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By the way, that last response was not pointed at you chuck, or others that have not been so nasty. I hope to the good lord that you people that talk and judge like you do have limited patient care with individuals that need mental help because you would push them over the edge. I appreciate you individuals that are true nurses and health care people at heart and know what therapeutic healing really means. I may have my problems and have done things I know are wrong, but I am educated. I will not view this post again as it does nothing but make me feel worse about a situation I have 0 control over at this point. That God for the truly healing people out there. Thank you.

For anyone wondering, the military did accept me. Just like 90% of you they felt after looking at a piece of paper that I must be the worst scum of the earth not worthy of breathing air. However, after meeting me, they did see sincere desire to do good and potential in me. I had interviews with 3 captains who all approved me to enter and pushed for my enlistment. Unfortunately, I developed a medical disqualification that once resolved (if I still wish to enter) I can. As far as my nursing license goes, I gave it back. I work as a waitress in a restaurant. I cant pay my bills. I guess that makes me bigger scum now right? I miss my patients everyday. I dont know how to make anything better or where to start. Guess I will just be happy I have my roof over my head and something to eat for today. I am happy that the majority of you are so saintly that you have the God given right to tell people like me that we aren't worth spitting on. You have a nice day too.

These aren't directly related to my nursing career, but I have a lot of weird things that happen in my family when people die. My uncle passed away several years ago after being in ltc after being injured when a tree branch fell on him. For several weeks before he died he kept complaining about the "people" (that nobody could ever validate actually being there) that kept coming in his room wanting him to go with them. He was scared of what was happening and when he came to peace with these "people" he died. My grandmother was also in ltc. We knew she was dying and tried to be at the home as much as possible. One day while out talking in the hallway we heard her talking (no one was in her room). She was having a conversation with someone saying she would go with them now because she wasn't getting any better and she couldnt stand to be a burden to everyone. We went into the room and she had passed. Before I was born, my father was in a terrible motorcycle accident. He spent several weeks in a coma. My dad told us about the day he woke up. He said he was approached by these glowing "people" that asked him if he was ready to go. He told them no. That he wanted to get married, have children, have a career. He then woke up. After months of grueling rehab and physical therapy he recovered almost 100%, married my mother, had myself and my 5 brothers and sisters, and works as an engineer.

First of all, while your preceptor may be a good nurse, not everyone is cut out to be a preceptor. Is it possible to get a different preceptor? Perhaps you should talk to your director and let him/her know that you are not feeling comfortable and what your concerns are. Giving the meds to the wrong patient is serious and what is important is what you do to help prevent it from happening again. And while I am not saying med errors aren't serious, the majority of nurses have made some sort of error with medications at some point in their career. My first med error was milk of magnesia given on the wrong day . This isn't your fault, but I question the safety of medication administration in your facility if there aren't easy ways to identify the correct patient. It sounds like you work in long term care. Since the patients are there for a long time faculty that has been there for a long time know the patients well, but you do not. In my hospital we are required to verify patient name and birthdate on our medication record, the patient ID band, and with the patient. If your patient is coherent you could verify their identity with them. What you did well in this situation is reporting that you gave the wrong meds to the wrong patient. Moral of the story is to talk with your director. Good luck and hang in there!

gr8rnpjt, thanks for the website. I will definitely look at it. Cherish, thank you for saying what you had to say in a constructive way. I have talked with a recruiter and there are some waivers I would have to get through. I am also aware that I would not be able to do anything medical at all due to clearance issues, like you mentioned. And no, I would not expect anyone to take orders from me, I need to learn to take orders and follow them. I was told that if I get in, there would only be certain jobs I could take. I would also not be able to enter as an officer. What I find appealing about it is I would have to look into other jobs. Who knows? Maybe (but doubtful) I would find something I enjoy doing and am good at other than medical things. Probably the most appealing thing is that it gives me something to work for. I have something to prove. The recruiter also told me that if I were to complete my enlistment and job satisfactorily I may be able to go into a job requiring clearance, that is if I prove myself worthy. Right now, being in civilian world, how can I prove anything to anybody? I cant get a job due to my poor decisions, so I can do something to prove myself, or I can just do nothing. It is rather difficult to pay student loans, rent, util, car payments, go to counseling, etc. when you have no job and no insurance. I know everyone is going to have their opinions, good and bad, of what I should do regarding this, but I am the only one in my shoes. When someone messes up and is a big loser (so to speak) society overall (not everyone) condemns them, puts them down, judges them. When someone succeeds after being where I am we congratulate them. Once again I would like to thank those of you that were encouraging, because that is what I need. One day I hope to return the favor to someone in need of some encouragement when I am in a happier, healthier, more successful place.

Mooseman, want to know what the scary thing is? How do you know that the person caring for you or your loved one, or serving your country, wasn't having the same problems I am at one point in time? Perhaps you defy human nature and have no skeletons in your closet, but a lot of people do. I am a believer in rehabilitation. I condemn no one. While I do agree safety of the patients is number one priority and I shouldn't care for anyone right now, I would not say I could never do it again. See you in the hospital.

While I appreciate everyone's thoughts one my situation, both positive and negative, I find that perhaps one of my strong points (or weakness depending on the situation) is that someone telling me I can't do something makes me want to prove all the more that I can do it. I am a believer that if you work hard enough for something that you can achieve whatever goal you set for yourself. I never said that what I did wasn't my fault, just explained the situation as how I saw it. I gave up on myself and life in general at one point. When you give up on life you would be surprised what a mess you can make out of it. Compared to how life was 1-2 years ago, things improved dramatically. The problem is the things I tucked away and repressed deep inside my brain that I never dealt with, just tried to pretend they dont exist. Is there alot more to the story I haven't told, you bet. Perhaps the most valuable thing I have learned from my experiences is that we are all people that other people really can not judge. God is the only one that can truly see what is in our souls. While it is true that nursing is not what I should be doing until I deal with issues I have repressed, I dont think it is fair to say that I should never do it again. To be completely honest with you, there was a time that going to work and loving what I did was the only thing that kept me half way sane. I will work out my problems and I will go back to nursing again, a better, happier, healthier, (and yes, more ethical) person. And if I decide I want to serve my country, who is to say I couldn't do it and do it well? Who said I was going to be popping pills in the military? I am not addicted to drugs. And while it seems to lots of people, including myself, that I was given multiple opportunities to change my ways and didn't, that I can't ever change my ways? While I feel quite old some days, the truth is I am very young, with so many years ahead of me. I will not give up on what I want out of life no matter what anyone tells me. Im not saying what I did wasn't wrong, or that I am not responsible, I am just not condemning myself. To give up is to truly be without hope. And what is life without hope? I may be beating my head against the wall on this one, but I will do it until the day I die.

Because of being fired for a pos UA, the board of nursing requested me to take a drug and alcohol eval. My recommendation was for 6 outpatient drug counseling sessions. As of right now this is all the bon wants me to do. Its still pretty early as far as knowing what my discipline is. My concern is that while I can comply with the bon as far as what they want me to do, what about future employers? What do I have to show them that I have learned from my mistakes and can be a valuable asset to their facility? Are there any classes, support groups, anything for people in my boat that I can complete or be a part of to assist in this? I will probably end up working in a restaurant for awhile, or joining the military (which scares the heck out of me). I just dont know what I can do that would be something positive in the eyes of future employers.

To Trs024, thanks for understanding. While my choices were wrong, I appreciate you understanding that I am not a bad person. I am glad things are pulling through for your sister. As of right now I am just not sure what direction to take but am hoping things will improve somehow. Even if I have to wait several years before I can practice again, just knowing that I will be able to do it again would be hope enough for me. I have worked in the healthcare field for 10 years and am so in love with caring for patients I can't see myself never being able to do it again. Thanks for the encouragement. To MiaNJ, the problem in my situation was that I was on probation at this hospital already. Which should have been a red flag to me that there was no room for error. I was a good nurse. I was nominated employee of the month. Recognized by my patients several times in our newsletter as being an excellent nurse. However, in the healthcare field we are expected to uphold high standards not only at work but in our personal lives as well. By my taking a drug not prescribed to me was unethical. I had no room for error. Back pain or not, I should have gone to a doctor. I did tell my employer I did not have a prescription. Unethical. Terminated. Even though I did not feel any effects of the percocet the next day, the fact it was in my urine constituted working under the influence. Perhaps if it had been prescribed and I had informed my employer it would have been a different story. To anyone thinking of nursing or new to the health care field, take it from me, since I know. Your license and ability to do the job you love is a privilege, not a right because you went to school. Your character is being judged inside and outside of work and that privilege can be taken away at any time. Then proving you wont do it again, or that you really are a good nurse starts to look like a bunch a talk with no action behind it.

I know they were alot of bad choices. Im only 29 and figure I'm gonna be around alot longer. I mentioned military because of the discipline involved. I may not even be able to practice nursing in the military but I view it as a opportunity to be in a strict, structured environment. An opportunity to perhaps find something else I'm good at. If I put some time in and do well maybe that is something positive I can show future employers instead of just a mess of terrible choices. I do have morals, just in the wrong places. The military scares me and I would miss my family terribly, but I cant see getting a bachelors degree and just going back to working fast food (especially with student loans). And I do agree with the counseling. I do need it. And I ask that you please dont judge me as to what you would do if you were in an abusive relationship. 5 or 6 years ago I easily passed judgement on people in that regard, but low and behold I got to experience things for myself and discovered when trying to survive I was capable of things I never saw myself doing. Thanks for the advice

I will begin by telling you a little about myself. I have always been a straight A student and never in trouble with the law. I got married when I was 20 and then started nursing school. Everything was great until 2003 (my senior year of nursing school) when my husband cheated on me with my sister. This was the start of a criminal record for me. 2 counts misdemeanor assault, originally charged as felonies. I was put on 1 year probation. I managed to graduate cum laude and already had my foot in the door working at a great hospital. However, due to being on legal probation I was given a probationary nursing license. I think perhaps due to the tremendous strain going on in my personal life I was not as focused as I should have been. One day when I was about to come off orientation I had a patient with hourly blood sugars in which the aide was to get the blood sugars and myself (RN) was to adjust the insulin pump. The aide got behind and falsified a blood sugar which I brought to the attention of my preceptor. She was fired and I went about my day. As many nurses do, I charted at the end of the day and filled in my blood sugar sheet as I would have adjusted everything not thinking about the falsified one. Since I did not adjust the insulin to the fake blood sugar, but wrote that I did, I was fired for false documentation. During the month of my unemployment I became very sick but did not have health insurance, so when I started my new job I tried to get to the doctor asap. I was assigned to a preceptor and not taking my own patients yet. We had only 2 patients and the floor was very slow. My preceptor said it would be ok for me to go to the doctor and come back. My mistake was not okaying this with the director. I got fired again for patient abandonment. I feel embarrassed even saying any of this. So, I ended up unemployed again, and in a abusive relationship. I felt the only way I could get away from him was to get a job. Since my allegations were not of public record yet, I lied on an application to get a job in another city. I got it. I had to get an attorney to fight having my license revoked and he told me I had to come clean with my employer because the settlement was going to involve a suspension. So myself, my attorney, my director and the VP of nursing sat down and I spilled my guts as well as many tears. To my surprise they did not fire me, but put me on a probation with the hospital. I fell in love with that place and vowed I would never leave. They knew all my dirt and gave me a chance. I worked there more than 2 years when my worst nightmare happened. On my day off I took one of my dad's percocets for some back pain. The next day they UA'd me (they had been doing so about every 6 mos due to my probation). It was pos. I had no prescription to be taking such a drug. I was fired. I am still in shock. Ashamed. Embarrassed. Wondering how I could have been so stupid. Now I sit here unemployed-again- with a criminal record and serious actions taken against my nursing license. I tried to get another job, but employers dont hire people with my record, understandably. I thought about joining the military, trying to go back to school, working in fast food again. Nothing sounds good but nursing and I dont think there is any going back for me. Thats my nightmare in a nutshell. I've heard plenty of advise but all from people not in this profession. I'd like to hear what another nurse has to say. Am I finished?