Asked to resign after 6 months

Jory, MSN, APRN, CNM · Jun 7, 2018

I am so, so sorry this happened to you and I can literally see this chain of events in my head as you prescribed it.

I too as a new RN...got a stable preceptor, but a nasty, bitter woman who only had one mode of "constructive criticism"...it was to yell, belittle, and humiliate in front of physicians, other nurses, and patients. Every day when I left I thanked her for her help, hoping if I killed it with enough kindness she would turn around. I never argued with her, questioned her, but when she gave instructions, she didn't give them in a logical order and to a new nurse, it was very confusing and I couldn't follow her and anytime I asked for clarification she would yell. She told me more than once, "I have no idea how you expect to make it in this profession." I cried almost every day.

Then one day, my angel came. I found out that a coworker, whom I never found out exactly who..went to management and told them how nasty my preceptor was being to me. My manager changed me to a new preceptor (I was not told the reason) and of course, as a new RN I honestly thought I was going to lose my job.

About a year after I finished my orientation I found out that my first preceptor complained about me weekly and told my manager "If you don't get rid of her now, you are just asking for a lawsuit". I was horrified.

Guess what my new preceptor said about me? She reported to management at the end that I was the "perfect example" of what every new grad should be--inquisitive, yet takes notes and listens, willing to accept criticism and shows a willingness to correct. A whole list of nice things. She frankly didn't understand why the first preceptor had such a problem with me.

There are nasty people in this profession and i don't think hospitals work hard enough to get rid of them. I have advanced my career and will be moving into an upper leadership role very soon. Yes, at the same hospital where this one woman tried to get me fired.

So chin up! As long as you have the right attitude, you WILL find the right place.

love2banurse89, BSN, RN · Jun 7, 2018

I am so sorry this happened to you! In my almost 30 years as a nurse, I'm amazed at how consistently MOST medical organizations of every type (hospital, long term care, out patient surgery) keep the employees who do the most damage and drive off great employees. I've seen it over and over again. And it's happened to me--several years ago I worked in home health, an area I LOVED. After a year and a half I applied for and was put into an office/computer position. I was pushed into training despite my mom being critically ill (I did hours of computer training in the hospital sitting with her and the trainer came 3 days after she died) and was given very little training. A few weeks later I was given an additional location to manage. The person in that position at the second location assured me that she would do some of the tasks and I only needed to worry about a few of the tasks at that location (mostly moving around scheduled visits on the computer, confirming doctors orders and communications, etc). Later I was told that usually it is a minimum of 4-6 MONTHS before a second location gets added to that person's duties!

Less than two months later I was called in and told that I wasn't doing my job up to their expectations and was being taken out of the office and put back into the field. I had NO WARNING that this was going to happen, no indication that they weren't happy with how I was doing my job. This supervisor said that she had been having to do some of my tasks behind the scenes (not telling me that she'd been doing this) and that I wasn't getting some tasks done--specifically the tasks the person at the other location had told me she would do. I asked for a few more weeks to try to improve and was immediately denied the choice. I was tempted to quit on the spot but did not, and went to patient care for a few more months. However, at that time I started looking for a new job, knowing that I couldn't trust any of the nurses in positions above me.

I am now working as a clinical educator, which I love! I have two facilities and at one of them (thankfully I'm only there 1-2 days/week) the DON is very threatened by me and it's clear most people don't want me there (small facility, "we've always done it this way", weak administrator, favoritism, bullying, etc.). I've learned and keep a record of all e-mails, confirm everything via email, etc.

My confidence really took a hit after what happened in home health and I have to say that for awhile, and even now, occasionally (I've been at this job for almost a year) I doubt myself and wonder if I"m about to be called in and/or fired. However, I'm learning to look at it objectively and shortly after I started I talked with both the administrator and Director of Nursing, BRIEFLY told them what had happened at the last job, told them I wanted to do a good job and wanted to know if they weren't happy with me. I asked them to be sure to tell me if they weren't happy with my job and both promised they would. I'm trusting them to do so...some days I make a list of what I've accomplished and why I'm a good employee, and that helps my confidence.

I don't tell this story for pity, but to show that it happens in many places and you are NOT to blame. It sounds like you are a very conscientious nurse--the kind we need! I agree with all of the advice above--be as brief as you can when you give your reason for leaving, and stress your desire to learn, work with the team, etc. There is such high turnover in nursing that I don't think your brief stint will be a big problem. And best of luck on your interview and your new job, wherever it might be!

Have Nurse, ADN, RN · Jun 7, 2018

OK... just relax now. (((hug))) You are not the first one to go through it, and not the last one. I was right there twice in a row.
1). GET YOURSELF A REST. You went through a lot of stress and need some time to recover. One month may or may not be enough for you. If you still have symptoms like poor sleep, anxiety, etc., seek professional help.
2). It is not anybody's business to know what exactly happened with you and how disfunctional your unit was. I would dare to say that most of RNs were, at one point or another, fired under less than reasonable premices. So, your situation is extremely common and has a(n) (almost official) name of "not being a good fit". Only one thing you need to learn is how to creatively apply this magic phrase and insert things which cannot be tracked down and look harmless enough.
"Why did you leave your last hospital?" - "The athmosphere there was not a good fit for me as a new grad. Perhaps if I had more experience, it would be different. With your hospital (here insert some excellencies you are going to fing on their website, values/schmalues/etc), I hope to find (insert there what you want to see or what you find on the website like above and see as appealing)"
- " Why did you not transfer to..." - no openings (your recruiter cannot easily check this fact, and it very well could happen -no luck, poor you)
Just like that:)
3). Think REALLY hard about what you learned, what your strong sides are (yes, you have them), what you like and and what you do not want to do as a nurse. Then play from there and read specialties forums here. Maybe, hospital is not what you really want, and yes, it is OK. If while you were in PICU you got friendly with other nurse professionals (HD, wound care, etc), it could be a good idea to find these people and speak with them.
(((hug again))) Good luck!

I really like this response! You acknowledged her fear/pain and gave her ways to navigate through. Hugs to you tooooo!

Have Nurse, ADN, RN · Jun 7, 2018

I am so sorry this happened to you! In my almost 30 years as a nurse, I'm amazed at how consistently MOST medical organizations of every type (hospital, long term care, out patient surgery) keep the employees who do the most damage and drive off great employees. I've seen it over and over again. And it's happened to me--several years ago I worked in home health, an area I LOVED. After a year and a half I applied for and was put into an office/computer position. I was pushed into training despite my mom being critically ill (I did hours of computer training in the hospital sitting with her and the trainer came 3 days after she died) and was given very little training. A few weeks later I was given an additional location to manage. The person in that position at the second location assured me that she would do some of the tasks and I only needed to worry about a few of the tasks at that location (mostly moving around scheduled visits on the computer, confirming doctors orders and communications, etc). Later I was told that usually it is a minimum of 4-6 MONTHS before a second location gets added to that person's duties!
Less than two months later I was called in and told that I wasn't doing my job up to their expectations and was being taken out of the office and put back into the field. I had NO WARNING that this was going to happen, no indication that they weren't happy with how I was doing my job. This supervisor said that she had been having to do some of my tasks behind the scenes (not telling me that she'd been doing this) and that I wasn't getting some tasks done--specifically the tasks the person at the other location had told me she would do. I asked for a few more weeks to try to improve and was immediately denied the choice. I was tempted to quit on the spot but did not, and went to patient care for a few more months. However, at that time I started looking for a new job, knowing that I couldn't trust any of the nurses in positions above me.
I am now working as a clinical educator, which I love! I have two facilities and at one of them (thankfully I'm only there 1-2 days/week) the DON is very threatened by me and it's clear most people don't want me there (small facility, "we've always done it this way", weak administrator, favoritism, bullying, etc.). I've learned and keep a record of all e-mails, confirm everything via email, etc.
My confidence really took a hit after what happened in home health and I have to say that for awhile, and even now, occasionally (I've been at this job for almost a year) I doubt myself and wonder if I"m about to be called in and/or fired. However, I'm learning to look at it objectively and shortly after I started I talked with both the administrator and Director of Nursing, BRIEFLY told them what had happened at the last job, told them I wanted to do a good job and wanted to know if they weren't happy with me. I asked them to be sure to tell me if they weren't happy with my job and both promised they would. I'm trusting them to do so...some days I make a list of what I've accomplished and why I'm a good employee, and that helps my confidence.
I don't tell this story for pity, but to show that it happens in many places and you are NOT to blame. It sounds like you are a very conscientious nurse--the kind we need! I agree with all of the advice above--be as brief as you can when you give your reason for leaving, and stress your desire to learn, work with the team, etc. There is such high turnover in nursing that I don't think your brief stint will be a big problem. And best of luck on your interview and your new job, wherever it might be!

It saddens me to think that our colleagues in Administration in such a setting that you had couldn't recognize or respect the fact that you were still grieving and yourself needing that space. Of course it's going to affect your work! If anything, they should have had the compassion to acknowledge that and give you some breathing room.. Shame on them!

Have Nurse, ADN, RN · Jun 7, 2018

I worked in the PICU for 6 months right out of nursing school.
Just as a reference of what it was like...The unit hired 40 new grads within a 4 month period, 10 experienced nurses quit, 3 nurse educators quit. Through my 6 months orientation, I had between 15-19 preceptors; after a while, i stopped counting. I was told that this was due to not having enough preceptors. The whole unit was unhappy that there were so many new grads starting and many were forced to precept. Many made it vehemetly clear to every new nurse that they were a pain. We were talked bad about and treated as such. One preceptor yelled at me in front of the patient and family for recycling a blood pressure that was reading 174/100. Reason given was that I was standing by the patient so I was making the sedated/paralyzed pt anxious and thus giving the elevated BP, but also yelled at me for walking out of the room with a high blood pressure.
As for me, I never did well at standing up for myself and as my rotation of preceptors changed every week, my confidence plummeted since each preceptors did not approve of the prior ways I was taught. Each week, I had to gain the confidence of the new preceptor. I honestly lost complete faith in myself. My focus changed from being patient centered to focusing on making my preceptor like/trust me.
It got to the point where each decision I had to make made me so anxious that I was unsure of which line I should give zolfran. Prior nurses had made me sit down and back up every decision why I wouldnt choose the other line, so choosing the CVL or the Broviac had me frozen. Another instance, my paralyzed/sedated pt BP and HR shot up 30-50 points over 10 min. I had PRN pain meds to give and wanted to use them; my precetor at the time railed me for 30 minutes and had me sit down and make an INRS chart, explain each reason that could cause an elevated HR and BP. In the end, she did not want me to give the PRN pain med, so I didnt. HR and BP remained elevated until next dose of methadone/ativan.
I talked to my educator multiple times regarding feeling stagnant. I asked for an extension of orientation and a stable preceptor. I was told yes for the extended and no for the preceptor. Reason given was that I had to learn to ' trust all the nurses on the unit'. I also discussed how I was treated by some of the nurses. The educator told me I needed to 'get over it' and that 'it's a female domiated unit, and thats just how it is.'
As my orientation continued, my confience hit rock bottom and I made mistakes I should never have made. At the end, the unit decided to not give me an extended orietnation and instead asked me to resign or get fired. I chose to resign hoping I could hold onto my good relations with my educator.- Now, after 2 weeks of me asking her to stand up on my behalf, she has declined.
Now that I'm 1 month out of nursing, I'm having difficulty explaining to new employers my experience and reason why I'm not at the HOSPITAL anymore. Furthermore, my leadership wont act as a reference upon my behalf. I'm feeling scared and trapped as an inexperienced new grad who already practically got fired.
Please help me. I'm feeling lost and desperate. I feel like I've lost my dream career.

When you have to change your focus from being patient-centered to having your preceptors like you, it's time to leave. You may have felt forced out, but to me, it seems the Good Lord led you out. You were in a "toxic" environment it seems.

I hate it when new grads are so carelessly handled! (It's a good thing I wasn't there. The paint would have melted off of the walls after drawing my verbal sword.)

I am sure that there is something wonderful in store for you.

Right now, you need to let your spirit and mind rest.

Get out and do something fun and physical. Then grab an ice cream cone and feed the swans!

Hugs and blessings to you, Kiddo!

gemmi999 · Jun 8, 2018

A bunch of people have commented above about what you can say in the interview, so I'm not going to comment on that.

I just want to tell you not to let that dumb unit get you down. When I was a new grad in ER, our ER director changed 3 times in 12 weeks. The third time the director didn't like new grad's in the ER so at the end of my preceptorship I got called into her office, told I wasn't cutting it, and needed to cross train for 1 month in ICU to get more critical pt. experience.

I gritted my teeth, did my cross training, and at the end of the month was told that ER didn't want me back, but ICU liked me and I could stay there full time. I politely said no, my contract was for ER nights, and that was what I was going to do. The director threw a fit (she was in charge of both ER and ICU) and kept trying to get me to stay in ICU. I didn't want that, and kept insisting she either let me go back to ER or I would file a complaint with HR because she was violating my contract.

Long story short, my preceptorship "mysteriously" got cancelled and I got thrown onto nights in ER the very next day. When I asked around in ER to the charge RN, etc, they all said that she was just trying to fill out the ICU staffing because they were so short. After a whole month of anxiety and doubt that I wasn't good enough for ER, it felt nice to hear this. More importantly, it made me realize that management and other nurses do stuff for their own reasons without necessarily considering how it will effect you.

So hold your head high and remember that the unit is the one with the problem, not you! You are a good nurse!

Orion81RN · Jun 8, 2018

OK... just relax now. (((hug))) You are not the first one to go through it, and not the last one. I was right there twice in a row.
1). GET YOURSELF A REST. You went through a lot of stress and need some time to recover. One month may or may not be enough for you. If you still have symptoms like poor sleep, anxiety, etc., seek professional help.
2). It is not anybody's business to know what exactly happened with you and how disfunctional your unit was. I would dare to say that most of RNs were, at one point or another, fired under less than reasonable premices. So, your situation is extremely common and has a(n) (almost official) name of "not being a good fit". Only one thing you need to learn is how to creatively apply this magic phrase and insert things which cannot be tracked down and look harmless enough.
"Why did you leave your last hospital?" - "The athmosphere there was not a good fit for me as a new grad. Perhaps if I had more experience, it would be different. With your hospital (here insert some excellencies you are going to fing on their website, values/schmalues/etc), I hope to find (insert there what you want to see or what you find on the website like above and see as appealing)"
- " Why did you not transfer to..." - no openings (your recruiter cannot easily check this fact, and it very well could happen -no luck, poor you)

Awesome advice. It states the reason why you left while remaining truthfu AND not bashing them. It sounds like they were definitely not equipped with guiding new grads. Much of it is about the way you words things.

If they ask for an example, you could tell them how you had at least 15 preceptors and while you would love to get the wisdom of many nurses (saying that comes across positive) they each expected you to perform each task their way. And while it's great to see how many experienced nurses do things, it was challenging to do things differently every single time with each preceptor.

A LOT of good advice in this thread. Good luck. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

FNKA · Jun 13, 2018

Thank you all so much for your responses.

The response for why I left the picu that I got on here was really fantastic so I used it and worded it in a way that came across as really positive. She also asked why I didnt communicate better with my educator. To that, I said that my break from the unit has really given me some time to reflect back upon how I can improve in terms of advocating for myself and allow myself to speak up when I need more assistancce. I ended up having to tell her that I had 15-19 preceptors, although it was hard for my confidence, I learned a lot of different methods of nursing/knowledge from different nurses and how to handle different personality types.

However, the recruiter kept pressing for why I left without shifting departments and left the hospital. I ended up saying that I didnt find another department that I felt would be similar or like what I really wanted to do; but the department I interviewed for was very similar to the disease processes I really loved and thats why I want to be there. I also said that what I considered to be most important as a new nurse is learning, trusting oneself, and gaining the confidence to be independent and that I felt like this hospital does a better job for that (from website).

The recruiter said that my previous hospital has a reputation for treating new nurses badly. She emphasized that they are not like that hospital and do not agree with their treatment of new grads/new nurses. She also said that the type of orientation and care that I'd get there would not be similar to my past hospital and said I'd be better suited for them.

In all, I don't think I could have answered those tough questions any better than I did. Even if I don't get this job, I think I did my best. Crossing my fingers for good luck.

Crystal-Wings, LVN · Jun 13, 2018

It sounds like you dodged a bullet by being let go. That didn't seem like a good place to learn anything or work and build confidence.

FNKA · Jun 21, 2018

I got the job guys! By the time I start this job, I've been out of nursing for 3 months. Its hard to think about but I really think this will be for the better. Its kind of funny actually; In my prior interviews, I tried to blow off why I left/resigned from my last position, but being honest this time seemed to actually have made a difference. I'm really happy and feel like my recruiter really understood where I was coming from.

To all other people who may come across this post, I really urge you to reach out. Being in a horrible situation doesnt make you a horrible nurse/person.

Kooky Korky, BSN, RN · Jun 21, 2018

Definitely do not refer to nurses eating their young. It is an overworked, over-exaggerated phrase and (to most nurses) a reason to discount the person using it.

Not to me. Nurses absolutely do eat their young. As well as their

middle-aged and old.

OP, I would have told, in a very menacing manner, the nurse who yelled at me to never do it again. especially in front of a patient and/or family. Ever.

Don't let people walk on you like that.

Be glad you are out of that awful situation. Take the advice others have given here, don't look back. The best is yet to come. I think you'll do fine.

I think it might be OK to tell the interviewers how many preceptors you had, how they taught you different things, and some of the other major issues you had with them. Don't get too much into things, but don't go in feeling inadequate and like a failure. It should tell you something that they hired such a huge number of new nurses at once.

Been there,done that, ASN, RN · Jun 21, 2018

Rethink this, you are NOT one month "out of nursing", you are between jobs. You started out in a toxic environment.

You will get interviews, explain briefly.. why you did not succeed at hospital Hades Hole. Practice confidence in front of a mirror and with your friends.

You have not lost your career... you just hit the restart button.