A family so nasty, I feel like quitting

Nurses General Nursing

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I had a family yesterday that was so beligerent!

We have this "Yes I can" thing going on d/t reduced pt volumes, but these people were asking for things we just don't have/do. Then yelling, "well who do we have to talk to to get xyz?"

I won't go into all the details, but somehow I came home feeling really bad. Didn't sleep. Still in my robe in the middle of the afternoon.

I just don't know how to handle people like this. I brought in the charge, but then she left, nothing really resolved, family still browbeating me to have everything happen right now, and to get them things we don't have.

We don't have great resources on the weekend as it is, but people just don't want to hear that.

Sorry for the rambling, but this is really making me depressed.

if families get so bad that they interfere with your care, it is perfectly reasonable to ask them to leave.

remember that.

and, when stressors cause families to lose perspective, it's imperative for them to feel the nurse is in control.

act confidently and calmly at all times.

there are always choices and more often than not, family will have to opt for the lesser of two evils.

don't quit.:icon_hug:

we all have those days...

and w/more exposure to these types of families, managing them will become less chaotic.

take care, sweetie.

leslie

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I just wish I was better at shaking it off; not wasting my days off ruminating.

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I just wish I was better at shaking it off; not wasting my days off ruminating.

That happens to all of us at times, but you really have to learn not to let them control your feelings especially once you leave for the day. Truth is after you left they went right on and nagged the next shift and never gave you a second thought. Hugs.

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Specializes in Psych, ER, Resp/Med, LTC, Education.

You have to try to focus on all the families that appreciate all you are doing to care for their loved one. There is always gonna be that one family that you just can't please. They come around now and again. Part of job unfortunately. You are there for the patients and as long as you know you are taking care of them the best way you know how then don't worry about the rest--most families will notice your hard work and thank you. Focus on them and the patients. I have learned to let that stuff roll off my back. I am in psych where we often have angry families as well as a lot of angry patients. Just think of it this way it helps you to buff up you communication skills in dealing with difficult people. The more you do it the better you will get. There are some people in this world that just will never be happy with what anyone does. --I have actually had a lot of families come up to me later and appologize for being so nasty and rude. I try to keep in mind that they are feeling stressed having their loved one sick or injured. It helps to if you in a nice way say this-- I have actually had doctors intervene when all the nursing staff is at their wits end and SW has tried and the family if just really difficult. I was impressed.

Try not to let it get to you. If you do they win......don't let them ruin your day. Then it shows when you are in taking care of other patients and so on. And I find too that I can't let the nasty family kddp me from giving the best care i can to their loved one. It's not their fault. ...... The nasty patient.........well that is a whole other thing!! LOL

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Specializes in Psych.

If they are that bad and they are creating a hostile work environment for you, write an incident report and speak to your boss. You do have rights too. I have been in situations like this and really just couldn't believe it was real. Sometimes it goes beyond demanding and into abuse. That is when you gotta get mgmt involved.

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You have to try to focus on all the families that appreciate all you are doing to care for their loved one. There is always gonna be that one family that you just can't please. They come around now and again. Part of job unfortunately. You are there for the patients and as long as you know you are taking care of them the best way you know how then don't worry about the rest--most families will notice your hard work and thank you. Focus on them and the patients. I have learned to let that stuff roll off my back. I am in psych where we often have angry families as well as a lot of angry patients. Just think of it this way it helps you to buff up you communication skills in dealing with difficult people. The more you do it the better you will get. There are some people in this world that just will never be happy with what anyone does. --I have actually had a lot of families come up to me later and appologize for being so nasty and rude. I try to keep in mind that they are feeling stressed having their loved one sick or injured. It helps to if you in a nice way say this-- I have actually had doctors intervene when all the nursing staff is at their wits end and SW has tried and the family if just really difficult. I was impressed.

Try not to let it get to you. If you do they win......don't let them ruin your day. Then it shows when you are in taking care of other patients and so on. And I find too that I can't let the nasty family kddp me from giving the best care i can to their loved one. It's not their fault. ...... The nasty patient.........well that is a whole other thing!! LOL

You are right on a lot of notes. And just about two weeks ago, a family apologized to me for the exact same reason. I didn't take them back on my third day, because I'd had it. They told their nurse that day that they felt really bad how they'd treated me - she suggested I go back in and talk to them. So I did, and they were so sorry - of course, this comes after their patient is getting better.

Thanks for reminding me about that. Maybe this family would be apologizing today if I were there.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
i just wish i was better at shaking it off; not wasting my days off ruminating.

i can help you with that!

there's a study around called "care for the caregiver," and their premise is that if something is really bothering you, sitting down and writing about it for 20 minutes will bring some sort of clarity. try it -- it works. i usually type it, but you can also sit down with a paper and pencil, or your journal and a really cool pen or whatever. what ever is bothering you -- the family, your reaction to the family, the fact that you're having difficulty letting go -- just start writing about it and don't stop for at least 20 minutes. if you run out of things to say, just write that over and over. "i don't know what to say" or "i hate to write" or "families suck" written 50 or 60 times is somewhat cathartic as well. if the 20 minutes comes and goes and you're still writing, that's great! keep writing until you get it off your chest. once you're done writing, you'll be able to start letting go. i've tried it and it works wonderfully! according the the study, it works for most people.

other things that might work: exercise, reading a trashy novel or venting about it to someone wise enough to just let you vent without trying to tell you how you should have handled the situation. (unfortunately, that lets out most of the threads here!)

and my final peice of advice: the nastier the family, the better story it's going to make for you to share someday! where do you think i get all my stories?

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Specializes in NICU, PICU, PCVICU and peds oncology.
if families get so bad that they interfere with your care, it is perfectly reasonable to ask them to leave.

remember that.

and, when stressors cause families to lose perspective, it's imperative for them to feel the nurse is in control.

act confidently and calmly at all times.

there are always choices and more often than not, family will have to opt for the lesser of two evils.

don't quit.:icon_hug:

we all have those days...

and w/more exposure to these types of families, managing them will become less chaotic.

take care, sweetie.

leslie

leslie, your post reflects exactly what happened to me last night. my picu patient was a toddler who had spent five months in nicu and had been admitted to picu post ent surgery, nearly ready for transfer to the ward. she has had a rough go again and has been experiencing some pretty severe narcotic withdrawal symptoms the past few days. i suspect she has some behaviours that would keep her off more than a few birthday party invitation lists, given what i was treated to for the first three hours of my shift. (her agitation only began when her mother and aunt appeared at the bedside.) i just sat back and let mom and auntie deal with her, giving scheduled meds but doing very little else. mom asked me if she'd had recent abg drawn, which she hadn't; i said i'd wait until she was a little less agitated. at 2200 she had been "quiet" for about 15 minutes so i went to draw the gas. little one of course flipped out in the middle of it but i got the gas anyway. mom made some nasty comment to her sister about not understanding why i'd draw a gas when she was being so wild. i calmly told her that the blood i drew would reflect the period just before she got all riled up and it would be fine. she looked at the print-out before i did and must have been satisfied. a few minutes later, she got up and said they'd go take a break, since she knew i hadn't done an assessment yet. (i knew what i needed to know for the moment... she had a pulse, a bp and was breathing!) the minute they left the little girl calmed right down and was quite cooperative. when mom and auntie returned, they hung back a bit and just watched. i went over to them and told them how things had goen, and that i suspected that if we just left the child alone she'd go to sleep. mom asked if i thought the child "felt more comfortable" with them so could "express herself more easily". i told her it was possible but more likely that seh was mad and felt betrayed that mom stood by and didn't save her from all the unpleasant stuff that had happened recently. i also gave her the g&d stuff about 2 year olds and how little kids often behaved differently when their parents aren't around. as we were talking the child dozed off and mom decided they'd leave for the night. (first time since admission that this phenomenon had occured!) child slept all night. so did mom. when she came in this morning she hugged me, told me i was a great nurse and thanked me for putting things into perspective for her. woo hoo!

i can help you with that!

there's a study around called "care for the caregiver," and their premise is that if something is really bothering you, sitting down and writing about it for 20 minutes will bring some sort of clarity. try it -- it works. a final piece of advice: the nastier the family, the better story it's going to make for you to share someday! where do you think i get all my stories?

ruby, that's what i do here. it's so therapeutic!!

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You are right on a lot of notes. And just about two weeks ago, a family apologized to me for the exact same reason. I didn't take them back on my third day, because I'd had it. They told their nurse that day that they felt really bad how they'd treated me - she suggested I go back in and talk to them. So I did, and they were so sorry - of course, this comes after their patient is getting better.

Thanks for reminding me about that. Maybe this family would be apologizing today if I were there.

When a family apologizes, we usually respond by smiling and saying "that's okay."

Sometimes when a pt or family member tells me they're sorry, I wish I could say "Yeah? Well you should be! You have been a real jerk!"

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