The last time I cared for a patient was more than three years ago, a few days before I graduated from a Nursing School in a foreign country. I had consistently been an exemplary student and many of my classmates and teachers admired me for my knowledge, skills, and my diligence. In other words, everybody saw a very bright future in me.
A couple of months later, I passed the licensure exam in the country I was from. For the very first time, the two most coveted letters (RN) have been formally placed right after my name. While it waved pride and honor, I had never done anything at all to prove that I am worthy of becoming one.
Many patients have been lucky enouh to receive my tender loving care, but I myself am not even sure if those were inherent on my part or were intentionally given to give myself credit (you know, there's always some sort of competition in any kind of school you go to) and for doing so I gave myself bragging rights to be one of the top students during my time.
No matter how much I say that I love my parents so much that I would walk the ends of the earth to prove them that I'm the best daughter any parent could ever have, I have never (and I mean never) ever in my life have I really showed them how to care for a sick loved one. I remember when my mom would get sick (she has this terrible migraine that would strike every so often) and could do nothing else but stay in bed and complain about how difficult it is to be in pain especially without my father (who works abroad) by his side. Lucky for her, she's got two nurses in the house (my brother and myself). My brother is the one who is more caring, more nurse-like and more deserving of a very bright future than I am. I give him the credits that he never owned before, sadly because I overshadowed his accomplishments by having an over-achiever for a sister.
Now, more than three years after I got licensed to brag, I still have not done anything any nursing gradute would do after getting their RN title. My brother has already passed the NCLEX-RN and would soon be in the United States of America where everyone I know yearns to work, he has a stable nursing career in the Philippines and married to nurse who is also working her way to the NCLEX-RN and I'm sure she'll do great, and they certainly got that personality fit for a nurse who has great potential to succeed in the future, and I am so very proud of him.
And me, I just don't have it... maybe a very good reason why after trying three times for a US-RN license, I still could not prove myself worthy of those six numbers required of me to be able to work here in this country where everyone I know yearns to work -- and they will do so with tender loving care. Maybe I am not meant to be one, or maybe someone else is more deserving of a license that I might get hold of... I, who went through nursing school with flying colors but could not give justice to the pride and honor that being a nurse can give me.
:wshgrt:from philippines?...its you who rules your life,it maybe difficult 2 start..just believe in yourself..Nursing isnt about destiny,its on how you commit and devote yourself!!God bless!!i know u can do it!
*just a fresh grad,waiting for the local board examination...:nuke:
Your article brings tears to my eyes. A year ago my bf and I also graduated from the Philippines, and after that I've whisked myself back in the US, while my bf pursued his local license. I've done ok in nursing school, not excellent in everything but I do my very best, and my boyfriend thinks I am way smarter than him. Let's forward it a year later, my boyfriend now works at the ICU in one of the hospitals in our hometown. Things are going so great for him, even with the small pay (230pesos a day) he is able to support himself and be happy with his job at the same time. I, meanwhile, still don't have 'RN' written beside my name. I have termed this time of my life as failure to thrive...lol!
I envy all of my friends in the Philippines who flash the title 'RN' when they passed their boards when all they did on our clinicals was to go to sleep, or eat, or chat. And it was ******* me off that they have RN beside their names but all they do in their volunteer training thing is take pictures to post on Friendster when they should be taking care of patients and taking the opportunity to learn as much before they set on their own. They don't take much of nursing seriously because they are not monetarily compensated and I wished I was on their feet, as I can thrive with little money just as long as I'm happy, especially when I'm doing what I want to do. They all considered me lucky because I am in the US and have a bright future in this career, and they all imagine the salary, etc, but when I failed my nclex again and again, they looked at me like I must be stupid or something. They have no idea what it's like living in the US, all these bills to pay..gas price that's nearly $5 a gallon..ugh.. At a point, I have also asked myself whether or not I am meant to be a nurse, but when I'm out in the world doing something else, i feel lost.
Just like you I wanted to make my parents proud, but by not passing my nclex I have denied them the bragging rights. Which is a good thing as they also need to humble up...lol! I am just happy as well, that no matter how bad I am doing, my bf is still there for me, and I am truly happy that he is doing well in nursing. I've stopped comparing his career against mine, when I read in a book that a man's career can go straight up a ladder, while a woman's career may have a lot of spin offs. From there on I have decided that no matter how much my life will spin off, as long as I stay centered, I will keep going. This IS what I want to do, so I insist that I keep going on until I get what I want.
I took my nclex again yesterday, I dont have the results yet but I can feel that the cap is back on my head...
i really like the story youve shared to us:up:......you touch my heart and you brigthen my mind to continue my career:redpinkhe....i can say that just keep on praying and ask God to guide you always....i do beleive that you have the title so its yours......
that was also my question when i failed my local board exam, alone in my batch. but after 2 years i took it again, (god knows i have fear of taking again, but i tried with all the prayers), he let me passed 75% enough to pass the exam. thought, that i couldn't work in the hospital because of my very low board rating, very low grades (don noticed), but hey! i was hired. if it is in your heart that you really want to serve/help sick or well patients/clients/residents, believe, you will get through it. just be humble, god :redbeatheloves:redbeathe those who humbled themselves.
hi....here is my story, i was never meant to become a nurse and it all happened years ago (about 10 years before). I was desperate to find work and from where i came from, chances to work in whatever u always wanted to become is very slim and almost 'nada'. i signed up in the registrar to be trained for about 3.5 years and i got in...honestly, i had little knowledge about what nursing is and i am not an example type of person far more to be an overachiever. my knowledge about nursing was very low and of course we do have to learn something while i was in the college. luckily becoming a nurse in my place does not take alot of exams unlike other places. once ur graduated from nursing ..u apply for the job and got in interview and that's that reallly...but i know some guys might ask am i capable to work effectively? i might say 'yes' its not because we are knowledgeable but its because its human instinct.
majority of nurses all around the world are just 'okay' (if u know what i mean)...what makes us hard is the policy that has been put to us..once u get through...your done! go live and work....neither of us likes any policy that has been put into our work but who am i to complain? am just like the other people hence, nurses.
you may find the verse footprints very inspirational not to impose any beliefs google footprints in the sand if you are interested. I too feel the same way but am in a different path in the journey I hope to graduate in two weeks and I am feeling really down and out because with one test and a final left I still am below passing. I feel as though everything I want in life will come crashing down before me in less than two weeks when I take the final and get the end percentage.
eyebags
6 Posts
:wshgrt:from philippines?...its you who rules your life,it maybe difficult 2 start..just believe in yourself..Nursing isnt about destiny,its on how you commit and devote yourself!!God bless!!i know u can do it!
*just a fresh grad,waiting for the local board examination...:nuke: