We have an appt next week with a psychiatrist to help us find out for sure if my son is ADHD. I have suspected it since he was 2 and now his 1st grade teacher suspects it too...... He has always been extremely hyperactive and hard to discipline. We have been very consistent with him over the years as to what we expect of him and what we don't tolerate. He is very aggressive and shows little remorse. Well, he does show remorse when he realizes that what he did hurt me (mom). I sometimes play up my emotions to get him to finally say he is sorry. BUT, when he thinks he hurt his mom he cries and cries. That is the other part of this. He can be very sweet and caring. He is a cuddler, but for pretty short periods. He has good manners with adults. He is wonderful for his grandparents and his aunt (when he is alone with her). His teacher says he is very respectful of her, but he has no friends b/c he can't seem to keep those manners with the kids at school....... Last night, he was filling out his Valentine's cards and he got angry. He said, "this is so stupid. Everybody hates me. They won't give me any Valentine's cards." This crushed by heart. Well, of course they will b/c at this age there parents help them. But, if we put this off much longer, maybe in a couple of years he won't get any. It hurts me so much to think he doesn't have friends. He had a note sent home from school last week saying that he hit a new girls art project out of her hand and it shattered. The teacher said the little girl asked why Kyle didn't like her. Kyle said it was b/c she doesn't like him. SHE IS BRAND NEW, SHE SHOULDN'T KNOW WHO TO LIKE OR NOT LIKE YET.....He hits his sister when he is angry. He tells us he is going to run away when we punish him. (I always try to tell him that I love him and when I punish him it isn't b/c I don't love him). The only time he ever sits still is when he is coloring/cutting/ gluing/taking apart something or if he is watching a movie he really likes or with the playstation (which I limit). ...........I am at my wits end. One of his classmates mothers whom I confided in said that she has an older son who she had some similar problems with. She said instead of punishing we should try to congradulate for the good things. Tried that all of kindergarten. We awarded him for good days at school and ignored the bad days. Not a single thing changed........OK, you are sick of reading by now......My question is, do I really want him labeled? Do meds really work? Will it help the impulsiveness w/o changing the boy inside? I know there are other options other than meds, but have we tried them (punish/award/talk).
Sorry this is so long. I really am worried about this appt next week, can you tell? :uhoh21:
Specializes in RETIRED Cath Lab/Cardiology/Radiology.
Thanks for the link, Karen. We had our son evaluated but couldn't afford $200-400 per week for therapy, and because it wasn't an established treatment for ADD, the insurance wouldn't cover it. So we did without. I have read a lot about sensory integration deficit and feel therapy would be very helpful to a lot of kids. Too bad it's not "mainstream."
All the posts in this thread have really touched my heart...wish Allnurses had been around when my ADHD boy was little...LOL!
Luckily Matt had enough coordination to find some healthy sports outlets...was able to focus on SOME sports enough to do well and gain some acceptance. Golf and baseball, also enjoyed inline skating and hockey. Energy release and common interest with other boys....much needed....
Whatever they are good at...whether its music, math, a sport a hobby...needs to be encouraged and supported as they sooo need the positive esteem of being good at things.
Matt tends to 'talk' too much and put off others...much of my 'home grown therapy' was instinctive...I came up with a 'cue' (baby finger to lip) to cue him when he needed to look at his behavior/ or his jabbering and in time he gained some insight into controlling the impulsiveness. Eventually he began to learn social cues on his own...what most kids learn naturally our ADHD kids need a little extra help with I found.
His 1st grade teacher was a gem...actually let Matt be upside down occasionally in his chair for class as long as he was behaving and listening...LOL...:)
Matt as he got older and could relate, described his experience like his brain switching channels constantly...and he had to train himself to keep the channel where he wanted it. We all feel this occasionally but it is a constant in my child.
It does get easier as they grow up and can gain insight, thank God. Mine would not take the medications (his doctor was opposed to forcing meds) so we did without. He says the meds make him feel numb and 'not who he is'...I am glad he liked himself enough to say this to me. Part of me feels the meds would have prevented needless suffering, but we can only force so much, as others here have wisely pointed out.
Thanks all for this much needed thread and hugs to all here.:)
His 1st grade teacher was a gem...actually let Matt be upside down occasionally in his chair for class as long as he was behaving and listening...LOL...:)
I thought of you today. Kyle was upside down in the back seat of the car (we were stopped at the sitters house). He had his seat belt on and everything. Just sitting (hanging) there like it was an every day occurrence. LOL
Does anyone have problems with stealing? Kyle has gotten in trouble twice for stealing toys from the shelf at school and today he was taking things out of the sitters bathroom and stuffing them in his pocket. HELP!
I'm sure my post is not saying anything that has not already been said. My son in ADHD and takes meds. The difference in his behavior is like night and day. He has developed a positive self-esteem, becomes less frustrated when trying new skills, and can now focus on events he really loves without bouncing around like a super rubber ball. My fears concerning putting him on the medications was the blank stares I had seen in other children taking the medication. After becoming better informed I now know that the only reason for the blank stare is in cases of over medicating. To be honest most people are shocked that my son is ADHD because he is active when he needs to be and focused when he has to be. Look into the web-sites available, and there are some great ones out there, to help you deal with the emotions concerning this diagnosis. Also look into who has the ability to properly diagnose. Where I live a simple trip to the pediatrician will not get you the lastest up to date information. A child psychologist is better able to assess and evaluate the entire process.
I was against having my son medicated and the one statement that really put the entire ordeal in prospective was a teacher asking me....if his arm was broke wouldn't you want to fix it? I am so thankful that I did. Good luck to you and your son.
I thought of you today. Kyle was upside down in the back seat of the car (we were stopped at the sitters house). He had his seat belt on and everything. Just sitting (hanging) there like it was an every day occurrence. LOL
Does anyone have problems with stealing? Kyle has gotten in trouble twice for stealing toys from the shelf at school and today he was taking things out of the sitters bathroom and stuffing them in his pocket. HELP!
Yes, I have had trouble with my son stealing. He has had trouble in the past with taking things from other students in his class and even going into the teacher's lounge and taking things. Also 7-11 is about 2 blocks from my house and he has walked there (without permission) and taken candy and other things. I have made him return them.. the terrible thing is that when he did, I was expecting the manager to be a little hard on him(to teach him a lesson) and all he said, was "that is okay, it happens all the time" uuggghhh no help there. I am proud that he hasn't stolen anything in a while and hope that streak continues. Good luck
She said no doubt about it, he has ADHD. I guess it was sort of a relief. I'm not crazy or a bad mom or a horrible disciplinarian. For all of his life I have heard little comments that my family has made about how wild he is and how I should have "done something" about that. Now, I just want to throw it in their faces and say, "see, it's not his fault". I know having the dx and getting started on meds is not a cure-all, but it is finally a start.
He started on Adderall XR this morning, 5 mg for now. He was so proud of himself. He told his dad that he couldn't swallow a pill, so Dad opened it up and poured it on his tongue. He came running into my bedroom and said, "I did it Mom. It only took me one drink to take my medicine." The Dr. said there is a patch in the works, but has not been approved yet.
Oh, and as for the appt and my DH. He was awesome. He listened and made appropriate comments and even owned up to the fact that he is sure that he has it also. I have said that since I met him. I was so proud. This is the guy who told me I was taking "HIS kid to no shrink".
Yeah! The part I was most stressed about is over. Now, on with our lives. Thank you everyone for your support and all the responses. It feels so good to know that we are not alone or abnormal.
Specializes in LTC,Hospice/palliative care,acute care.
She said no doubt about it, he has ADHD. I guess it was sort of a relief. I'm not crazy or a bad mom or a horrible disciplinarian. For all of his life I have heard little comments that my family has made about how wild he is and how I should have "done something" about that. Now, I just want to throw it in their faces and say, "see, it's not his fault". I know having the dx and getting started on meds is not a cure-all, but it is finally a start
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Yeah! The part I was most stressed about is over. Now, on with our lives. Thank you everyone for your support and all the responses. It feels so good to know that we are not alone or abnormal.[/Quote> It just goes to show you that the fear of the unknown is often much worse then the thing itself...Good LUck educating your family=I gave up with most of them after hearing my brother in laws theory that there is no such thing as ADD or ADHD-he says it is all just bad parenting....This was after I drank about half of a bottle of wine-so then we were off to the races,baby....My sister is a teacher and she has been a big help-one of my husbands brothers and his wife are teachers also and they have been very supportive.The rest of the ingnoramuses can go fly.....
Unfortunately, our society loves to label. Chances are he will be labeled " or "anti-social" or "trouble-maker" or any of a hundred other things. If he has a genuine diagnosis and it results in his getting the help he needs, which is the better alternative? As a kid I always felt different. My report cards always said "doesn't apply herself" or "always daydreaming". It wasn't till we were taught about ADHD in nursing school the the lights went on for me- wish I hadn't gone through my entire school career knowing all my teachers thought I was willlfully lazy. Good luck-
Bad Parenting???? :angryfire A.D.H.D has nothing to do with bad parenting.
As I tell my son, who has A.D.H.D, not everyones mind has the capibility to have so many interest and not everyone has the ability to think so fast. I tell he daily that his medicine is to slow down his genius so he can be average. Now, he may not be a genius but I think the statement helps to accept his A.D.H.D.
Bad Parenting???? :angryfire A.D.H.D has nothing to do with bad parenting.
As I tell my son, who has A.D.H.D, not everyones mind has the capibility to have so many interest and not everyone has the ability to think so fast. I tell he daily that his medicine is to slow down his genius so he can be average. Now, he may not be a genius but I think the statement helps to accept his A.D.H.D.
I love this!! andhave told Matt similiar: not everybody has his ability, he has to 'slow down' his thoughts, etc. to relate a bit to the world. So sad people in general are so intolerant of differences. I too went through labels; bad parent, haven't raised him right, kid is a troublemaker,etc. It does hurt doesn't it. I'm sooo glad there is more support today...you guys are bringing back some memories. God Bless all here. Great thread. :kiss
Bad Parenting???? :angryfire A.D.H.D has nothing to do with bad parenting.
As I tell my son, who has A.D.H.D, not everyones mind has the capibility to have so many interest and not everyone has the ability to think so fast. I tell he daily that his medicine is to slow down his genius so he can be average. Now, he may not be a genius but I think the statement helps to accept his A.D.H.D.
What a great way to look at it. I just told Kyle what you said. I told him that I was just looking up stuff about his new medicine and found out that it is too help really smart people slow down their thoughts a little bit so that people who aren't so smart can understand them. :wink2: He just smiled and said, "yeah". Like he already knew that or something.
Now, he may not be a genius but I think the statement helps to accept his A.D.H.D.
dianah, ASN
8 Articles; 4,730 Posts
Thanks for the link, Karen. We had our son evaluated but couldn't afford $200-400 per week for therapy, and because it wasn't an established treatment for ADD, the insurance wouldn't cover it. So we did without. I have read a lot about sensory integration deficit and feel therapy would be very helpful to a lot of kids. Too bad it's not "mainstream."
More helps:
The Out-of Sync Child, by Kranowitz
Anything by Dr. Daniel Amen (http://www.amenclinic.com)
7 Kinds of Smart by Armstrong