I was looking for some input. I am an atheist and haven't believed in God for as long as I can remember. However I understand that faith is extremely personal and important to many people. I may not believe in God, but a lack of faith doesn't mean I feel any less strongly about my own beliefs,and always hope that is respected as well.
With that said, I had an incident recently with a patients family. Usually when families choose to pray I will stand nearby respectfully or quietly continue patient care. This person grabbed my hand and insisted I participate. I said that I appreciated the thought to be included but I would let them have their time together while I provided care for the pt. they became insistent and I ended up saying that I was going to step out of the room. They ended up going to my charge nurse saying that they wanted a new nurse because if I wasn't comfortable praying with them, I was only causing their daughter harm(verbatim). I didn't get in trouble, but I was curious if others faced similar situations. I don't advertise to anyone that I am an atheist, but just like I wouldn't force my beliefs on others I would like to gracefully dodge that happening to me.
In no way do I mean to offend anyone. I just am curious to get other opinions on the matter. TIA.
Complete atheist here but I think faking it is a better answer. If their praying and their believing the nursing/medical staff joins in with, believes in, their praying then they, the patient and the family, will feel better. Helping patients feel better is part of our job.
It reminds me of alternative complementary medicine or holistic nursing, or whatever it is called now. I don't believe in any of it, but if my patient says smelling lavender four times a day cured their (fill in the blank) I believe their "mind" believes it and the mind is part of their body. I am not going to tell them it didn't. (I will tell her she needs to also have a medical doctor check our her symptoms.)
Praying cannot harm a patient (as long as it is in addition to medical care) as much as some of the alternative complementary medicine does.
Lifelong atheist here and RN, I put my patient's and their family's needs ahead of my own, always. If it is important to THEM that I join their prayer circle or participate is something religious/ceremonial, it's not gonna kill me or "turn" me to join in, pretend to pray, and just play along for 5 minutes. If it brings them comfort, keeps the peace, and soothes the patient, GREAT. That's my JOB. I can close my eyes and hold their hands and think about my grocery shopping list. Or meditate. Or be thankful I get 5 minutes to stop and breathe deeply on my busy shift. Sometimes (GASP) I even tell them I am honored they asked me to be included. Come on, don't make a bad impression of us atheists, we have a rough enough time as it is. Be the mature, enlightened, polite atheist and put your patients first.
I get where you're coming from with this, but I'm going to have to disagree.
I'll admit, I have "faked it" to some degree a few times as an aide/nurse just to keep the peace. Usually this takes the form of me simply nodding, vague words of agreement or simply standing quietly.
But I agree with the OP in that I would draw the line at having to hold hands in some prayer circle. No need to tell them I'm an atheist. In such situations, I have simply said that I'm not a Christian and leave it at that. They can fill in the blanks in their imagination however they want.
I don't think my responsibility to my patients includes pretending to be religious. Thats what pastors are for. They're drawing a paycheck to address spiritual concerns. I have neither the ability nor inclination to do so.
Specializes in Emergency, Med-Surg, Progressive Care.
I am a long-time atheist (borderline anti-theist), and I have prayed with a patient on one occasion. I was raised Catholic-ish, so I am familiar with a lot of the dogma and rituals. The only time that a patient's religious beliefs caused a problem was when a patient started on about how her surgeon wouldn't pray for Jesus to guide his hands during surgery. I had to kindly explain that he was entitled to practice or forgo religion as he pleased. If a patient ever asked to me lead a prayer, I probably would. Even though I'm not religious, I have a begrudging respect for clergymen for their showmanship. There are quite a few pastors who have completely lost faith, and are just going through the motions. I figure if they can lead a sermon, so can I.
I like this post! I have recently dealt with the same type of thing. I am not an atheist but I do have my own (non Christian) spiritual belief system. I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and it was never natural or comfortable for me. I found it very oppressive. Although I appreciate some of what the bible has to offer (the teachings of goodness and kindness) I strongly disagree with some of the things it has to say. Also I don't believe in Satan at all. I was asked by a patient of mine to listen to a bible study with them and they were very insistent on knowing my beliefs and then putting me down for not having the same (Christian) beliefs as they have. I dealt with it by letting them know in a kind manner I'm glad they find comfort in their belief system and that I respect it and that I would like the same respect and also that they weren't going to convert me and that I didn't want it to be an ongoing thing of stress for us. If my patient had been on their death bed and wanted me to pray with them then I feel that would be different. If their last wish is for me to pray with them then I will pray with them (perhaps secretly to my own deity(s)) just to make them comfortable. I don't think this is right for everyone though. I think as long as you are kind, respectful and do your job well you are doing great and I would hope you would get some respect in return. This isn't always the case though. Patients can be very disrespectful. Sometimes you may need a bit of space. I think giving them space to do their praying was a good idea especially if you felt they would be disrespecting you or you belief (or lack of one).
I'm not saying I would never engae in a patient's religous ceremony/prayer if I thought that would help. I just don't like the implication that it's my duty as a nurse to always do so.
I am agnostic, and I think you did the right thing. I don't have a problem if my patient's parents want to pray, but I do not want to be involved in it. I think you were well within your rights to not join in. You seemed to do it in a very respectful way too.
As a person of faith, I would not want you to lie and pretend to pray with us. A family that cannot accept your polite and respectful declining to participate has problems that would not be solved by deceiving them.
What an oxymoron! I believe in sincere prayer, and that prayers are heard! Why would I want to mix a "lie" into them? Not calling you a liar! I respect you all the more for declining!
As far as asking for another nurse, well, let them. It has nothing to do with your professionalism or ability, only their own closemindedness.
Whatever is comfortable for you. If people want to pray, they don't want to pray, they want to play along it's up to the nurse. I am very many things to a patient and family, all within my comfort level.
How you responded was completely within your right and you were respectable to the family. If they request another nurse don't take it to heart. It happens to all of us at some point.
Thanks everyone for your feedback. I definitely appreciate that this has remained a polite discussion. Thank you for that. I am always curious to know how others handle difficult situations like these as I think we cal always learn from each other.
Carrie RN
152 Posts
I don't believe that any nurse's job is to pray. Hope your supervisor continues to have your back.