Am I being too sensitive?

canesdukegirl, BSN, RN · Nov 20, 2010

Focus on bettering yourself and don't let them win. Unfortunately, some people mistake kindness for weakness, so just keep your chin up, be yourself, and flush the rest. It's not worth your emotional energy.
And come here to vent! It's the best place!

I couldn't have said it better myself! Sometimes, especially in a new environment, kindness IS misunderstood as weakness. I learned this my first day orienting to the OR. Just because I was friendly, the "mean nurses" took that as my being weak and vulnerable. I hated to take out the "head-bobbing-Yo-Mamma-hand-on-the-hip" persona, but I had to take her out to show these nurses that I was not a doormat.

When dealing with this type of behavior, I have found that humor is the best way to diffuse an uncomfortable situation. It immediately sends the message that you are strong enough to take a ribbing and also lets the other nurses know that you are "on" to their criticisms.

Don't let them get you down. They probably went through this boot camp mentality themselves, and are just hankering to dish it back out. Recognize it for what it is...BS. Laugh, and go on taking care of your patients.

gymnut · Nov 20, 2010

The sad part is that even though you graduate from high school you sometimes never leave it. I would be weary of these women who told you your preceptor was talking badly about you because maybe these women dislike her themselves and figure if they create a rift with you to you will join them in the hatred. It's a strength in numbers thing.

Also a lot of time people will talk badly because they see things in you that they want in themselves. After I was promoted at my one job this one person went around and told everyone that the only reason I got it was because I was a suck up and a brown noser when the real reason I got the job was because I was on a lot of team projects and constantly worked OT while she repeatedly called out sick and refused to work anymore than she had to.

Just keep your head up and remember that in the grand scheme of things they don't matter, only your patients do.

VeronicaWileyRN · Nov 20, 2010

Many of the previous reply are what you need to do. Go talk to the person who supposedly talked negative about you. It could be that she didn't say anything or was talking about something else. If she checked you off on your orientation then why did they take you off of orientation. The people telling you what the not so nice person may be true not so nice people and are just trying to cause problems. Go talk to your unit manager and find out if she/he has issue with your work and sign up for every inservice that the hospital has.

AnnieOaklyRN, BSN, RN, EMT-P · Nov 21, 2010

Maybe you could approach this nurse privately and tell her how you feel and how you were hurt by what she said, maybe she will think twice before she does that again. Just tell her that it would be better if the used her energy to improve you rather than to just criticize you behind your back.

Happy

allnurses Guide · Nov 21, 2010

I know it probably doesn't help all that much right now to hear this, but the nurses who do that (assuming whoever told you the tale didn't put a self-serving spin on it) are those who are chronically insecure.

You are just starting out, so your reaction to it is very understandable! Unfortunately though, it's likely to happen again to some degree at least, because there are lots of nurses who need to trash others in order to feel OK about themselves.

Over the years I've just learned to accept it as a given that someone is going to talk about me behind my back, so I'm not hurt, shocked or surprised when some of it gets back to me. Most of it is meaningless jabbering I wouldn't bother making an issue of and it dissipates quickly.

If the nurse is a person who views you with a target on your back and is consistently critical and undermining your work, and looking for ways to humiliate you in front of the group, then you will need to take decisive action. The soft approach as outlined above should be the first step, but some of them will keep it up until you (politely) confront them with eye contact and direct words.

I'm hoping your unit has managers who don't tolerate the mistreatment of others so that if you tell the critical nurse to stop it, it will have some teeth in the form of a supportive manager. Some managers are actually part of the problem. That has happened to me only once in my time as a nurse, and after all manner of approaches and adaptations trying to make it work, I couldn't and had to move on.

I hope things get better for you soon!

thmpr · Nov 21, 2010

These AN nurses give the best advice ever...

So after you have cried, confronted, & evaluated, I suggest you apply a “kick me” sign to her back. Laugh at her & laugh at yourself. We are all learning -it never ends.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Nov 21, 2010

of course it wasn't very nice of those people to talk about you behind your back. you should have been the first person with whom they discussed any concerns about your performance. that said, it happens everywhere. there are nice people, not-so-nice people and a few nasty ones everywhere you go -- even in the priesthood!

it's ok to cry privately, but better not to let anyone at work see you cry. because if they do see you cry, that's all they'll talk about, not the circumstances that made you feel like crying.

you're an adult now. get used to people who don't treat you the way you want or think you deserve to be treated. suck it up and deal with it. eventually, hopefully, you'll find that it doesn't bother you so much.