Anyone else dealing with anxiety/emotional issues?

[rntj]

I apologize in advance for the length of this post. I'm a very private person, so this is hard for me to actually write, but I need to vent. Been an RN for 9 years, was a tech for 7 years before that. So working in the nursing field is basically all I know. What is also important to know about me is that I have been dx'd w/ bipolar II for 10 years, with anxiety d/o and OCD completing the trifecta. I have been quite stable on my current meds, and have not had a depressive relapse for over 3 years, which, of course, is great. I am working on a tele floor at a well-known teaching hospital, and generally I love my job and my coworkers. Recently, after years of begging my manager to not make me do so, I have been trained as charge nurse, and have been in that role maybe 8 times. It makes me SO anxious!! What people don't know about me is that, although I am quite calm on the outside in most situations, I live with this constant, horrible chest tightness every day, whether I'm working or not. The only thing that somewhat relieves it is the Ativan I am prescribed, which I only take before bed. I become very anxious my first night on for the week, and as I drive home after that first night, each time I am overtaken by anxiety, my chest tightens, and I can't breathe. It seems to improve after my first night is over. Being in charge and especially making the assignment causes me so much stress, I guess deep down because I really want everyone to like me, and you always tick someone off somehow when you're in charge. What I would like to know is, does anyone else have the problem with anxiety that I do, needing to put on a brave face when sometimes I feel like I can barely hold it together? How do you manage? I don't really feel like I am burning out, as I feel I have the capability to give my best to my patients most of the time. I am just so sick of the chest tightness and anxiety and would like to know if I am alone in this and, if not, how other people cope. Thanks for reading, again, my apologies for the length.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

the not-very-sympathetic response goes along the lines of, (1) "fake it 'til you make it," but like all such things, however annoying, there's a grain of truth in there. looks like your management has faith in your judgment or they wouldn't be putting you in charge. brava!

(2) you mention that it's better after the first night. keep telling yourself that. :yeah:see (1).

(3) you sound like you have a good basis in reality, except for one thing: do you think your past charge nurses, the good ones, really gave a rat's sweet patootie about being popular? no, you respected them because they did the right thing, or as best they could to do the right thing given what they have to work with.i don't hear you saying you're not able to manage that, so see (1) and (2), above. people might grumble sometimes, but that's in-one-ear-and-out-the-other material.

(4) maybe time for a quick tune-up with your counselor/psychiatrist-- like any other chronic illness, sometimes it needs one.:heartbeat

last but not least, there isn't one of us of any age with the sense god gave geese who doesn't have some anxiety at work. you happen to have more than some; some people have curlier hair or bigger feet, or are more likely to get carpal tunnel syndrome. whatever. just as there are more flattering hair-dos, better shoes, and wrist splints, there are ways for you to get through your days. it appears that you have people who trust you and they must have some reason for that ; it appears that you have professional help prn.

my therapist used to say, "there's nothing like feeling better to make you feel better." give yourself permission to focus hard on those moments, however fleeting, when you do feel better. when you feel any anxiety creeping back, push it firmly away the instant you notice it, and will yourself to remember a feeling-better moment. one thing i learned when i had intrusive thoughts was to have a good memory right handy to pull out, to give my brain something better to do. i picked a foolish one, a time when my cat used to sit on my dresser and bark (really bark) at the birds on the wire outside the window. ok, so it was stupid, but it made me laugh every time and just crowded out the bad thoughts; laughter is good. i looked at it as first aid, a concept i could get behind.

[nerdtonurse?, BSN, RN]

My first 6 months as a nurse, I had a copy of a labyrinth in the back of my notebook == http://zdi1.zd-cms.com/cms/res/files/382/ChartresLabyrinth.pdf

When I would start feeling frazzled, I'd stop for a second, and trace the labyrinth with my finger. It can take seconds or a minute, and I would just use it as a centering moment to focus down on what needed to happen next -- not the next 3 things, not in the next hour, not before end of shift -- but just the 1 next thing. Worked great for me.

So did cussin' in German on the way home. Whatever works...

[CBsMommy]

I have lived with anxiety my entire life. In fact, I didn't know any different until I became an adult and talked with friends about it, who told me it's not normal to feel the way I do. When I started having panic attacks that landed me in the ER, I decided that I would go talk with someone about it. And my panic attacks are a little like what you describe, can't breathe, chest feels tight, etc. They are really scary!

Here's what I do that makes it feel better: 1. Talk to a behavioral type of therapist that deals with OCD/Panic Disorder. They will teach you ways to calm yourself down before a full blown panic attack sets in. 2. Exercise to get yourself healthy, release endorphins and to get extra frustration out. 3. Eat healthy and NO MORE CAFFEINE! 4. Get a hobby or 2 or 3, that you really enjoy and focus on those instead of work. 5. When life gets to be too much, find a place that you really enjoy and meditate or listen to soft music, whatever you do to relax. 6. Realize that you will never please everyone. Also realize that no one is better than you. We all come from different backgrounds and have different opinions but at the base of all things, we are all just people trying to do our best in life. Hopefully this helps from someone else with OCD with panic disorder! Good luck!

[Forever Sunshine, ASN, RN]

My most stressful thing as charge that gets to me is assignments. The people who make the schedule screw it up frequently. So basically every night I'm working the assignments have to be switched around based on what unit is short, what CNAs are on, a male CNA on the schedule, sick calls, no call no show.

[pixie99]

Better living through chemistry, I say! I agree that ativan during the working hours is not a good idea, however there might be new meds and alternatives. You might consider choosing a APRN as your mental health provider, he/she might have some insight to your problems that a physician would not.

Also, most nurses are a little "off". It's our weird wiring that makes us choose this job, no?

[UpinawayRN]

Don't do it if it is causing more anxiety and panic, taking a toll on your well-being. It is not a job for just anyone. I respect the advice of the other posters, but it is OK to respectfully ask that you not be charge, and not feel the least bit guilty about it. Lot's of nurses I work with don't want it, I myself wouldn't do it at this time, Don't do it for others. Only you know what's best for you right now, and it is not the best position for someone with panic and anxiety regardless of what others "see" on the outside.

[Forever Sunshine, ASN, RN]

Don't do it if it is causing more anxiety and panic, taking a toll on your well-being. It is not a job for just anyone. I respect the advice of the other posters, but it is OK to respectfully ask that you not be charge, and not feel the least bit guilty about it. Lot's of nurses I work with don't want it, I myself wouldn't do it at this time, Don't do it for others. Only you know what's best for you right now, and it is not the best position for someone with panic and anxiety regardless of what others "see" on the outside.

Sometimes I have no choice but to be charge though. Once the assignments are squared away and untangled its not so bad.

[Guttercat, ASN, RN]

You are obviously a caring person, who wants to leave work knowing your job was well done, your patients were well-cared for, and no strings were left untied. Your supervisors see this, and not your inner turmoil. Pat yourself on the back because you must be doing something (or many things) right.

Here are some thoughts:

1.) Your life is more than your work. Remember balance, and do what it takes to be as fulfilled as possible in every arena of your life. If that means saying no, then say it.

2.) If you need to cut back in hours to achieve that balance, in order to be the best you can be, do it. Your life will thank you. Your family, coworkers and patients will thank you, And, you will thank you.

3.) Don't be a slave to others' expectations. Only you know where "that line" is. Realize that everyone else is focused on trying to make it through the day just like you, and most likely they are not worried about your life, and your struggles. Unfortunately, there is only so much we can give eachother as we are all running at maximum to begin with.

4.) You are not alone. I've been at this game a looong time. There are very few healthcare workers out there not struggling with issues of balance, and hiding their fears and insecurities. Not long ago, I had a doc tell me, "if you only knew how many of our physicians on staff are on meds for anxiety disorders..."

We're all in this together honey, so hold your head high, go forth with confidence knowing that even if others appear to have it together on the outside, they may be the very ones going home at night drugging and drinking themselves to sleep.

You can do this, you will find your way.

[Gratefulprn]

Every minute of everyday...I know EXACTLY what you are going through...I have an opportunity to work a PT job, low stress, not so great $ but enough we could get by w/my spouses income until I can some assistance w/the anxiety/depression I have suffered with most of my life and which has gotten 10 times worse in the past year..the thing is I was offered a FT position and my spouse does not understand why I can't just "suck it up" 3 days/week for the $ and tells me it's just I'm not going to like any job I take - WRONG - before some things happened in the past few years, I WAS able to cope, work w/o issue etc. and DID like my job but things changed and those changes have changed me and regardless of what some people think some of us can NOT just exercise/smile/fake it etc. our way out of this "upset" - I DO talk to myself, like you and others on here but that isn't enough. I do have an appt. w/a doctor but Jan. is the earliest he could see me and he is the only one our insurance pays for that is accepting new people. Like you, I went ahead and started this FT position last week. EVERYDAY I have been sick to my stomach, chest hurting, and more. So no, you are not alone and I do not think you should feel obligated to take a position you are not personally or professionally comfortable with. One of the reasons nursing is getting the rep is it is because management does not listen much anymore. I hope you have a good week and are able to change things around.

[rntj]

Thanks for all the helpful comments, all! I feel better just getting my feelings out and knowing I'm not the only one dealing with these types of things. I will definitely try to exercise more and meditate more so that I can minimize my anxiety. Thanks for all the well wishes also.

[gaylarn4]

I have lived with anxiety my entire life. In fact, I didn't know any different until I became an adult and talked with friends about it, who told me it's not normal to feel the way I do. When I started having panic attacks that landed me in the ER, I decided that I would go talk with someone about it. And my panic attacks are a little like what you describe, can't breathe, chest feels tight, etc. They are really scary!

Here's what I do that makes it feel better: 1. Talk to a behavioral type of therapist that deals with OCD/Panic Disorder. They will teach you ways to calm yourself down before a full blown panic attack sets in. 2. Exercise to get yourself healthy, release endorphins and to get extra frustration out. 3. Eat healthy and NO MORE CAFFEINE! 4. Get a hobby or 2 or 3, that you really enjoy and focus on those instead of work. 5. When life gets to be too much, find a place that you really enjoy and meditate or listen to soft music, whatever you do to relax. 6. Realize that you will never please everyone. Also realize that no one is better than you. We all come from different backgrounds and have different opinions but at the base of all things, we are all just people trying to do our best in life. Hopefully this helps from someone else with OCD with panic disorder! Good luck!

you just described me LOL! Excellent tips here.....and my panic attacks did stop!!