Is it right to pursue nursing if the school is 2 hrs away from husband & kids?

Nursing Students Pre-Nursing

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I have been a stay at home mom for the past two years and I finally got accepted into a nursing program for this coming Fall 2013 after 3+ years of application cycles. The school is two hours away from home. I have two kids (2 yr and 4 months). I have a science degree in Biochemistry and Molecular Biology. Prior to being a stay at home mom, I was a pharmaceutical QA lab analyst for 6 years. But in my heart I always knew I wanted to become a nurse.

My husband knows it is my goal/dream to become a nurse (and it's truly not because of the money)but he is very unhappy about me going through the program because it means we will be separated as a family unit. We would only be able to see each other on the weekends and even then I would probably be so busy with school that even weekends will be dedicated for school. He wants me to apply to other schools in our area, which I have been but I never got accepted. I finally get accepted into a school 2 hours away and I am so heartbroken that he is not supporting me in my goal. He says I would be selfish neglecting my family and thinking only about myself and my own goals. We are financially stable, if my goal to become a nurse is to make more money, then my income is not needed so I shouldn't make decisions that could potentially break up our family. I feel absolutely terrible. =(

I have to agree with vintagemother. I think you should work out a plan with your husband. Maybe you can give nursing school all your attention Monday to Friday. Then Saturday to Sunday you can dedicate to doing everything around the house, watching kids, you can even study with your kids and making sure your husband gets to relax. With the divorce rate at 50% I think all women should have a degree as a backup plan. Even if there is no divorce, stuff happens, people get laid off (my dad was just laid off TWICE in the last 5 years) and bad things happen (death, disease, disability, etc) so doing it now while your husband is still healthy and employed works out better. It is sad that woman are always expected to drop years of her life when she has children, but this would never have even been brought up with a man. This is why if my boyfriend of 2 years moves here (were long distance) I will be on birth control until after nursing school lol. It is such a tough decision and I hope you choose what works best for you. Please give us an update when you decide. :)

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I know it had to be so exciting to get accepted into a nursing program. I can't say what you should do but I would never attend a program 2 hours away from family. I have three children 14, 8, and 2. I can't believe my sweet baby boy is 14 yo now. Time flies by so fast with your children and going to nursing school so far away with young children would be extremely taxing on all fronts. Have you thought about what everyday would look like for you and your family. What time would you have to wake up? When would you get home? When you get home how much time would you have if much with kids? 2 hours away is just a deal breaker for me.

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My dad completed a masters and PhD with 3 kids, all under 5 years old. His commute was 3 hours to school. Mom went back for a career change years after, when she was 35 with 4 kids, all of us teenagers and younger. Both were supportive of each other and EVERYONE made sacrifices-- we knew it was important that everyone was happy with what they are doing. Now, nursing is my second career and my fiancée and family are incredibly supportive.

Take a look at the class schedule before making decisions! See what time of day your classes are, how long, etc. Are any classes online? We had the option to take 2 classes online at my BSN program. Also, talk to the person in charge of clinical placements. Can they place you close to where you live? Do they offer a part time option?I'd like to think there may be ways to have your cake and eat it, too! Remember that this is a decision between you and your husband, not everyone else. But, come armed with information so you can try to compromise. If you cant get him on board, maybe you can defer acceptance until the timing is right for everyone. Good luck!!!!

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I'm 38, my littles are 9, 7 and 3. I am just about done with pre-reqs and (fingers and TEAS scores crossed) will start nursing school Spring '14. Time is still on your side. You're asking for advice so here it is: keep applying to your local schools. One of the cycles will work out for you. Some of the ADN programs where I live see applicants go through 5-7 cycles before admittance. In the meantime volunteer or use your hard earned prior degrees to find a job in a hospital - which will only help you when you are applying for nursing jobs after graduation. Don't give up, allow the situation to work itself out. But please don't think you are running out of time.

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Like other posters have said, time is not running out. I have 3 kids, ages 10, 8 and 5. I have painfully taken one class at a time while my kids were little, with the plan my husband and I came up with of hopefully starting nursing school when our youngest was in kindergarten. Those first few years with your children are priceless, and there are so many things that I think would be heartbreaking to miss. Nursing school will always be there. I still believe you can have your dream of being a nurse, but sometimes what turns out to be a delay becomes the best thing that can happen.

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Thanks everyone for your support. It means a lot to hear encouraging words. Should I decide to pursue the program, the kids and I will most likely move to that city so i will see them everyday. My husband and I both have family there and my mom has already offered to babysit the kids full-time. My husband will be two hours away by himself at home when he gets off work and that's the hardest part for him, not being able to seeing us everyday. He himself travels lot for his work, at least 30% of the time throughout the year, so he won't have time to watch the kids. I don't want to feel regret if I decide not to go and i dont want to feel resentment towards him for not supporting this. I also don't want him to resent me if I do go through with the nursing program. My family and friends all support me except for my husband. And yes, nursing school will ways be there but at the same time, we all know how competitive it is to actually get into a program. Ahh, very torn.

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Vintage mother, you are a tough mama! I appreciate your perspective, thank you.

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Vintagemother you are a tough mama. I appreciate your perspective, thank you.

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Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.
Thanks everyone for your support. It means a lot to hear encouraging words. Should I decide to pursue the program, the kids and I will most likely move to that city so i will see them everyday. My husband and I both have family there and my mom has already offered to babysit the kids full-time. My husband will be two hours away by himself at home when he gets off work and that's the hardest part for him, not being able to seeing us everyday. He himself travels lot for his work, at least 30% of the time throughout the year, so he won't have time to watch the kids. I don't want to feel regret if I decide not to go and i dont want to feel resentment towards him for not supporting this. I also don't want him to resent me if I do go through with the nursing program. My family and friends all support me except for my husband. And yes, nursing school will ways be there but at the same time, we all know how competitive it is to actually get into a program. Ahh, very torn.

I would just, respectfully and with absolutely NO snark intended, ask you to go back and review the vows you made when you were married. Did you mean them? You say you don't want to feel regret OR resentment. I would suggest that you're going to have one or the other given your current plans (which you have apparently made WITHOUT your husband's input and consent). BUT, if you wait, get into a local program when that newborn is older- then you will have NEITHER.

PLEASE do not tear your little family apart over this - I beg you. You are depriving your children of the opportunity to be raised by both parents- so you can be a nurse sooner rather than later?? Take a step back and look at it from someone else's point of view - and you'll see that YOU are the only person this benefits.

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Don't do it. Be patient and wait. Your kids are much more important.

If the kids weren't so young, I would think differently and say go for it. But think of how it will affect them.

Like I mentioned, my mother did this to me when I was around age 4. She decided to focus on her career and ended up rarely being home and traveling all the time. Yes, I was fine at the time because Dad was around most days and I had a nanny. Grandma was also involved in helping. But I resent my mother for it. Yes, she was able to provide much more financially, but that's where it ends. I felt like Mom was choosing work over me. Even though our relationship is fine, I can't shake the feeling that she "abandoned" me when I was young. As a result, I have an awkward social problem when it comes to my female friends. It's nothing too detrimental, so the average person would not notice or care much if they knew. But I have a very strange need to seek 'approval' from any female friends, more so than male friends. It's like I crave acceptance, and affirmation that I am 'loved' and 'wanted' by a female figure. I can deal with this issue much better now that I am an adult. But I know things would have been much better psychologically for me if Mom had chosen me, instead of her work.

Everyone is different. And your family may cope much better than I did. But that is my experience, and I hope that it gives you a different perspective of what consequences may occur. I will be wishing you and your family the best!

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I know of a couple that did this and they were separated by the time she finished with school...they had three children.

Your children are too young to be separated from you that much. If you two didn't have children, I would say that it would be completely workable, but not when your kids are small.

Keep applying and even consider BS to MSN programs (which are easier to get into and are designed for people with a non-nursing BS degree). The degree that you have is not easy to get by any means and you are clearly smart enough to where there is no doubt in my mind that you are going to sail through nursing school with flying colors.

Keep applying. I know what it is like to finally get the "acceptance" letter, but seriously...for the sake of your marriage and children, no way would I go this route.

It is not fair that you are purposing that your husband be separated from the children as if you two are divorced...that is denying the children their father and that is NOT right.

You'll be hard pressed to find any father that would support that kind of arrangement.

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Specializes in Forensic Psych.

Vintagemother, I'd agree with you if the OP was unable to support her family. She has already been to college and had a career she left to become a stay-at-home-mom. Nothing in her post says she needs a career to take care of her family. She just wants to change careers and she wants to do it now. Because...she wants to? That's what I'm reading here.

I don't think your situation and hers are similar.

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