I apologize in advance for the length of this post. I'm a very private person, so this is hard for me to actually write, but I need to vent. Been an RN for 9 years, was a tech for 7 years before that. So working in the nursing field is basically all I know. What is also important to know about me is that I have been dx'd w/ bipolar II for 10 years, with anxiety d/o and OCD completing the trifecta. I have been quite stable on my current meds, and have not had a depressive relapse for over 3 years, which, of course, is great. I am working on a tele floor at a well-known teaching hospital, and generally I love my job and my coworkers. Recently, after years of begging my manager to not make me do so, I have been trained as charge nurse, and have been in that role maybe 8 times. It makes me SO anxious!! What people don't know about me is that, although I am quite calm on the outside in most situations, I live with this constant, horrible chest tightness every day, whether I'm working or not. The only thing that somewhat relieves it is the Ativan I am prescribed, which I only take before bed. I become very anxious my first night on for the week, and as I drive home after that first night, each time I am overtaken by anxiety, my chest tightens, and I can't breathe. It seems to improve after my first night is over. Being in charge and especially making the assignment causes me so much stress, I guess deep down because I really want everyone to like me, and you always tick someone off somehow when you're in charge. What I would like to know is, does anyone else have the problem with anxiety that I do, needing to put on a brave face when sometimes I feel like I can barely hold it together? How do you manage? I don't really feel like I am burning out, as I feel I have the capability to give my best to my patients most of the time. I am just so sick of the chest tightness and anxiety and would like to know if I am alone in this and, if not, how other people cope. Thanks for reading, again, my apologies for the length.
one thing i learned when i had intrusive thoughts was to have a good memory right handy to pull out, to give my brain something better to do. i picked a foolish one, a time when my cat used to sit on my dresser and bark (really bark) at the birds on the wire outside the window. ok, so it was stupid, but it made me laugh every time and just crowded out the bad thoughts; laughter is good. i looked at it as first aid, a concept i could get behind.
that's like taking nitro for angina! sorry just had to throw that in there
but to add to what everyone else is saying, i am orienting to charge right now. i don't have anxiety issues as you do, yet this is something i have been dreading since i became a nurse. it took me an hour to fall asleep last night, and i have been home from work for an hour and a half and i am still thinking about work. so hang in there, you aren't alone...
Thanks again everybody for your help. It helps to not feel so alone in this. Tonight I am feeling much better. Maybe I just need to relax in the charge nurse role and have a little faith in myself. Unfortunately one suggestion I can't take is to eliminate caffeine--I work nights and that simply is not an option, plus I am a bona fide coffee addict even when I am not working. But I will try to minimize my intake. Definitely going to start meditating again regularly, that seemed to help. It's nice to have all of your support. I do love nursing and feel blessed to be able to care for people in their time of need but sometimes the stress and responsibility does get to me. Guess that makes me human. Peace out!
I crochet, every day I crochet. There's something about counting, repetitive patterns, and the hand movements that relaxes my mind. Does anyone need a hat?
First, kudos to you for going to work, even when you are anxious. I am still learning not to let my anxiety paralyze me. You should be very proud!
Second, I agree that a tune-up with a therapist could be very helpful.... just a few weeks to work out your issues with charge. I also second the suggestion to try an APRN as your mental health provider. I see a CNS and she is awesome!!
Specializes in psych, addictions, hospice, education.
Why is Ativan not a good option during work? I understand it can make you sleepy, etc., but once the correct dose is determined, it's there to help with anxiety, and is a legitimate treatment...
Why is Ativan not a good option during work? I understand it can make you sleepy, etc., but once the correct dose is determined, it's there to help with anxiety, and is a legitimate treatment...
i agree.
if anxiety is such that it affects work performance, then a properly-dosed anxiolytic would only make you function better.
same as those who take narcs for their (chronic) pain...it helps them function better.
no difference.
but, meds should be the last resort, when all else fails.
xtxrn, ASN, RN
4,267 Posts
FWIW- don't identify yourself as a bunch of diagnoses....you have the disorders, you AREN'T the disorders... big difference :)
:hug: