? About not breastfeeding

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

Hello,

I am not looking for a big debate or anything. I just want to know if nurses, in general, look down on moms who choose not to breastfeed. Not because of a medical reason, just because mom chooses not too.

My friend had a negative experience and feels so guilty for not breast feeding now. In my opinion, I think she is more guilty about not even trying , but she keeps mentioning a comment one of the nurses made.

Just a general question

Thanks!

Perfectly-stated.

Be VERY careful about how you express yourself as a nurse. patients often take to heart everything we say and making them feel guilty is not our right. There is a thin line between education and guilt trips. I really resent nurses that try to guilt patients into choices they do not want to make, whether it be regarding breastfeeding versus bottlefeeding or using medication for birth or not---or a whole host of other issues. We ADVOCATE, not guilt people into things.

I think this is the crux of the issue for the op's question . . . . how do we sound as we do our teaching? Are we tired? Grumpy?

My kids amaze me sometimes by pointing out that something I've said is said in a mean way and hurts their feelings . .. usually when I'm exhausted and have no patience.

I do admit to finding it very frustrating to teach a mom who is having problems with b/fing . . nipple problems or baby too tired to try. I am so glad for our lactation consultant. Where I work, I'm dealing with pp moms and copd'ers and cardiac patients and post-op chole's and post-op knees/hips and peds patients . . . . . not just pp moms.

steph

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

Meant to say, also, to those saying we should advocate for baby:

We can advocate for a baby by sending home a confident MOM to care for him/her. How can that happen when/if we guilt them into or out of choices?

It's not me that goes home w/the child; it's not up to me to make them feel badly about their choices if their minds are made up. It's up to me to instill confidence and teach them as much about self and infant care as humanly possible, in the short 24-48 hours they are with me.

So I say, advocating for mom AND baby means taking good care of MOM and respecting her choices as much as I can.

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
I think this is the crux of the issue for the op's question . . . . how do we sound as we do our teaching? Are we tired? Grumpy?

My kids amaze me sometimes by pointing out that something I've said is said in a mean way and hurts their feelings . .. usually when I'm exhausted and have no patience.

I do admit to finding it very frustrating to teach a mom who is having problems with b/fing . . nipple problems or baby too tired to try. I am so glad for our lactation consultant. Where I work, I'm dealing with pp moms and copd'ers and cardiac patients and post-op chole's and post-op knees/hips and peds patients . . . . . not just pp moms.

steph

I am much more patient than that, I guess. I have the luxury to be; I don't have surgical patients except post-op gyne's to deal with!

However, I deal with a lot of the same types (difficult people), but if they REALLY want to breastfeed and there is no medical reason not, I will literally break my back to help them (and I go home with the backaches to prove it!.

The only time I get frustrated is with a mom who OBVIOUSLY does not want to breastfeed, or is clearly NOT committed, and yet insists on taking up my time demanding I help her over and over again. By that I mean, these are the moms who insist on sending their newborns out to the nursery all night (so they can rest), despite our telling them they will need to feed baby every 3 hours----the ones who say they do NOT want supplementation but at the same time, do not want to be disturbed! These are the ones who just lie there like rag dolls, and let me do all the work, from putting baby to breast to positioning her breast FOR her, time and again---the ones who refuse to take an active part or are obviously ambivalent for some reason unknown to me. Maybe someone else "guilted" them to making the decision to breastfeed, but they really don't want to....I dont' know....I do know I hate this situation so much.

I become frustrated because there is only "so much" of me to go around. I would much rather these moms go ahead and bottle-feed if that is truly what they want to do and free me up to help those who desperately WANT to nurse and need my help to get going. We have no lactation help at night or on weekends; it's up to us nightshift nurses to deal with all manner of problems. I really have only "so much" time---but endless patience for those truly committed to breastfeeding and willing to listen to my suggestions/education to help them do so!

Specializes in School Nursing.

Sure Breast feeding is the best way to go, but to imply that your baby will grow up to be the next "Charles Manson" if you do not breast feed him is totally insane. Nurses who lay a guilt trip on their new mothers gives us all a bad name. Everyone must do what they have to do. :kiss

Ah Deb - you've got me beat then. :D

My true love with nursing would be ER . .. but I'm a rural nurse and we do a bit of everything. I thought in nursing school that I wanted to be an L&D nurse, and I am, but it isn't what I really love to do. Especially the post-partum stuff.

However, I am a good nurse and do give my best. Just like the women who come in addicted to drugs - I do my best while inside, I'm pretty mad at them.

This happens in nursing - you get a patient you don't exactly like or a situation you don't like - but you still do your best.

It just happens to me alot since I nurse in so many different areas.

We had a very sweet 93 year old lady - feisty and funny - hard to physically care for with a huge GI Bleed and many PRBS's infused. I loved taking care of her. Even though it was hard.

We don't have a LC at night either but all of us, including the CNA's have taken a breastfeeding class. So, at least we are all telling the same story. When I first started working here, you would not believe the "old wive's stories" being passed onto patients.

steph

Specializes in Critical Care, Pediatrics, Geriatrics.

I have never had the urge to work with moms and babies. Procreating doesn't require much more than having a working member and lady parts, unfortunately. Not all people are meant to be parents and it must get frustrating to see these types come through the hospital. It is hard to separate one's personal feelings and emotions when a helpless child is involved. I think the topics of breastfeeding, vag. birth vs c-sec, and epidurals become the battleground many times for much deeper issues. Because I do not work in this area and I do not have children, I can maintain a very neutral position....but I think when you deal with it on a day to day basis, and you have children of your own it can become emotional and tiring for the nurse. I give props to all those who work in L&D and post-partum. You have a very tough job.

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

Quoting Steph:

]Ah Deb - you've got me beat then. :D

My true love with nursing would be ER . .. but I'm a rural nurse and we do a bit of everything. I thought in nursing school that I wanted to be an L&D nurse, and I am, but it isn't what I really love to do. Especially the post-partum stuff.

However, I am a good nurse and do give my best. Just like the women who come in addicted to drugs - I do my best while inside, I'm pretty mad at them.

This happens in nursing - you get a patient you don't exactly like or a situation you don't like - but you still do your best.

It just happens to me alot since I nurse in so many different areas.

We had a very sweet 93 year old lady - feisty and funny - hard to physically care for with a huge GI Bleed and many PRBS's infused. I loved taking care of her. Even though it was hard.

We don't have a LC at night either but all of us, including the CNA's have taken a breastfeeding class. So, at least we are all telling the same story. When I first started working here, you would not believe the "old wive's stories" being passed onto patients.

________________________________________

Ah Steph you are fast!!!!

I have to point out: I edited my previous post to say, I have the luxury to be patient as I don't have surgical patients to care for too---except for post-op GYN ones. Our OB/GYN unit is strictly OB/GYN----rarely do we get overflow except for clean uncomplicated post-ops. So nope, I don't have lap choleys and others---just LDRP and GYN. That helps a lot.

As far as LC specialist help, that is only available on our unit from 8-1 Mon-Fri. I have considered getting my IBCLC if for nothing else, to have the skills our wonderful and patient LC has and help out our "off shifts" more. It's a matter of time and money for me, however----it is not cheap or easy to get an LC, as you imagine--so I have done the next best thing, been to classes and done lots of reading up on the subject. But I have still a lot to learn!

I am sorry if my post put you down in anyway-----re-reading it, I think it looked pretty bad in that first sentence---(((STEPH))) I did not mean to be rude.

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

One thing you brought up was consistency, Steph. I have to say, that is GREAT. I find often, many places, teaching patients conflicting information is a HUGE problem, including our hospital, at times. I think it's great you all are on the same page. Believe me, that helps these patients so much. Bravo!

Specializes in Emergency.
In fairness, that does depend on the situation. I work NICU and premies who are fed formula have an increased RISK of NEC compared to babies that are fed breast milk.

I have heard the same from a host of L&D and LC RNs. But ironically, one of the major risk factors for NEC is early enteral feeding (Wong et al., 2002). In light of that, I wonder if it is possible that the preemie's gut at a certain point simply may not be mature enough to tolerate anything, including mother's milk? I could be wrong on that, and I am open to correction. But again, evidence of the certainly supports the benefits of the practice of providing preemies with mother's milk when and if at all possible.

And back to the issue of LCRNs: I met some fantastic LCRNs during my OB rotation in school (I didn't shadow them for obvious reasons). They were very good at presenting all the information to moms, including the benefits of formula feeding when breastfeeding simply was not possible. I don't know if there are a certain percentage of militant LCRNs at every hospital, or if certain hospitals draw them. The LCRNs at the hospital where my son was born 15 years ago were all feminist brutes, and I got the "It's all your fault" look from them quite a bit. But 15 years was a long time ago.

Nurses- saving the world, one life at a time:cool:

Deb - nope, no worries . . . I completely understand.

steph

Specializes in Emergency/Trauma/Education.
I have never had the urge to work with moms and babies. Procreating doesn't require much more than having a working member and lady parts, unfortunately. Not all people are meant to be parents and it must get frustrating to see these types come through the hospital...

...and to think you have to have a license to fish!

Specializes in NICU.

Personally, I was extremely grateful for a nurse who did not look down on Mom's who didn't breastfeed when I had my first child. We were in the hospital for 3 days because, try as I might, I could not get him to breastfeed and they did not want to release me without him eating (which was quite fine with me, I might add!). I was in tears by the end of the whole thing and finally, a sweet, sympathetic nurse who could see how much we were struggling and how much it was tearing me up told me, "I was a bottle baby, it will be ok if you choose that". Now, don't get me wrong, she wasn't promoting it, she had been helping me to try to breastfeed throughout this whole ordeal - but she knew I was at my wits end and it wasn't good for either me or my little guy. Well, I looked at this beautiful, intelligent woman and thought . . . wow . . . if she was bottle-fed and she turned out like this, then I guess it is ok if I do that for my child. I have never regretted it and, because of her kindness, I will never forget her - she was another one of those "pulls" at my heart for me to go into nursing. Thank goodness for kind and non-judgemental nurses!!! :)

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