A Mother AND a student????

[Sarahstudent]

I will be a first year Nursing student Starting Sept. 3. So how come I have this big lump in my throat and tears welling in my eyes? I have a 3 year old and a 17 month old. They've never been in a dayhome in their lives.

I was committed to being a stay at home mom until the opportunity came up in the small town that I live in to take my nursing program locally. This is a pilot project. So I didn't want to risk missing this opportunity, I upgraded a course I needed and was accepted. Then my husband was also accepted into an MBNA program. I was mad yet happy for him because very few people are accepted into this program and he is very young (27) compared to the others in his class.

Yet I am so sad. I don't want to leave my kids!!! Maybe I'm just scared. I listened to DR.Laura's radio program (Even though I hate her moral pushing, unaccepting views) and a caller in the same situation as me phoned in. Dr. Laura told her that she was being selfish. She had her chance to go to school but decided to have kids, now she's going to school to fullfill her own selfish needs.

Yesterday I watched Oprah and Dr. Phyl was on (I do love him!) He said that mothers don't take enough "me" time. That mothers are expected to be mothers and thats it. He said that family and friends have to stop making mothers feel guilty for doing their own thing away from the kids. He said we need to take time for us. I agree, but yet why do I feel like this???? :o

[DebsZoo]

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[researchrabbit]

My kids went to daycare. I made sure it was a place I could drop in at any time and feel comfortable with the care they got.

When I went back to school (in addition to working and after a divorce) I felt guilty about decreasing my children's parental time (their dad had never really been involved and continued his uninvolvement) but it worked out. Both were mediocre students prior to my school; our time together then was often spent studying together at the kitchen table. Both are now hardworking and A students. They are sensitive to other people's feelings. They are not perfect (both have their hands painted on when it comes to housework) but I don't really think I realized how resilient children are before the whole nursing school thing.

PS Graduated 2 years ago...:)

[babynursewannab]

Sarah,

I felt the same way. My daughter was 3 when I started back part-time and will be 8 when I finally finish the nursing program. I was positive that I was going to be brandished with the "worst mother of the century award" especially since she had just lost her baby brother and then her parents got divorced.

Guess what? At 6 years old, she's my biggest fan.

They'll surprise you and it really will be ok. :kiss:

-Alyssa

[Love-A-Nurse]

originally posted by mkue

sarah, it's natural for most to be feeling the way you are right now. unfortunately whether it is work or school, we have to make sacrifices.. however, i'm a firm believer that kids will actually benefit from parents being in school...

do what you feel is best for you and your family because that's all that matters really !! not what dr. laura thnks. just my .02.. good luck:wink2:

i agree with marie. keep the faith!

[Motivated, SN]

Sarah,

The fact that you feel guilty proves you're a good, caring mom. If you weren't, it wouldn't make a difference to you. All three of my children started in day care as infants; because I was going to school and working. My two teenagers always loved day care; I had trouble getting them to leave. My five year old daughter thinks its neat that we both have back packs and school supplies.

You are setting a good example for them and showing them how important education is. As long as they are in a safe, secure, stimulating environment they will love it and benefit. And you are still "mom". It will get easier.

[jschut, BSN, RN]

Sarah~

You may feel some guilt...who wouldn't? But you will be surprised at how resiliant kids are when it comes to day care. Sure, they love Mommy and Daddy....but if a day care is the right one, they enjoy "going to school" too!

Just a word of caution...research your day care choices carefully. Go to them, hang around them, pop in unexpectedly.....I would.

Good Luck and go get 'em!

[jdeckert]

Hi Sarah! I think you and I need to become e-mail buddies. I have a two year old little girl and have been a SAHM since she was born. She has never been away for me for more than a few hours and never with anyone but my hubby or one of my parents. Now I am getting ready to enroll her in daycare while I go back to school to finish up. I have been anguished about this for many months now, honestly since I made the decision to go back.

Here's what my brain tells me: I feel like going back to school is the best thing for us. For example, if something would ever happen to my husband (God forbid) or we would end up divorced (no one wants to think of this but you never know) where would I be? How could I take care of my daughter? I had no degree or skills. So I would be struggling to make ends meet. I also think that if I have a job, I will be able to provide her with more material things in life. And lets face it, once she is a pre-teen, all she'll care about is if she's wearing those new Abercrombie jeans that cost $75! LOL I also think it will be good for me once she gets into school b/c I can work and have a "life" outside of the home.

But here's what my heart tells me: I cannot imagine another person taking as good of care of my daughter as I do. I keep imagining her in the corner of the daycare, crying her eyes out and wondering why Mommy has left her with stangers. I can see kids picking on her and taking her toys, with her not knowing how to react b/c she has never really been around other childern and is very passive. I kee thinking that she will think I have abandoned her.

But in the long run, I think it will be good for both of us. Once the inital shock is over, I think we will both enjoy our time away and place more emphasis on our time together. Im sorry if I turned this into a book about me. I just think it will be the same way for you and your family. really, in the long run, what will be the best for your family situation? And if you at least give it a try and after a semester you are all still having problems adjusting, maybe you can just wait a while longer. School will always be there.

When will the kids be going to daycare their first day? Together, we can do this! I know it! Please e-mail me anytime you need to talk. I'll listen anytime.

Best of luck!

Jillian

[AZBRONXBABY]

Hi Sarah!

I agree with all of the folks on this post. What great, comforting words you have all given.

I am an "older" Mom, starting my 2nd semester of pre-req's and have 4 children. My two oldest are 24 and 18 (both on their own) and I have an 8 and 5 yr old.

I think what we are doing is leading by example. Who better to teach our children how important college is if we don't go ourselves? My older kids think it is so funny that i have homework every night, and all 4 of them see just how hard I am working at attaining my goal. As another poster said before, you have to think of yourself and your children's future. You must have a way to support yourselves and if your heart is in it, nursing is the way to go.

I really wish I had gone to school years ago, but life happened and the opportunity didn't present itself until recently.

Your children know in their hearts that you love them, they'll be very proud of you...just think, they can drag you to school on show and tell day and proudly present their Mom, the Nurse!!

Good luck, sweetie and welcome to the board!!

Let us know how you are doing!

Christine :)

[Kiwi Ali]

Hi, I live in New Zealand and am part of a small town pilot programme too - so small that we have one 30 bed hospital which has only 6-7 nurses on Morning shift, 5-6 on Afternoons and 3 or 4 on Nights - and 30 students needing clinical palcements. So, much of our clinical experience is done at a small city 2 hours drive away. We go there for 5 week blocks and my Dad stays with my kids. Mine are 15, 12 and 8, and previoulsy I only had part time jobs during school hours, so this was scarey to commit to a 3 year degree that meant going away from home for weeks at a time. They backed me 100% as they knew I wanted to get off the single parent benefit. I work part time at the hospital as an Enrolled Nurse which I trained for in the years BC (before children).Because my eldest is 15, she babysits while I work. However, recently, on holiday from the course, I got some nights shifts on the general ward and then found out my 12 year old had a boy over during the night and they swapped hikies (sp?). I was devastated and thought I was going to have to give up the work and then rethink about actually working as an RN when I qualify cos it means leaving them alone. I still dont know what to do, she realises it was dumb and says she wont do it again, but....??!!

So I am at a loss, I dont know what to do, my Dad is proud of me for what I am achieving and my step-mum is saying I should be at home with my children.

Its so hard being a Mum sometimes!!!

[emily_mom]

First off, I just wanted to say that I am my kid's mom and always will be.

However, I knew going back to school and getting my degree would be more beneficial to the family than staying home and counting every penny. I can now give my child everything that she needs (and more than enough of what she doesn't).

I listen to Dr. Laura, and I do respect most of what she says. Hell, I even subscribe to her magazine. But, as far as what she says about staying home, I don't agree. I say, "Do what your heart leads you to do, and don't feel guilty about doing it." You should feel guilty about feeling guilty.

Kristy

[sarah518]

I am also a single mom, full-time student, and have a full-time job.

If you want to go to school, then go! I have learned that one of the things that makes us good parents is being good to ourselves -- I admit -- there are days when my time is spread pretty thin, but when I am done with school, it will all pay off in the long run!

Of course, as parents, we all feel guilty about lack of time with our kids, but I have also learned that kids are very adaptable.

My 5-year-old son tells everyone that his mom is going to be a nurse. He is very proud!

My mom has been a godsend -- she lives in the same town and fills in the "gaps" between daycare & my schedule. She give my son her undivided attention when she watches him.

But, it's important to spend time every day with your kids! THEY need it, and WE need it.

It is also important to do something for yourself to make yourself a better person. This will make you a better parent.

DON'T FEEL GUILTY!

[Kyle's Mom]

I can understand some of what you are feeling! Our son will be three at the end of this month & was hoping to head back this fall, but am having to wait until January... anyway!! Please don't feel guilty, although I know it's sometimes hard not to. I try to look at it this way: by going back to school and becoming an RN, I am finally going to fulfill a dream I have had for a long time. I hope this will show our son that sometimes our dreams may get sidetracked, but you can always chase them! Although my husband provides for us very well, having the added security of an extra income to provide for him can only make us all feel better. I don't think your actions are selfish. You're wanting to better yourself & taking that time for yourself is so important. Best wishes to you all!!