A cautionary tale: advice/help needed

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Sorry this is so long

I went into nursing not because I wanted to but because my family decided that it was the best major to choose for money and job stability that did not require a master's degree or higher. I thought I could give it a try because it was the logical thing to do. I did not like nursing school and I dreaded anytime I had to go to clinical. The only thing I liked was talking to patients and being helpful. I never said a thing and kept pushing through suppressing my feelings and doing what I was expected to do. I had so many moments where I want to change my major but I did not want to disappoint anyone. As I got closer to senior year I was excited to finish school but not to become a nurse. I worked hard, never had a problem with my grades or failed any classes. I finished my bachelor's program with a 3.5 GPA.

I remember my family being so excited and pretended like I was so happy but inside I was terrified of being a nurse when I knew it was not what I wanted. I passed my NCLEX first try 75 questions. I had a job lined up the week after I passed my NCLEX. All the while feeling guilty that there were people who wanted this so badly and did not make it. Fast forward to today I'm three months into my new job and I cry every day. I feel so stuck because outside of nursing my degree is useless. Its not a matter of trying different areas of nursing because I know I wont like it. In school I did not like any of my clinical rotations.

I feel like a fraud pretending to love my job when I much rather be doing something else. My patients deserve a nurse who has a passion for what they do and wants to be there. The only thing I like is talking to the patients and being helpful. I don't care for hands on nursing part. Basically I feel stuck and don't know what to do. I cant continue on like this I'm a shell of my former self and just going through the motions. Perhaps someone out there will read this and learn to never make the mistake of picking a career they don't like for money, stability or their family. You will regret it unless you are built to handle a career you hate just for the money. You are better of living below your means and picking a career you can live with. We spend too much of our adult life working to be miserable every day. I feel like such a fool and ashamed for wasting 4 years of my life for something I did not want. My problem is I don't know what I could possibly do now.

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Specializes in CMSRN, hospice.

Does your hospital offer tuition reimbursement? Some hospitals will pay for you to earn another degree that they can employ, not just nursing.

I am sorry you are not enjoying your work. It is tough, and if your heart isn't in it, I can understand wanting to move on. Try to get your year in at this job so you have the work history, and figure out what you enjoy about your work that can translate into other careers. You said you enjoy talking to your patients, right? Build on that, figure out what else compels you. Best of luck.

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The nice part of nursing is it does pay well and can be flexible around a school schedule. How many people who dislike their job can say that?? OP-- Discover what you want to do and do it! Bonus if you pick a career that would be covered under tuition reimbursement.

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I feel like such a fool and ashamed for wasting 4 years of my life for something I did not want. My problem is I don't know what I could possibly do now.

The only thing I can think of worse than feeling like I wasted 4 years of my life, is feeling like I wasted 4 years and 1 day, 4 years and 2 days...4.5 years...5 years... Start moving in the direction of something you want to do *today*. Stop trying to live your life to make other people happy and try living your life to give yourself some happiness.

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Specializes in ED.

But you didn't say what you do like to do? What about administration or business, nutrition, psych, its still a science degree after all.

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Specializes in PICU, Sedation/Radiology, PACU.
Its not a matter of trying different areas of nursing because I know I wont like it. In school I did not like any of my clinical rotations.

It's really way too early in your career and experience to be saying this. There are so many areas that a nurse can work- the great majority you never even hear about while you're in school. There are nurses that work for insurance companies, pharmaceutical companies, nurses that work in law firms, nurses that work in research institutes, nurses that work in informatics and technology. There are areas of nursing where you would never have to touch a patient if you didn't want to. There are plenty of ways to direct your nursing career into a job you find more fulfilling. Additionally, like others have said, you have plenty of opportunity to go back to school and pursue another degree. People start college programs in their 30's, 40's 50's. You are way too young to be stuck” in anything.

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Specializes in Psychiatry, Community, Nurse Manager, hospice.

I agree with double helix. The intensity of your feelings might be more about being pressured to become a nurse.

Nursing is so, so much broader than you are realizing right now. Nurses can do so much. There's a niche for anyone.

Talk to us more about what you enjoy and the nurses here can point you to some nursing jobs you probably never knew existed.

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

I work in nursing professional development and love it. I know a bunch of nurses who work in Informatics and love it. Administration. Sales. Marketing. There ARE jobs out there for nurses that do not involve patient care. HOWEVER.....

If you don't want to do this, don't do this. You are going to become increasingly depressed and despondent the longer you wait to be true to yourself. You have feared being honest. Look at the misery being dishonest has gotten you. Fear THAT. You may have to pay for it yourself now, but get back into school. Do something else. Find something that won't make you cry every day. It will be okay. Your family will get over it. The world will keep on turning. This is going to be okay. I promise.

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Specializes in Travel, Home Health, Med-Surg.

You don't say how old you are but I will assume you are young since you did what your family wants, if that is true then you have plenty of time for a career change, either within nursing or out of nursing. I agree with other posts that you should continue to work while exploring other avenues in nursing (and there are many esp. with a BS degree) so maybe your degree can still be used. If you really cant find a nursing path you like then I would definitely keep pursuing further education in a field that you like (maybe Psychology since you like to talk to people and help). Life is too short to be miserable for even 1 more day, much less 20+ years. Keep looking and keep moving forward until you find your niche, good luck!!

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I opted out of an ADN program with one semester to go, I just was not feeling the love. I got a desk job, and chipped away at an MSW, and loved it. Nothing I learned was wasted, any clinical stuff that would pop up, I always nailed it. There are a lot of good paths out there. Keep moving, and don't hate on yourself.

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I agree but it takes years of experience in nursing to get those kinds of positions. I don't think I can hang on that long.

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Thanks guys for all the responses. I should have mentioned what I am interested in. I enjoy psychology, I always have. I also am really into health and wellness. The natural approach to health and wellness that encompasses mind, body, spirit. My problem is I cant put a name to what i want to do. If i knew what it was i would go for it. I guess i need to do some soul searching and look into different career opportunities and pick something to do. In the mean time I have to figure out how to get through the day to day without feeling like a big dark cloud is over my head.

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