Alone in left field?

elusive · Sep 26, 2002

Darby;

I am glad that you are perservering through all of your troubles. Sound like you are having a reallly rough time. All of us feel alone at times, and it is hard for family memebers to understand what we are going through, and how heavy the workload actually is, even if we say the work isnt all that HARD there is always A TON of stuff to get done. I know my pile of stuff Im behind on, or stuff I wish I had done already was smaller. But Im in Yr 2 now, and it doesnt seem to go away but it gets better. There will be a lot who drop out by christmastime. Its the normal weeding out process to get the bad apples out. If you have your heart in it you will be fine. I hope things between you and your wife work out for the best (which ever way that may be). When one goes back to school it is always hard for the relationship to cope. It puts a huge amount of stress on both of you.

As for us understanding, we do. And we are all here for you, when ever you need to "talk" or chat.

Best Wishes

Christy :)

REDEEMED · Sep 26, 2002

Hey Darby

Hang in there. I know it seems as though no one else understands and it feels as though you are going through this with no support. But, pray and ask God to give you strenght not to give up, no matter what!!!!! You've come to far to give up.

And remember, God will not put to much on us then we can bear.

And try to resolve your marriage. A lot of times, I think we push so hard to get where we are and forget our love ones. Take time with your wife. (you can spare an hour here and there)

You have been on a long cruise and your wife needs you to come a shore.

I will be praying for you.

AppyHorseFan · Sep 26, 2002

darby,

thank you for feeling comfortable enough with all of us to share some of your personal problems. i know sometimes, it's easier to share with strangers than with those we love and trust that are physically with us (i.e., your wife and family).

i've heard it said over and over again..."nursing school is hard on marriages." although, i am divorced (that's the only way i could get into nursing school, i had no moral support), i do see what it has done to some of my fellow classmaes marriages. several have already divorced, some say as soon as they get out they will divorce.

but, you need to try to find some time for just you are and your wife. i was given some very good advise by one of the instructors this summer. she said that we make arrangements with s.o., children, family, whomever the following compromise needs to be made with. this will probably work best on the weekends, but what she said is tell your wife if she will give you 3 hours of uninterrupted studying...that means no phone, no kids, no chores, nothing. then you give her 3 hours of uninterrupted quality time. you've already done all the studying that your brain can take in at one time and you shouldn't be worrying about the fact that you need to be studying.

give this a try this weekend, darby...and see if it helps. you can catch a movie, go for a walk, or any other activity that the two of you enjoyed pre-nursing school. you might even just sit down and talk and listen to each other. it's worth a try, isn't it.

well, that's my .02 worth. good luck and remember, we all feel alone with you...therefore, you are not alone!!!

shonda

renerian, BSN, RN · Sep 26, 2002

Darby I felt kinda like you do right now when I was in school. It was hard. Life was hard at my house. After school finished and I got ajob on the floor I wanted, I got a divorce but mine was lonnnng overdue.

Maybe you and your wife could see a therapist? Something to think about.

We started our class with 500 students and only 250 graduated.

renerian

babynursewannab · Sep 26, 2002

Darby, I felt the same way the first 4 weeks of school. It came to an awful head and my live-in boyfriend and I had a horrible blow out. But, it was so important for me to blow up and get out how I was feeling about his reaction to school and how freakin' lonely I felt. He, in turn, got a chance to vent about how he felt. With neither of us taking it personally and realizing that it was our reactions to the situation at hand, it was so freeing. An enormous weight was lifted off our shoulders and we're better now than we ever were before.

The point of the story is, don't let it get to blow up proportions. Let her know, calmly, what you need. And, listen calmly to what she needs. Compromise. I agree with the above about committing to quality time in exchange for study time. I give up an entire Saturday every other week for just that purpose. It works MIRACLES! Plus, it distracts me from school and I relax a bit.

Good luck, Darby. I know it's hard. We all know it's hard. Just figure out your priorities and go with what it right for you and things will work out the way they're supposed to. ((((Darby))))

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Sep 26, 2002

Truly I am tired just hearing about all you have to cope with. My best advice is to take a break, but I know that is easier said than done. Try to find something to enjoy with your family, and schedule together fun times. Of course you will sometimes feel it can't be done, but take it from all of us- it can- and you can muddle through, with support.

Love-A-Nurse · Sep 26, 2002

(((((darby))))).

i was having this problem (during pre-reqs) where the husband was saying things such as, "all you do is study". let me say, we were having problems before this and it stimulated the worst into me having an estrange husband at present.

i don't have any profound solutions as you only know if school added to your situation or if school started your situation.

i do have an ear for listening, open arms for a hug, and a shoulder for your head to rest to release your silent tears.

i will keep you and your family in my prayers. you have come this far by faith, leaning and depending on the lord, trust him and hear him regarding you and your wife and daughter.

don't let satan tear you down, you know what i mean.

we all are here and do empathize and some here may even sympathize with you as well.

researchrabbit · Sep 26, 2002

Hi Darby! I graduated in 2000. I divorced in 1997 and started school right away (like appy, I couldn't have gone when I was married). Despite having to take out a restraining order, moving 4 times while I was in school, working full time and caring for my two children, I managed (only cried tears of joy afterwards :)).

If your marriage is tanking, and both of you are good people, counseling is worth a try. As difficult as it was to endure a divorce to a minion of Satan (OK, he wasn't THAT bad but he was close), going through a divorce to someone who genuinely loves you would be awful.

Take care. Things DO get better!

caliotter3 · Sep 26, 2002

Know that you are not the first and not alone. I went through hell while in school. I was raising a teenage daughter alone. She disappeared right at the beginning of finals week. Guess what that did to my GPA? My mother was very ill and my father died. When I took time out for my father's death, the dean of the school decided to fail me in his class because I missed the midterm. He threw me out of his office (you should have seen the looks on the faces of the office personnel as I left; they heard this). It goes on and on, but the end result was the final straw. What did me in, eight weeks before graduation, was losing my job and consequently my home. I never graduated and have felt at a loss ever since. Don't you think I would see life differently if I would have found a way to persevere and obtain my long-suffered-for goal? Please do not give up. You can never know the disappointment you will feel if you let life defeat you from the one thing that you now want. We are all rooting for you.

nursenoelle · Sep 26, 2002

((((((DARBY))))))- You are not alone honey, Take some time for yourself, I know that in school the first time I did not have time for the breakdown I deserved, and everyone aroud you it seems is working against you. I started a journal, for ten minutes a day I vented, prayed, worried on paper. This helped me. When going back for my RN DH and I had a long talk,so that he would be prepared for the changes that take place,like housework slipping,less time loafing around together etc. When you are in nursing school it can become all consuming, but worth all of the trials and effort.Good Luck to you.

researchrabbit · Sep 26, 2002

Originally posted by caliotter3
What did me in, eight weeks before graduation, was losing my job and consequently my home. I never graduated and have felt at a loss ever since. Don't you think I would see life differently if I would have found a way to persevere and obtain my long-suffered-for goal?

Cali, do you have plans to go back and try again? It is never too late. :)