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Gratefulprn's Latest Activity

  1. Gratefulprn

    Anyone else dealing with anxiety/emotional issues?

    Every minute of everyday...I know EXACTLY what you are going through...I have an opportunity to work a PT job, low stress, not so great $ but enough we could get by w/my spouses income until I can some assistance w/the anxiety/depression I have suffered with most of my life and which has gotten 10 times worse in the past year..the thing is I was offered a FT position and my spouse does not understand why I can't just "suck it up" 3 days/week for the $ and tells me it's just I'm not going to like any job I take - WRONG - before some things happened in the past few years, I WAS able to cope, work w/o issue etc. and DID like my job but things changed and those changes have changed me and regardless of what some people think some of us can NOT just exercise/smile/fake it etc. our way out of this "upset" - I DO talk to myself, like you and others on here but that isn't enough. I do have an appt. w/a doctor but Jan. is the earliest he could see me and he is the only one our insurance pays for that is accepting new people. Like you, I went ahead and started this FT position last week. EVERYDAY I have been sick to my stomach, chest hurting, and more. So no, you are not alone and I do not think you should feel obligated to take a position you are not personally or professionally comfortable with. One of the reasons nursing is getting the rep is it is because management does not listen much anymore. I hope you have a good week and are able to change things around.
  2. Depression/anxiety runs in my family including one of my parents (both now deceased) that was a true bipolar...several suicide attempts/hospitalizations UNTIL properly diagnosed and placed on medication which helped a LOT. Most of this took place while I growing up and didn't level off until I was about 13 w/this parent. Keep in mind, as some of you on here will know, medications for depression, etc. weren't readily available in the 1970's and 80's but once a doctor took a REAL look at my parents history, hospitalizations etc. He realized this was more than just situational etc. My other parent suffered from depression later after a debilitating stroke, my grandparents suffered from depression, only one was willing to take meds. for it..no substance abuse issues in my family. Fast forward to now...I have accepted a FT (12 hour shift) position on a psych unit that will cater to adults, mostly over age 50. I have never worked true psych before....when I interviewed I thought my own struggles w/depression/anxiety coupled w/my nursing experience and personal experience in this area would be beneficial in my providing care. Now I'm not so sure..I haven't started yet and already I am WAY anxious over this position...going from PRN (where I'm at now) to FT plus the change and my own current struggles. I have another option which is a part time position in an ALF that is not direct patient care. I NEED to work - we do not live above our means at ALL but having worked PRN and w/hours cut because everyone else needs overtime has got us hurting. I do not have children. The part time position is salaried. It's not my "dream" job but it's $ and would give me some breathing room. The psych job would be something new, FT and I should be happy about it - I AM grateful - but I don't want my personal past - which was VERY difficult though I had GREAT parents - to crop back up and make me ineffective at helping someone else - it's tough being a psych patient but it's tough being a family member of someone in a psych facility too... Thank you in advance for your opinion.
  3. Gratefulprn

    Thinking of leaving management to return to bedside nursing

    You are the one who has to get up and go to the job...not your husband or anyone else. If your desire to return to bedside nursing is so strong then you should go back - bedside nursing - like management - will always be there in some form or another so if you find you don't like being back at the bedside you can look for something else - your degree plus experience will almost certainly insure something. Also, if you are wanting to become a NP bedside nursing WOULD benefit you much more than management given NP are usually hands on so you would need the updated/refreshed experience I would think.
  4. Ever took a position base on money or distance etc. knowing it was a mistake but did it anyway? If so, what happened?
  5. Gratefulprn

    Home Health/Private Duty/Extended Care

    Bayada, Amedysis, Gentiva and PSA are always looking for nurses.
  6. Interviewed 2 weeks ago for a position that would work well for me given where I am at physically, emotionally and financially in life right now.....interview went fairly well though it was short. Also strange I knew one of the panel nurses having worked w/him a few years back..what was strange is he told the other interviewers I was mistaken that he and I had worked together in the past (when he introduced himself I said "we've met, we worked together for 3 yrs at ***** clinic. He said nothing...I thought..ok...) Anyway..was told I would hear something either way by the 7th. The 7th came and went no word. I planned to call this week to check on the status. Still thinking it was strange this former coworker acted as though he had never met me - we worked everyday almost together at this clinic. Neither of us have changed to any major degree. So, I have never sent a "thank you" note for an interview - ever. After reading many posts on here it seems this is now the norm so I did -the day after the interview. Fast forward to this a.m. I receive an email from one of the nurses in the interview (the panel had 5 people on it) - she states I will not be offered the position as they felt I was "too anxious" for the position because I mentioned knowing someone on the panel who tells them he did not work where I knew him from but he DID but mostly because I sent a thank you note to the hiring director on the panel and they all thought it was "too aggressive." ALL the note said was I appreciated his time as well as the others and looked forward to hearing from him one a decision was made. THAT WAS IT. All I can think of is the former coworker has an issue w/me - though I can't imagine what because we worked together well, never had a problem..but after this I will never send another thank you note for an interview again. Though it may have worked for some of you, for me, it most definitely did not.
  7. Gratefulprn

    Nursing & Depression

    SuchIsLife...much of what you and others on here wrote I too have experienced...the dream job offer only to screw it up because of anxiety, depression, rumination...I have tried, for YEARS, to control my thoughts, "think happy", taking over the counter herbs, exercise, eat right - you name it. The fact is, for some of us, the TRUE clinical depression is not something we can think, pray, eat or exercise our way out of. I know the stats on meds, I also personally know people who have gone on them and their lives have been returned to them. For me, this weekend, was it. I am 2 months behind on my mortgage, I shower but that's it - no hair done, no make-up, I wear the same clothes over and over again though I do wash them, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is an effort - to get up, to bathe, to get to the store so there is something in the house to eat, I care about almost nothing...I have basically ruined more opportunities professionally that I can recall, have job hopped to the point there is no hopping anymore, I have no friends and like some on here don't have much to do w/family - for no reason than just the thought of getting in the car to do somewhere exhausts me. I can't sleep, I stay anxious but I stay exhausted - like you I feel isolated and like an outcast. I wasn't always like this...lots of "life" happened in the past 8-9 years and while I always struggle w/anxiety and depression these events - especially one in 2009 - increased the downward slide. It's not like one day you are ok and the next you aren't - clinical depression is an insidious disease, it robs you of everything - self esteem included - in a way that you don't really notice at first - like a GI bleed. For me, there is no other option but medication. I know that now. I have a BSN, have been a nurse for 22 yrs and am a few classes shy of a Masters...and where will I be working? Part time at a flu clinic just to have money coming in. My depression had effected my marriage, every single part of my existence - which is no way to live. Monday I am calling my primary doc because I know I can get in fast to see him and get on something...I am calling a psych and a therapist too - these people, the therapy and the medication, are for me, the last hope before I simply STOP functioning at all. Depression/anxiety runs in my family so I know there is a genetic component. I realize nothing - not my personal or professional life - is going to turn around until I get stable or at least enough self esteem and worth to value myself enough to try to save myself from falling. My spouse can't help me - be has tried - it's up to me - just as it's up to you. I don't care what anyone thinks about medication, like I said, I've seen first hand what it can do for people - side effects? I'm sure there are going to be some but can the side effects be any worse than foreclosure? Lying in bed all day feeling overwhelmed by blackness? I don't think so. I hope you are able to find some relief. I really do. Good luck friend.
  8. Gratefulprn

    Happier at work than at home?

    Thank you to all who replied. You have no idea how much ALL of your comments and suggestions have helped...I sincerely mean that.
  9. Gratefulprn

    Being bought by DaVita,,,,help!!!!

    I was offered a position w/Davita sometime back. I declined it because of the required travel - both in and out of state - as well as being told there is a Davitease (?) language that is spoken and team mates work 10-14 hours/day every day they work. To me that signaled not enough nurses/techs for the patients. I don't mind working hard or over on occasion but it seems the mind set is Davita first, your life second...um..no.
  10. Gratefulprn

    Satellite Healthcare.....Renal Advantage, Inc...????

    I was offered a position with Davita last year...It was GREAT money but I was shocked when I was told the days are an "average" of 10-12 hours and that traveling to meetings within state and out of state was required. Though the clinic was nice and the people were and they seemed to be taking good care of the patients I realized though the wage is high, so is the cost to your personal life and time off.
  11. Gratefulprn

    Happier at work than at home?

    Is anyone happier/less stressed at work then at home? I know this may sound "crazy" to many of you but I find being at work - though busy is actually a break from being home and I find myself less...depressed/anxious/irritable. We live in a rural area and it's peaceful but that can also be isolating. Most of my family is deceased, the sisters I do have live over 1000 miles away and I have no friends because where we live there isn't a social "scene" other than a few bars and that does not interest me. I live too far (50 miles) from work to make plans on my off days with others. Maybe for me it's because I am home a LOT and working provides a break from that routine. It's hard to explain and it's not that I have a terrible spouse, I don't and we have no children so it's not that I need a break from child care...we have financial stress because the only position for me now is PRN but I'm interviewing for a second job this week so maybe that will change and the financial pressure will ease up some. I was just curious if I were the only nurse who felt better about herself (or his self) at work then at home.

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