Another burnt out nurse - questioning everything. . .

Specialties Med-Surg

Published

I am an RN on a busy med-surg floor in a mid-sized hospital in the "bad" part of a southern city. I've been on the floor for a year, but also used to work on this floor as a new grad back in 2009 (I moved away from the area for a couple of years then returned). I work with good people for the most part but the hospital is just a disorganized mess. I used to enjoy working there and wanted to make it a better place. . .but these last couple of months I have lost all joy and just feel. . .nothing. Just dread. Just frustration. Physically sick when I think about/go to work. My coworkers have noticed although I try to hide it. I do the job and treat the pts well, but I just don't care anymore.

Also, I am in school at a large local university for my master's in nursing. . .which I was very excited about. . .and now I am thinking of quitting. The classes are all "theory" and paper writing and nothing clinical and speaking to the upper level students, they say even the CLINICAL classes aren't really clinical and NP's are graduating and passing boards without really ever even seeing patients or caring for them and are being thrown into jobs seeing 15-20 pts a day after just a few days of orientation! Scary stuff. And this is a "good" university with a reputation of having a good NP school.

I am questioning why I am doing this, why NP? Is it just because as a "smart girl" I feel pushed toward a higher degree? That as a single mom I feel the need to push myself and have a good career? I thought I wanted to work primary care focusing on geriatrics, but NP's face the same problems that RNs face. . .just with more responsibility and pressure.

I am questioning why I am a nurse. The 12 hr shifts are just killing me - before I was a single mom, it was no problem but now I come home after 13 exhausting hours and get my toddler from my mom and bath him and put him to bed and it is so late (his bedtime has been 9:30pm since he was an infant because of my schedule) and I am so tired and then I have to either spend the night at my mom's or drive to my apt for just a few hours of sleep before doing it all again.

I am torn between having the extra days off by working 2-3 12s a week. . .or having a more "normal" schedule so that my son will have a more normal schedule. Is it good for him to have such an exhausted mama?

I also think back to working as a professional in an office before I became a nurse. I changed careers because I wanted to do something completely new and because I was single back then and LOVED to travel all over the world and thought that as a nurse I would have the $$ and time to travel. Which I did - before becoming a mom I took weeks off at a time and traveled to south america and africa and asia and just loved it. Being a PRN 12 hr shift hospital nurse was PERFECT as a single gal in my 20s. Now? Not sure. . .

I feel so lost. I am in my mid 30's and just feel lost. And anxious and scared about my whole life. I feel the decisions I make now will affect me and my son forever. I care about my son so much and am so fearful of the future raising him by myself. My mom is so much help to me (I moved back here so she could help me) but her health is poor and she cannot do as much as she would like. Watching a toddler is exhausting for her even though she loves it. I try not to work 2 days in a row because it is too much for her.

I don't know what I am looking for - advice, other people's stories, just some people who maybe understand or who have been there. I look at my options - finding a job in nursing with better hours, leaving school/staying in school, leaving nurses entirely (I have other skills to fall back on but the pay wouldn't be as good), trying to get into an insurance company.

I do enjoy patient interaction. I love my patients, especially my elderly patients. I love getting to know them and helping them. I don't mind doing CNA work - when I have the time to bath a patient or help them ambulate or talk to family or just LISTEN to them, it is a good day. I have never been attracted to the critical side of nursing - thank god there are nurses who love it and work in our ICUs and ERs because I just couldn't do it. Very sick patients scare me.

I have played with the idea of working at an ALF or SNF, with 8 hr shifts, but the reputation of them around here is so awful and I fear that it would be brutal to work there.

As you can see. . .I am lost.

Thank you for reading my long post. I have been wanting to write it for a while, I just never had the time plus I always fear some people's responses on here.

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

ALF nursing is not the picnic it's made out to be. Not when you're responsible for 85 residents or more, at least 30 of whom are nursing-home ready and 15 more should be in memory care. Not when you're held accountable for every single thing that goes wrong, yet you don't have the power to move a resident out when s/he becomes inappropriate for the ALF setting. Not when you have no say in what the marketing director is bringing in the door and leaving you to figure out how to take care of them.

I loved some of my ALF jobs, but the last one tipped me over into a realm of anxiety and paranoia I'd never even imagined. I wouldn't recommend this kind of work to anyone who values her/his sanity.

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Specializes in CCM, PHN.

Lady! Get into case management, STAT! It's an emerging specialty and is usually 9-5, M-F. And no, not 'home health case manager' jobs, REAL CM jobs with a hospital, medical group or ins. co.

Usually involves telephonic case management, desk work and lots of nursing judgment/critical thinking.

PM me if you want to talk about it!

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Specializes in Geriatrics, Home Health.

Having worked in a SNF and and ALF, I wouldn't recommend either as a low-stress alternative.

Have you considered school nursing or home health?

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You are tired, exhausted, overstressed and have a whole lot going on at the same time.

I like the school nurse idea. Better, normal, daytime hours. Or in an MD's office. Or urgent care. AND LOVE THE CASE MANAGEMENT OPTION!!!

You can get a Masters and not be an NP. If you are not into it, why stress? I would find a day job, finish out your BSN to Masters online in the evening when your son goes to bed, and take a step back.

Please seek out some support. There are groups, counseling......You can only do what you can do. You, nor any of us are super human. And as a personal aside, and no offense meant-- get some support from your son's father if appropriate. It shouldn't be all up to you!!

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Specializes in Geriatrics, rehab, Alzheimers.

Wow your story is so heartfelt. I feel for you and your struggles. I personally think that you should try LTC especially since your heart is in geriatrics. Yes some places aren't as nice as others, but with your experience I'm sure you'd get your pick of nursing home. The benefit is you would be with geriatrics, you would be committed to only 8 hrs a day (most days), and usually you get more of "a routine" as the turnover rate of pts is not like a hospital. You really get attatched to your residents and they become almost a second family. I think getting your masters is awesome and worth it but the priority here is to get you happy at work and feeling close to your son. Good luck in whatever you decide to do and know your son will be so thankful for all you did when he's older.

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Specializes in Eventually Midwifery.

Graduate school is not like undergrad- granted I have not been through nursing school yet, but I do have a masters degree in another field. Yes, endless papers, yes endless theory (lit theory, in my case). What you get from graduate school is a way to open doors, but even more so, you get a NEW way of thinking. A better way of thinking and problem solving. This you can apply to pt. care, even if you are not in a class clinical setting. DO NOT give up on your MSN- it will help you in ways that you may not understand now.

What you may consider, besides looking for a 9-5 position in case management (which is a GREAT idea), is in the meantime, put your child in daycare part time somewhere close to your mother's. She could pick him up after nap time, say, around 3ish. She would only be watching him for 1/2 of the day so she does not get so exhausted. Now, you could work 3 days in a row, which will be tiring, but just think, you will have 4 days to recover. I'm not sure what your your class schedule looks like, but ideally you could let your mom watch your son while you are in class and give you time to study on your 4 days off, but that would not last the whole day either. Anyway, these are just suggestions. I feel for you- I was a single mom when I was in Grad school as well, and it was NOT easy. But you must persevere- it will not last forever and in the end you will be a GREAT example for your son and be able to better provide for him.

Good luck and stay strong!

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KEEP at it. I have 2 13 mos. apart and stopped with LPN. LOVE my jobs BUT wish I had finished at least an ADN. Now too old to go back!

Try Hospice nursing for that missing family/pt. contact and teaching. It is VERY rewarding! Best to you young one, you will not regret staying the course when you finish and look back.

you are never too old for learning!

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Specializes in I've done it all except CCU & OB.

AlphaPig I hate to bring this up, but have you thought about antidepressants? All of us need a little help now and then. Could this have anything to do with post-partum depression? Seems like you were so much happier before you became a mother.

I agree, 12 hr shifts are awful, but the 4 other days of the week I have free to do whatever I need to do or want to do are gggrrrreat!

Could your mother or another family member help you more with the baby? Try and find ways to relax such as a massage now and then, long bubble baths to candles and music, etc. I know things are very difficult now, but as your child gets older it gets easier and easier.

God Bless You and I wish you nothing but the best....

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Specializes in neuro/med surg, acute rehab.

I appreciate all of the responses and have been reading and taking in them all. To respond to a few things:

I do fear SNFs and ALF, especially here in Florida where they have such bad reputations. I work with some CNAs who also work at several of the local "big" places and the things they tell me terrify me.

Home health - have seriously thought about it. A huge need down here in geriatric land. The good companies seems to want HH experience. . .will continue to think about it.

Case Management. Yes, have thought a LOT about that. I applied for a CM job at my hospital but they do not consider anyone with less than 5 yrs exp (I have 4). Have thought about Humana (they hire a lot locally). Maybe an 8-5 job is what I need these days.

I don't have my BSN. I have a bachelors in a difference field (from my pre-nursing life) so I need to take 6 "bridge" classes in my NP program. The classes I am taking will transfer to the BSN if I choose to forgo the NP route and just get my BSN.

Lots of options. Torn on the NP. Torn on spending the time and $$ if I am not sure it is something I want to do. Seems like I could have a good enough career without it.

And you are all right that I am just tired and stressed. A lot going on. The father of my child is not local - but he does send child support.

And about anti-depressants. I was on them for several years - the side effects were awful. I have tried 3 with difference experiences. They did make me less. . .sensitive to stress. . .but the side effects. . .I am scared to try again. Maybe I should look into it. I liked the idea of getting off of them, but must admit life has been harder without them.

Thanks again, everyone

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Gee, i felt this way before when i worked in home care as a visiting nurse, working 12 hour days and being paid per visit.

Apart from that, education really is never a waste- nursing or otherwise, but the status of a degree or "open doors" don't or won't have a lot of personal meaning if you don't have the energy to feel them and are burnt .

...............

You certainly have a lot to think about with your choices for your future , that is positive.

I actually wish I had more opportunity or choice. So do what's right for you.

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People really like to speak of home health nursing as some sort of fake, cheap nursing gig, but I am a mother in my early 30's and I am a "REAL Case manager" as someone on this thread so lovingly knocked... and I love my job. I make $28/hr which to most seems like not much but in this area of the South (Louisiana) most hospital RN jobs start at $19/hr. I work M-F 8-4 but they don't mind if I get to work about 8:30 so I can drop my son off at school. I see my patients in the morning and get back about 11 and do paperwork the rest of the day, but I get to be out in the community, not stuck in a building all day. If I want to run some errands I can and they are cool with that as long as I get my paperwork done. No weekends (except that every 4th weekend on call).... It is very family friendly and you will be reimbursed for mileage and on call. And of course you will be able to form a lasting bond with your elderly patients. They will consider you a part of the family. There are nurses in their 60's working with only their diploma or ADN and they make $35/hr. May not be what the MSN or NP pays, but not bad :) Something to think about with your little one.

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I totally get where you are coming from, but hang in there and don't give up. If you can afford it, cut down on your hours or even look into getting a different job. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. You don't want to look back someday and question yourself as to why you never finished school. You can do this!! :yes:

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