Are you a nurse from a dysfunctional family?

Nurses General Nursing

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Hi,

This is something I have been curious about for a while. I know there must be nurses out there who come from dysfunctional families...

What I mean by "dysfunctional" is the following: growing up in a household where you have been neglected or abused by your immediate family and/or were raised in a family where drug addiction, mental illness were common. Here is an abbreviated synopsis of my experience: my mother has suffered from clinical depression since she was a teenager, my father has a gambling addiction and has caused my family to declare bankruptcy, my brother is a drug addict (heroin) who lives with my parents who enable him, and my sister also suffers from clinical depression and anxiety-she tried to commit suicide last year.

I moved away from my family years ago. I have been depression and med free for a number of years now.

I have often wondered: how many people out there in nursing, a profession where your job is to care for other people, and often to empower patients/clients with the ability to care for themselves- have come from backgrounds where they did not receive adequate care, encouragement from their families? Where you had to largely teach yourself how to properly care for and nurture yourself?

If you experienced an abusive/ neglected upbringing- do you feel it influenced you to become a nurse?

Do you think your experiences have helped or hindered you?

Do you often have to check yourself because there is a fine line between caregiving and caretaking ?

At this point, I am a student, and I am leaning towards psychiatric nursing as a speciality. I know that this is because of my personal experiences with my family, and my own struggles with mental illness. I already know more about meds, diagnoses, and treatments than the average person! (Ha ha)

Any feedback would be appreciated!

Thanks,

Jennifer

Specializes in Community Health Nurse.
When I saw the title of this thread, my first thought was, "What nurse DOESN'T come from a dysfunctional family??" I think that's why a lot of us---not all, but a significant number---go into nursing in the first place, for one thing because even as young children, we often were the caretakers in our wacky families, and for another because we still need to be needed, and nursing certainly fits that bill, doesn't it? :)

However, I know from experience that we cannot take good care of others until and unless we take care of ourselves.......this is a lesson that has taken me a lifetime to learn, but I'm getting there.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh so so true! It's taken me many moons to learn this lesson, too. My hand had to be forced into paying attention to me and how I let others run over me. I'm like the energizer bunny who kept going and going and going IN SPITE OF the emotional drama and pain from that drama attacking me every which way. I am now at a place in my life where for the FIRST TIME I do not have any answers for ANYTHING self-related. :o People I know keep asking me "What are you going to do now? Did you find a job today? Can you do this or that for me? I need I need I need.................:stone Well.........I am alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll thought out..............nothing floating in my head and heart right now. I'm living on the peace and love of God without a care in the world..........KNOWING I need a job to pay bills. I'm burnt out to the MAX! God knew if He didn't hit me on the head with a boulder, I would still be burning the candle at both ends with no water in sight to put out the flames. HE became my water. HE put out the flames. HE quenched my thirst and still does and always will. I have nooooooo answers as to what to do with my life right now but to BE STILL and LET HIM heal me. HIS Eye is on the little ol' sparrow, and I know without a shadow of a doubt, HIS Eye is on me...helping me through my depression, my life's emotional explosion, my need to regroup and become ME again.......not what everybody else says I need to be or do...........but, about being ME again. O what peace that is for me right now. I FINALLY get to be ME and grow up all over again. :)

Specializes in Community Health Nurse.
I believe that as many in this thread have responded, it is the backgrounds that we come from that lead us into this profession. To save others from the harm we have experienced or to help heal those that have not escaped it.

Very thoughtful post!

It is for the world I cry. I always thought I could make a huge difference in humanity by being the "good girl" all my life...always reaching out touching others lives, helping others in whatever way I could. And when I couldn't help them, I felt like a huge failure. I had to accept the fact that I could NOT save the world and all the hurting children in it. That kills a part of my heart knowing people are cruel to children, hurting children everyday...right now as I write this email children somewhere are being battered and abused, told they are not worthy of life. :crying2: I'll never be anyone's "savior". I can't even save myself from self-destruction. Only my Lord and Savior Jesus can save me from myself. That's my personal faith, so not trying to speak for anyone but from my own heart about what I'm holding fast to today. I had to learn the hard way. It still hurts knowing hatred and abuse exist in the world I live in and I can't stop it. I don't buy the newspaper or watch much news because I can't take hearing the painfully sad stories of child abuse, and people killing children......some for the sport of it. It's even painful for me to listen to any talk show where couples are fighting and contemplating divorce, dragging their children in the middle of the mess they created for themselves. Much of life is a tragedy to me. Sometimes I wonder why we have to live at all if all we get to experience is pain and suffering. Yet........I live and must choose to survive in this land of sorrow anyway....making the most of it from one day to the next. :bluecry1:

sorry........this topic gets me going and I can't stop. :uhoh21:

yes, dysfunctional family. Overcame much stuff and notice I am very sensitive about a lot of things. It's good because I can be more empathic, it's bad because I tend to get freaked out about stuff that doesn't bother other people.

Even though I've worked with a lot of psych patients in LTC and found it rewarding I wouldn't want to do psych nursing as a specialty...I can't really say why, it just does not appeal to me at all.

I went to a great class on recognizing burnout and it's causes. I learned that most of us burnout, suffer depression or become substance abusers when we subconciously realize that no matter how hard we try we cannot save the child that we were. When the speaker said that it was if he was speaking directly to me then the man sitting next to me said "wow, that is exactly how I feel."

WOW.

What a powerful statement that is.........I've battled alcoholism, depression AND burnout, and I never considered that angle before. How could such a simple concept have eluded me all these years?? It makes SO much sense.......I grew up in an upper-middle-class family of social climbers, in which appearances were everything. My sister and I had to always smile and keep our mouths shut and look attractive to impress the folks who were another rung higher on the socioeconomic ladder; she was quiet and well-mannered, while I found the road to ladyhood hard. I was too loud, too clumsy, too defiant, and too vigorous for my mother's sensitivities, and I suffered greatly on account of that........behind closed doors, I was verbally attacked and emotionally battered, yet out in public I still had to pretend everything was OK.

Then when I was 14, I was molested by my mother's brother, and even though she knew about it---it happened practically under her nose!---she made him my guardian in case something happened to her and Daddy. That was when I really rebelled for the first time in my life: I told them, "There is NO WAY I will live with that man, I'll run away and let them put me in Juvenile Hall before I'll ever spend a night under his roof!"

Well, the potential humiliation of their daughter ending up in Juvie was evidently more than my mother could take, so she ended up choosing an elderly friend of hers to take care of me and Uncle would keep an eye on the finances. I didn't care about the money......and it still angers me to this day to know that a threat to her posthumous social standing was the deciding factor in changing the will, rather than my personal safety.

Anyway, to get back to the original thought: I'm absolutely floored by this theory, and I'm going to be pondering that for some time to come. Thank you for sharing it, hollyster!

You are welcome. It was a simple statement but it was powerful. It was amazing to see how it effected all of us.

It sounds like our parents knew each other. :rolleyes:

Specializes in Community Health Nurse.
..................................You are welcome. It was a simple statement but it was powerful. It was amazing to see how it effected all of us.

It sounds like our parents knew each other. :rolleyes:

Dysfunction tends to recognize dysfunction. :rotfl:

Dysfunction tends to recognize dysfunction. :rotfl:

Sooooo true. Like we have sign on us that only other dysfunctionals can see.

"no matter how hard we try we cannot save the child that we were."

Oh my gosh...this statement has me speechless - I am going to do some deep, introspective thinking on this.

:chuckle It seems to me that most folks-nurses or not-are from a dysfunctional family!

:eek: Do you get the feeling that the dysfunction is the norm.
Specializes in Public Health, DEI.

Oh, my family's dysfunctions were legendary in the town where I grew up. What a very strange coincidence that none of us live there or visit often. My sister and I always remark on how amazing it is that none of us siblings are more messed up than we are. Of course, one of my sisters died early in her 20s as a direct result of unfortunate lifestyle choices and my younger brother got busted for fencing stolen property when he was a young adult, but the rest of us are college grads and arguably, at least, productive citizens. Actually my brother is doing really well, having taken advantage of the second chance he was given by being placed in some rehabilitative program for first time offenders and having his record expunged after staying out of trouble for the required time period.

Like, MattsMom81, when I lost it I lost it good. I had always thought I had conquered my demons but 1 day I couldn't go into a clients house because of a panic attack. I forged his daughters signature. I had already given notice but that got me fired. I ended up in the hospital a few days later. I never thought I would go back to nursing but I am. Learning to take care of, and stand up for me gives me the knowledge to ask for help when needed.

Specializes in Community Health Nurse.
:eek: Do you get the feeling that the dysfunction is the norm.

Yes. Maybe Planet Earth is for the dysfunctional people, and some other planet we've yet to be made aware of has the "functional people" living on it. :rotfl: Maybe we are on Planet Earth to learn how to grow from being dysfunctional to being functional....yet most of us never pass that grade on this side of heaven. Hmmmm....one never knows what Earth is all about and why we are really here I guess cracking up, beating one another up, criticizing each other, setting each other on fire, throwing babies out the window, people starving themselves to death............there's all kinds of abuse on Planet Earth. Sad, huh? :o

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