Am I going to be able to make this relationship work?

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So I've been with my "fiance" for about 3 1/2 years now (I put fiance in quotations because we still haven't done anything about wedding plans let alone talk about them but that's a different story) Anyways we both live with our parents and work full time (opposite schedules).

In a few weeks I am going to be starting an accelerated 3 year BSN program, and try to work as much as I can around it. I already know I am going to be very busy and really have no time for nothing. Even right now, he gets upset/angry that we don't spend that much time together and I know it's just going to get worse when I start school with way less time...

I don't know what to do. Deep down I feel like I should end things with him but I am so scared to. Any advice on how to make this work, if it's even possible to make it work?

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Specializes in Acute Care, Rehab, Palliative.

Why are you afraid to end it? Having a man is not mandatory.Yes nursing school is very hard on relationships.I saw many end during school but many also lasted.Whether it is possible to make your situation work is something we can't predict. We don't know you or your partner.His lack of support can be a big issue.You say he is also a busy person as well, so it not all on your end.How does he feel about school starting for you? Have you talked to him about it? It may be the elephant in the room that you ar both ignoring. You need to sit down and talk.Find out how he feels.How old are the two of you? You really shouldn't have to "make" it work.If you have to force it , it's not right.

Best of luck with school.

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I am not sure advice from a bunch of people online who don't know either of you is going to be very helpful. Maybe you should try finding some pre-marital counseling that can help both of you figure out if you still want to marry each other and if you will both be willing to make the sacrifices that will have to made to made as you start school.

I do wish you the best of luck in both school and figuring out your relationship!

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You won't know until you are actually experiencing it, unless you don't want to be with him already, don't break it off for something that hasn't even happened yet. You may be over thinking it right now, imagining what could happen, if he discourages you from your dreams, that's never a good sign, if he is supportive it's great. Nursing school is very hard on relationships, but growing together and bettering yourself could ultimately improve your relationship and help you appreciate him/each other more. Sounds like your decision to go into nursing school will either break you two or make you, which will benefit you either way. Take it one step at a time.

Talk to him about how you feel and tell him you need to support !!! But honestly, most ppl don't get it, unless they are in nursing school! But honestly, he can be supportive and not get the stress.

Good luck :)

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PS..

It is possible to make it work, I used to study at my boyfriends house in his bedroom while he would hang out with his friends watching games in the living room, even though we weren't having one on one time, it was nice to know he was near me. Just one of the few little things we did. Dinner every Friday night.. Etc. I worked too so

I was def busy.

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Deep down I feel like I should end things with him but I am so scared to.

When I hear people say things like this it makes me wonder what else is going on. Nursing school is not the reason to break off a relationship and sometimes the struggle through the program can make bonds stronger. I know a few people in my class that became separated or divorced but I also know several that got engaged.

It really will depend on how strong your bond is prior to start of school. If it's a weak bond then the stresses of school might just break it.

Good luck!!

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Specializes in Hospitalist Medicine.

The best thing you can do is talk openly and honestly with each other about your future. Isn't it better to get it all out in the open and know exactly what's going on than to feel tortured about "what if"? Don't stay in a relationship just because you feel you're obligated to do so. But don't throw away one on assumptions. Talk. You'll know exactly where both of you stand.

Good luck to you!

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Specializes in Acute Care, Rehab, Palliative.

OP: when you say you are afraid to end it, what are you afraid of?

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Specializes in NICU.

Take it from someone that has been in your shoes, if he is not 100% supportive of you putting nursing school number one on your priority list and him down on the list then it will end bad (relationship, school, or both). My ex girlfriend was always complaining about the lack of time spent with her. I tried to make her happy and in the end both fell apart. We broke up and I failed two nursing classes and was dismissed from the program. Many years later I am trying again and my current girlfriend is my biggest cheerleader and avoids me like the plague when I have schoolwork to do or study for a test. If there is something that she can help me with then she is there for me, if there is nothing that she can help me with then she doesn't want to distract me. She realizes that it is only for 15 months. We schedule time together (even if it is only dinner twice a week) when I get time. My advice to you is to make nursing school your only focus. If he is still there when you are done then he is a keeper. To quote Dr. Phil: "What can I do to make my wife's life easier?" If he is not saying to himself "What can I do to make her nursing school easier?" then he is way to focused on himself. Like others have posted, you shouldn't have to "make" it work. If he is not 100% supportive and understanding then there is a problem. Do not, do not, do not let him distract you from your goal.

Matthew 6:24 "No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other." When you are in nursing school you can have only one master (nursing school). If you try to make both a priority then school will suffer.

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You answered your own question: you know it would be better to move on. I've never met anyone ever who regretted following their gut instinct but plenty of people who regretted ignoring it. There is someone better out there for you. *been there*

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It's just going to get harder once the BSN program starts. If you think it's time to move on, then you should do so before the commitment to nursing school starts. You won't want relationship drama bringing you down as you fight your way through nursing school.

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Like someone said before, it really is a test of how strong the relationship is going into school. If it's already lacking, maybe your best choice is to nip it in the bud. Otherwise, set up the expectations for each other so nobody is let down. If it's worth it, you will both find a way to compromise!

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