A mom feeling guilty...

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I am starting my pre-reqs this fall toward my ADN. I have a previous BA, so I will only have to take six pre-req classes before applying to clinicals. The thing is, while I am very excited about going back to school, I am also having emotional issues about leaving my kids. I have two little boys, ages 3 and 1. For a year and a half, I've been a stay-at-home mom; but we really need an additional income, and I want a career that is stable, secure, rewarding and pays well. That's where nursing comes in!

I keep telling myself that I am going back to school not only for myself, but also for my family. I know it will benefit my little boys, too. Right now, we live paycheck to paycheck, and we are really outgrowing our 2-bedroom townhome. If we don't add an income to our family, I don't see things changing.

Is anyone else also going into nursing not only for themselves, but also to improve life for their children/family members? This is going to be a driving force for me while I'm in school -- my little boys. I don't want to leave them to focus on school, and yet it is imperitive that I DO, for their sakes.

I think I am also feeling guilty that I desire to go back to school for my own sake, you know? My other degree and jobs thereafter were not fulfilling, nor did they pay worth anything. I feel excited about getting into a field that allows me to help people and be paid decently at the same time. I also just feel like I need to do this for myself. But for some reason, as a mom, that desire makes me feel guilty. I just hope my little boys don't think they are not enough for me or that I've "left" them to be at school, you know? That's not true, but nursing is also FOR them because I can make their lives better in the long run.... oh, I guess I'm rambling! It's just the "mom" in me trying to talk things out. Any input? Thanks!

Alli

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I feel the same way you do. My pre-requisite schedule has worked out well (my 3 yr old son goes to Mother's Day Out on Tuesday/Thursday while I take a class; my daughter is in school plus I have taken night classes.). But I have felt guilty about all the time I took to study, my short temper when under pressure, plus I have a VERY unsupportive husband.

I am going back for two reasons:

1) To help secure my children's future and my future if I become a single mom or if something happens to my husband.

2) Because in order to be a happy mom when I go back to work, I want to be happy in my job.

I have a BA in Business Mgt. and have been a manager for years. I am tired of baby sitting adults and do not want to go back to corporate america. I instead want to do something I enjoy, help others and me being happy will make me a better mom.

I also have been stay-at-home for going on six years and I have lost a lot of skills. I also LOVE learning and LOVE being in school.

We are doing the right thing and it is o.k. to do something for yourself. You have to. You don't give up your own self just because you have kids.

I plan to hopefully have a new job skill by the time my little one goes to school in two years. My goal has always been to go back to work when they return to school but I want to be home when they get home from school. Plus I am trying to do this while they are young and won't remember much. Believe it or not, we are setting wonderful examples for our children.

You have the right intentions and sounds like you have a good heart. Good luck to you.

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Specializes in Telemetry, OR, ICU.

"I keep telling myself that I am going back to school not only for myself, but also for my family. I know it will benefit my little boys, too. Right now, we live paycheck to paycheck, and we are really outgrowing our 2-bedroom townhome. If we don't add an income to our family, I don't see things changing." - Alli

Hey Alli, stop feeling guilty, ASAP!!! :wink2:

You are going back to school for all the right reasons. I can understand how you feel. I was a single parent while going thru Surg Tech program[AAS Surg Tech] & nursing school [the first time, ADN... RN-BSN after sons graduated HS]. Nevertheless, stop beating yourself up because you have plenty on your plate w/o any extra anxiety.

Good luck!

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I have a 3 year old and i hate to leave him. However, I know that having an additional income will be so much better for my family. Also, if my husband ever needs time off work due to an accident/illness/etc, I will definately be able to make a good living for my family.

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Yep! Tired of living on little money. Tired of dh's unstable income. Want health/dental insurance for my kids (which dh currently doesn't have, but may be getting us soon). Frustrated with trying to get back into my old line of work after being out of it so many years. Didn't pay well anyway, and certainly isn't a stable career choice.

I don't know what your schedule is looking like, what options are available to you course-wise, or how big of a hurry you're in, but.....here's how I'm relieving some mommy guilt: taking all my prereqs online, one at a time, and allowing myself up to two years to take my four needed courses. I figure this way, I'll be able to "take away" from them less. Can study nights after they're in bed or (more likely) mornings before they get up. I'm sure I'll have to study some while they are up and about, but still it won't affect them to badly.

Once two years are up, my boys will be starting 2nd, 1st, and K and I'll only have my daughter to find arrangements for. Clinicals will be the tough part because from what I hear, it's hell. Hopingly their father will be able to pick up any slack that I can't.

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Specializes in ED, ICU, MS/MT, PCU, CM, House Sup, Frontline mgr.

Definitely stop beating yourself up as the other posters have wrote. If you really want to stop feeling guilty, imagine your kids in a few years attending a poorly funded public school. Or imagine your kids, if home-schooled, not being able to attend college because you don't have the money. Or imagine as they grow up not being able to participate in regular activities because you do not have the money. Or imagine your husband getting injured and he is the Stay-At-Home-Dad and you have to live off of the jobs you can get with your current degree. This will be the case for me and my family if we live on one income in the future.

If these ideas do not stop your guilt, then talk to other Moms in the same boat. Many of your peers (other students) will be just like you!

I have no guilt because my fear of walking down the other path is worse then the possible guilt of being away from my toddlers right now. I know in the future I would feel guilty passing up this opportunity to live on one income and attend school. I have never had this choice before. After a few years, I might not have this choice again.

Everyday I thank God that I have this opportunity and I imagine the future that will be compared to what could have been. So for me, my new reality has erased all guilt.

My kids will probably be spoiled teens living in a huge house going to accomplished schools with other spoiled teens not having any idea how close they were to living a different (impoverished) life-style. My husband and I are happy about that because we did not have many opportunities growing up. He and I are a team, and we are going to make this work. Good luck to you two (four including your boys). :)

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Specializes in Medical-Surgical, Hemodialysis.

You've received some fantastic support here. Isn't this a great place?

I too have felt guilty for going to school but I remind myself of the great benefit that awaits the entire family. So shopping sale ads, hitting retail stores, and pinching every penny possible will ultimately pay off.

My two main reasons for going to school are simple. To provide better for my family and to provide an example for my daughter's that an education is a valuable tool.

Just make sure to schedule yourself so that you don't wear yourself too thin and you'll do fantastic!

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OMG Alli, I could have written your post. I am also a mom of a 6(girl), 4(boy), and 1 yro.(girl), and have been home for the last year and a half. We need to just stop the gulit, it's for the best in the long run. I don't know about you, but I'm a much better mommy when I get out of the house a bit, and am happy. This will be a job that I will truely enjoy, and therefor make me a better mommy. I will miss my babies, but really I will only be out for a couple half days a week (this sem.), and I'll study when they are sleeping. Honestly I think they will enjoy their "play" time away from me LOL. Good luck WE CAN DO THIS! Let's suppot each other in our moments of weakness when it seems this will never end.

~Christin~ No more Mommy guilt allowed!

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make the time that you are with them the best that you can make it...they will the remember the good times in their hearts long after it fades from their memories

life is full of choices i think that this is a mature one that you have made

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I am a 28 year old father of a 14 mo boy. My wife is a stay at home mom. I, too, have a BA and couldn't make ends meet (was a 1st grade teacher). So I'm entering NS in a few weeks (worked fulltime and saved all the loan money that year for later while completing my prereqs). Oh yeah, I have been working pay check to pay check, and the ship is sinking.

My wife will be home with my son while in school. So my situation is a little different. But I'm going to be candid, go against the stream, and a little old fashioned. I don't think you should start school on a fulltime basis until at least the little one is in preschool. Probably better to wait until Kindergarten. Almost all new families experience financial difficulties. It's OK. You're not alone. So if the pay checks are making ends meet, I say bite the bullet, complete the prereqs over the next few years or so, and wait.

Hang in there, be patient. And yes, is sounds like your family comes first...so make no apologies, ever again :)

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Specializes in pedi, pedi psych,dd, school ,home health.

Reeese, this site is wonderful because you can get so many valuable ideas. whati i think is the best advice is to follow your heart. there is no rule about how long it should take you t o complete your degree.

start slowly by taking one class at a time.. you will find that you not only do not feel as guilty, the change in routine will not be as drastic and no one really feels left out. If that seems fine, then try one online and one in class the next semester, until you have exhausted online options. By that point your children will be older and you will feel less guilty. trust me i went to school and worked full time for most of my girls childhood... but they never thought i didnt have time for them; it was just who we were.

best of luck!! Mary

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You have all been so very helpful in giving me a better perspective. Thank you! This is a very supportive site, and I feel blessed to have found it. I feel much less guilt now and much more content about this choice I've made. I am looking forward to going on this journey with all of you. And I am all-ears to any other advice you guys have at any point! Thanks!

Alli

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