Anybody else struggling with anorexia and bulimia?

Nurses Recovery

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I'm in the throes of relapse, and really needing to know I'm not on my own here.

I believe my intense anxiety and doubting myself caused what I had previously able to control, become completely out of my control. It felt like control to me and helped me to numb the unbelievably horrible anxiety that I was experiencing.

I too have struggled with an ED for about 12 years with relapse after relapse. I was in recovery for about a year and a half after my last inpatient stay, but things started getting bad again as I got closer to graduating from nursing school in May. Pinkestar- what you said describes so perfectly how I felt/feel. It is good to know that you have been able to overcome it. I have had to put off taking my first nursing job because of my ED, but I am doing a lot of job searching now. I am just scared that I will hate it or I won't be a good nurse.

adknursie- if you ever want to talk, I am here as well :wink2:

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Specializes in LTC, Med-Surg, IMCU/Tele, HH/CM.

Ive had an eating disorder for 13 years. It seems every time I try hard to get better, my ED gets worse, so I just submit to it.

I am really glad to hear that I am not the only nurse who is struggling with this problem. There are days that I feel so alone -- no one, and I mean NO ONE in my real life knows I have this issue. I used to go to an online support group for it. I feel as if I cannot get treatment in my community because I work at the only hospital with eating disorder treatment and therapy.

The thing that people do notice about me is that my weight fluctuates about 40 lbs every year, in as little as 2 months. I don't try to loose or gain weight, it just sort of happens depending on how much stress I am under or how much free time I have to shove food in my mouth.

One thing I do know is that I WILL NOT let it affect my nursing practice or my future as a nurse. When I assume my identity as a nurse at work, I leave the problems at home. I'm really happy that I am able to do that at least.

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One thing I do know is that I WILL NOT let it affect my nursing practice or my future as a nurse. When I assume my identity as a nurse at work, I leave the problems at home. I'm really happy that I am able to do that at least.

It will affect it..whether you realize it or not. Any stimuli in your life will to some degree affect your behavior as a nurse.

Survival= growth/stress

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Specializes in medical/oncology.
It will affect it..whether you realize it or not. Any stimuli in your life will to some degree affect your behavior as a nurse.

Survival= growth/stress

Unfortunately that's the truth.

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i don't struggle so much with the bulimia one, but have gone there with some minor anorexia before and some. My biggies were alcohol/drugs. Been sober a pretty long time now, and I understand the fear (my new job is killing me); however, there comes a point where we either want to make it clean, sober, abstinent, whatever or not. i just couldn;t stand to continue living that way.... also, i had to decide what was worth my sobriety......a life long dream to be a nurse? What good would that do if I was in relapse? I am not living life - in any type of addiction, even though it does appear to be an option when I get in that fear mode.

For me, the only way i have been able to maintain my spiritual condition and become free from the hell of dying inside was with a 12 step recovery program, and someone i would be honest with and do the deal. No test was gonna rob me of my recovery or i;d end up a patient before a nurse.... still might clean and sober...lol actually I am a RN as of July.

You can do it with the help of others who have made it ....if you want to.

:heartbeat Jillianna

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Specializes in LTC, home health, critical care, pulmonary nursing.
i don't struggle so much with the bulimia one, but have gone there with some minor anorexia before and some. My biggies were alcohol/drugs. Been sober a pretty long time now, and I understand the fear (my new job is killing me); however, there comes a point where we either want to make it clean, sober, abstinent, whatever or not. i just couldn;t stand to continue living that way.... also, i had to decide what was worth my sobriety......a life long dream to be a nurse? What good would that do if I was in relapse? I am not living life - in any type of addiction, even though it does appear to be an option when I get in that fear mode.

For me, the only way i have been able to maintain my spiritual condition and become free from the hell of dying inside was with a 12 step recovery program, and someone i would be honest with and do the deal. No test was gonna rob me of my recovery or i;d end up a patient before a nurse.... still might clean and sober...lol actually I am a RN as of July.

You can do it with the help of others who have made it ....if you want to.

:heartbeat Jillianna

At least you don't need alcohol/drugs to live. You're not faced with the necessity every day. Hard to do it "if you want to."

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I too have been struggling with an eating disorder for a while now (7 years, but I had disordered eating a few years before that). I'd probably say that I have eating disorder NOS, although my therapist has said that I am bulimic and anorexic at times. I go through phases where I feel okay, but then I feel like I am gaining weight and my old "habits" start again. It is really hard because I don't think these horrible feelings about my body will ever go away (the fact that I have lots of scars from self-injury doesn't help either). Is there any hope for me??? I'm halfway through my BSN program, and I really want to do psych nursing. I want to help people who have gone through through the same things as me.

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Specializes in Mother Baby & pre-hospital EMS.

I struggled with anorexia nervosa about 8 years ago. I would not say that I am fully recovered because I still obsess over what I eat and other issues related to disordered eating, but it does not bother me too much at the moment.

I learned that stressful situations can make certain health conditions "flare up." For example, I have OCD, and the symptoms are more evident than they have been before (most likely due to the stress and busy-ness of nursing school).

I also have a history of other mental health issues, which is part of a reason why I am reluctant to go into psych nursing (one of the areas I was originally interested in working) - I feel like I need to take care of my own issues first before I care for others. I do feel that as long as I can manage my issues and remember to "check it at the door" before going to work, I will be okay.

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Hey there. Just want you to know that a total and complete recovery from an ED is possible. I know you are working hard at it but don't give up - it will happen.

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It would be nice if a total and complete recovery from an ED were possible. Maybe for a lucky few... I have dealth with anorexia for nearly 20 years. After many relapses, I thought I had it beat. Then, life throws the curves at you and next thing I know.. I have the devil on one shoulder telling me, "Don;t eat it" and the angel on the other telling me to. I fear it will never end. It is exhausting... just thinking about it constantly. Good luck to all those struggling. I have just learned to accept that some days, weeks, months, etc may be better than others.

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Specializes in Emergency Medicine, Dr. Office, Psych.
I'm in the throes of relapse, and really needing to know I'm not on my own here.

Have you learned your triggers? I suffered from both when i was in nursing school, unsure why? maybe it was the post pregnancy thing that lead me to it, but i was down to 108lbs and i am 5'10.

I have to say that after 18 yrs of nursing, I havent relapsed to that way of thinking. My trigger was seeing all of the skinny, best dressed, nurses all around the hospital when i had just had a baby & was flabby & frumpy.

How can I help you get through this hard time?

I would be more than happy to share some of my coping skills with you if you are interested.:confused:

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My wife had bulimia when we first married. It took quite a few years for her to beat it, but she finally did; at least I think she did. I quit seeing the obvious signs after she got pregnant with our first child and never noticed them again. What I always wondered, and what I seem to be reading here, is it more accurate for me to consider her a recovered bulimic? And that if the right trigger came along she could become active again? I'm not so worried about the original trigger, as that was her abusive step father and him crushing her self esteem. She's been dis-owned by him so there hasn't been any contact between them for years. But I've always wondered if maybe I shouldn't have assumed the disease was dead and gone.

As a side note; she how has GERD. This is another cost of being bulimic that often doesn't manifest itself until years later.

To all of you who suffer from either bulimia or anorexia, my prayers go out to you; and to your families. I know it's terrible for the person suffering from it; but it isn't easy for your families or the ones that love you either.

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