I was looking for some input. I am an atheist and haven't believed in God for as long as I can remember. However I understand that faith is extremely personal and important to many people. I may not believe in God, but a lack of faith doesn't mean I feel any less strongly about my own beliefs,and always hope that is respected as well.
With that said, I had an incident recently with a patients family. Usually when families choose to pray I will stand nearby respectfully or quietly continue patient care. This person grabbed my hand and insisted I participate. I said that I appreciated the thought to be included but I would let them have their time together while I provided care for the pt. they became insistent and I ended up saying that I was going to step out of the room. They ended up going to my charge nurse saying that they wanted a new nurse because if I wasn't comfortable praying with them, I was only causing their daughter harm(verbatim). I didn't get in trouble, but I was curious if others faced similar situations. I don't advertise to anyone that I am an atheist, but just like I wouldn't force my beliefs on others I would like to gracefully dodge that happening to me.
In no way do I mean to offend anyone. I just am curious to get other opinions on the matter. TIA.
I think you handled the situation perfectly. You did nothing to disrespect or infringe on their beliefs and maintained integrity to your own. I totally disagree with those who have commented that you should have just sucked it up and gone along with the families demands. It was totally inappropriate for them to try and inflict their personal beliefs on someone else.
I will say that they had the right to request another nurse (as any pt does). Luckily your supervisors were wise enough to realize this was the family's problem and not any fault of your own. I suspect, however, has their daughter been critically ill or coded, they would not be requiring staff to join the prayer circle before providing care.
Walking into a church makes me physically nauseated.
Sit back and say OMmmmmmmm....
Walking into a church makes me dumbfounded that people actually believe in god. But I love the architecture and art.
If it's not OK to claim to be atheist, it's less OK for anyone else to claim to be from any religious faction, since most religions hate each other. In fact, religion is a major cause of war.
Separation of Church and State ought to also apply to the workplace.
I can respect your belief and still agree with the families decision. If they were a family of strong faith that a higher power guides the healing hands of the persons caring for thier loved one, they would be most comfortable with someone that can participate in that belief. It says nothing about your nursing care- just a families spiritual preference.
On a different note, I don't know how you cannot believe in a higher power guiding the universe. Just say the words out loud " Looks like we are finally going to have a quiet shift" and watch what happens. The universe is controled by a power that is always listening and it is not always benevolent to nurses.
Another atheist here. I believe you did the right thing. I'll bow my head or read from the bible or religious text for a pt; but when it comes to joining hands and taking a more active role, I'm done. First, I agree, it's disrespectful to fake it. I don't think bowing my head is faking it, because I'm trying to think nice thoughts and for me personally, I'm okay with that. If I'm on the slippery slope that may involve some sort of participation, though, I decline. I was brought up in a kind of religious house hold, went to sunday school and the sort, but I've *never* been a believer, and so I never paid much attention. So I honestly don't know what's expected of me in those sort of situations. Am I supposed to say an "Amen" at the end? Am I supposed to say or do something else? I don't want to mess it up. I always offer to call the chaplain in these situations.
I'm a Christian, and I think you were right not to participate. No one should be pressured into a religious ceremony they don't want to be part of. And look at it this way -- if the family requests another nurse, it doesn't mean you're a bad nurse, it just means you don't have to deal with their intrusive ways again. Everybody wins!
I kind of go between believer and agnostic, probably dozens of times per day, some days. However, working in the bible belt, I can't really talk about it with colleagues. So on the few times where staff got together for group prayer, I'll just shut my eyes, lower my head, and think positive thoughts. Or just clear my mind and relax for a minute. I doubt they'll know the difference, and you do get some benefit from taking a minute to breathe deep. Just saying.
But if it makes you that uncomfortable, don't do it. I just don't feel strongly about it either way, hence the agnostic thing.
Pugmom, I think you handled the situation perfectly. You were respectful, honest, and true to yourself. Everyone has different beliefs and comfort levels when it comes to religion and praying, and I personally don't think "faking it" is a good answer. I'm not sure what my spiritual beliefs are, but when a patient asks me to pray I say "I will be here with you while you pray". If a patient offers to pray for me, I always say thank you. I figure I can use all the good thoughts and wishes I can get, even if they don't take a form I believe in.
We deal with all types...especially when it comes to families. I'd say you did everything fine. I wouldn't feel comfortable praying with a patient's family either.
Specializes in Cardiac, ER, Pediatrics, Corrections.
I am Christian and I think you you handled the situation well and were respectful. I do not think you did anything wrong here. No matter what anyone does, someone will always be offended. I would not be bothered by having an atheist nurse, or whatever they believed! You are a competent nurse and were nothing but respectful. If anything, I feel the patients family was being disrespectful to you. To each their own..I wish everyone felt this way.
Specializes in Medical-Surgial, Cardiac, Pediatrics.
I'm an Atheist, as well, and have found myself in a few of those situations. None where the family ended up complaining or didn't come to an understanding, but it definitely created some uncomfortable dynamics for a bit. I think I've been lucky in that I've yet to come across anyone who was mean or accusing of my stance, but I'm sure it'll happen, give enough time.
You really didn't do anything wrong, though. In the past, I've always politely declined to pray if I'm asked, and I'll offer to get another nurse to join them, or the chaplain, to offer them the spiritual fulfillment they really need. Some have asked me why I'm not praying, because it's just a "sweet, simple, good" thing, and I will honestly tell them that I'm an atheist, and I'm not going to be disingenuous by pretending. I wouldn't expect them to pray to a different god that they don't believe in, and as such, I don't pray to gods I don't believe in.
This of course took me YEARS to feel okay doing because in most society circles, claiming the "A" word is almost taken like you've said "I worship the Devil and sacrifice small infants routinely in my backyard". I had to work at owning it and being comfortable with it publicly to the point where it was nonchalant and no big deal.
My dad was chronically ill. I grew up with him about to die any minute. He was frequently hospitalized and when ever he was the religiosity grew thick… he preached to anyone and everyone who walked in the door. While I believe in God and my dad and I didn't see eye to eye as his faith system was very fear based. I had an epiphany once when he was hospitalized and realized it was a coping mechanism and based on his fears… it stopped bothering me. (the way he would go off the deep end religion wise). It allowed me to step back and have perspective on his situation and have more compassion on him. (He died at the ripe old age of 82 though he was told from the time he was 5 he could die at any time)
I'm sorry these people pushed their religion down your throat but I feel they were probably acting out of their own fear and were the opposite of loving and kind which their God would have preferred them to be. :)
Thanks for opening this thread. It is very interesting. I too have felt uncomfortable with different variations on the Christian theme and judged by families if my 'faith' didn't match their own… It is funny how being Christian isn't enough for some people, you have to be exactly their dogma to be 'in' the circle. Christians judge each other and I find it sad, funny, and disturbing all at once. Not only that but it can get in the way of actual care giving…
When my son was little he never wanted to close his eyes so I didn't push it. If I'm working and I say a prayer for a patient, I don't feel it is necessary to close my eyes and make a big deal about it… I don't think anyone even has to know. I like the ideas behind healing touch for instance and feel that is praying to have unconditional positive regard and good intentions as in starting IV's I would always pray but not with my eyes closed mainly because we are just too dang busy as nurses… but I applied healing touch to IV starts and though it is whooo whooo so to speak, it does work. who knows why. I would never have pushed my beliefs on a patient likewise a family pushing their beliefs on a nurse is pretty 1) controlling 2) fear based and 3) immature imo.
Sorry they put you through that but it could happen to anyone who is in any way different… so don't take it personally. I shudder to think what my dad said to some of his nurses. He was well intended but man, obnoxious is how it came off.
pro-student
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I think you handled the situation perfectly. You did nothing to disrespect or infringe on their beliefs and maintained integrity to your own. I totally disagree with those who have commented that you should have just sucked it up and gone along with the families demands. It was totally inappropriate for them to try and inflict their personal beliefs on someone else.
I will say that they had the right to request another nurse (as any pt does). Luckily your supervisors were wise enough to realize this was the family's problem and not any fault of your own. I suspect, however, has their daughter been critically ill or coded, they would not be requiring staff to join the prayer circle before providing care.
Keep up the good work.