Abusive, controlling L*D preceptor-any new grads experiencing this?

mac23 · Oct 8, 2004

Talk to your manager again. I had to do it in my orientation. I had what seems like the same person you have (except in NICU) and I couldn't take it. I had several heart to hearts with my manager. Finally what she had to do was have the educator work with me until they figured something out. When i got my new preceptor my whole world changed. I was so much happier, learned so much more and didn't have to give myself a pep talk before going to work anymore and my confidence grew 120%. You need postive experiences especially since you are almost done. You shouldn't be doubting yourself and she's not helping. It's doing no one any good no matter how good of a nurse she is. So talk to the manager or the educator again and make sure they are clear on how you feel.

SarasotaRN2b · Oct 8, 2004

Only two things I can say, one is that you only have 3 more weeks and second, learn from her. Learn how not to be a preceptor. I would document what she does using a notebook and on the opposite side, write down what you would do if you were a preceptor. That is the one thing that got me through a non-nursing course...learning what I would not do in an instructor position.

SmilingBluEyes · Oct 8, 2004

I have one question that you need consider before going to your nurse manager:

Did you talk to HER about this???? (if I missed it in your post, I am sorry).

Maybe she has no clue how awful she is. It is said "we teach others how to treat us." That is absolutely true. You will run into many like her in your career, either as nurses, doctors, family members, patients or others. Be assertive and tell her how her treatment of you makes you feel. Do it in a non-threatening atmosphere, such as at a meal in the dining room when it's quiet, or in an office. Speak calmly and clearly about what is done specifically that makes you so miserable. Start NOW teaching others you will NOT be pushed, manipulated or treated in a foul manner by anyone. They will get the message and back off, most of them. Those who do not, you may have to seek management's help with. But ALWAYS, ALWAYS take your problem up with the individual involved FIRST; it puts you in a stronger position to elevate it later, if needed and forces others to respect you WILL stand up for yourself when pushed.

I wish you the best. I feel for you, having been there my first year out school and a few times since. I used to get diarrhea and stomach aches before work that first year, some people treated me so horribly. I have learned, however, you can control this in most people and put an early stop to it by handling them in a fair and assertive manner. You deserve better, believe me. And I wish I could give you a big hug!!! Hang in there and be strong.

shay · Oct 8, 2004

Whew, been there done that. As a new grad I was hired into the NICU and given the most evil preceptor on the planet...I swear. She rode in on a broom every day. She had the "rep" for running off new nurses, and for being a major you-know-what with the staff and docs. She had the bedside manner of a cactus. After 8 weeks of hell with her, driving to work every morning in tears with my stomach in knots, and several meetings with my nm, despite pleadings from the other staff members to stay, I hung it up and bailed. I ended up on L&D....strange world, eh?

Anyway, now that it's several years later and I've cut my teeth, per se, if I were to be in that situation again, I probably would have handled it by saying to her at the end of each shift, "I appreciate your constructive criticism, as it helps me know what areas I need to improve upon. However, I find it helpful to know what I did right as well so that I can keep doing those things. Can you tell me what I did well today? What things did I do that were good?" That will put her on the spot in two ways. One, she'll be forced to give you some praise which will help you, and two, she'll have to acknowledge what you do well which may help her realize that she's hypercritical and she may soften. If she's totally evil and says you did nothing right, insist on a meeting with management RIGHT THEN AND THERE. And tell them exactly what transpired. Sorry, you may only have 3 weeks left and I think you can hang in there, but this woman needs to be called out for her attitude, be it passive aggressively or flat out. Remember to try to be as diplomatic as possible, sound genuine, not sarcastic, when you ask her for positive feedback. You're going to have to work with this woman. You can imagine all sorts of evil things happening to her in your head :rotfl:, but keep your cool and stay calm.

Remember this if you feel intimidated by her....she is only a human being. Period. She is made of flesh and blood, just like you. She can only use words against you. She cannot harm you. She is your peer, not your "superior." She uses hemmerhoid cream, gets her period, and has to eat fiber for occasional irregularity. She's imperfect and has to do embarassing things just like the rest of us. Imagine yourself surrounded by a teflon bubble so that any nastiness she may throw at you simply rolls off.

Hang in there. Only 3 weeks left.... :kiss ...you can make it.

starry nights · Oct 8, 2004

I would like to say that getting through this experience will make you a better nurse, as like someone else said, there is 100% odds that you are going to be working with someone like this when you graduate. My experience is that these people know that they are like that, some are almost "proud" of it, and its almost like they think they have to "test you" by seeing how far you go until you break. You earn their repect and trust by standing up to them, asserting yourself when you have to, and by not letting them break you. No, it isn't right, but unfortunately certain fields of nursing attract strong personalities, and you learn from these experiences and take from them how you want yourself to be. Its great that you did talk to others about it, and they certainly are supporting you so any bad things the preceptor may say will be taken accordingly and you will get great points for sticking through it, and it WILL help you in future employment situations.

Nursesuzi · Oct 8, 2004

I did sit down and speak with "the evil one" about this in a calm and professional manner about 3 weeks ago. I complimented her first telling her I felt lucky to be with an experienced nurse, but her criticism and lack of positives affected my esteem on the job. She acknowledged what I said and seemed to be receptive then the behavior returned. Yesterday I had it. She told me I was not a nurturing enough care giver. I did not talk to my patient enough. Anyone who knows me knows this is untrue- I am 39 yrs. old with two kids. I am a big time nurturer, which is one of my strongest points with patients. I bond like nonone does. Strange that my patient she was referring to ask me to stay with her for her delivery after my shift, as many have. This preceptor finds anything to rip me on. It's ingrained in her. Luckily, I won't work with her once I go to nights. Thanks for your feedback EVERYONE!

I have one question that you need consider before going to your nurse manager:
Did you talk to HER about this???? (if I missed it in your post, I am sorry).
Maybe she has no clue how awful she is. It is said "we teach others how to treat us." That is absolutely true. You will run into many like her in your career, either as nurses, doctors, family members, patients or others. Be assertive and tell her how her treatment of you makes you feel. Do it in a non-threatening atmosphere, such as at a meal in the dining room when it's quiet, or in an office. Speak calmly and clearly about what is done specifically that makes you so miserable. Start NOW teaching others you will NOT be pushed, manipulated or treated in a foul manner by anyone. They will get the message and back off, most of them. Those who do not, you may have to seek management's help with. But ALWAYS, ALWAYS take your problem up with the individual involved FIRST; it puts you in a stronger position to elevate it later, if needed and forces others to respect you WILL stand up for yourself when pushed.
I wish you the best. I feel for you, having been there my first year out school and a few times since. I used to get diarrhea and stomach aches before work that first year, some people treated me so horribly. I have learned, however, you can control this in most people and put an early stop to it by handling them in a fair and assertive manner. You deserve better, believe me. And I wish I could give you a big hug!!! Hang in there and be strong.

Jolie, BSN · Oct 8, 2004

Am I correct that BOTH the nurse manager and nurse educator have acknowledged that this preceptor is a problem, but neither one has done anything about it?

If so, are you sure that you want to work on this unit? If they can't reign in this person or at least provide you with a more suitable preceptor, then how in the world are they going to respond to the really big problems on the unit? My guess is that their SOP is to bury their heads and ignore them. That isn't good for anyone in the long run.

If you are unable to get some relief here, I would suggest that you complete your orientation, learn everything you can at the hospital's expense, then begin to explore other employment options. This isn't the only L&D unit in town, I'm sure. Good luck!

SmilingBluEyes · Oct 8, 2004

Ok I am sorry, I missed it. I wish you the BEST, I really do. I am so sorry for all this angst.

BETSRN · Oct 11, 2004

If your nurse manager knows that this preceptor is so awful, why isn't she getting you someone else? There is no excuse for that type of preceptor experience. This woman needs to be accountable for her actions and it is obvious that no one is holding her to it. Ask your NM to get you another preceptor. You should not have top put up with that.

BETSRN · Oct 11, 2004

If your nurse manager knows that this preceptor is so awful, why isn't she getting you someone else? There is no excuse for that type of preceptor experience. This woman needs to be accountable for her actions and it is obvious that no one is holding her to it. Ask your NM to get you another preceptor. You should not have top put up with that.

purplemania, BSN, RN · Oct 11, 2004

There is no need for this behavior and I don't care how good a nurse she is, this behavior prevents other people from developing skills. I think the NM needs to have a sit down with that preceptor and talk to her about getting along with others. Also the NM should refrain from allowing that person to precept. People like her run off good nurses. As for your situation, you can talk to her yourself (doubt it will help much but I would make an attempt before going to NM again), confront NM again, suck it up and be glad when orientation is done, get off the B---- rotation, transfer or leave. This type of orientation actually delays your development, so do not be discouraged if you find yourself at odds when orientation is over. Hope you can latch onto another nurse who will be your mentor and friend.