Advice needed: an e-mail to nurse manager

[binglinger]

my background:

i had a externship with a med-surg/tele floor last summer, then have been working as a nurse assistant ii prn. i will be graduating this may and hope to have a rn position on this same floor. my nurase manager is on maternity leave now. i am planning to sent an e-mail to her now to express my wish.

advice needed on: 1) which way is better: send her e-mail now vs driectly talk to her when she is back at tthe end of feburary? 2) please help me edit on the e-mail as following. (english is my second lanuguage, i worried about my writing). 3) other advice?

i would truly appreciate your suggestions and comments.

dear xxx (first name) or dear ms (last name) ...... (which one should i use?)

i sincerely wish this e-mail find you and baby is doing well.

as you may know, i will be graduating from my nursing program at early may. i anticipate taking my nclex exam at june or july, depending on how fast my school sends out the paperwork to oh board of nursing.

as graduation date gradually approaching, i am starting to look into rn job opportunities. apparently, xxx (floor name) will be my dream workplace if there is a position opening. i had a great externship experience last summer, and i am very happy to work here since then. i have learned a lot from everyone on the floor. now, i feel like i am much more mature, experienced and confident with all aspects of nursing, including nursing practice, interpersonal communication, critical thinking, and time-management skills, etc. i sincerely appreciate that you have provided me with this great chance to empower my nursing career. i would like to say:'' xxx (floor name) is a great place to work at..."

i truly appreciate if you would consider my request for a position. i believe my experience, skills and compassion prepare me very well for the challenges of a rn position. i am ready to contribute more to the floor...

i am looking forward to further talking to you when you are back.

wish you and your family the best j

sincerely

xxxxx

[XB9S, BSN, MSN, EdD, RN, APN]

I would wait until.she is back in work.

I wouldn't mention her baby - its a private thing and your writing a professional email.

Take out "apparently" its either your ideal place to work or its not

[binglinger]

Thanks for your suggestion, XB9S.

I was thinking about direct talking to her when she is back. That might be a better idea.

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

If she is on maternity leave will she get the email before she returns? Will she appreciate doing "work" while off? I recommend you apply now for a position through the human resources department, then contact this manager when she returns to work. I do think your letter is really good. I would address her as Mrs.

[binglinger]

Classicdame, thanks a lot for your suggestion.

Yes, you might be right. I guess I will talk to her after her maternity leave...

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

i'd remove the references to her family at the end, the "dream," "truly," and the "sincerelys" too, and the "empower" sounds a little over the top. clean and professional is what you want. this is a business letter, not a friendly letter to a buddy. try that and see how it looks. also, your school may have a career counseling office where you can get hands-on help with this. good luck!

[maria25]

dear ms. last name:

> eliminate - keep it professional

as you may know, i will be graduating from > (lpn? bsn? - identify the type of program) nursing program in early may. (for example: i will be graduating from university of toledo's bsn program in early may.) i anticipate taking my nclex exam in june or july, depending on when i recieve my authorization to test from the ohio board of nursing.

with graduation quickly approaching, i am starting to look into rn job opportunities. ideally, xxx (floor name) will be my dream workplace if there is an open position. i had a great externship experience last summer which makes me excited about the opportunity to work here full time. i learned a lot from everyone on the floor.

i feel much more mature, experienced and confident with all aspects of nursing, including nursing practice, interpersonal communication, critical thinking, and time-management skills. i sincerely appreciate this opportunity which has empowered me and enhanced my nursing career. > not sure what you mean here - i would probably just say "xxx is a great place to work." and possible add it to the above paragraph where you talk about your externship, since that is how you know it's a great place to work.

i appreciate your consideration for any open positions on xxx unit. i believe my experience, skills and compassion prepare me very well for the challenges of a rn position on this unit. i am excited about becoming a member of this unit so i can contribute to the floor.

i look forward to discuss any opportunities at your earliest convenience.

> keep it professional - no smilies

sincerely,

you may want to include a sentence mentioning that you've attached your resume for her review. also, maybe rework some of your paragraphs so there are not so many that start with "i..."

good luck with your last semester and with your job hunt!

[ceebeeRN]

your letter is great except it does have some grammar issue which may be because english isnt your first language as you noted. So if you could get someone to maybe help you revise it, it would be perfect! But what, I would do is send the email and if she hasn't gotten back to you within 2 weeks, call her!