ashamed and hopeless

Published

I will begin by telling you a little about myself. I have always been a straight A student and never in trouble with the law. I got married when I was 20 and then started nursing school. Everything was great until 2003 (my senior year of nursing school) when my husband cheated on me with my sister. This was the start of a criminal record for me. 2 counts misdemeanor assault, originally charged as felonies. I was put on 1 year probation. I managed to graduate cum laude and already had my foot in the door working at a great hospital. However, due to being on legal probation I was given a probationary nursing license. I think perhaps due to the tremendous strain going on in my personal life I was not as focused as I should have been. One day when I was about to come off orientation I had a patient with hourly blood sugars in which the aide was to get the blood sugars and myself (RN) was to adjust the insulin pump. The aide got behind and falsified a blood sugar which I brought to the attention of my preceptor. She was fired and I went about my day. As many nurses do, I charted at the end of the day and filled in my blood sugar sheet as I would have adjusted everything not thinking about the falsified one. Since I did not adjust the insulin to the fake blood sugar, but wrote that I did, I was fired for false documentation. During the month of my unemployment I became very sick but did not have health insurance, so when I started my new job I tried to get to the doctor asap. I was assigned to a preceptor and not taking my own patients yet. We had only 2 patients and the floor was very slow. My preceptor said it would be ok for me to go to the doctor and come back. My mistake was not okaying this with the director. I got fired again for patient abandonment. I feel embarrassed even saying any of this. So, I ended up unemployed again, and in a abusive relationship. I felt the only way I could get away from him was to get a job. Since my allegations were not of public record yet, I lied on an application to get a job in another city. I got it. I had to get an attorney to fight having my license revoked and he told me I had to come clean with my employer because the settlement was going to involve a suspension. So myself, my attorney, my director and the VP of nursing sat down and I spilled my guts as well as many tears. To my surprise they did not fire me, but put me on a probation with the hospital. I fell in love with that place and vowed I would never leave. They knew all my dirt and gave me a chance. I worked there more than 2 years when my worst nightmare happened. On my day off I took one of my dad's percocets for some back pain. The next day they UA'd me (they had been doing so about every 6 mos due to my probation). It was pos. I had no prescription to be taking such a drug. I was fired. I am still in shock. Ashamed. Embarrassed. Wondering how I could have been so stupid. Now I sit here unemployed-again- with a criminal record and serious actions taken against my nursing license. I tried to get another job, but employers dont hire people with my record, understandably. I thought about joining the military, trying to go back to school, working in fast food again. Nothing sounds good but nursing and I dont think there is any going back for me. Thats my nightmare in a nutshell. I've heard plenty of advise but all from people not in this profession. I'd like to hear what another nurse has to say. Am I finished?

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Oh, goodness, I don't know. I do wish you the best.

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I'm not a nurse, but before you take another job at another hospital, you most certainly need mental health counseling (and I mean that in all honesty, and sincerety) to find out why you keep making wrong choices.

Anyone can get out of a bad relationship....a job isn't a reason to stay or leave...there are shelters, friends, family...there is always somewhere you can go.

Only the BON can answer your questions...but what you have on your hands is the fact that they gave you a second chance out of a very, very serious charge, and then you took medication without a prescription. I get chronic migraines myself that have actually led to my being in the ER more than once but I have NEVER taken medication without a script b/c I work in an industry where I can get drug tested at any given time....when you work in that type of environment...your every waking move needs to be to protect your job.

It's about personal responsibility...you have to learn to take care of yourself before you start taking care of other people, and I think a good counselor can get you on the right road.

Time is the healer of all wounds...you might not work in a hospital again, but there are other things that you can do with your degree.

I wish you luck.

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Specializes in Certified Diabetes Educator.

Your biggest problem is that you have no moral compass. False documentation......lied to get a job....taking prescription med that isn't your's.

If you can join the military and be a nurse there, and you don't have any kids to consider, I would do that. Would give you a chance. Otherwise, you may have to find another career.

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Specializes in cardiac med-surg.

that's a lot of bad luck and bad choices

good luck to you

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I know they were alot of bad choices. Im only 29 and figure I'm gonna be around alot longer. I mentioned military because of the discipline involved. I may not even be able to practice nursing in the military but I view it as a opportunity to be in a strict, structured environment. An opportunity to perhaps find something else I'm good at. If I put some time in and do well maybe that is something positive I can show future employers instead of just a mess of terrible choices. I do have morals, just in the wrong places. The military scares me and I would miss my family terribly, but I cant see getting a bachelors degree and just going back to working fast food (especially with student loans). And I do agree with the counseling. I do need it. And I ask that you please dont judge me as to what you would do if you were in an abusive relationship. 5 or 6 years ago I easily passed judgement on people in that regard, but low and behold I got to experience things for myself and discovered when trying to survive I was capable of things I never saw myself doing. Thanks for the advice

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I too was in an abusive relationship and did judge prior to, its a whole new world now that i have been through it, and when i hear that someone else was in that position i just think "i know how they feel, but will in time be okay." About your position with working and charges on your Nursing record. My sister went/is going through some of that. After she got her LVN she applied for a job at a hospital and failed her drug test. Applied again at another hospital failed her drug test. Applied for ANOTHER job after some time and failed AGAIN!!! Her fourth try she got the job and worked for about 6 months then moved home and needed a job. Needless to say it all went to the board of nursing and she went to court and all that BS. For her though one of the times a medication was something she was percribed to. A year later they have finally came back with an answer to what will happen with her and her liscense. They said all charges dropped!!!! Yes it was all dismissed. The bad thing is that its been quite some time later and her liscense still says formal charges on it. She is still in contact with her laywer, they are thinking that this is her punishment, taking their time to actually clear it. When she moved back she was denied several jobs but never gave up no matter how depressing it got for her. Through all this part of her defense was her previous employers came to court for her and on the stand told how wonderful of a Nurse she was.... and so one. She also had some other refrences that helped her along the way. I think that you can stick it out and its not all over for you!

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Did you explain that you had taken Percocet for back pain? I just graduated nursing school, and not sure how this would work. If someone is taking narcotics to help them sleep due to pain or other problem (and some stays in their system the next day, but they are able to function and not drowsy, etc), would they be fired due to the drug test? Is the main problem that the Rx script was not for you, and do hospitals even ask that you prove it's your prescription?

I just wonder if anytime a nurse has chronic pain, or taking some kind of narcotic, etc. they have to inform their manager ahead time, even if it's not drug taken during work hours?

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To Trs024, thanks for understanding. While my choices were wrong, I appreciate you understanding that I am not a bad person. I am glad things are pulling through for your sister. As of right now I am just not sure what direction to take but am hoping things will improve somehow. Even if I have to wait several years before I can practice again, just knowing that I will be able to do it again would be hope enough for me. I have worked in the healthcare field for 10 years and am so in love with caring for patients I can't see myself never being able to do it again. Thanks for the encouragement. To MiaNJ, the problem in my situation was that I was on probation at this hospital already. Which should have been a red flag to me that there was no room for error. I was a good nurse. I was nominated employee of the month. Recognized by my patients several times in our newsletter as being an excellent nurse. However, in the healthcare field we are expected to uphold high standards not only at work but in our personal lives as well. By my taking a drug not prescribed to me was unethical. I had no room for error. Back pain or not, I should have gone to a doctor. I did tell my employer I did not have a prescription. Unethical. Terminated. Even though I did not feel any effects of the percocet the next day, the fact it was in my urine constituted working under the influence. Perhaps if it had been prescribed and I had informed my employer it would have been a different story. To anyone thinking of nursing or new to the health care field, take it from me, since I know. Your license and ability to do the job you love is a privilege, not a right because you went to school. Your character is being judged inside and outside of work and that privilege can be taken away at any time. Then proving you wont do it again, or that you really are a good nurse starts to look like a bunch a talk with no action behind it.

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.

Hi,

I tend to be pretty strict with what I require from myself and others but I have to say, my heart goes out to you. You are very young and like someone else said yes you made bad choices but if we take nursing out of the equation and you were just someone in their mid 20s doing a less serious job and finding their way I don't think your story would be nearly as frightening or unusual.

Like you have said you do have a lot of work to do and the sooner you get started the better. I would definitely make an appointment with a counselor and also your BON. It might even be for the better if you have to take a break from nursing for a while. It might not be ideal but you will find another way to make a living and pay your student loans in the meantime. I really hope that nursing isn't over for you and that you find your way in this big ole goffy world. It is hard, I remember, and I really admire the young gals that can be responsible in this capacity, I would not have been suited for it in my 20s. Good luck! Jules

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I know they were alot of bad choices. Im only 29 and figure I'm gonna be around alot longer. I mentioned military because of the discipline involved. I may not even be able to practice nursing in the military but I view it as a opportunity to be in a strict, structured environment. An opportunity to perhaps find something else I'm good at. If I put some time in and do well maybe that is something positive I can show future employers instead of just a mess of terrible choices. I do have morals, just in the wrong places. The military scares me and I would miss my family terribly, but I cant see getting a bachelors degree and just going back to working fast food (especially with student loans). And I do agree with the counseling. I do need it. And I ask that you please dont judge me as to what you would do if you were in an abusive relationship. 5 or 6 years ago I easily passed judgement on people in that regard, but low and behold I got to experience things for myself and discovered when trying to survive I was capable of things I never saw myself doing. Thanks for the advice

Not to sound harsh, seriously....people CHOOSE to be in an abusive relationship.

Right out of high school, I married someone....I put up with his little temper tantrums, thought it was cute when he got jealous anytime I talked to anyone else that was a guy, I thought he really cared when he wanted me to to quit my job and just spend time with him.

Then when I saw him punch a hole in the wall because he thought we were having fried chicken for dinner and I fixed spaghetti instead...I played like Mary Sunshine...fixed him the fried chicken...and when he went to work the next day, I packed my bags, got in my car LEFT and filed for a divorce.

It's that simple...and even if I had children, that is what emergency services are for. I would have slept out in the woods before I allowed myself to be subject to that.

That wall, would have eventually been my face.

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Did you explain that you had taken Percocet for back pain? I just graduated nursing school, and not sure how this would work. If someone is taking narcotics to help them sleep due to pain or other problem (and some stays in their system the next day, but they are able to function and not drowsy, etc), would they be fired due to the drug test? Is the main problem that the Rx script was not for you, and do hospitals even ask that you prove it's your prescription?

I just wonder if anytime a nurse has chronic pain, or taking some kind of narcotic, etc. they have to inform their manager ahead time, even if it's not drug taken during work hours?

The answer to your question, is yes, you would be terminated. Yes, they do give you the opportunity to provide a prescription. Most drug testing companies will ask for you to complete a form listing all medications you are currently taking right down to birth control pills. Some of them ask for a script only if a test comes back positive.

Drug tests define a "fail" by the presence of any drug that is not prescribed TO you, FOR you. It also includes all illegal substances such as meth, cocaine, etc.

It is also against the law to be in posession of a medication in which you do not have a prescription for, in a broad sense.

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