Hello - New Grad Nurse here. I've been BSN, RN for 6 months in a cardiac ICU unit at a very large hospital. I dreamed of becoming an ICU nurse my entire life and prepared vigorously through externships during nursing school. I've been off orientation for some time but due to unfortunate circumstances I'm debating leaving my position 6 months in...
I'm a new nurse, I don't pretend to know everything, I ask appropriate questions (especially if it's about patient care) I'm never behind on my assessments, meds, I call the Dr. appropriately and will try to help answer call lights or help another nurse if I can. The environment of my ICU has caused me a lot of grief. I work 12 hour night shifts and the nurses have all been friends for a very long time and are not welcoming. These nurses are down right mean. I have had my (locked) locker raided and my stuff thrown all of the locker room. I've been called "new b****. A nurse who's been a nurse for 10 years has given me nothing but belittling comments, standing outside my patients room watching my every move - at one my point making me appear incompetent infront of other nurses during our huddle. This is not constructive criticism, this is down right rude belittling comments and even went as far as telling my patients family that I was a STUDENT nurse. My nurse manager has no safety concerns with me and even deemed me a very safe nurse. One night we had a horrible, violent code blue. I was the first to call the code and start CPR, yet the group wouldn't me in the debriefing instead telling me "go work on your charting" or when I went to the debriefing asking me " can I help you?" "why are you standing back here?" An older nurse reported this to Management where they told me, "the night nurses are bullies, but you need to work through it".
My confidence is being destroyed every day. My love for ICU has faded. I've actually started to look for jobs outside of nursing. I've gotten violently ill thinking about going into work and even went the ER because I thought I was having a heart attack from stress. The minute I punch in, the belittling starts. And when I'm not at work, one particular co worker found me on Facebook and started the belittling there. I'm truly alone at work, these people will not help me if my patient goes south. Am I being a baby? How do I work through this? I didn't see myself leaving my job in 6 months. Please help.