was not aware of what was happening but I knew I was unhappy, would cry all the time and dread my job. I ended up leaving that job shy of a year because I was ready to quit nursing. The next job I went to had a class that was mandatory on horizontal violence and it made everything click with how I was feeling and what had been happening. At the previous facility no one got reprimanded for their behavior or how they treated others. It was a horrible situation. I am very glad I left it.

KezrockRN29 · Oct 19, 2016

Yes I was the victim of bullying from both the physician and nurse manager. I worked for Advantis Occupational Healthcare. They provide nurses to general Motors. Many of the positions are full time. I worked at Orion Assembly Plant for 3 years before the plant went down to 1 shift and I was forced to find another plant to work at. Of the 3 nurses that were being displaced, I had the most seniority and I was the last to get placed. One of the three got a position at our sister plant and the 3rd shift part time RN who "didn't need to work" was offered the full time Dayshift position. I was left dangling in the wind. I was told, "well we thought you had another job lined up". So that was last December. When you work Occ nursing you often have to pick up time at other plants to get your 40 hours. So I had worked, by this point, at 7 plants. There was one plant that could never seem to hang on to their nurses and was known for being tough on experienced nurses to the point that they (Advantis) had difficulty staffing the plant. I, of course, needing full time hours, was forced into working the midnight shift there. At first it wasn't too bad. Then, it started with little nitpicking and that evolved into a lot of nitpicking. All along I informed my company who kept telling me to "document it", "save your notes" etc. I worked midnights and started having anxiety attacks about going in. I wouldn't even see the Dr except for an hour on Friday mornings when she would come in an hour before the shift ended to see anyone from the midnight shift that needed follow up. She was Always late. One time I had an emergency in the plant and it happened right before her 6am appts were to start. I made the decision to send the employee to a local hospital for a xray. She comes in (late of course) right before the cab arrives to take the man for his xray. Without seeing the man she made me cancel the cab and wanted to see the appointments, that she was a half an hour late for, first. Once done she goes in to see the man with the knee injury and comes out at 6:50 am (I get off at 7) asking when the stand alone radiology center opened. I told her not until 830. So just to spite me, she wrote RESTRICTIONS on the patient of "Sit down job only" and made me call the cab back. Anyone who knows anything about Occ nursing knows that you do everything to prevent a case from going OSHA recordable. Restrictions make the case recordable automatically. So, before the employee is even seen or xray'd she made the case recordable on purpose for no reason other than to spite me. She did stuff like that all the time and yelled at me in front of a patient when I told her "Yes Dr. I understand what needs to be done". Apparently I had an attitude and she didn't like it. The employee heard everything and told me he would defend me if it came to it. I immediately informed my company and I had to report it to the nursing supervisor who was just as bad. My company did nothing. Eventually I ended up with Stress induced EKG changes with Tachycardia and my Dr had take me off work for 2 months. Not one time did I hear from my company. I still have the paperwork I saved in a file over an inch and a half thick. I have been a nurse nearly 20 years. I have never been in that type of situation before. I felt helpless and was pacified by my company. It was hell

PearsonBSN · Oct 19, 2016

Bullying has been bred into the nursing culture. Bad experiences as students and new graduates create nurses who bully. When they are finally in a position of even minimal authority, instead of nurturing, they can take on the attitude of entitlement and "it's now my turn". They have the attitude that nurses must have a thick skin, and they are going to put them to the test. They can be cold, mean and uncaring. This only continues the cycle of bullying. We need to be kind to our young, not eat them.

SmilingBluEyes · Oct 19, 2016

Yes I was the victim of bullying from both the physician and nurse manager. I worked for Advantis Occupational Healthcare. They provide nurses to general Motors. Many of the positions are full time. I worked at Orion Assembly Plant for 3 years before the plant went down to 1 shift and I was forced to find another plant to work at. Of the 3 nurses that were being displaced, I had the most seniority and I was the last to get placed. One of the three got a position at our sister plant and the 3rd shift part time RN who "didn't need to work" was offered the full time Dayshift position. I was left dangling in the wind. I was told, "well we thought you had another job lined up". So that was last December. When you work Occ nursing you often have to pick up time at other plants to get your 40 hours. So I had worked, by this point, at 7 plants. There was one plant that could never seem to hang on to their nurses and was known for being tough on experienced nurses to the point that they (Advantis) had difficulty staffing the plant. I, of course, needing full time hours, was forced into working the midnight shift there. At first it wasn't too bad. Then, it started with little nitpicking and that evolved into a lot of nitpicking. All along I informed my company who kept telling me to "document it", "save your notes" etc. I worked midnights and started having anxiety attacks about going in. I wouldn't even see the Dr except for an hour on Friday mornings when she would come in an hour before the shift ended to see anyone from the midnight shift that needed follow up. She was Always late. One time I had an emergency in the plant and it happened right before her 6am appts were to start. I made the decision to send the employee to a local hospital for a xray. She comes in (late of course) right before the cab arrives to take the man for his xray. Without seeing the man she made me cancel the cab and wanted to see the appointments, that she was a half an hour late for, first. Once done she goes in to see the man with the knee injury and comes out at 6:50 am (I get off at 7) asking when the stand alone radiology center opened. I told her not until 830. So just to spite me, she wrote RESTRICTIONS on the patient of "Sit down job only" and made me call the cab back. Anyone who knows anything about Occ nursing knows that you do everything to prevent a case from going OSHA recordable. Restrictions make the case recordable automatically. So, before the employee is even seen or xray'd she made the case recordable on purpose for no reason other than to spite me. She did stuff like that all the time and yelled at me in front of a patient when I told her "Yes Dr. I understand what needs to be done". Apparently I had an attitude and she didn't like it. The employee heard everything and told me he would defend me if it came to it. I immediately informed my company and I had to report it to the nursing supervisor who was just as bad. My company did nothing. Eventually I ended up with Stress induced EKG changes with Tachycardia and my Dr had take me off work for 2 months. Not one time did I hear from my company. I still have the paperwork I saved in a file over an inch and a half thick. I have been a nurse nearly 20 years. I have never been in that type of situation before. I felt helpless and was pacified by my company. It was hell

Way too much information on a public board. I would reconsider allowing this post to stand as it is; there is much too much easy-to-identify information in this post. Just some thoughts. Good luck and best wishes.

SmilingBluEyes · Oct 19, 2016

. We need to be kind to our young, not eat them.

Eh, it's not just the old eating the young in nursing. It goes both ways.

Truth66 · Oct 19, 2016

Hello,

I have experienced several examples of Bullying in my nursing career. In fact I wrote a brief article not too long ago of what can happen when bullying in the workplace isn't dealt with. This might be of some assistance for you.

Something Worse Than Bullying - Fritsen.com

Ruby Vee, BSN · Oct 19, 2016

Bullying has been bred into the nursing culture. Bad experiences as students and new graduates create nurses who bully. When they are finally in a position of even minimal authority, instead of nurturing, they can take on the attitude of entitlement and "it's now my turn". They have the attitude that nurses must have a thick skin, and they are going to put them to the test. They can be cold, mean and uncaring. This only continues the cycle of bullying. We need to be kind to our young, not eat them.

Congratulations for finding a way to blame NETY. I personally have never observed a nurse eating her young. I have, however, observed many a young'un attempting to masticate her elders.

It has been my observation that those who are most concerned about finding bullies in the workplace are the same people who exhibit behaviors commonly attributed to bullies toward their "elders."

Ruby Vee, BSN · Oct 19, 2016

Yes I was the victim of bullying from both the physician and nurse manager. I worked for Advantis Occupational Healthcare. They provide nurses to general Motors. Many of the positions are full time. I worked at Orion Assembly Plant for 3 years before the plant went down to 1 shift and I was forced to find another plant to work at. Of the 3 nurses that were being displaced, I had the most seniority and I was the last to get placed. One of the three got a position at our sister plant and the 3rd shift part time RN who "didn't need to work" was offered the full time Dayshift position. I was left dangling in the wind. I was told, "well we thought you had another job lined up". So that was last December. When you work Occ nursing you often have to pick up time at other plants to get your 40 hours. So I had worked, by this point, at 7 plants. There was one plant that could never seem to hang on to their nurses and was known for being tough on experienced nurses to the point that they (Advantis) had difficulty staffing the plant. I, of course, needing full time hours, was forced into working the midnight shift there. At first it wasn't too bad. Then, it started with little nitpicking and that evolved into a lot of nitpicking. All along I informed my company who kept telling me to "document it", "save your notes" etc. I worked midnights and started having anxiety attacks about going in. I wouldn't even see the Dr except for an hour on Friday mornings when she would come in an hour before the shift ended to see anyone from the midnight shift that needed follow up. She was Always late. One time I had an emergency in the plant and it happened right before her 6am appts were to start. I made the decision to send the employee to a local hospital for a xray. She comes in (late of course) right before the cab arrives to take the man for his xray. Without seeing the man she made me cancel the cab and wanted to see the appointments, that she was a half an hour late for, first. Once done she goes in to see the man with the knee injury and comes out at 6:50 am (I get off at 7) asking when the stand alone radiology center opened. I told her not until 830. So just to spite me, she wrote RESTRICTIONS on the patient of "Sit down job only" and made me call the cab back. Anyone who knows anything about Occ nursing knows that you do everything to prevent a case from going OSHA recordable. Restrictions make the case recordable automatically. So, before the employee is even seen or xray'd she made the case recordable on purpose for no reason other than to spite me. She did stuff like that all the time and yelled at me in front of a patient when I told her "Yes Dr. I understand what needs to be done". Apparently I had an attitude and she didn't like it. The employee heard everything and told me he would defend me if it came to it. I immediately informed my company and I had to report it to the nursing supervisor who was just as bad. My company did nothing. Eventually I ended up with Stress induced EKG changes with Tachycardia and my Dr had take me off work for 2 months. Not one time did I hear from my company. I still have the paperwork I saved in a file over an inch and a half thick. I have been a nurse nearly 20 years. I have never been in that type of situation before. I felt helpless and was pacified by my company. It was hell

I am sorry you've had difficulty getting along with coworkers. It sucks, I know.

Paragraphs are very easy to do and make your post much easier to read. Simply hit the "return" key twice and you have paragraphs!

Way too much information shared on a public board. You may want to reconsider your oversharing.